Picture this. Stephen Strasburg comes to you and says up close, I want you to draw me like one of your French Girls wearing this. At this moment, he pulls out his sports rope necklace from underneath his jersey. Sure, you respond as you pour over his fantasy baseball stats, clearly distracted and not mindful of the subject. And then he follows up this conversation with, wearing ONLY this…Oh and now it’s on. You quickly whip out your charcoal pencil set and diligently get to work as he lavishly drapes himself across an old davenport couch. Turn your head so I can’t see your oversized Adam’s Apple, you brusquely say. So serious, Stras says to you with a mock scowl upon his face but with a clear glint of mischievousness in his eye. But you don’t care as you are immersed within your art and all of the sudden you hear some weird Canadian singer tell you she believes the hot dogs will go on. And it’s at that moment you wake up from your nightmare screaming but while rocking a semi. Told you not to drink so much on a Friday night, bro! There’ll be pictures on the internet later. Last night was at ‘The Hangover’ level of messed up. But maybe the DraftKings Gods are trying to tell you something. Quickly! Rush to your nearest internet providing device and find that the Stream-O-Nator has him down as the second best pitcher to Price on the day. And then you dig a bit further and find him at $11,500 and it makes you worry that maybe the Rent Is Too Damn High. But then you dig even further and find out that the Atlanta Braves are still one of the worst in the game at striking out as their 2014 K rate (26.2%) is sitting up near where it was last year at 22.6%. And then you put the two together: The Braves strike out a lot and Strasburg strikes a lot of hitters out. Win + Win = EPIC WIN. Even the Hitter-Tron is lukewarm on Atlanta’s lineup and he’d squirt his motor oil on anything that moves if given the chance. All this to say, a 10K+ performance could happen and you kinda wanna be in on that action. But with all that out of the way, let’s tread on. Here’s our picks for 4/5/14 contests on Draftkings for 2014 Fantasy Baseball…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Seriously, I’m drooling over here. Maybe it’s the medication. Nurse Ratched, bring me my drooling bib! Sorry, got locked up in the looney bin after how this week has started for me both in Draftkings and in my regular leagues. How does a team have .252 OBP and .272 SLG% over four days when it has over 10 guys who hit 20 or more HRs apiece just a season ago? I’d say bygones but I’ve been scrawling this on the walls here in the institution for the last few days in my own excrement cuz I just can’t figure it out. Nurse Ratched, please don’t forget to set my lineups for today! You know I can’t do it with this weird backwards jacket you have on me! I’m not Kris Kross! Though it is quite stylish…yes, where was I? Ok, today’s slate. We have the Minnesota Twins playing somebody, who is it? Ah yes, the Twinkies are in Cleveland and Danny Salazar gets to make his season debut. DK loves Ks and Twins look to be a good punching bag for both regular fantasy streams and Daily Fantasy ones so today’s matchup looks downright gorgeous. What say you Stream-O-Nator? Well, you didn’t have to shout it…and there’s no need for calling names, especially those ones. Given that he’s at the low price of $8,800, you’ll have plenty of room for another arm and can comb over what the Hitter-Tron has to say on some top bats and not worry about not having enough bank to do it. Oh and are you looking for some kind of tourney to play Salivate Salazar in today? Well why not the big Razzball Draftkings Contest the guys over at DK put together for us. Yes us! Don’t you feel special being recognized like that? I’m sure they would’ve named it after just you if they knew your name. They’re cool like that. But nevertheless, less chat and more choices. Here’s some Razzball picks for Draftkings lineups on 4/4/2014 for 2014 Fantasy Baseball…

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So far I’ve spent my opening paragraph telling you who to pick up and roll with. It’s been a mixed bag to say the least and by that I mean rose petals with kitty litter clumpings in with it. King Felix did fine on Monday. Thankfully none of you had to experience the Klub upside the head on Tuesday. And right now it’s only the second inning on Tyson Ross and it’s not exactly going great…but hey listen to me I know what I’m talking about! So my lead in isn’t to warn you off of starting Phil Hughes today. That’s a gimme and as much as I need a cheap win, I’m not taking it. Nah, I’m taking this moment to tell you to load up on power hitters in Chi-Town. Though I’ll like Hughes in his home starts here and there in the future, I’m telling you to get some Chicago bop into your lineup as Hughes had a 46.5 FB% last year. If he had pitched all year, that would’ve been second best. Or is that second worst? Yeah, second worst. Don’t believe me? Even the Hitter-Tron is telling ya to buy in as Jose Abreu is the top spot on his dirty little list and is an easy pickup at $3,800. And Adam Dunn is 4th if you wanna get a little cheaper at $3,700. Sadly, you can’t get both into your lineup. No DH Draftkings? What is this, the senior circuit of Daily Fantasy Sports? And just for fun, I decided to peek in and see what the $3,700 priced Hughes looked like on the Stream-O-Nator…yup, he sucks. A ChiSox stack is definitely in play. Ok, now that we’ve established all that, let’s move on…to another link! Don’t forget about our Razzball Draftkings Contest this Friday. Go reserve a spot. It’s a VIP thing (not really). And there will be free drinks in the lobby (it’s really BYOB). Ok now on with the show. Here’s our picks for 4/3/2014 contests for Draftkings 2014 Fantasy Baseball…

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So I’m writing this prior to Oakland even taking the field for the first time this year which worries me. Baseball is all about streaks. No, no silly, I didn’t need to see the inside of your undies (and gross, BTW). I mean hot and cold streaks. But we’re at the start of it all, so it’s hard to get a grasp on whether you’re hot or you’re cold, or if you’re yes and you’re no…sorry, started thinking about Katy Perry there. You know, for her singing skills…yeah, that’s it. But more on point, maybe Oakland has a huge game to start the year off and feels hot and bothered about playing Corey Kluber. If that’s the case, mea culpa. But I swear by my Corey Kluber Sleeper post that I do believe you get a good outing out of him today and at a dirt cheap price of $7,800. May God remove it from the interwebs if he fails…oh what am I saying, nothing ever leaves the internet! Keep that in mind as JFOH will never live this one down. But as promised yesterday, we’re gonna be a bit more lightning round’ish around here on our Draftkings writeups. That last link, BTW, is your gateway into the DK world care of Razzball. It’s a way for you to show us you love us without having to actually physically touch us. It’s the best of both worlds! And after you’ve signed up? How about another 50/50 Razzball Jamboree League? It’s just a buck. That’s less than a King Size Snickers! And if you win, guess what? You can now afford said King Size Snickers. Wow. But for realsies, let’s move on…to another link! Yeah, yeah it’s the first week, gotta make sure you guys still get in on the Razzball Draftkings Contest this Friday. Go reserve your seat and get your lineups going when they open. Ok, now really let’s move on. Here’s Razzball’s Draftking picks for April 1st, 2014…no foolin…ok I was. Three more important plugs. One is the Stream-O-Nator. Two is the Hitter-Tron. Three is…well, I can’t really tell you about that plug. But I hear Cougars everywhere love it! Now on with the show.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hello and greetings one and all. Some of you may not know me so let me introduce myself. My name is Sky and the reason I highlighted my name with a hyperlink is because I have a super-secret alter-ego. So secret, it’s all over the internet if you wish to look. You see, I also work over on the Fantasy Football side of the Razzball universe. Over there, we yak about YAC whilst y’all babble about BABIP over here. But occasionally, there is a solar eclipse and I wake to find myself here and by ‘solar eclipse’ I mean ‘Grey throws a black hood over my head and imprisons me’ and by ‘wake’ I mean ‘coming out of my chloroform hangover’. As I may or may have not said before on this site, I’m Bi-Fantasexual. Yup, a modern day Bo Jackson minus the muscles, money and athletic ability. Trivial things. Good, we now up to speed? So now we’re no longer strangers but for the fact we’ve never met due to the internet which almost makes us Perfect Strangers. I worked really hard to weave that last part into my lead. It’ll pay off later, I promise. As an aside, I look a lot like Bronson Pinchot and if you don’t believe me, you can ask JFOH. Minus the rugged, island of Mypos good looks for sure…wait, what the hell? Yeah, Fantasy Baseball. Lost my shizz for a bit there. So let’s get on with Josh Reddick and why he’s a good outfielder to target for your deep league team for the 2014 Fantasy Baseball season…

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It doesn’t get much deeper than this, does it? That’s what she said! Not everything in a deep league setting is fun. Like hiring a convict to babysit your child, sometimes you just gotta take a guy who’s available and hope for the best as it can be completely soul-wrenching to reach for guys because of their position and be left with little to nothing in return in these types of setups. When you play in a deep league like I do – two at every infield position plus two UTIL and five outfield – you have to let your mind wander beyond the sexy picks and be willing to drunkenly amble back to your apartment with that tall, muscular chick who beat you at arm wrestling while setting a pub record for hot wing plates eaten and really hope she doesn’t have an Adam’s apple. The best part about playing the Crying Game? Not much crying involved because these guys go so deep, so deep if they put your team to sleep you can drop them. And now that I’ve thoroughly depressed you even further than the title could even take you, let’s get down to business. So here’s Matt Dominguez in all his glory and what he can do for your deep league team for the 2014 Fantasy Baseball season…

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Internet Friends, Razzballians, big country breakfast eaters at Billy Butler’s house…Lind me your ears. Yeah, I didn’t know how to start so I figured I’d make it awkward for everyone all around. Hey, I’m Sky. You might know me from the Fantasy Football side of this little part of the interweb universe. That was just an FYI, ICYDK. I’m not expecting you to actually click it. I mean, you can if you want to. Like big, red shiny buttons at the Pentagon, you know it’s hard to resist clicking on an embedded link in a paragraph. Case in point, this link is of a small, drunk Asian kid wearing just a bra and a Teddy Bear that was superglued to his junk while standing on top of a cop car. You’re a hetero and you still totes clicked, admit it! Ok, ok maybe you assumed it was JayWrong and couldn’t resist – and maybe it was – but ya did it. Even after everything I told you, you still decided it was worth your right index finger to push down on the mouse and have a looksee. And now after this long-winded intro that had absolutely nothing to do with Adam Lind, it’s now my duty to keep you intrigued without said links or other forms of Triple-Dub sorcery. So let’s move on from this weird little intro and see why Lind should be a nice value to nab in deep leagues for the 2014 Fantasy Baseball season…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So it came to me that some of you or most of you or the whole damn lot of you might not be overly familiar with some basic information regarding Draftkings and the whole daily fantasy thang.  BTW, if you are gonna play some DFS on Draftkings?  Help us help you.  That’s our promo link.  Yes I’m grovelling.  Yes I’ll move on…but before I do, after you sign up through our promo link?  How about joining in on the Razzball Kickoff Jamboree for $1.  Keep in mind it has to fill or it won’t go.  I have my spot, there’s only 19 seats left.  Don’t wanna throw down your money into this game yet?  Why not join the Freeroll for opening day?  What, you don’t know what a Freeroll is?  Well, read on…

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I’m stepping out before my Khris Davis deep sleeper call goes off and giving him a nickname right up front. You can call him Khris Kross after old school rappers Kris Kross because…because nicknames. I’m telling you, it’s good! I’m great at nicknames! Just ask my cousin, Sarah Tess Davidson. Some would call her ‘STD’ but I went with something beautiful: Chlamydia. You don’t even need to ask, of course the name stuck! Friends, family, you name it, they called her it. You can imagine how popular she was in High School. The boys wouldn’t leave her alone, I tell ya. As a freshman, she was invited out to drive thru movie after drive thru movie, but she never remembered what movie they went to nor much of, if any of the plot and along the way she had 3 kids and dropped out of High School. I never understood all that, my cousin Chlamydia was such a smart girl…but neverthewho! We’re not here to talk about all the nephews and nieces I have on welfare, we’re here to discuss how you don’t want to miss the bus on Davis in your deep leagues for 2014 Fantasy Baseball…

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Is it just me or does the pitcher we’re talking about need to work in showbiz? Particularly as some sort of game show host and even more particularly, the Love Connection. Yeah, lets bring that back, put a 2010s spin on it where all the first dates are just two people standing next to each other at a dance club, smiling at their phones as they’re sending private snapchats back and forth. That’s riveting television people! And later on, JFOH sexted me that he wanted his P in my V, F me in the A and then J off on my T’s and I totes said yes! Magical…true modern love in the making there. He even wrote a song about it. Just an FYI, ICYMI that vid is probably NSFW given context…m’kay. But of course you didn’t come here to find out about JFOH’s creative, more gentle musical side, you came to talk about the man, the myth, the emoticon: Drew Smyly. Yeah, I called him emoticon. I think we should call him that together. It’s better than calling him the Smyly Faced Killer. That’s just morbid. In the end, there’s a lot to like about Drew for the 2014 season and I have a few good reasons why…oh, you wanna know what they are I see. Well then follow me on a magical journey to a distant land by clicking on the title of this post if you’re on the homepage and just seeing this paragraph and see why Smyly is a good get in deep leagues for the 2014 Fantasy Baseball season…

Please, blog, may I have some more?