This is a tough one for me this week. I just attended a funeral the other day for the death of Avisail Garcia‘s 2014 season. We all had such high hopes here at Razzball for the winner of the Miguel Cabrera look-a-like contest. When he was with the Tigers they called him Minnie-Miggy. He had just come off his best game of the year where he smacked two home run’s and was making me look like the creep whisperer…..That really sounds like I whisper in a really creepy way, which I don’t, I have a sexy whisper. Hey there four girl readers! (What’s yo’ name, what’s yo’ number?) Now we must move on and bury our Avisail dreams, unless you are in a deep keeper league, then I would take a deep breath, put him on your DL and go out and grab Marlon Byrd… for the week. Ok, he might be worth owning longer, but this week he’s my Creeper. Before I get to all the blah blah blah for why he is my keeper, I want to talk about what a cool name Byrd is. You got Larry Bird, Harvey Birdman, the Dirty Bird, Lady Bird Johnson, and Robin Thicke. Hey wait a minute J-FOH, Robin Thicke is a type of bird? That is correct diligent Razzican, but he is a damn sexy type of bird. The man makes beautiful music that gets the ladies into the mood, with the help of alcohol too, to give J-FOH the sweet sweet loving he needs. Do my dirty work Robin, you have replaced Michael McDonald, serenade their repulsion’s away so I can play outside my division. Damn that gives me an idea, a collaboration made in the heavens, Robin Thicke and Michael McDonald team up for the ultimate lovers album.Please, blog, may I have some more?
One of the questions from Bernard Pivot by way of James Lipton is, “If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say at the pearly gates?” That’s easy, “Play ball!” Today, butterflies fly north for the summer, birds and bees have sex to John Fogerty’s Centerfield, and Carlos Quentin is already injured. *slowly smells in a flower* Ahh…Shin-Soo Choo! Stupid allergies. With spring in the air and baseballs in mitts, we’re back in the swing of things. Literally. Sadly, it’s not all good news. With Opening Day comes the news that Clayton Kershaw is starting the year on the DL. Aw, that makes me so sad. Wait, that’s not sadness, that’s happiness. Darn, my emotion detector needs recalibration. My first Sell of the year doesn’t look so bad right now. I feel like Ace Ventura right after he shows up all the other cops. Yes, I have exorcised the demons! The Dodgers are saying it was precautionary and Kershaw will be back shortly. If you own him, I wouldn’t sell him for fifty cents on the dollar. I’d take out my rosary beads and pray to the Patron Saint of Baseball, Ryan Church. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Old McDonald got a win, K, K, K, K, K! And in this win he struck out seven….Yes, James McDonald finally showed flashes of his first half form again last night, pitching 6.0 innings, surrendering just 2 hits, 0 ER, and striking out 7 for his 11th win.Please, blog, may I have some more?
After surrendering 8 baserunners and 4 earned runs in 3 post-All Star break appearances, John Axford was removed from his spot as anchor of the bullpen by Brewers manager Ron Roenicke. Axford’s struggles began in June, when he posted a K/BB of 10/7 and coughed up 4 HR.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I have a small leather-bound notepad on me at all times, always there for the moments of divine inspiration to be written, recorded, and later used as material for my posts here at Razzball. I can never quite remember when or why I wrote each tidbit, though I’m pretty sure about the steps I followed to get ink on the paper.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Four full days without fantasy baseball!? I know, it was brutal. How are we possibly supposed to keep ourselves occupied when we’re not refreshing our team pages every two minutes? In all seriouslyness, there are plenty of alternatives to constantly monitoring your team, for example: speak to a loved one, watch the All-Star Game (yaaaawn), go outside, play real baseball (have a catch with the old man?), Google cat videos, or if you dare not venture too far out of your comfort zone, perhaps you can start to prepare for your fantasy football draft?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Picture above ground, there’s different levels of air. In the first level of air, there’s number one outfielders. Ryan Braun, he’s a number one. He’s like a Macy’s Day Parade balloon, big and just off the ground. Then in the next level of air, there’s number two outfielders.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Let’s get in the Wayback Machine. Back in March, Zsa Zsa Gabor was still alive, there wasn’t a legitimate Republican candidate for the White House and Desmond Jennings had loads of potential. Now stepping out of the Wayback Machine we realize those three things are still true.Please, blog, may I have some more?
As David Brent’s friend would say, “Only one for the Bum, no harm done.” Madison Bumgarner got SF another SHO as he threw a game that made it easy to get behind the Bum and not just for those in The Castro — 9 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit, 2 walks and 8 Ks.Please, blog, may I have some more?