Fantasy Baseball Advice

The final results are in and I tested negative!  Oh, wait, this is for the fantasy baseball leagues.  Um, yeah, ignore that first sentence.  This year in an unprecedented move of unprecedented size and bubbles.  We’re giving away a hot tub to the Fantasy Razzball winner.  I believe it’s a time machine too! (It is not a time machine and any ability to travel through time probably has something to do with your flux capacitor.)  If you didn’t win this year, don’t worry, there’s always 2011!  (Then 2012 is up in the air, according to the Mayans.)  Anyway, here’s the fantasy baseball league updates:

Overall Razzball Commenters League Winner

Drumroll, please… Nobody Beats the Wiz!  More like, Whiz!  (See what I did there?  Yeah, I’m not sure either.)    Nice showing, Wiz.  The prizes headed NBtW’s way is a trophy from Clay Trophies from our very own commenter, Tony.  An old school, shiny varsity jacket from commenters, Adam and The Real Tom For Real.  And, finally, a phone call of congratulations from a real live celebrity, who may or may not be drunk.  Depends if Wiz chooses Mr. Belding.  Wiz, please put your email in the comments so I can lavish you with prizes.

Overall Fantasy Razzball Winner

The people at Dreammaker Spas were nice enough to donate a hot tub priced at $3,199.  Crazy, you say.  I say, sour grapes because you didn’t win.  Maybe our winner will host the 1st Annual Razzball convention and we can ‘jacuzze’ a little, though it may become painfully obvious how few girl readers we actually have.  Did someone forget to order buns for all of these sausages? That’s me talking at our hypothetical hootenanny.  Neverthehoo!  Our winner is… I Am the Liquor!  Now go take a soak.  You earned it!  (Put your email in the comments so I can hook you up, and if you live in an apartment, get your landlord on the phone because you’re about to put a hot tub in your living room.)

Our leagues came out like this, “Blah blah blah 2nd place blah blah blah 3rd place blah blah blah 3rd place blah blah blah.”  I was in more leagues than I’m recapping, but some were leagues Rudy manned the wheel.  Some we co-managed.  And others are private leagues.  (And, honestly, I got to around 1000 words and started to feel like I was writing the Wikipedia entry for World War II so I pulled up.)  These three leagues I take most of the responsibility for:

20 Team, mixed league, 5×5; host: Not Entirely Sure, 2nd place.

Recap – I blew away the league in pitching.  20 points in Wins, Saves, Ks, ERA and a 19.5 in WHIP.  To say I made all the right moves in pitching is an understatement.  I had Heath Bell, Billy Wagner, Leo Nunez (while he was good), Jonathan Sanchez and Cliff Lee, who I traded right away after he was traded to Texas.  My obvious maladroit (if that’s being used correctly) was my hitting.  Prince Fielder took the junk from his trunk and gave it to me in RBIs.  Ryan Braun had his worst year yet.  Why did I have Johnny Damon on a team?   And Lance Berkman?  Oh, crimey.  Those were the negatives.  The positives:  Kelly Johnson, Casey McGehee and did I mention my pitching?   I also traded Alcides and Beckham for Stephen Drew on July 13th.  I won that trade.  You can look up Drew’s 2nd half stats if you don’t believe me.  I would’ve won the league with 8 more homers, i.e., one decent two-week stretch by Prince Fielder and Braun.  I will now go and get my shine box.

14 Team, mixed league, 5×5; host:  Brandon Funston, 3rd place

Recap – Had an ERA of 2.93 (1st place) and WHIP of 1.18 (3rd place) and a shizzload of Ks (3rd place).  Unfortunately, we only got 8 points from Wins.  As is a recurring theme in my leagues, I drafted F-Her and Jonathan Sanchez and they powered my pitching, except Wins.  Here’s my draft:

Punted catcher and 3rd base, middle and corner infidel and the last four rounds, in retrospect.  (I dropped Bumgarner before he was called up.)  Catching duties ended up going to Napoli; middle infield turned out okay with Desmond, corner infield ended up going to Dunn and the hitting worked out fine.  A 13 in homers, 12 in steals with a 9 in runs as my lowest hitting category.  What really killed me was the Wins and, surprisingly, Saves, where I got a 5.  I’m not bragging when I say I never struggle in saves.  Just couldn’t put the S in SAGNOF for this league.  I lost K-Rod to his ‘Someone Else’s Daddy’ issues, lost Fuentes to an Angels trade and Jenks to a trade I made, Sam I am.  I grabbed Hisanori, Hensley, Madson, Wuertz, League and Gutierrez.  Didn’t matter, I needed 19 more saves to get an extra 5 points and it never happened.  Too bad, so sad.

13 teams, mixed league, 5×5, host: Scott Pianowski, 3rd Place

Recap – Let’s jump right into the draft for this one:

This team’s flaw coming out of the draft appeared to be pitching. In-season, the flaw turned into a little bit of a lot of categories, except HRs and RBIs.  Didn’t finish below 7th anywhere, didn’t win any categories besides the aforementioned ones.  (BTW, all of these Guerrier late round picks were because at the time he was fighting with Rauch for closing duties.  Yeah, he lost.)  Figgy sucked dog balls; I hate him.  Best part of Jason Bay’s season was the concussion.  Slowey lived up to my expectations for John Lackey and I dropped Lackey after about 3 starts.  Obvious value picks were Hamilton, Latos, Dunn, Choo, McCann, Weaver, Ervin and Oswalt.  Biggest pickup you’re not seeing here is Kelly Johnson who had 26 homers and 13 steals on my team.  Jaime Garcia helped too for a few months.  And put that in one hand and coming in third in the other hand and you have two empty hands with carpal tunnel.

Since back in June when you abandoned your fantasy baseball team because it was totally sucking and you returned to your cubbyhole of Doritos and Freezer Pops, you’ve longed for this day.  As Bob Marley sang, this is your redemption song, mon.  Or womon.  It’s time again to join some fantasy baseball leagues.  Before you close all of your extraneous porn windows and rush to sign-up, let’s explain how these fantasy baseball leagues are going to work.  We’re going to have a bunch of leagues and crown a winner from each, then we’re going to crown ONE winner from all of the winners.   We will be be crowning the winner by taking each team’s points and multiplying it against a ‘league competitiveness factor.’  If you want to see how it worked last year, go here. So we’re going to fill up as many fantasy leagues as we can for the next couple of weeks.  Each fantasy baseball league will be a mixed league, 12 team, Roto, 5×5, 5 OFs, one Middle Infielder, one Corner Infielder, one Utility, 9 pitchers, 20 game eligibility, 180 Games Started.  The lineup is also known as:  C/1B/2B/SS/3B/CI/MI/5 OF/UTIL/9 P/3 BENCH/1 DL.  The fantasy leagues will be played in ESPN and they will be free to join.  They are not at Yahoo because they don’t give non-leaguemates the ability to see the leagues.

We’re going to start with five leagues of 12 and see how we do from there.  Each league has an organizer.  The duties of the organizer will be to accept 11 other people into the league, set it up at ESPN at the most conducive draft time and during the season post pretty pictures of the league standings.  Just choose one organizer from the 4 RCLs and contact them (the original RCL is invite-only, which is only fair because these guys have been the most active for the longest time).  If we don’t get enough to fill 5 leagues, we’ll fold them together like egg whites and sugar.  If we need more than 5 fantasy baseball leagues, then we will expand them like egg whites and a beater.  If we need more organizers, then we’ll handle that business in the comments of this post.  (The number of spots open will be updated by me as I hear from the organizers.)

Now for the BIG prizes!  I know, you can hardly wait.  This year’s winner will receive a congratulatory phone call from the D-List celebrity of your choice from this site.  A win would be nice, but isn’t a phone call from Mr. Belding a lifelong dream?  Wanna explain to Larry Holmes what fantasy baseball is so he can tell you congratulations?  Wanna find out if Vernon Wells, the actor from Weird Science, ever gets the outfielder Vernon Wells’ mail?  Now is your chance! (Offer is only good for $19.95 phone calls, assuming this site stays in business until next October.) In addition to the phone call with Todd Bridges, we’re proud to present the 1st ever Razzball trophy, which will be donated by frequent commenter, Tony.  You can see Tony’s work at Claytrophies.com.  Finally, frequent commenters, Adam and The Real Tom For Real, have been nice enough to donate a shiny, old-school jacket that proudly proclaims you are the 2010 RCL Champion.  Okay, sign up:

1. The original RCL — Steve —> sglyon [at] gmail.com – League’s Full
2. Organizer – Sean –> ogma107 [at] yahoo.com – League’s Full
3. Organizer – Figgy –> kkerrigan06 [at] gmail.com – League’s Full
4. Organizer – Brandon –> brandon79110 [at] gmail.com – League’s Full
5. Organizer – R.J. –> arge3 [at] yahoo.com – League’s Full
6. Organizer – Jasonbayniac –> greeksuperfreak [at] hotmail.com — League’s Full
7. Organizer – The Chew –> caleb.peavy [at] gmail.com — League’s Full
8. Organizer – Brad –> b_rad82 [at] hotmail.com — League’s Full
9. Organizer – Joe B. –> JoeB51982 [at] hotmail.com — League’s Full
10. Organizer – Express34 –> traymond [at] docx.com — League’s Full
11. Organizer – Tony –> youngy_03 [at] yahoo.com — League’s Full
12. Organizer – Ernie –> ernestjahumada [at] gmail.com — League’s Full
13. Organizer – Smell the Glove –> larrygiver [at] gmail.com — League’s Full
14. Organizer – John Murn –> johnmurn [at] gmail.com — League’s Full
15. Organizer – James –> jbag201 [at] yahoo.com — League’s Full
16. Organizer – Brian –> hennb517 [at] robertmorris.edu — League’s Full
17. Organizer – Rhymenoceros –> caseykilpatrick [at] yahoo.com — League’s Full
18. Organizer – Erik –> erik.blomain [at] gmail.com — League’s Full
19. Organizer – Matthew –> matthew_thieroff [ at] yahoo.com — League’s Full
20. Organizer – NoonTime –> blamdom [at] yahoo.com — League’s Full
21. Organizer – Brade –> bradezone [at] gmail.com — League’s Full

Suffering through a first half of the fantasy baseball season that you wish would go away?  Owning Delgado, Peavy, Nolasco, Aramis, Volquez and Reyes got you down?  Wanna draft Ben Zobrist in the first round? Simply want another team because your fantasy baseball obsession hasn’t pulled you sufficiently far enough away from your loved ones? Well, here’s your chance. Midseason Fantasy Baseball Leagues!  So do you crave fame amongst eleven other random people you don’t really know?  Or simply have a lot of time on your hands because you can make your Economic Stimulus Tax Rebate last longer than others?  Then here’s your chance!

Unfortunately, ESPN doesn’t do midseason fantasy baseball leagues, so we’re not able to do a master standings (which was updated yesterday) for the midseason leagues. (We need to be able to access the leagues to do a master standings.) So the only real incentive to join one of these leagues is you’ll get some worthy competition.  And, as someone who has dabbled in free leagues before, they suck with eleven other random doodes that you can’t talk trash to or rely on to be present.  So I’ll open up the comments to you guys (and 3 girls) to form leagues here if you like.  I suggest mixed leagues, 12 team, 5×5, 5 OFs, 9 pitchers, 20 game eligibility.  I believe Yahoo’s midseason fantasy baseball leagues begin June 22nd, so you need to act fast!

If interested, please contact the commissioner — Josh — iamjoshlacey [at] gmail.com

(NOTE FROM GREY: Last year, Razzball Commenter League winner was given carte blanche to write a post for the site.  If you’re interested, I think there’s still room in the our fantasy baseball leagues for one or two more people.  Comment on that post, if you want in.)

Welcome to the first annual p0rk burn “Point/Counter-Point.” As the winner of the seminal Razzball Commenter League I’ve graciously been given the opportunity to write a post. As I’m neither funny nor knowledgeable, this was the only way I’d get my name on the Razzball marquee. While a point/counter-point format typically includes two people with opposite talking points, I’ve been warped by law school and am now able to pretend (for the right price) to believe two contradicting points at the same time. Not only does this allow me to make money being a jerk for a living, in this instance it has the added benefit of allowing me to not share the bully pulpit.

When I proposed a league among the commenters last season I was sure it would be fun but I didn’t expect half the response it received. For those of you that weren’t able to participate last year I’m excited to see the idea has spawned a new tradition.

The four of you still reading are going to learn my dirty little secret – I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t use a slide rule or player projections to make decisions because I was too poor to go to The College of Fantasy Baseball at Charleston – I was stuck choosing between Topeka Fantasy Baseball A&M or a diploma mill like the University of Phoenix.  Instead, I decided to save my money for important things, like microwaveable burritos and sweet haircuts.  As such, my approach is simpler and summed up by “don’t have crappy players on your team.” This strategy has worked in the past, so the lack of actual methodology doesn’t necessarily mean a lack of competence. The trick is in properly bumbling your way to victory.

1. Use the experts to your advantage

• Let (some of) them do the work for you: most people don’t have time to come up with their own player projections and instead rely on advice from the lucky people that do. Some of you visit Razzball.com for more than the quality writing, right? Its ok to leave some of the work to the experts, just be careful who you rely on. Grey and Rudy? Good choice. Karabell and any of the hacks at Yahoo? Kiss your season goodbye.

• Use “expert” advice to your advantage:  I believe in do-it-yourself fantasy baseball. It’s a much more rewarding experience to take what the experts say and distill it. You wouldn’t drink sour mash would you? Taking the advice most of your league mates are relying on and using it against them is like turning sour mash into Jack Daniel’s: it sure is fun while it lasts and, rarely, you wake up with a fat chick – as long as your friends don’t catch you riding the scooter its all good. Use the advice that’s out there to see which players the other managers will overpay for. Since most people get their information from the same pool of advice they are going to be easy to take advantage of. Razzball calls this “zigging when they are zagging.” Just try to stay away from the fat chicks. And scooters. The Jack Daniels is your call, we don’t judge here.

2. Don’t forget why you are playing

• The point is to have fun: unless the point is to win the money your sucker friends paid to play (that’s gambling and is illegal so nobody here is doing that anyways). First and foremost, you should enjoy playing the game, otherwise it’s like work except you aren’t getting paid. I don’t know about you but the only reason I go to work is the paycheck. If having fun means drafting a team composed solely of players with mustaches, knock yourself out. Also ask Grey for advice, I bet he has some pointers for you.

• Play to win the game: To cross my sports references, Herm Edwards said it best. Having fun is well and good but it’s a lot more fun when you can make fun of people. Playing to win makes the game that much sweeter. Even if your team happens to suck and you’re the one being made fun of, keep playing competitively. There is nothing worse in a league than the managers that gave up and aren’t setting rosters.

3. Intangibles

• Play with the heart: it goes back to playing for fun but you should make a few moves based on your gut and emotions. If you think a player is posed to have a breakout year but you can’t think of a single reason why, say screw it and draft him. Don’t use this approach to draft Pedro Martinez in the first round, but a lot of your team’s performance is going to be out of your hands. The one thing you can control is how you feel about the players on the team. I picked Dan Uggla up off the waiver wire early in his rookie season for the sole reason that I lived in Miami and wanted to have a player I could root for while watching Marlins games. He became something of a mascot (coincidentally, for significant stretches the Mariner Moose will give you better stats) and the fact that my team won the championship was even better because he was there.

• To win you need to play smart: the margin between winning and losing is often exceedingly small. Fantasy baseball is a game of cold hard numbers and there simply isn’t room on a winning team for feel-good stories. Most feel-good stories don’t end up like Josh Hamilton. After that first season with Uggla I made it a point to have him on my teams which entailed reaching a round or two for him. When we drafted the RCL I fought the urge and decided to draft him where he deserved to go – and didn’t end up with him. I won the league by half a point. That wouldn’t have happened if Uggla had been on the team.

4. Making Moves

• Active managers are champs: after the draft, the only reasonable place to get talent for free is to find a gem among the schmoes on the waiver wire. Last season Carlos Quentin was largely undrafted and Alexei Ramirez was unheard of. Knowing then what you know now, don’t you wish you had picked them up? Don’t be afraid to cut players loose if a better deal is out there. Generally, at least a third of the players on my teams at the end of any season weren’t on the opening day roster. Maybe I just suck at drafting. To do this properly you need to figure out who has historically underperformed and is now playing at their real level of talent; conversely, don’t pick up the players that historically were playing at their actual level of suckitude and are now enjoying a streak of good luck.

• Being an active manager is an easy way to get hosed: Even though it is said time and again, you have to remember that baseball is a game of averages. Dealing someone (or dropping them for a waiver wire pickup) during the middle of a cold spell can be a good way to end up stuck with the worst part of their season and miss out on their production. Don’t cut ties with a guy just because he hasn’t had a decent game in a few weeks. Instead, sit him on the bench and plug in someone else until he comes around. Similarly, don’t try to score a player because you think he’ll keep up his monster numbers; boys and girls, we call that overpaying. The start of Dan Uggla’s season last year was real nice – too bad he balanced it out with June through September. Hamilton also cooled off quite a bit. Chances are at the end of the year the managers that traded for those guys early were wishing they had the players they gave away in the deal.

Following this advice will in no way guarantee you a championship. If you’re in the Original Recipe division with me I strongly recommend you disregard this entire post. Everybody should find their own approach to the game and make it work for them. Most importantly, keep coming to Razzball.com to see what you should really do – just remember to make sure the author wasn’t p0rk burn.

It’s that time again.  No, not time to take a whizz.  It’s time to join some fantasy baseball leagues that you abandon by June 1st and then pretend to never visit the site again that sponsors them because you’re a scared baby inside that ten inch crust of orange Cheetos stain.  That’s all right, we here at Razzball have figured out a way around all of you nogoodniks sucking the fun out of our 2009 fantasy baseball leagues.  We’re going to have a bunch of leagues and crown a winner from each, then we’re going to crown ONE winner from all of the winners.   We will be be crowning the winner by taking each team’s points and multiplying it against a ‘league competitiveness factor’. So we’re going to fill up as many fantasy leagues as we can for the next couple of weeks.  Each fantasy baseball league will be a mixed league, 12 team, 5×5, 5 OFs, 9 pitchers, 20 game eligibility.  The fantasy leagues will be played in ESPN and they will be free to join.  Peace out, Yahoo.

We’re going to start with five leagues of 12 and see how we do from there.  Each league will need an organizer.  The duties of the organizer will be to accept 11 other people into the league, set it up at ESPN at the most conducive draft time and during the season post pretty pictures of the league standings.  You can just choose one organizer from the 4 RCLs and contact them (the original RCL is invite-only, which is only fair because these guys have been the most active for the longest time).  If we don’t get enough to fill 5 leagues, we’ll fold them together like egg whites and sugar.  If we need more than 5 fantasy baseball leagues, then we will expand them like egg whites and a beater.  (The spots open will be updated by me as I hear from the organizers.)

Now for the BIG prize!  I know, you can hardly wait.  As most of you know, I started this blog last year while on strike with the WGA.  During the strike, there was a contest sponsored by the world leader in indigestion, Taco Bell, to write a catchy phrase for their sauce packet.  The winner would receive a year’s supply of Taco Bell.  Well, let’s just say, some doode showed up at my door recently with a seven-inch stack of Taco Bell $5 coupons.  So I’m passing a part of my indigestion winnings off on you!  The overall winner will receive $50 worth of Taco Bell coupons.  If that doesn’t get the competitive juices (and gases) going, I don’t know what will.

The original RCL — Steve — sglyon [at] gmail.com  — FILLED

2. Sean — ogma107 [at] yahoo.com  — FILLED

3. RJ — arge3 [at] yahoo.com — FILLED

4. Anthony — AnthonyGonzalez322 [at] hotmail.com — FILLED

5. Corey — ruffc [at] lindsey.edu — FILLED

6. Figgy — sprtplyr999 [at] yahoo.com — FILLED

7. Lone Star — brandon79110 [at] gmail.com — FILLED

8. Sage — sunriseguy1 [at] hotmail.com — FILLED

9. Christopher — cfrancis7 [at] knology.net — FILLED

Waiting List is in the comments below.  Just enter your name and contact info.