The other day I made the best purchase of my life (okay, of the last week). I bought a thermometer that has a laser beam on it. You shoot the laser on the object and it tells you its exact temperature. It’s meant–Actually, I don’t know what it’s meant for. I bought it because our oven seems to be about 100 degrees off. Though, I got it five days ago and I haven’t used it for the oven once, but have measured the temperature of about twelve hundred other things. The coldest drinking water I’ve had was 49 degrees at this pizzeria around the corner from my house. Oh, yeah, I’ve been taking this out with me. I’ll go up to people on the street, shoot their temperature and be like, “You have a fever, you might want to take an aspirin.” I like to put on my flip flops when they’re between 68 to 71 degrees. Any colder and it stiffens my toes, any warmer and it raises my body temperature a full .4 degrees. I know this because I have a thermometer with a frickin laser on it! So, how does this relate to fantasy baseball? I was watching Justin Bour slug his 23rd homer yesterday, his 2nd of two homers in the game, and I shot his temperature. A blistering 109 degrees! Doode’s fahrenhot! Doode is straight butter that a professional hibachi chef puts on a sizzling lobster tail! Doode’s Kurt Russell in Backdraft! Yes, you should own him. In fact (Grey’s gonna say more!), you should’ve owned him for the last few months. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yom Kippur, the Jewish day of atonement, began yesterday, and Brad Ausmus, the Tigers manager who doesn’t believe in a manger, started atoning for his mistakes, by sending the Tigers closer, Bruce Rondon, home due to a lack of effort. This sends an interesting message. I’d guess, with a motorized scooter and knee-bypass surgery, Victor Martinez still wouldn’t be at 100% effort. Kyle Lobstein and Randy Wolf wouldn’t be at 100% effort with a pitching machine standing next to them as they mimed throwing. Shoot, I don’t know if Miggy was at 100% effort even in his Triple Crown season. Also, what does this say about Ausmus? That he’s managing a team in last place, but he’s coaching at 100% effort? Wouldn’t he be better off pretending he was at, say, 60% effort? How about this, “I sent Rondon home because he was at 40% effort. I lead by example around here, and I demand everyone give 50 to 55% effort, as I do. What? You thought I was at 100% effort and we’re in last place? Please!” Alex Wilson is the likely replacement closer, maybe Neftali Feliz also sees some saves, but he blew one last night. Then, in Kansas City, Greg Holland let the entire organization off easy by saying he had a tight elbow and is done for the year. This saves everyone from calling for Wade Davis to close while berating and belittling Holland worse than a tourist who doesn’t smoke pot and hates windmills. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The original title Rudy suggested was, Love Is To Own Lindor, but Rudy tells me that title only makes sense to people forced to watch Frozen 5+ times. Let it go…Let it go…Let it go… I just sang that in perfect key and it still caused a cat to screech and paint to peel. Luckily, I don’t have a kid, a cat or paint. Let’s count the ways I love Francisco Lindor. *five minutes later, makes farting sound with hand in armpit* And that’s it! Oh, yeah, I should count the ways I love him aloud so you can hear. Fair enough, you nitpicker, you. Yesterday, he hit his 9th homer (3-for-4, 4 RBIs), topping off a week when he was hitting over .400, a month when he’s hitting over .340, a 2nd half when he’s hitting over .350 with 7 homers and 7 steals. He’s only 21 years old. At 21 years old, you fell asleep on a couch outside of your local bar waiting to talk a girl that you think might have been interested, only waking after a passing bus splashed a puddle of your own vomit onto you. Guys and five girl readers, he has 9 homers in 82 games (essentially a half a season) and he has 30-steal speed. I just got goose pimplies. To emphasize them, I’m drawing little goose faces on my pimples like those psychopaths draw on grains of rice. Yes, you should own Lindor on your teams for this year, and I can’t wait to draft him in sixteen after twenty. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
My name is Didi. My world is fire and blood. I also have some pop in my bat, and play excellent defense. I wear this metal mask on my face so I can field grounders with my teeth. I wear one shoulder pad so I can lean into the batters box, and I rescue the most beautiful virgins in my Dystopian future because I have nothing better to do. I also play for the New York Yankees, drive giant spiked vehicles and enjoy blowing things up. Didi Gregorius stayed hot Friday night going 2-for-4 with his ninth home run and 4 RBI. After struggling most of the season, the Gregorius D.I.D. has been Born Again late in the season. In the past two weeks, he’s batting .408 with 11 runs, 3 homers, 16 RBI and a .463 OBP. Grey told you to BUY Didi last week, but he’s still less than 30% owned in most leagues, so I’m telling you again. I could blame Yasiel Puig for my season’s struggles. I could blame Stephen Strasburg. I mean, I have so many people to blame! But there’s no time for that. Like Mad Max, now’s the time for balls to the wall action. Now’s the time for silver spray paint on the lips and shouts of “Witness me!” You’re trying to win this fantasy thing, right? Well, now’s the time to grab the hot bats like Didi Gregorius or the guitar-flame guy, and ride them to your championship.
Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:Please, blog, may I have some more?
First and foremost, I want you to know I worked very hard on that title. Like, I spent all of 10 minutes on it. That’s a million years in Fantasy Sports years so be thankful. Admittedly, I didn’t really watch Buffy growing up…or ever for that matter. Believe it or not, not every person who grew up with the 90s as their child/teen playground watched every bad show produced. Dawson’s Creek? Nope. Frasier? Eh, got the comedy, but it wasn’t my bag. Honestly, Seinfeld, Simpsons, and a plethora of awesome cartoons ruled my World. I’m here to tell you that Duckman was the shizz. Still is today. Also was a fan of The Critic, Ren & Stimpy…basically, cartoons gone wrong worked for me. I guess what I’m trying to say was, Sarah Michelle Gellar didn’t do it for me so I had zero reason to watch the show. I’d guess this true of most males my age but what the frick do I know, Duckman and The Critic only lasted 5 seasons total, Buffy 6! Alright, I just finished one of my worst fantasy football drafts with Nick Capozzi, JFOH, and crew and am drifting down the bitter path so let’s get back on track. Danny Duffy was a sleeper for some coming into the year. Yeah I don’t know why either, I’m just putting that out there. What I do know is that the Orioles on the year K 22.7% of the time against lefties and own a 25.4% K rate to go with an 80 wRC+ over their last 14 days. I wouldn’t go anywhere near him in cash but for tourneys, he makes for an intriguing high upside SP2 and at the middling price of $5,600, he allows you to price in all the big bats your heart desires. Obviously it would be a nicer call if Duffy were in KC but beggars can’t be choosers when searching sub $6K. So go…heck, I don’t know. I’m supposed to make a Buffy reference here. I like SMG in The Grudge, does that count? Let’s just roll on. Here’s my ‘at least it was better than Twilight’ hot takes for this Friday DK slate…
New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 25 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Matt Harvey did a 180 on his 180. This weekend he announced that he’s not pitching past 180 innings. Come rain, come shine, come playoffs. Then, when met with a huge backlash, he reverted course to say he will not pitch past 180 innings in the regular season, so he can pitch in the playoffs. Somewhere, Nolan Ryan is cackling like a mad man (though, after he cackles, his arm falls off and he needs to Crazy Glue it back on). I don’t have anything personally against Harvey’s decision, but, to announce it yourself, it comes off like a selfish decision. PR 101, have the team announce it. And, don’t, whatever you do, have your agent announce anything, especially while Boras is wearing that horned costume with the pitchfork. Or maybe I just saw a picture doctored by a Mets fan. This is not at all surprising. He’s coming off of Tommy John surgery. He should be shut down at some point. Glad to hear he’s pitching in the playoffs, those innings won’t count towards his innings count for next year. Of course, I’m being sarcastic. None of this bodes well for how much I’ll like Harvey next year, since I prefer pitchers to get babied, but I guess this won’t be an issue if the Mets are bounced early in the playoffs. Let’s go Dodgers! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Maybe it’s because Whip/Nae Nae is permanently stuck in my head — One word of advice. If you take no other advice from me, please, I implore you, accept this advice. If you don’t know what Whip/Nae Nae is, don’t, under any circumstances, Google it. It make Gangnam Style seem like a walk in the park when it comes to catchy songs. If you don’t know what Gangnam Style is, I love how you’ve decorated under that rock of yours. — but I can’t help looking at Jake Arrieta‘s no hitter less about the 12 Ks and only allowing one walk — Sure, those are sweet — but more about how his season WHIP is 0.94. There’s Greinke (.85 WHIP), Kershaw (.90), Scherzer (.93) and deGrom (.94). An under one WHIP and a 9+ K/9 is a little piece of heaven like sitting in an exit row of an airplane. On the podcast that’s coming later today, I debate Greinke and Arrieta, Scherzer and Arrieta and deGrom and Arrieta as we try to figure out where they’ll be ranked in 2016. I say something like Arrieta will be ranked around the 4th to about the 7th SP off the board. I agree with Early Sunday Afternoon Grey, but I will say that Arrieta has made it difficult for me to think of four SPs that should be drafted before him. Let alone six. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
They’re the world’s most fearsome fighting team, they’re heroes in the half shell and they’re green. When the Evil Shredder attacks these turtle boys don’t…. Oops sorry I got lost for a minute in quite possibly the greatest theme song of my childhood. Say what you will G.I. Joe fans, and followers of He-Man but the Turtles were killing the game back in the early 90’s. Maybe you’re not familiar with a little ditty called “Ninja Rap” by the God emcee
Rakim Vanilla Ice! Is it bad that after watching that video I’m reminded that Ice was 100 times more legit hip-hop than Drake or Meek Mill? Seriously some solid scratches in the intro there. But that’s all besides the point, today’s post is dedicated to those down with the Turtle Power since Day One. Welcome to the sewer…Riggidy Raow! Oh snap who invited Das Efx? Sorry guys you disappeared faster than Chris Shelton’s short lived power surge. Go back down that man-hole cover. Now back to the lecture at hand, this week the tiers are all about the Turtles boi! Oh yeah and two start pitchers, because anyone reading this is in one of two positions. A. You’re in the playoffs, don’t have a bye and are loading up on the double dippers. or B. You’re making that last push to make the playoffs or lockdown that all important bye. Doesn’t matter what type of league you’re in this time of year, even roto players like myself are looking to stream and load up on starters to reach our limits after being patient boys and girls all year. So this is for y’all. Two Start Pitchers, Week 21!
Hip-hop as an art form, and culture, is built on the ability to battle. One must show and prove their true mastery of the craft before being considered amongst the B-Boy Illuminati. Doesn’t matter if you’re a breaker, DJ, producer, or Emcee, your battle skills are essential to staking your claim as elite. In this grand tradition many great rap battles have popped off on wax and led to some highly publicized, and in one instance, deadly beef. If you’re wondering what beef is, go ask B.I.G. Pretty sure he’s an expert on the subject…. Any pooh…….In today’s post I discuss 3 of my favorite rap battles and two that were completely lopsided. Don’t worry there sizzle chest I promise we’ll discuss the Two Start Pitchers for Week 20 as well. After all Fantasy baseball is the reason we’re here, right? Speaking of which, can you believe we’ve already had 20 weeks of baseball? Heck this is the 19th two start pitched post of 2015. How have I not run out of ideas yet? Magic mushrooms is the answer!!! I eat an 8th before I write. Makes the words feel like friends in my head. So go ahead and get to know my friends.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Greg Bird was called up by the Yankees. I wonder if when Greg Bird dies his ghost will be harassed by a 1980’s black gang calling him Larry Bird. But, more importantly, let’s pray Bird doesn’t wear ball-hugger shorts. Whoever thought those 1980s shorts were a good idea? They were so tight, you can tell which players manscaped. When Marv Albert said someone was dribbling a ball down the court, I had to wonder which ball he meant. Yes! Bird, Greg that is, has done nothing but hit at every stop in the minors — 20 HRs in Single-A in 2013; 20 HRs in 2014 across three levels; 12 HRs across two levels this year with six homers in only 34 games in Triple-A. He’s also not the type to strike out a lot and knows how to take a walk, and not like it’s a bad thing as, “Hey, take a walk!” Bird started yesterday (0-for-5), but for now he’s a bench bat, but I get the sense the Yankees are going to start looking towards the future as of next year and Bird should be someone on dynasty and keeper radars. And you know I have me some radar love. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?