Fantasy Baseball Advice

In roto, you can can’t gain ground in many categories in September, unless you’re already close.  The two categories you can conceivably gain ground in is in steals and saves — SAGNOF!  If you are up in power, or at least far enough that you can’t be caught by the team right behind you, then I’d stack up on guys that could get you some steals.  As for saves, you probably don’t have as many options on waivers.  But there’s a some guys that might get a save or two in the final few weeks, and, well, every save counts.  Anyway, here’s some guys that can provide steals and saves this week in fantasy baseball:

STEALS

Drew Stubbs – He has 5 homers and 3 steals in the majors in two weeks.  He had 3 homers and 46 steals in 5 months in Triple-A.  Maybe he sleeps with a 1996 Brady Anderson card under his pillow.

Michael Brantley -With Sizemore out with elbow surgery he probably could’ve had in May (but then the Indians would’ve lost 95 games instead of 90), Brantley’s seeing time.  He had 46 steals in Triple-A in 51 chances.

Everth Cabrera – EverCab’s linear notes tell us he has 21 steals in 80 games so far.

Angel Pagan – Pagan stole 52 bases one year in the low minors.  So he has the speed (his hitting chops are the issue).

Chris Getz – Four steals in the last six games.  He ain’t glamorous, but Angel Pagan is?

Brett Gardner – Could have some deep Al-Only value for speed.

Eugenio Velez – Velez is one of the few guys that when he’s standing in the batter’s box, you can read everything on the backstop.  This doode needs a serious convo with Davey Lopes.  “Velez, you’re 120 lbs.  How about you run once in a while?  Thank you.”

SAVES

Matt Lindstrom/Kiko Calero – Leo Nunez has looked blechtastic in his last few games.  Lindstrom hasn’t looked much better, but the Marlins need to win the rest of their games so they may try Lindstrom or even Calero.

Phil Hughes – With the Yankees coasting towards the playoffs, Hughes may see some late inning chances as the Yankees try to Dorian Gray Mariano.

Brett Myers – The Phillies may be waiting for Lidge to blow a seven run lead by giving up eight consecutive homers.  I guess what I’m saying is that Myers could be better than Lidge right now, but tell that to the Phils who have trotted Lidge out for the last five months.

Brandon Lyon – Because Fernando Rodney’s been taking anger management classes with Brett Myers.

Chris Perez – I think at some point in the last week or two the Indians will give Perez an opportunity to impress in the ninth.

Kevin Jepsen – File this away with Hughes’s potential saves.  As the Angels lock up the division, they could rest Fuentes.

J.P. Wheelerfourger – The Rays bullpen is in tatters… Shattered.  Key syllable is shat.  Shoot, Price could figure into this closer picture if Howell continues to botch the job. (I love the word botch and I really don’t use it enough.  Maybe that’ll be my 2010 resolution.)

Scott Downs/Jason Frasor – It’s been so long since the Jays got a save, I’m honestly not even sure who their closer is.

Angel Guzman – Really no reason why Marmol loses the job… Right now.  Member he’s been prone to blow-ups in the past.  I kinda just want Guzman to take over so I can hear what song he uses for his entrance music.  Shaggy?  Aerosmith? Real Life?  Whatever it is, it’s sure to be lame.

Tim Hudson is on track to make a rehab start.  If all goes well, and that if is ginormous, then he can return to the Braves for their failed chase for the Wild Card.  Recovering from Tommy John is usually the same no matter what, shorty.  Pitchers usually return to three-quarters of their former selves or they can become seven-fifths of their former selves, which is to say they can be better.  Though they’re not usually better when they are first reactivated.  They usually return slightly less than three-quarters.  If you’re half as confused by those fractions as I am writing them, let me break it down to you, nice and simple like Minnie Pearl.  Tim Hudson’s worth stashing on your DL for matchups, but the upside is merely usable in 12 team leagues.  Don’t expect miracles.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Scott Baker – 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER.  He shows you some solid starts, then he shits your house.

Michael Cuddyer – 4-for-5, 2 HRs and 19 homers on the year.  The quietest 19 homers anyone has in the majors.  Oh, wait.  Jason Kubel also has 19 homers.  Meanwhile, some schmohawk who’s batting .219 for the Sox is ESPN’s lead story.

Carl Pavano – 7 IP, 0 ER in his debut for the Twins on Saturday.  Still not a huge fan of 4th or 5th fantasy starters from the AL, but Pavano should be slightly better on the Twins.  I wouldn’t pick him up in most leagues, but there might be a situation where it makes sense.

Brian Matusz – 2 2/3 IP, 5 ER, 9 baserunners as he roofied you. Remember that when you read about Derek Holland’s great start in about three minutes.

Marco Scutaro – HR yesterday as he went 4-for-5. Has 10 homers and 8 steals and a .300 average.  Somewhere Polanco says, “Hey, that’s my season!”

Trent Oeltjen – 3-for-4 and a HR yesterday.  Sometimes it takes a few weeks for pitchers to get the scouting reports on guys.  Worth grabbing The Outback while pitchers try to figure him out.  Keep in mind he looks like he’s sitting vs. lefties.

Yusmeiro Petit/Joel Pineiro – 4 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners and 7 IP, 3 ER, 6 Ks and the Win.  Guess there’s only room for one -eiro.

Mark Reynolds – HR yesterday.  For those that don’t own the Mini-Donkey.  He now has 8 homers in the last 10 games.  He’s real and he’s spectacular.

Aaron Cook – Will miss his next start because of turf toe, which would’ve been avoided if God gave us all Nerf toes.

Carlos Gonzalez – 7 for his last 15 as he started every game this weekend for the Rox.  I doubt they start him vs. lefties, but in deep leagues he’s worth a flier.

Tim Stauffer – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 Ks.  Solid start, just Johan outpitched him.  I just had a crazy idea, imagine Johan pitched his home games in a stadium as spacious as Petco… Oh, wait.

Eugenio Velez – 2-for-4, after hitting homers in back-to-back games on Friday on Saturday.  No idea how he hit those homers, I’m assuming 120 MPH winds were blowing out and they let Velez hit from 2nd base.  Either way, he’s batting .400 over the last seven games.  He’s really just steals, but while he’s hot he’s worth a flier.

David Weathers – Heads to the Brewers.  Now the Brewers have Tackleberry (Weathers), Guttenberg (Braun) and Hooks (Fielder).

Felipe Lopez – 1-for-3, batting .303 on the season with 6 homers and 6 steals.  Marco Scutaro just looked at those numbers and yawned.  Steal a base, Lopez!  Hit a homer!  Do something!

Russell Branyan – HR yesterday as I sat him because he was facing a lefty.  Sonavabench!

Matt Diaz – HR yesterday vs. a lefty and batting .350 on the year vs. lefties.  If you have the room, Diaz do what he do vs. lefties.

Derek Holland – Complete game shutout, 8 Ks.  Go back and look at Matusz’s line if you’ve forgotten.

Garrett Jones – 1-for-4, you have three games in Coors to hit a homer then we’re done-zo.

Jed Lowrie – Headed to the DL.  In other news, Julio Lugo’s batting .345 for the Cards.

Alexei Ramirez – HR yesterday.  Let’s put it this way, I’m not dropping Alexei (though I might in mid-September when anything goes), but Alexei has a long way to go before he falls into that category of guys I won’t draft on any team next year.

Wandy Rodriguez – 7 IP, 0 ER.  Honestly, even when I said everyone should draft him in February, I had no idea the Wandwagon could roll like this.

Scott Kazmir – What a fucker.

Rajai Davis – 2 steals yesterday.  If you need steals, SAGNOF!

Bobby Crosby – 2 HRs yesterday.  Elias Sports Bureau said these two homers by Bobby Crosby were the most by any player that you thought was no longer in the league.  Actually, they did not say that.  But overheard this week at the Elias Sports Bureau offices, “For the first time since last year, Ralph in Human Resources tried to fool Parking Enforcement with a homemade handicapped sign.”

Corey Hart is out for up to a month with an appendectomy.  My college roommate had an appendectomy and he returned from the hospital in 24 hours and back to drinking Olde E forties with me by Friday, which is what we called Tuesday.  Bill Hall will be recalled (Score one for NL pitchers) and Frank Catalanotto will see time in right field (score one for the Catalanottos).  Good thing the Brewers traded for Gerut.  Who?  Hey, you sound like Ken Macha!  I expect the Hart will go on in September.  If he gives you his biggest month of the season then, it’ll be about 4 homers and 4 steals for the month.  Whoopie!  If Hart’s still on your team, now’s as good a time as any to cut him, unless you have DL room.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Ian Kinsler – Just hit the DL.  Usually he doesn’t turn into a pumpkin for another twenty games.  Kinsler was in Friday’s Buy/Sell.  Betcha can guess which side of the slash he fell on.

Neftali Feliz – Called up to come out of the bullpen.  Yes, he’s flippin’ awesome.  I know.  But out of the bullpen?  Eh.  If your league’s deep enough, I guess I could see it, but I’m not running out to grab him.

Frank Francisco – Activated and set up C.J. Wilson, who got the save.  Should be about a week until Francisco’s the closer again.  And about a week and a half until he’s back on the DL.

Scott Feldman – 7 IP, 2 ER and his 10th win.  Incredible.  Three of my starters together don’t have 10 wins and this schmohawk does.  Feldman who has 58 Ks in 119 2/3 innings.  I hate wins.

Jarrod Saltalamacchia – 2 HRs in his last three games.  If it’s a hot streak, it’s long overdue.

Ian Snell – 6 IP, 2 ER, 4 Ks, 6 baserunners.  Got the start for the M’s vs. the Rangers.  I don’t mind a pickup of Snell in 12 team leagues, but he gets the Rays then the Yanks in his next two starts.

Chad Billingsley – Left the game with a cramp.  Aw, it’s that time of the month.  He should be ready for his next start.

Casey Blake – Had problems swinging a bat during batting practice, now he’s headed for X-rays on his hand.  Coulda called me, I own X-ray glasses.  Thank you, back of a comic book.

Matt Kemp – 3-for-5, 5 RBIs with a homer from the five hole.  This was his first homer of the year while batting above the 6th spot. (<–Torre supplied that info.)

Scott Downs – To the DL.  What I don’t get is why was Downs the closer anyway?  It’s not like he has some absurd contract cough B.J. Ryan cough.  Jason Frasor takes over the job he should’ve had anyway.  I’d own Frasor in any league.

Scott Rolen – Beaned on the helmet by a pitch.  Phillies fans can’t believe it took that long for the voodoo doll work.  Rolen should be fine.  Phew…  The Reds playoff hopes are counting on him going 120/50/120/.450 and pitching 30 no-hitters in the last two months.

Drew Sutton – 2-for-5, has SS eligibility and 15/15 type appeal.  Do I think he can reach those numbers?  I have my doubts.  But Dusty hit him leadoff all weekend and Dusty is CRAZY enough to keep him there.  Worth a flier in NL-Only leagues, keeper and otherwise.  (Dusty gets crazy in caps, you shouldn’t have to ask.)

Jon Garland – 9 IP, 2 ER vs. Guess who.  The Mets.  C’mon, these are gimmes…  Kinda like starts vs. the Mets.

Miguel Montero – 3-for-5 as he hit cleanup.  Hinch, you don’t hit a catcher cleanup then platoon him with Chris Snyder.  I’m not sure why the D’Backs are forcing Snyder into the lineup every other day or so, but Miguel Montero’s value is taking a hit.  I’m sure Tonya Harding’s available (and cheap) if anyone wants to send her to the desert looking for Snyder.

Ty Wigginton – HR yesterday.  As I mentioned in Friday’s Buy/Sell, he goes from Mr. Wigginton to Dr. Donkowitz in August.  Why?  Beats the shizz out of me.

Ronnie Cedeno – HR yesterday with the Pirates.  All he needed was a change of scenary… And 120 MPH winds blowing out.

Elijah Dukes – Trouble’s back in the town called Malice.  Riggleman says Dukes will get the majority of starts and he should.  Definitely worth a flier in 12 team leagues and deeper.

James Shields – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER.  Unfortunately, he pitched against Brian Bannister, who looked like his brother Bruce.  Would’ve been nice to get the win, but I was just happy to see Shields dominate.  Baby steps, Bob, baby steps.

Mark Buehrle – 4 1/3 IP, 7 ER.  Now that’s how you make a correction to your season stats.

Gordon Beckham – I was getting some shizz in our fantasy baseball forums for pushing people to pick up Beckham.  In July, he hit .330 with 3 homers and 3 steals.  That’s kinda good for a guy who has shortstop eligibility.

Asdrubal Cabrera – 7 for his last 17 with two homers.  A’la Cher from Clueless, “AS-drubal!”

Bud Norris – 7 IP, 5 Ks, 4 walks, 2 hits.  That’s the problem.  The walks.  I suppose I’d own him for his next start, but I don’t think he’s going to have a rotation spot for much longer and he’s still a rookie and liable to roofie you.

Kendry Morales – 2 HRs, 6 RBIs.  March Grey told you he was a sleeper.  (Please ignore June Grey that told you to Sell him.  June Grey was phoning it in from a methadone clinic.  It was a dark time.)

Jered Weaver – 6 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 11 Ks.  Sure would be nice to see him throw a game where he doesn’t give up 4+ earned, but the 11 Ks vs. the Twins is pretty impressive.

Orlando Cabrera – 1-for-3, HR yesterday as he batted 2nd.  He hit near .400 in July. (Ted Williams, “Unfreeze me when you do it over an entire season.”)  I’m not a huge fan of a guy who has light power and diminishing speed, but you can probably do worse at SS.

Ricky Romero – 7 IP, 2 ER vs. the A’s was a nice matchup and, for the rest of the season, Romero has matchup potential, but I think the Jays will have to begin to limit his innings.

Casey McGehee – Well, lookie what the MI schmohawk cat dragged in.  McGehee hit 2 homers in the last four games and has been playing regularly at 3rd base.

Eugenio Velez – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs.  Not  sure why, but I have a special place in my heart for Velez.  Maybe because he’s a buck thirty soaking wet.  Potatoes to chips, Velez is hitting near .500 over the last week.

Cole Hamels – 5 IP, 6 ER.  Did you really just get out-pitched by Barry Zito?  For shamels.

Jake Fox – Of course he hit a homer yesterday, he started.   I’m not what you would call a person who gets involved.  I yell, “Hands free,” to people who are talking on their cellphone while they’re driving, but that’s about the extent of my community involvement.  But if I were, say, a person who takes action, I’d start a campaign to make Jake Fox the catcher.

Victor Martinez – 5-for-6, 4 RBIs as the Red Sox won 18-10.  Without V-Mart, the Red Sox would’ve won 14-10.  Even the Yankees disapprovingly shook their heads mumbling, “Enough’s enough.”

David Ortiz – 0-for-5, 1 RBI.  Ticker Tease!

Clay Buchholz – 4 IP, 7 ER.  When you’re working with a 14 run cushion… Well… You gave him a shot.  It just didn’t work out.  I’d let him figure it out on someone else’s team.

Melky Cabrera – Hit for the cycle yesterday.  The guy who took four minutes to design “Got Melky” t-shirts at Cafepress is ecstatic.

George Sherrill was traded from the Orioles to the Dodgers.  Sherrill will backup Broxton.  If you play in a league with Holds, by all means.  If you don’t, you can lose him.  Okay, that’s that.  Now for the interesting part, who closes for the Orioles?  Personally, I think it’s going to be Jim Johnson.  I said him in last week’s Buy/Sell and he’s the same name I’m saying now.  Johnson’s been owning the 8th inning setup duties for a while now, though he’s also given up runs in 3 of his last 4 appearances.  So who else could it be?  Could it be Baez?  The answer my friend is blowing in the wind… Danys Baez was a donkey-corn back in 2005 for the Rays, collecting 41 Saves and posting a 2.86 ERA.  So he’s capable, but the Orioles seem likely to give Johnson the first shot.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Brandon Webb – Suffered a setback. Backdate this news to the day after opening day.  Set him free, if it’s meant to be… Well, you know that line that your sister used to tell herself when a guy broke up with her.

Orlando Cabrera – Sounds like the Twins are going to end up with Cabrera.  This does little to his value.  Maybe a handful more Runs.  And that may be the only time you hear a handful of runs being a positive.

Alexei Ramirez – Sprained ankle and will miss a few games.  Hopefully this doesn’t turn out the same way Carloses Quentin/Beltran missed a few games.

Yunel Escobar – After being hit by a pitch, he’s day-to-day with a wrist contusion.  (I just made up the contusion part, but I sounded smart, right?  Don’t worry, I didn’t make up the day-to-day part.)

Ian Kinsler – Out two games now with a hammy problem.  You know who else had a hammy problem?  Kermit the Frog!  Oofa!  (Kinsler will be covered more in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell.)

Trevor Crowe – Was called up to replace Ben Francisco.  Someone gots the hate for Matt LaPorta.  Don’t ask me, I just report it.  Does it make sense?  Nope, not a whole lot.

Roy Oswalt – Astros are optimistic that Oswalt can make his Sunday start.  Guys who ride tractors in the offseason don’t miss starts with a tweaked back.  He reminds me of Shawn Michaels.  Keep bashing his back with a metal chair, but he’s still going to drop the big ‘bow.

John Grabow – Traded to the Cubs.  Grabow can stop salivating, he’s now a LOOGY.

Jason Hammel – 1 1/3 IP, 5 ER in Metco.  Hmm… He’s supposed to be good away from Coors.

Jorge de la Rosa – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER.  Now that’s a Rockie pitcher away from home.

Clint Barmes – Hit his 14th homer yesterday.  Right now, you might be thinking to yourself.  Clint Barmes has 14 homers?  Yup, and he also has 9 steals.  Stephen Drew has 7 homers and 3 steals.  Jose Lopez has 13 homers and 2 steals.  Asdrubal 3 homers, 11 steals.  Barmes has been in a terrible funk lately, yet, on the season, he’s still been wildly more valuable than Uggla and about on par with Rollins.  Go figure.

Luke Hochevar – 6 IP, 7 ER.  Do you see what he does to you when you trust him?  Just give him a rest for this year.  I promise to remind you what a great prospect he is during next year’s preseason.

Aubrey Huff - 2-for-4, 3 RBIs.  Okay, so my Buy on him was maybe a month early, but hopefully this is the start of something.  God knows he can’t un-start any more than he has.

Johnny Cueto – 5 IP, 6 ER.  Since I made him a Sell on June 26th, he has a 7.61 ERA.

Tim Stauffer – 7 IP, 1 ER.  I’d still only start him at home, but nothing comes closer to home than a terrible Reds team.

Ryan Zimmerman – Is there no in-between button on this guy?  After being ice cold for two months, he’s now on fire with 4 homers in the last seven games.

Ben Francisco – Slight value while Victorino’s nursing his knee.  Okay, guess the fantasy baseball ‘pert, “I’d like to nurse from Megan Fox’s knee! Yowsers!”  A:  Matthew Berry

Rafael Soriano – 1 IP, 0 ER, 3 Ks.  Phew.  That’s good to see.  Hopefully, he held his breath and the hiccups are behind him.

Derrek Holland – 8 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 10 Ks.  Every time I try to get out of rookie pitchers, another one pulls me in.  I’m a big fan of Holland and he gets Oakland next.

Michael Young – 2 HRs and has 16 on the year while batting .326.  Great year that I didn’t see coming, but he hasn’t done this in 4 years, so no one really saw it coming.

Gavin Floyd – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 10 Ks vs. the Yankees.  Let me guess, home start?  He has an under 3 ERA at home.  Imagine he was a Padre.  Zoinks!

Eugenio Velez – 3-for-5, Maybe feeling the heat from the Dirty Sanchez (who did not play yesterday), but Velez is scorching hot lately.

Matt Holliday – Homered for his new team. See, it’s all working out exactly how– Oh, the Cards lost.

Matt Thornton – Got the save opportunity, but again he was brought in in the 8th inning so again Ozzie can say technically he hasn’t removed Jenks from the closer role.  The bad news (or good news depending on who you own), Thornton blew the save.  Which might also confirm Ozzie’s noncommittal commitment to Jenks.

David Ortiz – I’ve pretty much kept to myself on the whole steroids issue.  Ya know, this is fantasy baseball, who gives an effin’ eff in the screwhole what I think, but Ortiz annoyed me.  He was one of the biggest critics of A-Rod when Rodriguez admitted to having his uncle’s cousin stick needles in his butt.  Ortiz also was “shocked” and “confused” about Manny’s use.  I’m shocked and confused how anyone thought Ortiz hadn’t used steroids.  Let’s assume everyone did steroids.  Even Greg Maddux.  Who cares?  Everyone did them.  Doesn’t matter.  Move on.  But what’s annoying is the talking out of both sides of his mouth.  To bastardize Madonna, Big Papi don’t preach.  I hope Manny says something like this, “Ya’ll knew I was doing some grimy shizz, but I’m shocked and confused to hear Ortiz’s giant melonhead is artificially enhanced.  Oh, and Ortiz is 52 years old.  Cust kayin’.”

Roy Oswalt pulled something in his back and is presumably headed to the DL.  The bad news here is he was supposedly a 2nd half pitcher in some people’s minds, though my mind wasn’t yet made up.  It’s a guy’s prerogative to change his mind, or just not make it up at all.  As someone who has struggled with lower back pain for most of his adult life… Oh, who am I kidding?  I’m fit as a fiddle.  I once dwarf bowled a 170.  (Of course, he helped by kicking over that 7-10 split.)  Wait, what was I saying?  Oh, yeah!  Oswalt.  Yeah, he’s off to see a back specialist, the Astros are calling up Bud Norris, hopefully related to Chuck.  Bud Norris might sound familiar to some of youse.  Why?  Cause I just said his name in the previous sentence.  Hello, Mr. Short-Term Memory.  He also may sound familiar to you because he was in last week’s Scouting the Unknown.  For those too lazy to click-through, his walk rate isn’t pretty.  I’d grab him in NL-Only leagues and take a flier on him in 12 team and deeper mixed leagues if you really need the help, but he may cause migraines.  Best case scenario is he foolz (the kids love the Z) some hitters for about a month worth of starts and racks up the strikeouts while barely making it out of the 5th inning because of a high pitch count, see also Clay/ton Buchh/shaw.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

LaTroy Hawkins – His MRI came back negative on his back so he’s heading to the DL with shingles.  Whaaat?!?  Don’t you need to check off a few things before going from an MRI to shingles?  It’s not a bulging disk… Okay, let’s check for shingles.

Randy Johnson – Torn rotator cuff.  Just be glad I didn’t go with the title, Torn Johnson.

Clay Buchholz – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 11 baserunners and tied me to the WHIPping post.  The home plate ump looked like he wouldn’t call a strike.  Put Fieldin Culbreth behind home; he’ll call a strike.  Just be glad Buchholz got out of the 5th.  Against the A’s no less.  Not a great sign.  Go after a hitter.  Pitch to contact.  Trust your stuff.  Listen to Eck, would ya?

Scott Kazmir – 7 IP, 1 ER.  Sonavabench!  I fully expect him to go out and get rocked in his next game when I start him.  Kazmir, why do you hate me?

Fred Lewis – Took a real long time, but you know who’s finally hot?  Fred Lewis.  Maybe he finally figured out why I called him a sleeper in February.

Eugenio Velez – Hit a homer yesterday.  In other news, water’s dry.

CC Sabathia/Chad Billingsley – Belch.

Tommy Everidge – Was called up to replace Barton.  His minor league numbers look promising, but he’s not available anywhere until ESPN, Y! or CBS put him into their systems.  Though he’s not really worth a pickup yet, except in AL-Only leagues.

George Sherrill – People really seem to want him and it makes sense for the Orioles to trade him away if they can get anything.  As said elsewhere by me, you don’t need a closer to finish last.  The catch, and there’s always one, Baez and Johnson haven’t looked good at all recently.  It may come down to *cover your children’s eyes if they’re reading this* a committee.  I know!  Terrible.

Matt Wieters – 4-for-5, but what about Gregg Zaun?!

Kevin Correia – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 Ks, 8 baserunners.  Perfectly acceptable game for a HodgePadre in an away game.  Unfortunately, I refuse to start him anywhere but home…

Heath Bell – Another guy that seems like he might be on the move.  And another situation that isn’t crystal clear.  Mujica’s held the 8th for the majority of the season, but he’s faltered recently.  Gregerson’s been fine, but he’s Luke Gregerson.  Mike Adams has been terrific too.  But he’s not even Luke Gregerson.  I’d hold Mujica or Gregerson, in that order.

Everth Cabrera – 3-for-4, 2 steals.  I loved EverCab when he first came up, then he did nothing for two weeks.  So I dropped him and then he did this to me (6 steals in the last week).  Yesterday in the comments, this was said by frequent commenter, Tom, “Hey remember that time you got back from church camp and destroyed all of your rebellious, edgy EverCab albums?  And remember that time 3 weeks later when you stopped dating that girl from camp, and you were really pissed that you threw them out?  Today is that day.”

Rafael Soriano – Has now given up runs in two of his last three games.  If you take nothing else away from today’s roundup, Soriano goes through stretches where he’s terrible.  You’ve been warned.

Leo Nunez – Gave up a run, Lindstrom’s due back in a week.  You’ve been warned.  Again.

Nyjer Morgan – Since I already pointed out my goof on EverCab, I’ll cop to this one too.  I bungled Nyjer.  He’s been a very decent SAGNOF source.  I even tried to trade for him in one league.  I think I was ignored.  Hey, don’t take my Garrett Jones.  It’s fine by me (please stay hot Jones, please).

Elvis Andrus – HR and steal yesterday.  No lie, in one league I literally dropped him two days ago.  Momma said there would be days like these…

Clete Thomas – I picked him up and he went 0-for-4.  I grabbed him because he’s batting third for the Tigers.  Why’s he batting third?  I don’t know.  Buy Leyland a pack of Marlboro Reds and maybe he’ll tell you.

Jhonny Peralta – This year he’s carrying the Silent H Torch for him and Khalil, and has three straight games with a homer as he bats over .400 in the last 7 games.

Scott Downs – 2/3 IP, 1 ER.  People were yelling fire in the comments yesterday that Frasor’s due to take over, they might be right.  Downs has given up runs in four of his last five games.  I wouldn’t be surprised to see Downs hit the Disgraceful List.

Chien-Ming Wang – Visited Dr. Freeze and was put on ice for the season.  Imagine Dr. Andrews misunderstood, “Something’s wrong with Wang,” as something was wrong with his wang.  Ah, the yucks a bad Farrelly brothers movie could have with that.

Brad Lidge – 1 IP, 2 ER, Save.  He’s really got the save down pat where he gives up 2 runs.  It’ll be funny in the playoffs when he loses a key game and McCarver’s like, “He’s usually so reliable.”  Joe Buck *interminable pause* then, “We’ll be back here tomorrow for game five.”

Dan Haren – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners.  Now has two straight so-so starts by his 1st half of starts’ standards.  Honestly, I was pretty happy with this so-so start.  He gets the Mets in Metco next, so hopefully he can be decently so-so again.

Adam Dunn – Hit a homer out of Miller Park.  Then had his blue ox run the bases.

Mark Buehrle – 6 1/3 IP, 5 ER.  Back to life… Back to reality… and Johnny Vander Meer’s family is once again free to make plans.

Josh Fields – Being dropped from the roster for Mark Kotsay.  Fields wants a trade from the White Sox.  Maybe if you robbed a homer to seal a perfect game, you wouldn’t be getting dropped.  Think about that!

Mark Kotsay – Traded to the White Sox for Brian Anderson.  What’s the point of this trade?  Did Kenny Williams get a look at Kotsay’s wife?  This is the most irrelevant trade since Jose Lima was traded to the Kia Tigers for a bottle of kimchi.