Fantasy Baseball Advice

Since back in June when you abandoned your fantasy baseball team because it was totally sucking and you returned to your cubbyhole of Doritos and Freezer Pops, you’ve longed for this day.  As Bob Marley sang, this is your redemption song, mon.  Or womon.  It’s time again to join some fantasy baseball leagues.  Before you close all of your extraneous porn windows and rush to sign up, let’s explain how these fantasy baseball leagues are going to work.  We’re going to have a bunch of leagues and crown a winner from each, then we’re going to crown ONE winner from all of the winners.   We will be be crowning the winner by taking each team’s points and multiplying it against a ‘league competitiveness factor.’  If you want to see how it worked last year, go here. So we’re going to fill up as many fantasy leagues as we can for the next couple of weeks.  Each fantasy baseball league will be a mixed league, 12 team, Roto, 5×5, 5 OFs, one Middle Infielder, one Corner Infielder, one Utility, 9 pitchers, 20 game eligibility, 180 Games Started.  The lineup is also known as:  C/1B/2B/SS/3B/CI/MI/5 OF/UTIL/9 P/3 BENCH/1 DL.  The fantasy leagues will be played in ESPN and they will be free to join.  They are not at Yahoo because they don’t give non-leaguemates the ability to see the leagues.

We’re going to start with nine leagues of 12 and see how we do from there.  Each league has an organizer.  The duties of the organizer will be to accept 11 other people into the league, set it up at ESPN at the most conducive draft time and during the season post pretty pictures of the league standings.  Just choose one organizer from the available RCLs below and contact them.  If we don’t get enough to fill 9 leagues, we’ll fold them together like egg whites and sugar.  If we need more than 9 fantasy baseball leagues, then we will expand them like egg whites and a beater.  If we need more organizers, then we’ll handle that business in the comments of this post.  (The number of spots open will be updated by me as I hear from the organizers.)

Now for the BIG prizes!  I know, you can hardly wait.  This year’s winner will receive an honest to goodness, Louisville Slugger engraved with my signature (or they can get their own signature on there since they would be the winner).  They can showcase the baseball bat in their living room, which will probably lead to divorce.  Or they can carry the baseball bat around like they’re Joe Clark.  Or just play baseball!  If that doesn’t get you all goose pimply, I don’t know what will.  Wait, I have to run to the bathroom just thinking about it.  Okay, back!  In addition to the Louisville Slugger, we’re proud to present the 2nd ever Razzball trophy, which will be donated by frequent commenter, Tony.  You can see Tony’s work at Claytrophies.com.  And here’s the actual winner’s trophy.  Okay, sign up:

1. Razzball Originals — Steve –> sglyon [at] gmail.com– League’s Full
2. Organizer — Tony –> youngy_03 [at] yahoo.com — League’s Full
3. Organizer — Caleb –> caleb.peavy [at] gmail.com — League’s Full
4. Organizer — Brian –> hennb517 [at] robertmorris.edu — League’s Full
5. Organizer — Sean –> ogma107 [at] yahoo.com — League’s Full
6. Organizer — James –> jbag201 [at] yahoo.com — League’s Full
7. Organizer — Eddy –> eddy5791 [at] yahoo.com — League’s Full
8. Organizer — ZK –> zach.kuhn [at] gmail.com — League’s Full
9. Organizer — JoeC –> jakoye [at] hotmail.com — League’s Full
10. Organizer — Jessica –> jmscarane [at] gmail.com — League’s Full
11. Organizer — swpayton –> ernauta [at] hotmail.com — League’s Full
12. Organizer — Smokey –> pulsethree [at] yahoo.com — League’s Full
13. Organizer — VinWins –>  vinreich [at] zoho.com — League’s Full
14. Organizer — Waldo –>  mayhewfan [at] gmail.com — League’s Full
15. Organizer — Wilsionian –> awilson_21 [at] hotmail.com — League’s Full
16. Organizer — Paul –> paulneb [at] comcast.net — League’s Full
17. Organizer — OneSexyGrandpa –> slickun [at] hotmail.com — League’s Full
18. Organizer — PWNNightmare –> jamesalvinbarron [at] yahoo.com — League’s Full
19. Organizer — Trini –> trinileslie [at] gmail.com — League’s Full
20. Organizer — ichirosan –> chronosaurus [at] hotmail.com — League’s Full
21. Organizer — Jon –> bane.jonathan [at] gmail.com — League’s Full
22. Organizer — JamieB –> jamie.battaglia [at] rockets.utoledo.edu — League’s Full
23. Organizer — LMack –> machamer_l [at] yahoo.com  — League’s Full
24. Organizer — napoleongs –> napoleongs [at] aol.com — League’s Full
25. Organizer — Mark –> melmaryan [at] gmail.com — League’s Full
26. Organizer — Perdew –> ryansperdew [at] gmail.com — League’s Full
27. Organizer — ChiSox –> thomaspwhite22 [at] gmail.com — League’s Full
28. Organizer — High Upside –> Freeworld9 [at] msn.com — League’s Full
29. Organizer — Poor Jays –> poorjays [at] yahoo.com — League’s Full
30. Organizer — Rich –> yankee_dback [at] yahoo.com — League’s Full
31. Organizer — Owen –> Owen.green [at] rocketmail.com — League’s Full
32. Organizer — Jeff –> jfunk44 [at] gmail.com — League’s Full
33. Organizer — Tom –> tmcd76 [at] gmail.com — League’s Full
34. Organizer — Elijah –> basilddavis [at] yahoo.com — League’s Full
35. Organizer — Brandon –> bnoonan [at] sbcglobal.net — League’s Full
36. Organizer — Eric –> rico404040 [at] yahoo.com — League’s Full

Okay, so it’s not the best 2011 fantasy baseball team, but, man, that title sings, right?  This is the best 2011 fantasy baseball team that I can put together when drafting from my top 100 for 2011 fantasy baseball and top 300 for 2011 fantasy baseball.  If I choose Miggy Cabrera at number one, I can’t take another player until the 24th pick, then two players, then 24 picks, then 2 players and so on until the end of the top 100.  Just like a snake draft.  It would be nice if I was in a league where someone drafted Halladay in the first round and I was able to take Longoria and Howard, but since they’re both in the first 12, according to the rules I’ve set up for myself, I can’t take them both.  Then, as we all know, once you get into the 100s, there’s wide gaps between ADP and where players are actually taken.  People tend to look at team need over value.  So for this exercise, once I get to pick #101, I’m going to pick two players every twenty picks, rather than every 24 picks.  That’s to account for the wide margin between ADP and where players are drafted.  Finally, because there is so much latitude amongst the last 100, I gave myself free reign to fill up my team.  Throughout the draft, I also gave myself the ability to reach to a lower draft pick, but not reach forward.  It should still be my ideal team… Or not.  Let’s see, shall we?  Bee tee dubya, this team is 5×5, one catcher, 5 OFs, MI, CI, 1 UT, 9 P, 3 Bench.  Anyway, here’s the best 2011 fantasy baseball team:

C:  Mike Napoli (10)

1B:  Miggy Cabrera (1)

2B:  Danny Espinosa (16)

3B:  Adrian Beltre (4)

SS: Jose Reyes (3)

MI: Eric Young Jr. (23)

CI: Ian Stewart (24)

OF:  Andrew McCutchen (2)

OF: Jay Bruce (6)

OF: Colby Rasmus (7)

OF: Manny Ramirez (9)

OF: Adam Jones (11)

UTIL: Brandon Allen (25)

P:  Jon Lester (5)

P: Dan Haren (8)

P: John Axford (13)

P: Daniel Hudson (12)

P: Jhoulys Chacin (14)

P: Chris Perez (15)

P: Craig Kimbrel (17)

P: Mike Minor (18)

P: Jordan Zimmermann (19)

BENCH:

P:  Ryan Madson (20)

P: Jason Motte (21)

P: Rafael Soriano (22)

In fairness to me and you and our planet that Al Gore is desperately trying to protect, I’m not going to be able to get Haren and Lester in most drafts.  It happened here because of where I have Haren ranked.  That’s sorta the thing about doing this exercise.  It’s really just an exercise.  It’s fun though!  For me.  So what do you think of my fantasy fantasy team?  Don’t like it?  Go to the top 300 and make up your own fantasy fantasy team and post it in the comments.  Or not.  Decisions, decisions!

Taking a break from my weekly rant on the droolings of Eric Karabell and just going to vent on one topic. Let’s call this column, “Open Your Vent!” Also, I want my own sidebar section like Rudy’s got for his TWIR. But that’s not what I’m venting on. That’s a side vent, if you will. Or you won’t. I don’t give a crap. You either like me or you hate me. And if I see Rudy or Grey in a dark alley sharing an ice cream cone, I wouldn’t stop to say squat, cause that’s how I do! Now turn up your anger, I’m about to open my vent!

People who draft a team, then abandon it should be taken into a San Fernando Valley warehouse and turned into a spit cup. Why are you using Yahoo or ESPN to practice your drafting? You can’t use one of the sites that are available to do Mock Drafts? There’s even a site called, Mock Draft Central! You can’t work Google to find it? What, there’s a restraining order between you and smart? Or you just get off on randomly abandoning your teams and ruining everyone else in that league’s season? How about I abandon your stupid ass in the City of God? Your head will be a fútbol, you cross-eyed, nipple sucker. You know what’s really disgraceful? Self-proclaimed fantasy experts who abandon their team in self-proclaimed expert leagues. That shows a pretty competitive streak. How about you let your kid beat you in Connect Four while you make dinner for your wife as she blows your neighbor? How about I Googlestalk your ass, move next door and fill-in for your neighbor? Too bad “Largest Vagina” isn’t a category. You and your wife could be tied for first. Now go get your shinebox!