Who really doesn’t love a song that isn’t closely related to baseball being the lead in? I mean I could have made the title Africa, same band, but further from the premise. So we are onto an update of those every crazy relievers that garner some attention but are like the guys buried in the lower left corner on Hollywood Squares.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Franklin Morales
Derek Holland is not officially a rookie, but that doesn’t mean he might not roofie you. Pitching in and out of the rotation last year, he had some real ulcer-inducing starts. I know, I have the internal scars to prove it. Oh, Mylanta! Though his xFIP was better than his actual ERA. I know, too bad your league isn’t all fussy with an xFIP category. Holland’s a plus-plus strikeout guy. In the hitter-friendly PCL, he had a 37:7 K:BB rate and a 0.93 ERA. He’s homer-prone and in Arlington that is a recipe for turd nuggets. I’m much more aggressive about grabbing young hitters than young pitchers. Hitters give you an 0-for-34 and you punt. A pitcher gives you a 2 IP, 7 ER start and that causes you to punch a random stranger and then next thing you know some guy named Bubba is fitting you for a teardrop tattoo. See how quickly that spiral spun downward? Ask Lawrence Taylor, he’ll tell you. So I didn’t grab Holland anywhere, but I would in the right circumstances, as long as you monitor where you start him. His first two outings are set for the A’s and Angels. That’s a “Yes, please” and “Don’t mind if I do.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Johnny Cueto – 9 IP, 1 hit shutout with 8 Ks as he dropped his ERA to 4.07 on the season. And there’s why I liked him so much in the preseason. If he’s out there in your league, own him, in the non-biblical sense.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Here’s what my crystal ball said on March 5th, “(Medlen) averaged over a K an inning last year. Will start the year as an MR, barring an injury to someone… *cough* Jar Jar *cough*. Medlen will get into the rotation shortly. Meesa tinks Jar Jar won’t make it the whole year healthy.” And that’s me quoting me! Kris Medlen is now the starter as the Braves wash Jurrjens out of their hair for at least three weeks while he deals with a strained hamstring. I grabbed Medlen in one league where it made sense. He gets a tough first matchup going against the Phillies at Citizens Flank. If Medlen pitches well in his first start, he’ll be added everywhere. So depending how bad you need him, you add him now or prepare to rush to grab him on Saturday. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jason Heyward – Left yesterday’s game with a sore groin, which would be a good name for a Viagra-type drug, but spelled “soar” and with an exclamation mark. Oh, and speaking of groins…
Bobby Cox – The congratulatory cake made by the Senate for Bobby Cox had an unfortunate misspelling. Maybe Jim Eisenreich was the baker.
Please, blog, may I have some more?The peasant Royals finally called up the first baseman, Kila Ka’aihue, who was blocked by Mike Jacobs last year in a boneheaded move. His name is not pronounced Killer Kahlua. Kila has a career .386 OBP in the minor leagues. I guess Moore has no place for that on his team that has a .325 OBP. In Stephen’s Minor League Review of the Royals, he wrote, “In 555 Triple-A at-bats (across two years), (Kila’s) hit for a .211 ISO. The power is legit. If given the chance at full playing time, the Royals could have a 25 homer, .400 OBP first baseman/DH. Oh, and for Halloween I want to dress up as Grey but I don’t know how to make my head simultaneously big and stupid.” Whoa, I gotta start proofreading these Minor League Reviews a little closer. The only problem with Kila is I’m not sure where the Royals are going to play him. Grab in deep mixed and AL-Only leagues. Everyone else, hold your junk until we see how his playing time shakes out and to make sure this Kila is shooting something besides BBs. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Mike Aviles – 3-for-5 with a homer as the Royals finally called up another guy. If you’re hurting for average, Aviles could provide some support, bra.
Please, blog, may I have some more?As I was thinking about Rudy going off and getting married, I needed a good cry, so I burned myself a sad song CD. Rather than try and find 15 songs that all had the same sentiment, I just put Why Can’t I?
Please, blog, may I have some more?You’ll have to excuse me; I’m a bit hoarse after a weekend in Vegas, so don’t ask me to yell. All caps are just too much right now. I’m not sure where I lost my voice. May have been during our spirited game of Pai Gow Poker. What was I doing playing $15 hands of a game where I literally just turned my cards over so the dealer could tell me how to play them? It’s the free drinks, ya’ll! About eighty dollars worth a free drinks to be exact. Oh, and Ubaldo was pitching a no-hitter and Pai Gow Poker had the best seats in the house. I think even the three 70-year-old Asian ladies at the table with us were into it by the ninth. Hair’s to you, Ubaldo! Either way, I’m spent so I’ll have to keep my enthusiasm on simmer for now about Ike Davis. Let’s start this mofo with what Stephen said in the Mets’ Minor League Review, “After hitting zero home runs in 215 at-bats in 2008, doubters began questioning his “raw power,” but failed to consider an oblique injury. Splitting time between High-A and Double-A, Davis flat-out raked. Not necessarily the most polished hitter, he still has some work to do with his swing and strikeout rate, but he should continue to hit for power as he keeps a decent rate of balls in the air (42.8 FB%).” And that’s me quoting Stephen! In nine games in Triple-A Buffalo, Davis has two homers as he hits a robust .357. Not to be confused with the girls in Vegas, who are mo’bust. The Mets are calling up Davis in the next week. Do I take a flier on him in 12 team or deeper mixed leagues? Certainly. Do I expect the 2nd coming of Hayzeus Cristo? Nope. But if he hits in first few games, his value will go sky high and you’ll be able to trade him for more than he’s worth. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Mike Jacobs – Designated for assignment. That assignment is to “stop sucking.”
Derek Jeter – Will return on Tuesday after missing yesterday’s game with a head cold. Good to see he’s quickly on the mend because a head cold sidelined Greinke for a year.
Please, blog, may I have some more?J.J. Hardy is an easy buy, which isn’t the same as an easy sell. Hardy’s not exactly promoting a yum-yum juicy chicken burger with a side of 30 homers and 20 steals. He’s cheap. His expectations are low. He’s 27-years-old and averaged 83/25/77/.280 at 24 and 25. Last year, he didn’t tune and check out with Khalil Greene, going off to mullet all over. Hardy started the year dealing with back issues and he never recovered. If you invite Hardy onto your team, you don’t need to put plastic sheets on the bed and hide all the good flatware. With O-Dog currently hurt and his grasp on the #2 spot tenuous, Hardy could be next in line for that spot. If so, 160+ R/RBI is definitely reachable and the power is already there. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
Ervin Santana – I was saying the other day something like you should move to the exit row. I didn’t say exit. I was preparing my exit. Now when I see he’s only owned in 26% of ESPN leagues, I’m beginning to think people bailed on him too soon. This isn’t a buy, this is a hold. Format constraints and all that.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Our weekly Friday Fantasy Baseball Feature, Buy Low/Sell High is back after an offseason layoff. When asked what this fantasy baseball feature did during the offseason, it said this, “My family and I got together with the Fantasy Baseball Keeper posts’ family and we rented a Cruise America RV. Spent most of our days touring ice fishing spots in Montana and our nights were spent swapping wives.” Alrighty then! To get everyone on the same page, I like the Buy guys. I dislike the Sell guys. Now I’m not saying to actually sell all the guys in the Sell section or to drop them. Lots of times I’m simply saying to expect their current positive vibe to turn negative. Also, if Alcides Escobar is in the Buy section (which he is!) and Berkman is in the Sell section (there too!) that doesn’t mean I recommend you trade Berkman for Escobar. Everything’s relative, Einstein. Anyway, here’s some guys to buy and sell for the 1st week of the fantasy baseball season (start the games already!):
BUY
Alcides Escobar – He stole 16 bases in 45 games this winter down in Venezuela. (Ugueth Urbina did the same, but it was with a firearm.) Brewers should bat Escobar 2nd in front of Braun and Fielder. 100+ Runs, 40 steals and a middling average aren’t out of the question.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Joe Nathan and Huston Street are gone and everyone moved up. That’s why people like Matt Capps and Chris Perez have done little but squat on the john yet moved up the rankings. Though I still managed to find a way to not move up Brian Fuentes. The way we’re going there won’t be any $12 Salads by May. Then what? $8 Side Dishes? Who needs roasted cauliflower with truffle oil? Not me! I’m happy with a baked potato. Yes, sir! Hmm… Maybe I shouldn’t write these right before lunch. Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?
Please, blog, may I have some more?The murmurs of Heath Bell getting traded to another team by July are getting louder. (BTW, I love the word murmurs. I really wanted the survivors on Lost to call The Others, The Murmurs. Wouldn’t that have been awesome?! Okay, maybe me.) Prepare for a dozen or so posts titled, “For Whom the Bell Tolls,” at some of our weak sister sites. And by “weak sister,” I’m talking prison slang and I mean ESPN. I moved Bell down one whole spot. I’m not worried in March about someone who might get traded in July. He will probably drop one or two spots each month until July. If you get 23 saves, a 1.69 ERA, 1.08 WHIP, 42 Ks in 37 1/3 innings pre-All-Star Break, you’ll be mad you drafted him? Bee tee dubya, those were his 1st half numbers last year. Then who knows where he goes. Maybe Lidge and Madson finally give Manuel a coronary and Bell takes over the closing duties in Philly as Victorino player-manages. Or maybe Bell goes somewhere else. You get the picture; it’s still early. Don’t overestimate-slash-overthink-slash-overrate… Just don’t “over” anything. Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?
Please, blog, may I have some more?
