Fantasy Baseball Advice

Or as someone with the first name Howie would call him, Howie Shmendrick. (In case, Sandy Koufax isn’t reading this to you, I’ll run down some baseball Yiddish. Erick and Willie Aybar are mishpochah, Manny Ramirez is meshuge, and Kendrick is a shmendrick.) Let’s breakdown the MI food chain. Placido Polanco is yawnstipating. Jeff Keppinger is Blanco Polanco. Howie Kendrick is wack. This year Kendrick finished with 43/3/37/.306/11. Not very impressive numbers, but he was injured for the better part of the year, only registering 340 at-bats. The problem is, Howie Kendrick is injury prone — Oops, I said it! — and may only get 340 at-bats in 2009, too. Now Kendrick does hit for a high average (In. Expli. Ca. Bly. Since he walked only 12 times all year), but it’s proving to be a very hollow average so far in his Major League career. He hasn’t sniffed double digit power yet and his speed is fine by a Carlos Lee standards, but as a light-hitting 2nd baseman, he better be stealing more than 11 a year — injury or not. So, each keeper league is obviously different, but my recommendation is to not keep Howie Kendrick.  Anyway, here’s some more keepers or players to not keep for your fantasy baseball team:

KEEP

Max Scherzer – Jobacum’s already been covered in a Scherzer Keeper post, but I have news to update. According to the Diamondbacks, Scherzer will only be a starter from here on out. To keep the Yiddish theme going, no more putzing around for Scherzer in middle relief. Mazel tov! If that news causes you to have an erection for longer than four hours, it’s understandable. So far, Scherzer has looked extremely sharp in the Arizona Fall League.

Delmon Young – Maybe it’s his bravado, maybe it’s his attitude, maybe they’re the same things. Either way, I feel Alive with Pleasure like a Newport anticipating what Delmon can do in 2009. Anyone who could hit 30 home runs and steal 20 should get you excited.

Joba Chamberlain – Joba Rules say he is ‘officially’ going to be a starter in 2009. This is according to Hankenstein, Cashman, Girardi, Joba and Penny Marshall. This will ‘officially’ change seventeen times during the offseason.

DON’T KEEP

Mark DeRosa – Do you know how fast a .280/20/80 2nd baseman loses his value? Ask Mark Ellis.

Jayson Werth – Werth had a good year, no doubt. Twenty-twenty outfielder who hits .273 has value in all leagues. What about an outfielder who hits 15 home runs, steals 10 and hits .260? That’s like Randy Winn with dysentery.

Guess what, ya’ll? Carl Crawford is going to hit 40 home runs and steal, like, 60 bases and hit over .350. Carl Crawford will also win the Roberto Clemente Award and the Rolaids Relief Man of the Year Award for his relief work off and on the field. Or so went the many years of ‘pert predictions for Carl Crawford. Then each season came and went and Crawford’s respective home run tallies look like this: 11, 15, 18, 11 and 8. Not exactly the development of power that people expected. (Show you care, take ‘roids!) So can Crawford be relied on as a keeper? Definitely. (Of course, depending on the circumstances.) Will Crawford develop the power that has been lusted after for so long? Doesn’t look that way. 20 home runs might be his ceiling, but ten to fifteen home runs with forty steals gives him solid keeper value. Now for this week’s keeper post I’m going to look at some guys that are more or less Carl Crawford. Anyway, here’s some more fantasy baseball keepers to keep and not keep for next season:

Psyche! Before we get into that, I wanted to point out a scheduling adjustment. Fridays used to be our weekly Buy/Sell. Well, that’s gone for the offseason and keepers will now be on Friday. As they say in Jamaica — carry on (your head)!

KEEP

Jacoby Ellsbury – Profiles as a Cheap Carl Crawford, which can also be expressed as, “No way, Longoria! You ate so much more than me. We’re not splitting the check evenly.”

Matt Kemp – Can be what the ‘perts always thought Carl Crawford would be, so Matt Kemp is a Best Case Scenario Carl Crawford — a number three hitter who hits twenty-five home runs and steals forty bases. Otherwise known as “Carl Crawford wearing his big boy pants.”

Alexis Rios – Rios performed almost exactly like an Underperforming Carl Crawford. Though next year, Rios could easily produce more home runs and less steals making him a candidate for the Looked Like an Underperforming Carl Crawford Last Year and This Year He Looks Like Corey Hart. (If you don’t have to read that last sentence more than once, then you’ve smoked too much pot in your life.)

DON’T KEEP

Ichiro Suzuki – A Japanese Carl Crawford. I don’t think Ichiro will be completely unusable, but he stole 9 bases in the 2nd half this year and hit 3 home runs. Imagine if he hits ten home runs, steals twenty-five and hits .320 next year, would that be something you’d be interested in?

Milton Bradley – An Angry, Injury-Prone Carl Crawford that will stick a hot poker into your eye if you say anything bad about him, then he will burn his little pinkie with that same poker and miss a month of the season without ever going on the DL.