Fantasy Baseball Advice

Lots of good news coming out about Peavy’s rehab. He said, “I feel good. Could probably take three Pujols line drives off the noggin’.” He wasn’t himself to start the year and then he revealed he had an arm issue. I think Peavy’s as good as Santana if not better when healthy. You won’t find a bigger fan of Peavy than me, but pitchers with arm issues? Eh. He’s real close to a tossup between Buy and Sell to me. What convinced me on Sell? I wrote Buy or Sell on the wall of my condo, then my pet unicorn stabbed Sell with her horn. (While getting sparkle dust all over my home office and setting my allergies into high gear. Also, and I don’t want to get preachy, but it so important to spay and neuter your unicorns and to buy them from reputable dealers. Unicorn mills are a problem and only “You A Can” help. But I digress.) I see Peavy pitching well for a start or three because he’s rested now, but within a month or two he’s going to be sore again and need another break and/or DL stint.  I know this is probably the last thing an owner of Peavy wants to hear, but I’m just trying to be conservative. I’m not proposing you sell him for anything less than his worth, but I am saying you sell him. Anyway, here’s some more fantasy baseball players to buy and sell:

Psyche! (Not the TV show.) Before I get into this week’s Buy and Sell, I wanted to let you know that we have a huge announcement coming this Sunday night and I just wanted to prep people now. So if you need to take heart pills for big announcements, you’ve been warned. (BTW, we’re not selling out or welcoming any new bloggers into the mix. We’re not joining any “Network.” Razzball won’t suddenly start writing about antiquing (we’ll ween you into that). We will not start charging money to read this shizz. We’re not changing anything really, so chillax. All we’re doing is… Well, you’ll see. Let’s just say I’m giddy for all of you to know.)

BUY

Ty Wiggington - Only three home runs thus far. He could get to 20 with 2nd base eligibility, how’s that for a happy ending in Ty-Land?

Ryan Doumit - If you’re still playing the catcher shuffle, Doumit’s coming back. For what it’s worth, my unicorn is a big fan of Doumit.

Micah Owings - Not as terrific as he was, but he’s still striking out three times as many as he walks. Waivers I say, he no belong.

Chone Figgins - He’s due back soon. Sure, it took him way too long to come back the first time, but he can still be had for cheap because his owners (if there are any left) are fed up with him. Unlike Furcal (who we’ll get to), Figgins seems to run fine when he comes back from extended absences.

Jose Contreras - Don’t look now, but Contreras is on a crazy good streak. Last night’s 7 IP, 1 ER win against the Royals comes on the heels of a 3-1 May where he had a 2.45 ERA and 0.93 WHIP over 41 IP. On a more jaded note, those starts included SEA, TOR, and LAA (twice). And his K/BB was 25/12. So we upgrade him from ‘don’t own’ to ’stream starter.’ Hopefully he doesn’t quickly turn into a Cleveland Streamer.

Justin Masterson - He’s Jamaican and his next start is against the Mariners. High Times gives him their Smoking Blunt Seal of Approval™. (BTW, from the file of weird stats (Sorry, if this is your turf, Jayson Stark), the Mariners have struckout less than every other team. They also have walked the second least amount of times. Little League Coach of struggling team, “That’s it, just put it in play,” as he watches someone else groundout to 2nd base.)

Josh Anderson - Two steals in 10 ABs. He’s playing at least for the next two weeks while Kotsay mends. Anderson can steal 8 bases in the next two weeks.

Chris Carter - From the man that brought you Cancer Man, now comes a lefty slugger that should get some opportunities against righties while Papi mends. He’s worth a flier in AL-Only leagues.

Francisco Liriano - Probably will be back in late June, so depending on how aggressive your league is, you should grab him soon if you need a starter. Will he be the Liriano of old? No, not yet, but I’d grab him just to see if he’s still got it (which means, punch the wall to turn on the jukebox. Ayyyy…).

SELL

Jorge Posada - He’s back, but he needs labrum surgery and the Yanks are carrying three catchers because of their lack of faith in Posada. If you can trade Posada to someone for a piece you’re lacking, do it and grab Olivo (7 home runs and 23 RBIs in 127 at-bats) off waivers.

Travis Hafner - He’s swinging a bat again. Every bit of good news that comes out of the Pronk camp is an opportunity to sell him. Push that shizz as well as you can. For example, this is you talking to a leaguemate, “Yeah, he’s swinging a bat on his way to recovery! He was predicted to hit 30+ home runs this year, so he’s going to hit like 4 HRs every week for two months! Matter of fact, I just convinced myself not to trade Hafner! Okay, I’ll take Marmol for him.” (BTW, make sure you put exclamations on every sentence, except the one where you ask for a player. Like the The Quadratics sang, “That’s like taking candy from a baby…”)

Taipei Slinklo - I could have put any top closer here. If you’re sitting on a nine or ten in saves and your offense or starters are hurting, shame on you. Trade Taipei Slinklo? Pho sho!

Carlos Pena - I’d trade this schmohawk too, even if you’re selling low. I see him on his way, like Heidi Montag, to new bust territory.

Rafael Furcal - After taking five months last year to recover from an ankle injury and taking almost a month longer than he was supposed to for a back issue, makes me start to think he’s eating over at Nomar’s house too much. I’d try and move Furcal, he’s becoming way too brittle.

Radhames Liz - Not sure how the Orioles found another Daniel Cabrera, but they did. No wonder Leo Mazzone got out of Baltimore. (BTW, was it Glavine, Smoltz and Maddux or was it Mazzone? Part of me thinks Mazzone’s only real genius was figuring out if you rock back and forth on the bench people will think you’re some kind of Rainman savant. The other part of me feels like it’s blasphemous to even talk bad about Mazzone. Do you see how convincing that rocking is? You can’t even question it without feeling guilt. Okay, homework assignment, when your boss walks by your cubicle, rock back and forth then report to Razzball Nation your findings.)

Yes, Magic Johnson recovered from AIDS faster than Casey Kotchman beat the kissing disease. Yes, his name sounds like he should be some superhero’s little buddy. No, I don’t have him on any team. So why am I recommending you get him for your fantasy baseball team? Because he knows how to walk. Exciting, right? In six years of the minors his OBP was .407. Last year on the Angels, he had 53 walks against 43 strikeouts. He’s not going to hit 40 home runs. Probably won’t come close to 30 home runs. Back in January, I predicted Casey’s numbers would be 80/22/80/.300 for the season. I’d say those numbers still look about right. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell.

BUY

Robinson Cano - Supposedly the loss of Larry Bowa is what has been bothering him. Yeah, and Oswald acted alone. Bowa’s family doesn’t even miss him that much. Cano will be fine, go get him before he puts together a hot streak.

Carlos Quentin - I’ve told you three times to pick him up, but I don’t feel the love. Go get him then return to tell me about how you dropped Sheffield for him. I’ll smile. What, you don’t want me to smile?

Khalil Greene - He’s a lifetime .250 hitter so I’m not sure what you’re expecting. Oh, home runs! Yeah, he’ll start hitting them. Patience, as Axl Rose would say.

Travis Hafner - I’m a bit concerned about the lack of walks, and even more concerned about the sore shoulder, but I’d still trade for him. He’s had ten home run months before and can do it again.

Paul Konerko - As I recently told you, he was dropped in my ‘pert league. I put in a waiver claim, but came up empty. He was snagged by someone else. If he’s going to reach his career norms, which I think he will, that’s a lot of hitting he’s going to do the rest of the way.

Erick Aybar - You like cheap speed from your middle infielders? Oh, and he has four Ks in 60 at-bats. I likey.

Shane Victorino - Sure the injury is a concern, but he’s still capable of good numbers and he’s about to come back. He bumps Werth to right giving them two outfielders. (Pat the Bat fields as well as Dunn, which is to say they’re DHs in two years.)

Jose Guillen - This is not to say he’s going to have some sort of incredible rest of the season, but he won’t be as bad as he’s been.

Dioner Navarro - Okay, for all of you people still dealing with a hole at catcher, go grab Navarro. His numbers post-All-Star break last year were 30/8/31/.285/2. He’s only 24. Again, those are post-All-Star break numbers.

Jarrod Saltalamacchia - Melhouse was injured yesterday. I’ve picked Salty up in two leagues. He’ll still have Laird in front of him, but if you really need a catcher, stranger things have happened than Salty getting playing time — one stranger thing was him getting shipped to the minors. To give you an idea of who I’m dropping for him, Qualls in a 12 team and Brocail in a fifteen.

Matt Stairs - Rudy once called Stairs a Poor Man’s Giambi. That was true once, but now Giambi’s actually a Poor Man’s Stairs. Weird, right?

Felipe Lopez - Simply because he didn’t break camp with a starting job doesn’t mean he doesn’t have value now. He’ll need to continue to stay hot to stave off Belliard, but he can go it. It’s not like Belliard has that much going for him.

Clint Barmes - Speaking of shortstops who became 2nd basemen who were then written off, he’s not as good as his last week of starts, but batting high in the Rockies order can’t hurt. But, as we know, deer meat can hurt.

SELL

Brandon Phillips - See this morning’s post. Or not. I’ll sleep okay. I wear a sleep mask.

Gary Sheffield - He’s like the baseball equivalent of Rowdy Roddy Piper. You don’t want to like him, but you can’t help yourself. Personally, I love Sheff. He’s a jackass — an egotistical jackass — maniacal even. What’s not to love? Sheffield this year. I know it hurts, but you gotta let him go.

Francisco Liriano - In all but deep leagues and keepers, you’re not selling as much as dropping.

Jorge Cantu - If someone actually believes the resurgence in Florida, I’d sell.

Asdrubal Cabrera - As if having a first name that sounds like a leaky bum isn’t enough, he’s been sitting for Jamey Carroll. Watch to see if Josh Barfield gets the call at 2nd.

Eric Hinske - He goes and gets hot and the club grabs Dan Johnson and Gabe Gross. Here’s mud in your eye, Hinske.

Alfonso Soriano - Not selling sell him for Manny Acosta, but Soriano’s recurring injuries spell trouble. Not to mention, he’s probably older than Tejada.

Jose Lopez - He’s really not that good when he’s playing well, which he is right now.

Kevin Youkilis - He’s not really as good as his April numbers would suggest. If you have a Son of Sam Horn in your league, trade Yooooook.

Daniel Cabrera - Really I could’ve easily put him on the Buy list; that’s the problem with Cabrera. Every time he turns a corner, he turns another corner and he’s right back where he started. If he just turned a corner and stayed there, he’d be incredible.

Here’s what I said in January, “I’m just going to point out one negative. In 650 ABs, he walked 33 times and struck out 109 times. He’s got speed; he’s in a great hitting park. He will not hit .288 again. At the first sign of struggle, he starts swinging for the fences and he goes into a deep funk. Hitters who don’t take walks fall into slumps. Do yourself a favor and let someone else draft Phillips. Projections: 80/19/75/.240/25 and is benched in July because his slump is “all in his head.”” And that is me quoting me. Through yesterday’s game Brandon Phillips is at 10/2/6/.250/3 with 20 Ks and 6 walks through 88 at-bats. Also, his BABIP is above the league average, so he actually is doing better than he should. As Rich Dad would say, Brandon Phillips is a liability, not an asset. Will he become completely unusable? I think he could. That’s not to say he will. It’s a bad sign when there’s chance. Don’t trade him for a Sportflics Canseco rookie card and a can of cola, but I would entertain offers. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday:

Carlos Gomez - He homered yesterday, but I don’t think that’s an indication of great things on the horizon. As I said two weeks ago, a guy who tries to bunt with two strikes to get on base is not really someone you want to invest too heavily in. Picture this: Guy buys a Ferrari, but can’t afford gas.

Francisco Liriano - I told you to trade him two weeks ago. He has no value now.

Johnny Cueto - I began writing a strongly-worded letter to Dusty Baker when he let Cueto bat in the fifth inning, but Cueto surprised me and made short work of the Astros in the sixth and seventh inning. I feel like Cueto’s my little brother and I have to defend him, but he really only made a few mistakes in this entire game and half of them were to Berkman, who is on fire right now.

Corey Patterson - Was good to see him get the start against a righty (it’s bad that it’s not a given). Then Dusty pulled him for Freel when he was about to face a different righty. Oh, Dusty, you do have your way, huh? Corey made a baserunning mistake prior to getting yanked; he’s now probably further in the doghouse. He better give Jayson Nix a call for some moral support.

Brian “The Brain” McCann - He was the only top catcher I liked coming into this season for his value versus ADP. Hasn’t disappointed thus far, not to mention his slide into third for his triple was like a Triple Lindy gone bad.

Dustin McGowan - Seven walks. Sixteen on the season. Like when a girl calls you after a first date and says, “I had a really good time tonight.” Too much, too soon.

Jayson Werth - Four home runs and a .300 average. When The Flying Hawaiian returns, Jenkins isn’t going to play a whole lot.

Donnie Murphy - 2 home runs yesterday. Still nothing to see here.

Cliff Lee - For those wondering where this is coming from, he did finish fourth in the Cy Young voting in 2005 when he won 18 games and posted a sub-4.00 ERA. Though the strikeouts to this point are high. If you can move him for Wainwright or Maine, I would.

Miguel Olivo - I thought the lack of Miguel Cabrera post-home run hugs and booty slaps might affect Olivo adversely, but he’s hit three home runs in ten games.

Rafael Betancourt - In case you forgot because he hadn’t recorded a save yet, he is the closer.

Melky Cabrera - 4 home runs and counting.

Adam Melhouse - Injured his right hand. Whoopie-dee-doo, right? If he goes down, Salty comes back. Come again? You need a catcher, right? JARROD SALTALAMACCHIA might get the call-up. (I kinda hope he doesn’t cause his name is a nightmare to spell.)

Mike Napoli - 5 home runs and counting. Does it really matter if he’s not starting every game?

Chad Billingsley - I’m going to try a little experiment. Before the game starts, I’m writing this *****GUESS ALERT: Billingsley’s going to strikeout a lot because the D-Backs are swing-happy, he’ll walk a few cause that’s what he do, and he’ll still lose.***** Okay, I’m back. Wow, I did pretty well. And so did Chad, 12 Ks and only two walks. Very nice, but he still gave up five runs. I have no idea how he pulled that off because I had to watch Survivor. SPOILER ALERT: I can’t believe Jason, James and Erik didn’t try something. They made me embarrassed to be a man (as if it’s not embarrassing enough watching Survivor). James needs to stop talking about Eve and the stupid apple and start playing the game. And when did they develop Natalie’s character? Um, never. She was completely out of left field. You need to plant the seeds that someone is an -ocker short of a rocker. Okay, Survivor rant over. Sorry.

Nomar Garciaparra - He’s batting third. The Dodgers’ offense called and they said they wanted Mike Piazza back. They’d even take ‘07 Piazza. (BTW, You know that twitchy shizz Nomar does before he gets into the box? You think he does that before he gets into Mia’s box? If Mia were to let him.

Brian Bannister sports a .86 ERA, a miniscule WHIP and three wins AND beat Francisco Liriano. Can this continue? His strikeout rate is pretty poor, but in one of the ten team mixed leagues I’m in, I picked up Bannister today. It’s a league of owners that are better friends than they are fantasy players. I don’t assume Bannister is still out there in many leagues, but for a few of those leagues where players aren’t quick to the waiver wire or with team owners who don’t pick up Royals because of what they have meant in the past, Bannister might be out there, I’d pick him up even in those shallow leagues. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday:

Nick Markakis - I’ve been walking around my house screaming, “I am Markakis! No, I am Markakis!” for the last two weeks trying to spur him on to greatness. (My girlfriend has been thrilled.) Finally, he went yard. I hope this is the sparkakis he needs to go on a hot streak. He’s a notorious slow starter so if he can start hot this year, we could be in for a nice ride.

Francisco Liriano - Ah, the aforementioned Liriano. As I said on Friday, you should’ve traded him on Saturday.

Alex Gordon - I hope he reaches the 20/20 season I predicted because I have him in just about every league except for my NL-only ones (and don’t think I didn’t try and sneak him through).

Cliff Lee - I think he’s on Rudy’s list of players who should be Asian given their name. Anyway, pitched a great game against the woeful A’s. He has the Twins, Royals and Mariners up next. Two out of three on the woeful scale isn’t bad.

Jon Rauch - He’s great for K, Whip and ERA help so I wouldn’t drop him just because Cordero is back. (Because, frankly, I don’t know how long Cordero is going to be back.)

Joe Crede - Do I think Crede finishes the season with 184 homers and 377 RBIs? Maybe not, but he could hit three more homers this week then reverts to the Crede we know and hate. I’d pick him up until he reverts if you have room. You gotta ride hot streaks.

Wandy Rodriguez - I played the Wandy start at home/sit on the road game last year. It worked out well for me.

Burke Badenhop - I watched him play before I put in my claim. Saying he’s a poor man’s Derek Lowe, is an insult to poor men everywhere.

Shane Victorino - While I didn’t get him in any leagues this year, because he ended up going much higher than I would’ve paid for him, I still love The Flying Hawaiian™ and I hope he gets well soon. Meantime, put him on your DL. I hope Victorino doesn’t prove to be injury-prone his entire career because he’s beginning to seem that way.

Javier Vazquez - Man, the ‘08 Tigers and ‘27 Yankees comparisons ended real quick.

Franklin Gutierrez - No idea if he’ll ever get a chance to play again regularly after starting so slow, but if he does, I might go back for more pain. He’s talented and is only 25. As of right now, I’m done with anyone who regularly gets benched for Jason Michaels.

Johnny Cueto - Well, we all knew there would be some speed bumps, but Jason Bay? C’mon, your farkin’ initials are JC. Honestly, he walked one guy and had some balls up in the strike zone. I’ll take my chances if every pitcher on my staff gives up one walk against six strikeouts in six innings.

Let’s pretend Francisco Liriano is that girl you hooked up with at the bar. You think she’s hot, but, honestly, you can’t really remember the color of her hair, let alone her carpet. Though you do remember the sex being good. Now she calls to tell you she’s available Sunday night and your friend, Kevin Slowey, just cancelled on you. Oh, and there’s one condition, since the last time you saw her, she had reconstructive surgery. She swears she’ll be back in form by Sunday. You agree to meet her and begin to talk about that night you met. She confides that she has no idea what you look like either. Now you can meet her because the sex was good one random night before her reconstructive surgery or, because she has no idea what you look like either, you can call your friend and trade him this girl for John Maine. I trade Liriano for John Maine before Sunday night. You’re in a one year league and you’re playing for the here and now. You don’t have time for Liriano to ‘get back to form.’ Sell high and trade Liriano. With that said, here’s some other players you should buy or sell.

SELL

Andruw Jones, Andre Ethier, Juan Pierre, Matt Kemp - If you can trade any of these guys, I think you’ll be a happier person. The Pierre Situation™ has screwed up everything. Maybe Pierre gets traded, but at this point you’re not in a good position to succeed with any of these guys.

Felix Pie - Reed Johnson has sliced into the playing time of Pie. Oofa! Grab a spot on the bench next to Matt Murton, Felix. Trade Pie to someone who thinks Pie will definitely win the position and succeed.

Luke Scott - He’s batting near .500. If anyone believes it, I’d trade him. Otherwise, hold onto him for the time being.

Blake DeWitt - If you don’t think Torre’s going to play Nomar, take one look at The Pierre Situation™.

Mark Reynolds - He’s not awful, but he’s not going to be as good as he has been for the last week. Not to mention, he will strikeout 200 times this year.

BUY

Brett Myers - In two starts, he’s been battered like he likes to do to his wife. He’ll be better.

Micah Owings - Almost 9 K/9. Under 3 BB/9.

Edwin Jackson - He got a Murtonesque mishandling by the Dodgers. Underutilized or not utilized at all. Back in the day, he was a great prospect for the Dodgers.  He’s still only 24, but he is on the Rays.

Justin Upton - I don’t think you can get him from anyone in an NL-only league or a keeper, but one year league owners may not be sold. He’s a talent.

Chad Billingsley - Velocity’s down but he was pitched out of the bullpen then made to start. I think it’s just a rough beginning.

Mike Napoli - His average is going to be in the dumpster, but he’s showing power.

Jeff Suppan - Not masterful, but he can help out with wins and innings.

Shawn Hill - In 97 innings last year, he had 65 Ks and a 3.42/1.14. If he’s on waivers, grab him. He’s about to come back from his injury.

Scott Hairston - He got a Murtonesque mishandling in Arizona. He now has his chance to play.

Miguel Cabrera - None of his owners are actually worried about him, are they?