Fantasy Baseball Advice

Is there anything more fulfilling than grabbing a hitter on a short schedule day and he gives you a home run, steal or just an overall quality day? It’s the fantasy baseball equivalent to taking a girl out, she pays and has sex with you (assuming you’re not a paid escort, though I’m pretty sure there’s not that many paid escorts reading a fantasy baseball blog). It’s pay dirt of the fantasy baseball kind. So how does one with the ‘pertise of me find a waiver wire hitter on a short schedule day? Darts at a board? A Ouija board? Draw whiskers on my face, infiltrate a clowder of stray cats and hold pictures of Will Venable and David Murphy up to see which one the cats are attracted to? Sometimes it’s all the above. But before I resort to dumb luck, I usually look for these five criteria:

1. Playing time – There’s nothing worse than picking up a hitter for one day and he doesn’t play. I usually sort by ABs for the last week to make sure the top free agents are playing. If there’s even a chance they might not play, I usually look elsewhere.

2. Is the guy currently hitting? – Hitters tend to do what they should do over the course of a season, but from day to day and week to week guys go in and out of slumps. If you’re picking up a guy for only one day, you want a guy that is hitting. If he’s in a 0-for-45 slump, you’re probably better taking an 0-for-0 and going to grab a bite to eat at Whataburger. To pinpoint guys that are hitting, I sort by hits in the last week. There’s usually overlap between guys who are getting playing time. Otherwise, their managers should be fired.  I can think of a few.

3. Righty/Lefty Splits – If a guy is hitting well over the last week but is going against his notoriously weaker side, he’s a pass. This usually goes for lefties facing lefties. Righties that are going against righties don’t give me as much pause, unless we’re talking about Matt Diaz. Speaking of which, if a guy is going against a side he absolutely kills then he’s almost an automatic start since I assume his manager will start him too.

4. Hitter/Pitcher Matchups – This is a continuation of the splits. If a guy hits a particular pitcher very well, he’s a go. Contrary to the above splits though, if a guy is hitting well and hasn’t hit a particular pitcher well, he could still be a go if all else fails.

5. The Park and Team Factor – The last thing I look at is where they’ll be playing. If it’s between two guys and one’s at Coors and one’s at Petco, I obviously choose Colorado. If a player’s team is currently hitting well then I’ll go with him over a guy whose team is struggling. The thinking is he’ll at least have some chances for RBIs and Runs.

These are in order of importance. If a player doesn’t meet the first criteria, he’s eliminated. If you get, say, ten guys who meet the first criteria, then you keep moving down the list until you only have one guy left. If you still have a few choices by the end, then you draw whiskers on your face and find yourself a clowder of strays.

Just to clear my head the other day, I threw on some bicycle shorts, jumped in my El Dorado and went for a spin.  Cause that’s how guys with a ‘stache roll.  If you didn’t know, know you do.  Consider yourself informed.  As I was rocking out to some Don Henley, I was thinking back on some guys that helped me win leagues last year.  John Axford –  Thanks, Ax-Man!  CarGo, you DaMan!  All She Wants To Do Is Dance DANCE! Thanks, Konerko, we had some good times!  Hey, Posey, I enjoyed your production!  Can’t feel the HEAT… Coming off the STREET… Hey, Jayson Nix– Actually, you weren’t much of a help.  Hey, someone dropped Jon Rauch, don’t mind if I do.  Why such a long face, Chris Perez?  I’ll own you… In the non-biblical way!  She wants to party, she wants to GET DOWN! Having worked up a bit of an appetite for some roast beef, I pulled off the freeway in search of an Arby’s.  As I hit the side streets, I thought two things:  number one, I had no idea what waiver position I was in when I used it for any of those schmohawks.  Number two, why was I in Anaheim?

The preceding was a fancy way of saying, “USE YOUR WAIVER CLAIM!”  (Caps for emphasis and the people reading over your shoulder.)  Who gives an effin’ eff in the eff hole what waiver claim position you’re in?  While you’re holding onto your waiver claim like Cowboy Jon from The Real World: Los Angeles holds onto his virginity, your leaguemates are going to be winning your league.  Because, guess what, Maverick?  Cowboy Jon is still a virgin and he’s like 57 years old!

You don’t want to be Cowboy Jon praying Mike Moustakas comes up in June while you sit in 8th place not even needing a corner man.   Or are you holding your waiver claim because you’re afraid someone is going to drop Prince Fielder?  Who are you, John Q. Law?  This is your job why?  Wait, even better.  If you’re in a league with a guy who wears fancy dungarees and who would drop Prince Fielder, you shouldn’t be in that league.   If you need a guy for your roster, then claim him.  While your leaguemates are waiting for someone they deem worthy of a pickup, you’ll be grabbing all kinds of other players that are immediately useful.  Remember…. Rebels been rebels since I don’t know WHEN… And all she wants to do is dance!

ADD is Attention Deficit Drops and you have no idea how this sentence will end because you’re already reading the comments.  You drafted Jay Bruce and traded him for Shaun Marcum.  You’re glad Ryan Raburn has 2nd base eligibility so you can trade away Kinsler.  If Greinke doesn’t return within a week, you’re dropping him for Freddy Garcia.  You’re trigger finger is itching and only Willie Bloomquist can scratch it.  You’re also potentially losing your league in April.

Don’t drop guys that just happen to have a bad one or two weeks to start the season.  In general, anyone that you drafted in the first ten rounds, should be untouchable in April.  You need to let your Clydesdales carry your beer.  Maybe you bench one that is severely struggling, but don’t fall victim to Attention Deficit Drops.  Sure, “Current Hot Outfielder” is current and hot, but you don’t just drop a number two outfielder for him.

I realize this isn’t as easy as it sounds.  The trouble lies in the fact that a lot of guys burst on the scene in April, never cool off and can carry your fantasy baseball team to a championship.  So you don’t want to sit on your hands (especially if you have gas).  If you took a flier for your MI spot, lose him for the “Current Hot 2nd Baseman.”  A 5th outfielder is probably droppable.  Utility guy?  Droppable.  Guys at the end of your staff?  Fine.  Those kinds of moves shouldn’t hurt you as long as you know you might have to keep playing the hot hand all season unless you fall into this year’s Jose Bautista.  In general, if you think someone will just sit there on waivers if you drop them, then lose them for the player who is on fire.  You can always go back when the hot player cools off.  There’s a fine line between reacting and panicking.  Walk the line, Johnny.

The other day I went over my fantasy baseball strategy for snake drafts.  Lots of you know my auction tips already, but some of you just joining us — hey, close the door behind you! — may not.  Lots of the strategy for my snake drafts also applies here.  If you ask me — and you kinda did ask me by reading this shizz — auction drafts are where it’s at, yo!  You get in a room with your best fantasy baseball buddies.  The guys you haven’t seen since last year’s draft.  The guys you don’t want to see until next year’s draft.  A few guys you actively despise.  One guy, and there’s always one, has his phone on vibrate just in case the missus calls about Petey, their sick Schnauzer.  Then you have the guy who will go the extra dollar for (fill-in favorite player from his favorite team).  You know he’s his favorite player because he’s wearing his jersey.  You have the guy who brings only Cheetos and turns everything he touches orange, and, if he touches something that was already orange, he makes it oranger.  Finally, you have the guy who made plans at 5PM and begins to yell at everyone at 4PM that they’re taking too long.  And, it always turns out, this day is the best day of the year.  Auction draft day is better than your wedding day.  As for online auction drafts, they’re just a’ight.  Anyway, here’s some tried and true tips to help you through your auction fantasy baseball draft:

1. Early in the draft, throw out guys that you know you have no interest in that will cost others a lot.

Say Joe Mauer snuck into a 21 and under club with Joe Jonas’s ID and took your baby’s mama home.  Now you refuse to draft him.  So the first name you should nominate is Mauer and let others overspend on him.  You don’t want high-priced pitching?  Nominate Lincecum.  You think Carlos Gonzalez is overrated?  Nominate him.  You get the idea.  Moving on…

2. Go the extra dollar if you really want someone.

When you get to the end of the auction, no one has any flippin’ idea what they spent to get a guy.  If you want J.J. Putz and every auction value article you’ve read says he’s worth $6 and the bidding’s just gone to $7, go to $8 if you need a closer.  It’s your team; you need certain guys whether they’re overpriced or not.

3. You want to be “rich” with auction money.

You won’t always have the most money at the draft, but, whenever possible, you want to.  The more money you have A) The better leverage you have attaining any guy you might want. B) You can get great buys late in the draft when no one else has any money.  Invariably, someone will throw out, say, Dexter Fowler for a dollar (or some player that they think they can sneak through).  Then you get Fowler for $2 and everyone in the draft room groans, wishing they still had some money.  At your draft, you want to be like the little tuxedoed guy from Monopoly.  In fact, dress like him for your draft.

4. Decent catchers and closers are even easier to acquire in auctions.

In a snake draft, you never know when the Arencibia, Iannetta, Putz, Nathan or whoever is going to be drafted.  The beauty of the auction is you can have anyone.  In my experience, you should wait until most of the teams have filled up their closers or catcher(s) slot then you nominate some one dollar beauts.

5. Keep track of who other people want.

The beauty of the auction is you know exactly what everyone else is thinking.  If Joe Schmohawk goes to $10 on Espinosa and you get him for $11, keep JS in mind when you’re looking to trade Espinosa after his hot April.  If someone groans when you get Raburn, keep it in mind.  Unless it’s the same guy who’s been eating nothing but Cheetos for ten hours.  Then it might just be gas.

You have ADD and you have no idea how this sentence will end because you’re already reading the comments.  You drafted Jay Bruce and traded him for Vernon Wells.  You’re glad Crapolanco has 3rd base eligibility so you can trade away Youkilis.  If Ellsbury isn’t DL’d soon, you’re dropping him for Kevin Millwood.  You’re trigger finger is itching and only Scott Podsednik can scratch it.  You’re also potentially losing your league in April.

Don’t drop guys that just happen to have a bad one or two weeks to start the season.  In general, anyone that you drafted in the first ten rounds, should be untouchable in April.  You need to let your Clydesdales carry your beer.  Maybe you bench one that is severely struggling, but don’t fall victim to Attention Deficit Drops.  Sure, Nick Markakis is not doing anything for you right now, but you don’t let him go for “Current Hot Outfielder.”

I realize this isn’t as easy as it sounds.  The trouble lies in the fact that a lot of guys burst on the scene in April, never cool off and can carry your fantasy baseball team to a championship.  So you don’t want to sit on your hands (especially if you have gas).  If you took a flier for your MI spot, lose him for the “Current Hot 2nd Baseman.”  A 5th outfielder is probably droppable.  Utility guy?  Droppable.  Guys at the end of your staff?  Fine.  Those kinds of moves shouldn’t hurt you as long as you know you might have to keep playing the hot hand all season unless you fall into this year’s Ben Zobrist.  In general, if you think someone will just sit there on waivers if you drop them, then lose them for the player who is on fire.  You can always go back when the hot player cools off.  There’s a fine line between reacting and panicking.  Walk the line, Johnny.