Troy Tulowitzki left Saturday’s game after colliding with Pillar. That was the same way Julius Caesar hurt himself, forcing him out of baseball and into ruling. Crazy what the stadiums were made of that the Romans used to play in. Alas, as Caesar said, “Rome wasn’t built in a day. Those roads over there took seven months! Freakin’ teamsters.” The MRI on Tulo’s ribs and back came back negative, though it was as in: Doctor, “Can you move?” Tulo, “Negative, Doc.” Because what the MRI originally failed to mention was his cracked shoulder blade. He won’t be shaving with that shoulder blade anytime soon! Or possibly playing baseball for two to three weeks, according to the Blue Jays. Ryan Goins is Goins to fill-in, and that’s the Blue Jays’ shortstop comings and Goins! Stay tuned for more fantasy news and reborts coming up after the break. Offscreen voice, “It’s reports, not reborts, you jackass.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Masahiro Tanaka went 8 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 10 Ks. I took some guff in the preseason for being down on Tanaka, in the non-sexual way. I projected him for the line of 10-4/3.49/1.15/150. His line right now is 11-6/3.57/1.01/125. Yeah, I was waaaaaaaaay off. Multiple A’s to allow time for an eye roll. Kids write me letters and say, “Unkie Grey, how did you know what Tanucky (sic) would do so mediocrely?” My answer is always the same, I’m a witch. Then I continue, “No, that’s just a broom. Male witches ride around on Vespas.” Tanaka was an easy person for me to avoid this year due to his elbow tendon. For 2016, sadly, I don’t see my enthusiasm changing. Or at any point for him until he has surgery, rehabs for 12-16 months and then returns. I wish he would, because I would like to get excited about him, but it’s just not gonna happen, said like Dana Carvey impersonating George H. W. Bush. Now, excuse me, I double-parked my Vespa on Sandoval’s foot. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hello! How many of Y’all remember the early 90’s? I don’t mean you were 5 and sort of remember it. I mean you know all the words to Color Me Bad, “I Wanna Sex You Up”, or K7’s “Come Baby Come”. How many of you had a fly honey in high waisted shorts and a fresh perm? Can you bust out a Running Man or the Wop? If you caught even 60% of what I just said this one’s for you. You know for all my overall shorts with the one strap rocking CooleyHighHarmony heads. We’re bringing it back New Jack Style with some of the flyest threads of the early 90’s. Ya heard?
One big change before we go forward, the format of the charts got a little remix treatment here in the two-trey. Yours truly, decided to roll out a different set of wOBA ranks, scrapping the righty/lefty splits and instead looking at the entirety of the second half. This should give you some idea of what offenses are A. Hot and B. Putting it together following any acquisitions they made before the trade deadline. Because who really cares what a team looked like in April or June, right? Should we let our judgement be skewed by first half data if a team has been awful for all of July and August? Hell no! So we made that change for your benefit I’m a giver. The other change is we dropped the k% and added the ERA/FIP/xFIP of each potential two start pitcher over their last 5 or so turns. We did have a couple with under 5 starts total for the season, but it was just two (Zach Davies, and Cody Martin). Once again this is taking a look at the current form of each starter, not how they were pitching two months ago. Ya Dig? Good, well let’s get to it.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hashtag, oh em gee. Hashtag, my hashtag is an honors student. Hashtag, back again, check it to wreck it, let’s begin. Corey Seager was called up. I just got goosepimplies on the butterflies that are in my stomach. I just can’t. *puts handkerchief to forehead, falls back and Giancarlo catches me, wakes to Giancarlo holding me, faints again and every time I reawaken and see Giancarlo, I faint once more* I just had a fainting fit thinking about Seager. Okay, now that we got the histrionics out of our systems. What’s the best Seager does this year? A few homers, a few steals and marries your sister? What’s the worst? Nothing. Of course, I’d pick him up in all leagues. I’m not goddamn goofy. I just wouldn’t hold out hope that he’s going to do anything that incredible this year. For the very short-term, Seager will fill in for Jose Peraza who is out with a sore hamstring. Yesterday, Seager hit eighth going 2-for-4 with 2 runs, 2 RBIs. When Peraza returns, Seager will play a few games a week, and maybe hint at the insane ability he possess, but saving the bulk of his wonderful until next year. Remember, Mike Trout did nothing in his first trip through the majors. Clayton Kershaw looked awful in his first trip through the majors. Right now, Buxton looks awful, and he will be great. Seager can go 5-for-35 with 20 Ks in September and it means nothing. Sorry to sober up your rookie nookie. You were wet-kissing your fantasy team and it was weird. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m back baby!
It’s been sad these past two weeks off from the Pitcher Profiles, but fortunately I could drown my sorrows in all-inclusive, all-day drinking on the honeymoon. YES I DID GET A STRAWBERRY DAIQUIRI, GREY! Although it didn’t stain my mustache, especially since a month long of growth would just be shameful peach fuzz…
We’re now through the bulk of the season and heading into the stretch run, which means Sky has only September left to get to 1,000 moves in our quote-expert-unquote RCL league. If expert meant constantly dropping 6-7 duds every morning, than I’m an expert in my thrown room if ya catch my drift… And on the pitching side, once you get to about 50ish in my ROS ranks, they all can be given the evacuation. But I’ve been really bullish on ranking Luis Severino since his promotion, who I think is a must-own even through these final streaming weeks.
It’s a little hard to stay light-hearted and joke-y with what happened in Atlanta on Saturday night, but obviously my condolences to the fan’s family and we’re supposed to have fun in fantasy, so we won’t delve any more into that. Instead, let’s embrace what we love on the field, which is some nasty breaking stuff and hitters getting baffled. Who doesn’t base their fantasy-team live-watching on their SPs on a given night?! So this was a perfect weekend to get back on the Profiles and check out how Severino looked in a full breakdown:Please, blog, may I have some more?
After the first two homer-game, I was like, “Yo, Grey, stop twirling your mustache and trying to squeeze into your Z. Cavariccis from high school and check out Travis Shaw.” And I did. Only, I wasn’t that impressed. He had five homers in 77 games in Triple-A. Then, a week or so later, he had his 2nd two-homer game and I was like, “Yo, Sir Hairlip-A-Lot, those Zubaz look awful on you, and maybe you look at Shaw’s numbers again.” And I did. His ‘big’ year in Double-A saw him hit 16 homers with a .221 average and again I came away yawnstipated; must be he’s showing some Maas appeal. Then, yesterday, he went 4-for-4 with two runs and is hitting .371 in 22 games, and I was like, “Yo, Fantasy Master Lothario, just let Cougs clean out your closet for you and really delve into Shaw’s numbers!” No, I don’t know what delve means but it sounds smart when I’m talking to myself. I’ve said it before, but Shaw feels exactly like a Maas appeal-type player. I bet after September he never even plays regularly on the Sawx again. But now suddenly you’re worried about the future? You weren’t when you were writing to the National Institute of Health about having nacho cheese classified as a vegetable. Get a 401K and grab Shaw until he stops hitting. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hip-hop as an art form, and culture, is built on the ability to battle. One must show and prove their true mastery of the craft before being considered amongst the B-Boy Illuminati. Doesn’t matter if you’re a breaker, DJ, producer, or Emcee, your battle skills are essential to staking your claim as elite. In this grand tradition many great rap battles have popped off on wax and led to some highly publicized, and in one instance, deadly beef. If you’re wondering what beef is, go ask B.I.G. Pretty sure he’s an expert on the subject…. Any pooh…….In today’s post I discuss 3 of my favorite rap battles and two that were completely lopsided. Don’t worry there sizzle chest I promise we’ll discuss the Two Start Pitchers for Week 20 as well. After all Fantasy baseball is the reason we’re here, right? Speaking of which, can you believe we’ve already had 20 weeks of baseball? Heck this is the 19th two start pitched post of 2015. How have I not run out of ideas yet? Magic mushrooms is the answer!!! I eat an 8th before I write. Makes the words feel like friends in my head. So go ahead and get to know my friends.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Greg Bird was called up by the Yankees. I wonder if when Greg Bird dies his ghost will be harassed by a 1980’s black gang calling him Larry Bird. But, more importantly, let’s pray Bird doesn’t wear ball-hugger shorts. Whoever thought those 1980s shorts were a good idea? They were so tight, you can tell which players manscaped. When Marv Albert said someone was dribbling a ball down the court, I had to wonder which ball he meant. Yes! Bird, Greg that is, has done nothing but hit at every stop in the minors — 20 HRs in Single-A in 2013; 20 HRs in 2014 across three levels; 12 HRs across two levels this year with six homers in only 34 games in Triple-A. He’s also not the type to strike out a lot and knows how to take a walk, and not like it’s a bad thing as, “Hey, take a walk!” Bird started yesterday (0-for-5), but for now he’s a bench bat, but I get the sense the Yankees are going to start looking towards the future as of next year and Bird should be someone on dynasty and keeper radars. And you know I have me some radar love. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
With just over a month and a half left to play, it’s still a tight two-horse race between Razzball’s J-FOH and Hannibal Montana for the first Razznasty championship. The big story right now though is MattTruss (The Hippos). Truss has gained nearly 20 points in the standings since our last league update in early July and now sits comfortably in third place. How has he done it? Basically he’s dominated the rest of us since July 1st – leading the league in RBIs, wins, and strikeouts over that span. But that’s not all. The Hippos have also been top five in four other categories, including hitting the second most homers and posting the second best ERA since the beginning of last month. In other words, it’s been a balanced attack on the standings, and I am now officially scared of hippos. There is still a lot of ground between Truss and our two leaders, but anything can happen when you’re a 2-ton animal on the move.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Noah Syndergaard is today’s most expensive player in DraftKings, and deservedly so. He has 100 strikeouts in 94 innings pitched, with a 5/1 K/BB rate, and has been very good overall this season. Of today’s pitchers, he has the best WHIP of 1.06 among qualifiers. Please, blog, may I have some more?Please, blog, may I have some more?