Hey y’all, let me know if you’ve heard this one before. Brett Lawrie is a fantasy sleeper for the YYYY Fantasy Baseball Season! In fact, this isn’t even a new post. I just went back from all the posts between 2012 and 2014 and did a mash-up of them. It was hard to get them all the same font so be thankful this doesn’t read like a ransom note! Speaking of notes, it feels like every spot you’ve taken Lawrie the last few years has left you with an I.O.U. almost immediately after leaving the draft table, doesn’t it? That kind of pain is hard to get over, especially in deeper leagues where your team can falter just on a few bad picks or rise quickly on a few good ones. So what makes drafting Lawrie in the year of the sheep make me feel like the GOAT you ask? Well read on. Here’s my take on Brett for you late round misfit seekers for 2015 Fantasy Baseball…

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Well, another fantasy baseball season brings another opportunity to waste a roster spot on Chase Headley, and SPOILER ALERT, I did not disappoint. And yes, if you had to know, I was also able to draft R.A. Dickey… which would bode very well for me if this were a 20-team league format. But yeah, it’s not. It’s a 12-team auction format with two catchers and seven reserve spots. But you know me when it comes to Headley and Dickey. [Insert sexual innuendo joke here.] But yeah, this should turn out well! Regardless, when an invitation for an expert league pops up in my general direction, I usually verify with Grey to check if it’s some kind of mistake. If it wasn’t, I accept the invitation in a very vigorous fashion. Vigorous, like your mother. Whatever you think of the nomenclature (I prefer to be called a “fantasy writer”, not a “fantasy expert”), it’s difficult not to try-hard in a league that has such recognizable names as Scott White, Adam Aizer, Chris Towers, and Al Melchior. And boy did I try-hard… [Instert another sexual innuendo joke here.] But was it good enough? Only time will tell. And alcohol. A heavy regiment of alcohol. (Note: It doesn’t really tell you anything, but I like alcohol. So whatever.) Here’s the team:

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Greetings Razzball nation, and welcome to another edition of The Numbers Game. Suffering through a long week at work? Looking for a break? Come along with me on a trip to a little town called Splitsville (disclaimer: not a real place). I guarantee you that we’ll have a delightful time there (satisfaction not guaranteed). At the very least, I have a lukewarm inclination that this post will help to pass the time during your afternoon trip to the can (sure, why not). I’ll take it!

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Everything black was white and white was black. Everything up was down and down was up. I was a Girl Scout and the only cookies I could sell were Rah-Rah Raisins and I couldn’t give away the Samoas. I was an Asian in NASCAR. I was a five-foot, six-and-a-half-inch white boy that could hoop. (Actually, that last one is true.) I zagged when I usually zigged! And it felt okay. I didn’t wake in a puddle of sweat like I was a puppet in the Land of Confusion video, wondering what I had done. I didn’t burn all my old draft manifestos like I was trying to escape Olivia Pope from finding me out. I just went at it a little different. This league is a 15-teamer, OBP league, so I used Rudy’s rankings. I still knew which players I liked and didn’t like, but I decided to lean on Rudy, which makes for an interesting draft when Rudy was using the same rankings. For unstints, when Matt Holliday sat at the top of my board for two rounds, I knew Rudy was going to draft him. When Ian Kennedy sat at the top of my board, I knew Rudy was going to Marilyn Monroe that Kennedy. Though, I also knew if I wanted a guy sitting at the top of my board, I needed to act before Rudy. Okay, you’re primed, let’s start coating your mind with knowledge. (BTW, Our Razzball leagues are signing up still. Go there and sign up now!) Anyway, here’s the 2015 Tout Wars draft and my thoughts:

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I dont ef with none of y’all sites anyway

Your funeral could be any day

Ever since Domonic Brown said, “Beddict, let me play”

All these haters been in the way

I’m just doin what Grey and Rudy say

Putting out 1000 tweets a day

Greetings! I came extra hard-body with the intro today, for the fact that I can’t recall EVER being so keyed up for a fantasy baseball season. My game slipped last year and I’m not proud of it. One could say swinger clubs, mankini modeling across the globe, and building schools for the underprivileged took up most of my time, but say one thing for Tehol Beddict, he’s not one to rationalize subpar results. Much of my spare time has been spent making countless sacrifices to the Elder Gods in hopes of gaining their favor for the upcoming season. One of them (Draconus) came to me during a peyote induced hallucination this past weekend, telling me that I must take a vow of celibacy from spring training till the end of the regular season if I am to acquire their assistance in dominating ALL of my leagues. To say the decision was difficult would be the understatement of the millennium, but after speaking with my agent and numerous lovers on the subject, the answer became clearer than the Saran rap I use as a backup when I run out of dental dams. Yes, the only men and women I’ll be servicing this year are you, the readers. Prepare yourself, for we will be traveling to uncharted depths of fantasy baseball analysis as well as unearthing the true reasoning for the disgraceful fall-offs of Nicolas Cage, Stephen Dorff, and of course, Christian Slater.

I am Tehol Beddict and this is, Disgrace/Delight! Take Heed!

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In Nathaniel Hawthorne’s novel The Scarlet Letter, the protagonist, Hester Prynne, is forced to wear a red “A” on her dress as punishment for committing adultery.  Like Ms. Prynne way back in the 1600s, you too will be heavily penalized if you choose to cheat on your fantasy team by drafting Cincinnati Reds’ outfielder Billy Hamilton — a man with a different red letter on his uniform.

Hawthorne’s critically acclaimed tale concerned itself with many moral indecencies.  At the center of it all was the notion that adultery was a sin, and anyone who perpetrated this lascivious act would pay the consequences.  Attempting to gain an early edge in the stolen base category is one of the most heinous fantasy crimes an owner can carry out (cue the Law & Order: SVU opening).

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Keeper league rankings are here (the 2014 Rankings can be found here), and I am going to absolutely shock the world with my number one. This is all about zagging when others zig. You gotta get out in front of the pack with advanced statistics and clever strategory. Sometimes you have to be bold and go against the grain to get that competitive edg…what’s that? Everybody else has Mike Trout number one too? It’s common sense? Well…crap. These are my personal rankings and take into account the 2015-2019 seasons. Don’t start flipping through your calendar – that’s 5 years. It means the senior citizen players are really going have to provide some nice statistics in the first year or two to rank highly. It also means players who are in or, better yet, just entering their prime get a bump. It’s not a hybrid list, so no prospects or Cuban rookies…sorry. It’s also not set for any specific pricing or league settings so assume a standard 5×5 roto format with no penalties to keep a player. Basically it’s a ranking of what I think these players will be worth over the next 5 years as a whole. It’s that simple. Here are my top 100 keepers for 2015 and beyond…

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With the 2015 fantasy baseball rankings for every position done, we turn our lazy eye towards the top 100 for 2015 fantasy baseball. These 2015 fantasy baseball rankings are one part fresh and two parts to def. They own a cat, a dog and a lizard in a two bedroom apartment where pets aren’t allowed. Know why? Cause they don’t care! None of this top 100 for 2015 fantasy baseball is meant to surprise. *jumping out of a closet* Boo! Now, that was meant to surprise. This top 100 is just taking my positional rankings and putting guys in The Big Picture. You really should read each ranking post because the blurbs in this top 100 are on the skimpy side because there’s so many of them, and I went over each one of these guys already. Obviously at a hundred players, some guys just didn’t make it. About 300, to be inexact. It’s okay; there will be a top 400 tomorrow. Shortly, Sloth, you’ll have your Baby Ruth. Not to get all biblical on you, but this is the gospel. Print it out and take it to Mt. Sinai and it will say, “Win your 2015 fantasy baseball league, young prematurely balding man.” Projections were done by me and a crack team of 100 monkeys fighting amongst themselves because there were only 99 typewriters. Somebody please buy Ling-Ling his own typewriter! Anyway, here’s the top 100 for 2015 fantasy baseball:

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Today we (hint: it’s in the title) go over the top 20 3rd basemen for 2015 fantasy baseball. Now that we’re knee deep in the 2015 fantasy baseball rankings we can get a better idea of how deep certain positions are. Lawrie was 20th for the top 20 2nd basemen for 2015 fantasy baseball and here he’s 23rd. On the top 20 1st basemen for 2015 fantasy baseball, Frazier was 10th overall, and here he’s 8th, and Chisenhall is 40th here, but 44th for 1st basemen. Bogaerts was 7th at the top 20 shortstops for 2015 fantasy baseball and here he’s 15th. Finally, in the top 20 catchers for 2015 fantasy baseball, Santana is first and here he’s 12th. In summation, catchers are the worst, then shortstops, 2nd basemen, 3rd basemen and 1st basemen. No real surprises there, but shortstops, 2nd basemen and 3rd basemen are pretty close to a toss up in depth (or derp). To summate my summation, lowercase yay. As always, my projections and tiers are noted. Anyway, here’s the top 20 3rd basemen for 2015 fantasy baseball:

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Third base was far from an epic fail like something JayWrong would have a GIF for. There were a good ten 3rd basemen and another handful that could’ve covered your corner infidel slot. The problem is after the top twelve, the 3rd basemen fall off the map like a 12th century explorer. Here’s you, “Hey, I’m gonna go to India heading west.” You’re whistling, everything is good, then you have Trevor Plouffe in your corner infidel slot and you’re dead from scurvy. This year there were fewer 3rd basemen coming out of nowhere to give you value, so if you didn’t have a top guy, you were probably stuck piecing together waiver scraps. This final ranking is from our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater with my comments. The Player Rater allows me to be impartial while looking at how I ranked them in the preseason. I look forward to the random comment about how I’ve left off so-and-so. This is not for next year. Lisa Simpson groan. Oh, they’re not reading this intro. Anyway, here’s the top 20 3rd basemen for 2014 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:

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