The San Diego Padres just went on a scoring bender at Coors, putting up 32 runs over the past three days. Their scoring barrage comes just two days after throwing up triple zeros for the first three games of the season. In case you missed it, that’s the WORST start to an MLB season ever. Yep, you read that correctly, it’s the WORST ever, like ever ever. Obviously they couldn’t go scoreless all season, but I doubt anyone expected them to average over 10 runs a game, especially after that hideous start. I really hope Matt Kemp & Company enjoyed that offensive explosion, because as of 4PM yesterday, they’re all out of that Rocky Mountain Kush……err…. Air. Just like Hangover 2 and 3, this one is going to hurt quite a bit as today they’re due to come crashing back down to reality in Philly. Taking the bump for the Fightin Phil’s is Aaron Nola, No-La, No-La Ay, rolling, rolling, rolling with Kid N Play now (Ear Worm!). Nola looked sharp against Cincinnati on Wednesday throwing 7 innings, with 8 Ks & 1 ER. With San Diego coming off that Rocky Mountain High and combined with his solid $8,500 price tag, look for Nola to keep it rolling (side note, Kid N Play had some great dance moves that even a white kid from the suburbs could pull off). No-La, No-La Ay can easily be paired with Price or Quintana and still leave you with plenty of cash for those offensive options. I don’t know about the rest of you, but the weather has been wreaking havoc on me in DK! I think that last weeks rainouts are about to push some of those chips back to us today with some solid match-ups.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hey what’s going on here? Is this your annual late round flyers post? Or is this your deep league thoughts post? Why are you messing with us jacka**? No silly Razzits, it’s both. In the Razz spirit of Portmanteuing, I have combined them into one tidy little post since they aren’t that different from each other. I could of gone with Larofldeleghts, but knowing my luck I might be offending someone who used to call the Soviet Union home. I already have a rivalry with our only Hungarian reader after I kicked his goulash to the curb last year in the Razznasty. *smooches* Seriously, I have been short on time, and after reviewing the parameters of each post it only makes sense to compact me down to a smaller size, I’m huge! (Not what she said.) Here, look at this beautiful beast. No, not Nick Capozzi, me! You have been advised. I could lose a few… or 50, my doctor says 50 to start. Okay, enough about my rubenesque physique and more about the corner men, because, really, let’s be honest. Who here wants to read me talking about me?… Yeah, me neither.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Happy Hump Day, my Razzballin’ degenerates. I just did that in my best commercial camel voice and GEICO owes me 27 cents. It’s back to the grind and by grind I mean making green on DraftKings. Unfortunately, for your humble-but-nonetheless-handsome Guru, I’ve hit a bit of a cold streak. I believe it was the Greek philosopher Heraclitus that said, “Know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em. Know when to walk away, Know when to run.” However, I’m not foldin’ and I’m not running. Tonight I sacrifice my Steve Balboni bobblehead to the fantasy gods in hopes the cold streak runs hot. I’m almost at my goal of a winter of fun in the sun, umbrella drinks, thong watching and a likely call to the Cancun bail bondsman.

We have 13 games on the evening slate tonight at DraftKings with a few aces on the mound and teams to stack in Colorado, Baltimore and Detroit (stay away rain and random drive-by shootings). I’ll be digging deep into the research and convening with my good friends DFSBot, Stream-O-Nator, HitterTron and Islay scotch to find the best matchups to grow the bankroll. If you haven’t given Draftkings a shot yet, today’s the day you get in the game. Just hit the Razzball promo link to get a first time deposit match and come play with the Razzball gang in a 50/50 contest.

Here are some of my top picks and value plays for Wednesday, June 11.

Please, blog, may I have some more?