This is the part of this story that is supposed to grab the reader. I don’t believe in all the handy hullabaloo. I will be too worried about doing it in a fashion that is in the form of an inverted W and having other people critique it and say I am an injury risk going forward. That stuff just isn’t for me. So we are at the quarter post of the season already, fast right? So this week we have a good gaggle of guys that will bring your fantasy baseball roster some prosperity. Personally, I am tempering expectations and want to be whelmed not under/overwhelmed. Because I don’t think I can handle all the burden of being over/under-anything. Seems like a much ado about nothing to me. Holy tangent, sorry. Well, enjoy the week to come and happy rostering. Catch you all on the flip, and by flip, I mean next Saturday. (Please keep in mind that pitchers and matchups change.)
ONE START OPTIONS:
5/22
J.A.Happ vs CHC – Wood
Felix Doubront @ Bal – Matusz
5/23
Andy Pettitte @ KC – Mendoza
5/24
Randall Delgad0 @ Cin – Bailey
Joe Blanton @ STL – Westbrook
5/25
Anthony Bass @ NYM vs Gee
5/26
Wei-Yin Chen vs KC- Mazzaro
Paul Maholm vs Pit – Correia
TWO START OPTIONS:
Rick Porcello (@Cle vs Jiminez, @Min vs Blackburn) Why is that all the Jersey guys get bums raps? Oh, I remember now, because all we see is guys on reality show acting a fool and all their professions all seem to be “party hosts.”
Clayton Richard (@STL vs Garcia, @NYM vs Santana) It is Hodgepadre on opposite day.
Patrick Corbin (LAD vs Capuano, Mil vs Wolf) Please keep this spot in the rotation warm. It will be greatly appreciated. Thanks. Signed Skaggs and Bauer.
Tommy Hunter (Bos vs Buchholz, KC vs Paulino) He takes the prize or cake or whatever free stuff they offer with expressions these days for being the guy least owned. This week’s “Click and Pray” pick o’ the week.
Mike Leake (@Atl vs Minor, Col vs Guthrie) Last start was better, not great but a step in the right direction. Just don’t stand downwind of him when he pitches. On a positive note, it can’t really get much worse…Can it?
Jerome Williams (@Oak vs Milone, @Sea vs Hernandez) On the road, throwing pitches, from mound-on tops. Yeah, you will now never look at Jerome ever again and not pronounce it Jer-O-Me. So you’re welcome for that, secret handshake comes later.
Kyle Drabek (TB vs Hellickson, @Tex vs Darvish) You know you have been playing fantasy too long when you call him Doug every time you see him. Funny, I call E5, Porkchop and he stares at me with disgust.
Kyle Kendrick (Was vs Gonzalez, @STL vs Garcia) I will have a banner at the game. It will say ‘Go Kyle Kendrick’ and then will add the letter K for every strikeout he gets during the game to the end of his name. Hoping it’s not 2, because all of sudden 3 K’s isn’t a crowd, it became an affiliation.
Felipe Paulino (NYY vs Kuroda, @Bal vs Hunter) We come for the K’s and hope you don’t take a Mike Leake on our peripherals. A win would be nice too, but I will take the 12 plus K’s this week and worry about that ERA thingy elsewhere.
R.A. Dickey (@Pit vs McDonald, SD vs Volquez) Rahhhhh, or that’s what I am calling him from now on. It’s more fun that just saying R and A. No word back yet from Busta Rhymes’s agent about a cross promotional thing.
Erik Bedard (NYM vs Santana, CHC vs Garza) He is due for a DL stint, I mean he has to eventually. I will now go to church and count some rosaries for me wishing injury on someone.
I had high apple pie in the sky hopes for David Robertson, but no one is safe. “There’s a storm a comin’! Jebediah, should I bring the cows into the barn?” “No, Gissley! It wants our closers!” “But I only have Juan Cruz! And I’s not even sure he’s the set-up man” “It doughs’cent matter!” Really, really shocked by Robertson performance yesterday (2/3 IP, 4 ER), but I guess I shouldn’t be. I’ve officially ‘learned’ Closepocalypse on my computer spellchecker. If Soriano is out there in your league, I’d grab him. The Yankees could flip-flop right back to him since he has ‘closer experience.’ You know, pulling the ol’ Robertson is just more comfortable in the 8th inning shtick. At this rate, Fernando Rodney’s going to be the only $12 Salad next month. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Chris Sale – This is a message from the Emergency Broadcast Network. If you are a closer, just go for an MRI now. You’re pitching with a torn tendon. I repeat, you have a torn tendon. So, Addison Reed might now be the closer on the White Sox, as Sale goes to get an MRI today. Robin Ventura thought a good way to preserve an injured pitcher’s arm was to throw him into high-leverage situations. I say that’s crummy with crackers, but what do I know? I’m just a guy who has a hard time pronouncing the word ‘peculiar.’ If Reed is out there, I’d grab him immediately. If Reed gets the closer job, he has a chance to be a strong Donkeycorn with $12 Salad upside. To all of those who are reading Razzball for the first time, that last sentence wasn’t gibberish. It only sounded like it.
Jeff Niemann – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks vs. the Yankees in the House They Built Across The Street From The House Ruth Built. You got co-jo’s (I’m gonna start saying co-jo’s for cojones; hopefully, it works better than twelve after twenty). I mean, big giant co-jo’s if you went with Niemann in this start, and your co-jo’s were rewarded. Good co-jo’s.
Matt Joyce – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 7th homer. His first halves are so obviously hot every year, I’m sorta kicking myself for not owning Joyce. (We should’ve got Beltran in at least one league, too. That one hurts worse. Eh, it’s Monday morning quarterbacking. Beltran could be doing a Torii and vice versa.)
Casey Janssen – Got the save yesterday and will for the immediate future. Doesn’t his last name look like a loveseat at Ikea? Why do you have such crazy spellings and such comfortable furniture? “If you want, I’ll sleep on the Janssen, and you can crash on the Wilhelmsen or Sogard.” Eh, maybe it’s me. Any the hoo! Janssen is now the Blue Jays closer. I doubt this will stick very long, but it wasn’t like Santos is on the DL with a chipped tooth. WAPU! (Where Available Pick Up — Note to self: Acronyms aren’t that handy when I have to spell out what they mean.)
Brandon Morrow – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners (4 BBs), 10 Ks. Hey, I heard you were a wild one… Does Flo Rida rhyme Cus D’AMato in that song? So Morrow is back to the crazy K/walk guy that I once loved? I don’t get it, but I offered Rudy a bet that Morrow will have at least a 3.75 ERA the rest of the way, and Rudy didn’t jump at the wager, offering me back 3.50. Whatever the case, he’s not staying at 2.27 ERA, where he’s currently at.
J.P. Arencibia – 1-for-4 with his 3rd homer. He has 2 homers in the last week and is hitting over .400. What’s your craptcher doing?
Ike Davis – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer. I wouldn’t say he’s alive yet (still hitting .179), but he definitely hit a homer yesterday (maybe while sleepwalking). It seems pretty implausible that he has an average under .250 this year, so it’ll take a whole lot of tryin’ (and some hits) just to get up that hill.
Jeanmar Gomez – 7 IP, 8 ER, 13 baserunners, 2 Ks. Hopefully not too many of you went for this Cleveland Streamer.
Zack Greinke – 8 IP, 2 H, 11 Ks. He’s turned into the ultimate homeschooler since he’s become a Brewer. Last year, his Home/Away ERA was 3.13/4.70. This year, it’s 1.80/7.20. Maybe someone can start packing Greinke’s blankie with him on road trips.
Ryan Braun – 2-for-4 with his 10th homer to raise his average to .313. Let’s do a first tier of the top ten check (which is kinda like a cup check but less stressful): 1. Braun — Fine. 2. Miggy — Fine. 3. Pujols — Maybe it’s not less stressful. 4. Votto — Maybe you hit for power. 5. Bautista — Well, Braun and Miggy are good.
Aroldis Chapman – Moved his record to 3-0 and his ratios to 0.00 ERA and 0.57 WHIP with 27 Ks in 15 2/3 IP. Is there any other rotation Aroldis wouldn’t be a part of in the history of baseball? The 1971 O’s? The 1920 White Sox? The 1889 Spiders?
Johnny Cueto – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks to lower his ERA to 1.12. He’s in such a zone, right now every batter he sees he pictures Jason LaRue.
Drew Stubbs – 2-for-4, as he stole 3rd base with two outs in a 0-0 game. Later, Brandon Phillips stole 2nd with two outs in the 9th inning with Bruce at bat and the pitcher’s slot up next, which meant the other team would walk Bruce to get to the Reds’ best pinch hitter, Miguel Cairo. Dusty Baker may be a lot of things, but he’s definitely a SAGNOF loyalist. Who steals with Bruce up in the 9th inning with two outs knowing they’ll walk him? So bonkers. Why isn’t Buzz Bissinger following around Dusty Baker for one season to record his moves? “Today, Dusty Baker had the infield play on the grass for five innings accidentally when he moved his toothpick to the left side of his mouth.”
Sean Marshall – Why do I feel like we should start calling the site Razzball: All Saves, All the Time. Marshall tried to blow yesterday’s game, but instead gave up a solo homer to Braun and Dusty pulled him, so Logan Ondrusek picked up the save. Marshall’s been pretty bad (almost 5 ERA, 1.55 WHIP), so I wouldn’t be surprised if Dusty does go to Chapman or Logan. You can’t speculate on Chapman in any competitive leagues, because he’s owned, but there’s always Ondrusek — it’s the age of Ikea furniture!
Jonathan Sanchez – To the Disgraceful List. We may never see him again in the under four epoch. Or ERA, if you don’t have a grade schooler’s tendency to overuse a thesaurus.
Josh Johnson – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks. When the FIP meets the pavement, Johnson takes off. I’m not totally convinced he’s fully around the corner, but he’s obviously no longer doing donuts in Garbageville.
Steve Cishek – Do you even have to ask what the new closer for the Marlins did? Do you really need to ask? Of course you don’t, but I’ll tell ya. He blew the save. It wasn’t totally his fault, but Mujica still may steal more glances from Ozzie’s Neck Towel.
Christian Friedrich – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks. As previously mentioned the other day aforementionedly, I like Friedrich in NL-Only leagues. His K/BB rate was very solid in the minors and now that he’s done what he did vs. the Padres, he’ll get the Giants next. Yes, please and thank you.
Josh Willingham – 2-for-4 with his 6th homer. Back from his cold sores, he’s got a hot bat. Googler of “cold sores” + “hot bat,” we won’t judge you here.
Danny Valencia – Twins optioned him to Triple-A. Twins are hoping to get Valencia going against lesser competition and split squad games are so Spring Training.
Francisco Liriano – Demoted to the bullpen because the Twins didn’t want their Triple-A team to get any worse.
Erik Bedard – Left the 2nd inning with back spasms. Doesn’t sound too bad, so he’ll probably miss a month.
Andrew McCutchen – 4-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer in as many games. Giancarlo’s plus one for the 2nd Rounders Who Were Disappointing Party finally showed up. Someone should ring up Hanley and Reyes so these flat breads don’t go to waste.
Joel Hanrahan – Got the save yesterday, but Hanrahanananananananan’s nananananananananana passed away and he will be out on bereavement this Friday. Grilli or Juan Cruz could see saves this weekend. In one league, I threw another closer on the Grilli.
Allen Craig – Hit his 3rd homer. All he’s done is hit since his return from the DL. Speaking of DL stints, Berkman’s due back Friday. Playing time is a concern for Craig, but I’m thinking the Cards have to play him. Your deity of choice knows their blahtoon at 2nd base isn’t working, so Craig could move there.
J.J. Putz – 2/3 IP, 4 ER to raise his ERA to 9.00. It was a non-save situation, but I’m beginning to think by July there’s gonna be teams dialing up Alfonseca to close games. Maybe they can get a six-finger discount.
Adam Dunn – Hit his 10th homer yesterday. I was obviously wrong that Dunn was done. Bunyan’s still got some lumber. Big Donkey’s still deserves the brays. Adam’s the apple of every fantasy baseballer (<–my mom’s term!) who wants 30+ homers and a lousy average. It was mocked when Ventura put Dunn in the three hole, but I’m not sure it was a stroke of genius or every move Ventura’s done so far is dopey, but if you throw enough shizz against the wall, something will stick. And something will stink.
Tim Lincecum – 5 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 8 Ks. On the bright side, there was only two walks and 8 Ks. On the less bright side, it was two walks in only five innings and he gave up 8 hits and 4 runs.
Jake Peavy – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks to lower his ERA to 1.89. It’s silly early to be saying this, but it wouldn’t shock me to see him in the Cy Young running, if he stays healthy. Then next year, I’ll like him a lot and he’ll get hurt in April.
Drew Storen – Might throw this week putting him on schedule to return in early June. I hope he has a setback because I have HanK-Rod in a few leagues, but that’s just me.
Chris Johnson – 1-for-3 with his 4th homer. Or 4 homers in the last week. Maybe I should’ve dropped Zimmerman when he returned from the DL. Things that make you go hmm…
Yoenis Cespedes – Has a strained muscle in his left hand. The A’s are saying he can avoid the DL and could be in the lineup as early as today. Michael Moore offered to take Yoenis back to Cuba for tests, but he declined.
Will Middlebrooks – Bobby Valentine said Middlebrooks won’t play the outfield, but will send him back to the minors when Youuuuuuuuuk returns. Unless they can make Youuuuuuuuuk into gluuuuuuuuue.
Jason Vargas – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. Marginer!
Tim Hudson – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 1 K. I’d put him in the same class as Big Z, Capuano, Dempster (a tad better) and Ted Lilly, i.e., more valuable on your team than what you can get for them in a trade.
Rafael Dolis – A 1-2-3 inning to get the save. It was a pleasant alternative to Marmol save opps. Those usually sound like “SuperCarlosfrigginMarmolpissshitjustbringinRafaelDolis…”
Even King Mo, Thy Saver of the Throne, Sire of Sutter, Haver of Fingers, Tester of the Quiz, Nowhere Near the Stench of the Wickman is not immune to the closepocalypse that is upon us. The plague of ninth inning locusts strikes all that cross thee path! What? I was pouring out some Olde English for the brothers who aren’t here. Mariano Rivera was hurt shagging fly balls. Last person hurt like that was Jenna Jameson. It didn’t look good, as he was carted off in pain, and it turned out even worse, as he was diagnosed with a torn ACL. David Robertson should’ve been owned already, but here’s a real reason to, you save vulture. This is frustrating not because I owned Rivera. I don’t; I don’t believe in $12 Salads, but someone is lucking into Robertson, who could end up one of the best closers in baseball this year. If you’re really hurting for saves, it’s worth a speculative grab to pick up Rafael Soriano. The Yankees would have to be five cookies short of a potential Biggest Loser contestant’s breakfast to skip K-Rob for Soriano, but he does have closer experience. Whatever that means nowadays. After the closepocalypse, half the league’s pitchers have closer experience. Juan Cruz has it now! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Pablo Sandoval – Wanna hear something freaky? You have a third nipple!? No, Random Italicized Voice. Almost exactly one year ago, Pablo Sandoval broke the hamate bone on his other hand. (And less freaky is Ryan Zimmerman was also injured that week.) I suggest next year, for the week of Cinco de Mayo, Pablo Sandoval go out of town. Maybe Cozumel. Have some margaritas, win some wet t-shirt contests, have unprotected sex — Really get the full Mexico experience! Then return a week later healthy. The fact that Sandoval broke his hamate bone two years in a row makes me think he should have them removed (then BBQ them and sell them at a county fair). The surgery is not unheard of, Tabata had the hamate bone removal surgery done in the minor leagues (then used it like a wishbone and hoped his wife would stop thinking she’s remaking Raising Arizona. BTW, his wife is 46 years old? And Tabata is 23? A Latin 23 may not do this guy justice, which is the key word.). If Sandoval keeps the hamate bone, then I’d be concerned this could keep happening. Either way, he’s out for 6 weeks.
Conor Gillaspie – Should replace Sandoval for the majority of the playing time. Conor Gillaspie plays 3rd sack. Me myself, I like to max. Red-Bone booties, I’m out to wax! Seriously, what did we do without Google for song lyrics? Did everyone sound like my uncle who sings three words of every song then mumbles the rest? Mumble, mumble, mumble, I can’t go for that. No can do. Gillaspie has a little bit of nothing going for himself outside of average. He was hitting .356 in Triple-A. That was inflated by his BABIP, but he should be able to hit around .280. He has next to no power, and his speed isn’t that impressive. You can do better, Marvin’s Room. (Maybe the best song of the last year.)
Heath Bell – Ozzie says Bell is still his closer. He also praised Castro and disparaged gays, so, ya know, grain of salt.
Edward Mujica – Recorded the save yesterday but Cishek (who I think will get saves) and Bell were unavailable.
Brandon Morrow – 9 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks. Not only did he throw a shutout, but he didn’t throw any walks. Can he pitching coach Scherzer?
Albert Pujols – 0-for-3, dropping his average to .202. Can’t they pinch-hit Maicer Izturis for him?
Ernesto Frieri – Yesterday, Albert (not Pujols, the writer for our site) called Frieri the “closer of the future” for the Padres. Then Frieri was traded to the Angels. I don’t think he’s the closer of the future for the Angels, but “setup man of the future” doesn’t have much of a ring to it.
Adam LaRoche – Sat out yesterday with oblique soreness. That dreaded, extremely vague soreness again! I wouldn’t be surprised to see him miss a few games.
Ross Detwiler – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 2 Ks. He was in last week’s Buy. Don’t make me go back there!
Joe Blanton – 9 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks. In related news, Halladay left the Phillies for a few days for a personal reason. He didn’t say why except, “Yo, Joe Blanton got this.”
Laynce Nix – 2-for-3 with a homer. Superfluous Y’s rejoice! In chorus, “Because!”
Coco Crisp – Headed to the DL with an inner ear issue. Coco Crisp says he keeps hearing a snap, crackle, pop. In his place, Michael Taylor is joining the A’s, but no one seems thrilled about ever playing Taylor in the majors. Pretty ironic that he was once traded for Brett Wallace, though no one outside of the British really knows what irony is.
Randall Delgado – 8 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks. He’s looked like anything but the top prospect he is until this game. I’m not buying quite yet in most mixed leagues, but I’m watching very carefully.
Ryan Vogelsong – 7 IP, 1 ER, 12 baserunners, 5 Ks. He looks like a safe, non-threatening number five starter without too much upside or downside. Kinda like the pitching equivalent to doctor’s office music. “Hey, while I have this molar extracted, what’s that playing?” “It’s Vogelsong.”
Jason Kipnis – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 4th homer. His bumper sticker reads, “Why can’t a nosh be posh? Kipnis!” His Jason Kipnis fantasy reads like that.
Pedro Alvarez – 2-for-4 with another homer. He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell. Hint: He’s not a sell.
Andrew McCutchen – Left yesterday’s game with a stomach bug. Hopefully it’s not a tapeworm. Those things are nasty. This girl I know decided to cure her own salmon and left it on the counter encased in salt. Well, flies dropped some larvae in the lox and she had worm squirts for days. Okay, when I started that story it seemed appropriate.
Erik Bedard – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 11 Ks. Eleven Ks over 5 innings is nice. His 37 Ks over 34 innings is very nice. His health, well, it’s good for now. I’m not a big fan because every time I seem to get invested he breaks down, but his Ks have me intrigued, and whenever I say intrigued in my head I hear the Comic Book Guy.
Jose Tabata – 3-for-5 with a steal. He raised his average over 100 points in the last ten games. He’s not going to be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell. Wanna know why? Cause I’m telling you now (actually I told you two days ago). He’s hot. Pick him up. Go now. This post will be here when you return.
Chone Figgins – 0-for-4 with his average falling to .189. They really need to DFA this no-longer-young brother. And lose Smoak while you’re at it too, M’s. In fact, start over with Carp, Ackley, Montero, Seager and Ken Griffey Jr. Jr.
Allen Craig – 4 for his last 9 with 3 RBIs. Potatoes to chips, this doode came back from the DL like a flaming ball of yarn. See, if yarn’s on fire, it would roll out and the hotness would spread, which in hitting terms is good. Makes total sense.
Bryan LaHair – 2-for-4 with his 7th homer. The Cubs shouldn’t be thinking about how to make room for Rizzo. They should be thinking about how to erect a giant statue of LaHair, then accidentally tip it over on Alfonso Soriano. Two birds, one stone (or granite).
Ryan Dempster – 8 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks. First game back from the DL + In a tough park for pitchers + Against a tough offensive team = Chumlee. Hmm, math is wrong there. Meant to add up to SONAVABENCH!
Carlos Marmol – Zero outs recorded, 3 unearned runs (1 earned) and 4 baserunners. There’s no saying exactly what’s wrong with Marmol, but he’s not himself (dur!). Sveum says he could replace Marmol from the closer role (dur-dur!). I want to say bench Marmol in most leagues, but he looks like he’s headed for a trip to the Disgraceful List. Rafael Dolis would be the pickup, but he’s been far from spectacular. He hasn’t been craptacular though either. Kerry Wood isn’t a bad specloselation. James Russell is a deeper SAGNOF specloselation pick. He’s been great so far, but he’s a lefty. It’s basically a total mess of a closerousel shituation. Now I will await Guinness Book of World Records to crown this blurb for the most portmanteaus ever used in a single blurb. *finger tap* Waiting…
Drew Storen had arm discomfort… About two weeks ago. He hasn’t pitched in a game since March 7th and had soreness in his biceps playing catch yesterday. Playing catch? What, the Nats doing a video for Cat’s in the Cradle? He should be pitching, not playing catch. So that’s one red flag. The bigger red flag with a skull and crossbones is obviously soreness from playing catch. That’s awesome for a young reliever who was used a lot last year (75 1/3 IP). Two days ago, Davey Johnson said Storen wasn’t throwing because he had strep throat. So does he have strep arm now? Johnson said he’s not worried about Storen. Davey lies… Davey lies when he cries and implies Storen is still his prize… In all but the shallowest leagues, I’d grab Tyler Clippard, who sounds like a captain in the America’s Cup. For those in deeper leagues or feeling light on saves, I’d grab Lidge. I think Storen will ultimately be fine, but better safe than sorry as they say in the Clichè Hall of Fame, which is located on Main Street in Capital City. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in spring training for 2012 fantasy baseball:
Joe Blanton – Report out of Philly is they aren’t motivated to trade Blanton. Sounds like when your garbage piles up and you can’t motivate to throw it out. Maybe we’ll see the Phillies on the new season of Hoarders.
Ryan Howard – Without a walking boot, he took grounders yesterday while sitting on a stool. Maybe he’s hoping he can be the Bill Cosby of 1st baseman. “I was taking ground balls with my manager, Man-yoo-el. Man-yoo-el is great; he gave me chocolate cake!”
Ryan Madson – Threw twenty pitches in a simulated game, then left with pain in his elbow. Wow, and Dusty hasn’t even managed him in a game yet. He just points his toothpick at pitchers’ elbows and they go down. This is starting to sound like Sean Marshall is gonna be the closer for the Reds on Opening Day. Yes, he should be owned too.
Juan Pierre – Has been caught stealing three times in five attempts in the spring. Is there anything sadder than a steals-only guy who can no longer steal? That’s not rhetorical. Really, is there?
Neftali Feliz – Rangers are reporting that Feliz threw with no issues. To incorrectly paraphrase Modest Mouse, this is bad news for people who like bad news about starters they don’t want to own.
Carlos Marmol – Will return on Monday. Will close until July. Will be traded to a contender to be an eighth inning set-up man. It’s a feeling I have.
Mark Reynolds – The O’s are talking about trading him. Looks like the O’s management got the letter in the bottle that was dropped in the Atlantic about thirteen years ago that read, “Go young, you have no chance of competing right now.”
Adam Dunn – Sticking with the newly established donkey theme, Dunn hit two homers yesterday. In 1970, Boog Powell hit 35 homers and won the MVP at the age of 28. The next year, he struggled to hit 22, then 21, 11 and 12 before having one final (Berkman-type resurgence) with 27 homers in 1975, then he was out of baseball at the age of 35. Frank Howard hit 44 homers at 33, then 26 homers the next year and pretty much out of baseball at 35. Greg Luzinski hit 35 homers at the age of 27. At 28, he hit 18. Then nothing for 4 years (had a Berkman resurgence year), then out of baseball at 33. Mo Vaughn went from MVP contender to retired. The history of the big-bellied isn’t great when they start to age. Dunn is 32 years old. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was out of baseball at the age of 35. Can Dunn come back and hit 25 homers this year? It’s possible. It’s gonna come with a .240 or lower average. We’re not going to see 40 homers from The Big Donkey again.
Desmond Jennings – Could be out until next week, but he should have plenty of time to be ready for Opening Day. Or as they call it in the Albright household, O’Jennings Day.
Dustin Pedroia – Left the game after being hit on the forearm. He didn’t want to leave, but Bobby Valentine insisted. Then Pedroia nipped at his ankles and Bobby put a cone on his head. Pedroia should be back in a few days.
Kendrys Morales – In his first action with the Angels since his limp-off home run, he got two hits. Small victories are good. They’re especially good for Morales who celebrates big victories like an idiot.
Tyler Greene – The Cards look like they’re going to start Greene at 2nd base and in the leadoff slot (with Furcal somewhere at the bottom of the order). Greene feels like a guy that someone in an NL-Only league will either get lucky drafting or will want to drop by week two.
Tyler Colvin – Hitting near .400 in spring training. That means nothing, as does Colvin in most leagues. However, I wouldn’t be shocked if we get into the first week of the season and Blake is benched (or injured), Cuddyer goes to 3rd and Colvin is playing the outfield and becomes one of the hottest adds. It’s a thought to stash next to your rolling papers.
Scott Baker – Yesterday, he threw in a minor league game. So he pitched Twins batting practice?
Justin Morneau – 3-for-33 this spring. Feels like old times!
Lorenzo Cain – Now has four homers and is batting .486 in the spring. Cain…Sugar!’s not yet on any of my teams, but I think I might need to reach for him in one league. Bourgeois, you’ve been Marx’d down!
Billy Butler – Hit his third homer of the spring as he has an insane 1.258 OPS over 39 at-bats. They don’t call him Mr. Grapefruit for nothing.
Pedro Alvarez – Ah, my old heartthrob, is playing like there’s a reason why he’s not my new heartthrob. It looks likely M.C. Gehee will be playing 3rd base. The Pirates get the gas face.
Erik Bedard – Named Pirates Opening Day starter. The Pirates then added, “If he’s healthy.”
David Wright – Took BP and said, “I feel about as good as I’d feel, I guess, picking up a bat for the first time in a few weeks. Hopefully it gets better from here result-wise. But just being out there and being able to go through a full day and a full round of batting practice and not feeling anything, that’s pretty good.” I’ll read between the lines for you. ”I was swinging at about 50% against a soft-tossing BP pitcher and I still didn’t really get good swings on the ball. It was sure nice to see the fellas after going through three weeks of testing done by a Met doctor who had a degree from a med school in Guam. I wonder if there’s bears in Guam and if they call them Guamy Bears.”
Jon Niese – Got an offseason nose job because Beltran used to make fun of him. It’s not the first time that a Mets outfielder led to drugs being applied to a Mets pitcher’s nose.
Fausto Carmona – Or as his birth certificate says, Roberto Hernandez Heredia, is scheduled to throw 80 pitches at the Indians’ academy in the Dominican Republic. Afterwards at the academy, Carmona will take classes like “Ethics In Nomenclature and Age” and “Nutrition: It’s a Real Word.”
Asdrubal Cabrera strains his back, and, no “Asdrubal Strains Back” is not a sequel to a sci-fi porn movie. At this time of the year, any little thing can knock people for the remainder of the year. To help you picture what I’m saying, imagine this is April and we’re talking about Morneau. That’s how easily players can get knocked out. This injury comes on a day where Asdrubal hit his 24th homer. Even if Da ‘drubal doesn’t return, he gave you everything he had this year. Drubal took ’11 to 11. For next year, I’m pretty sure he’s going to be a tad overrated. He never hit more than 10 homers in any professional. He’s been consistent with power this year from month to month, but his HR/FB% soared away above anywhere it had ever been before. He should still be able to get around 15 homers next year, but if you get a 15/15 season, you’re suddenly wondering if a sure-to-be-underrated Jimmy Rollins isn’t a safer way to go. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Billy Butler – Missed yesterday’s game with the flu. Someone dump a Gatorade cooler of chicken soup over Butler’s head.
Yunel Escobar – To the DL with an elbow injury. Bobby Cox just wishes he injured it on Kelly Johnson’s face.
Brett Cecil – 3 IP, 4 ER which was followed by Kyle Drabek’s 2 IP, 6 ER as unrealized potential met yet-to-be-unrealized potential.
Doug Fister – Will be pitching in relief of Scherzer on Wednesday rather than starting as the Tigers get ready for the playoffs. If Fister is the relief, I don’t even want to know what Scherzer translates to.
Randall Delgado – 5 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 1 K. Freakin’ Braves with all the sexy young pitching, huh? Freakin’ Braves. I love them. Beachy, Minor, Delgado, Vizcaino, all of them. Now I know how Bill James feels when looking at Chris Davis. Shoot that poisoned arrow through my heart, Braves pitching staff minus Jurrjens, Lowe and anyone else I’m forgetting that I don’t like!
Alex Gonzalez – 2-for-3 with his 15th homer, then left with a foot injury. Comes a bad time because he was putting the coals in the fire, which isn’t an expression but should be.
Jason Heyward – 1-for-3 with a steal. 5 for his last 10 with a homer while batting in the 8 hole. Maybe he just needed to be in the 8 hole to be comfortable, or maybe he’s just really too good to be batting in the 8 hole. Hmm, wonder which one it is.
Pablo Sandoval – Hasn’t been able to bat right-handed because of a shoulder injury and might have offseason surgery to correct the issue. Or that’s a cover for Lap-Band.
Ben Zobrist – Returns to the lineup on Wednesday after taking time off for the birth of his daughter. No word on how many positions Mrs. Zobrist utilized for the birth, but – based on her profession – I’m guessing missionary on the conception.
Wade Davis – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER. Too bad he doesn’t play for the Jays, he could’ve relieved Drabek with his potentially-yet-to-be-unrealized-potential-that-might-not-be-potential-anymore potential.
Manny Ramirez – It’s being reported he’s going to play in the Dominican Winter League. He’s hoping to meet up with Miguel Tejada down there to reminisce about the salad days of the 90s. Maybe even start up a band, Man-Ram and the B-12 with their lead single, “Just Give Me A Shot (Of Your Sweet Sweet Estrogen Therapy).”
Adam Dunn – 2-for-6 as he doubled his season hit total. No, wait, he doubled twice. Sorry, honest mistake.
Dylan Axelford – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 11 baserunners, 3 Ks. He was coming off a decent start vs. the Tigers but you shouldn’t have went anywhere near him for this start. Though I can understand how you could get seduced by his conglomeration of cool names.
Bud Norris – Left his start with a sore shoulder. He’s done for the year. Or as they say in Spanish ‘ano completo.’
Kyle Blanks – Left the game with a right quad strain. Seventeen men helped him off the field.
Jason Kipnis – 2-for-4 with a steal in the first game, and didn’t start the 2nd game. He should’ve though because he’s seeing the ball well. He’s hit in every game he’s started but three since August 1st. (Sure, he’s missed about 20 games in there, but whatevs.)
Alex Liddi – His 2nd game in a row with a homer. In broken English, he told reporters, “I drink your pizza! I drink it up!”
Tom Milone – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 2 Ks. Second start solid start for Milone. He looks to be in the Slowey mold back before Slowey got screws put in his wrist and then put the screws to his fantasy owners. Once upon a midnight dweawy, Slowey pondewed weak and weawy what could’ve been. I still wouldn’t trust Milone if he gets one more start, but he’s now on the radar for deeper leagues in Twenty-Twelve. Or as I’m gonna call it twelve past twenty.
Ross Detwiler – 7 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks. Phils are in serious coast mode.
Danny Espinosa – 3-for-4 with his 20th homer. You’re probably thinking to yourself, I don’t have the profiteroles to go with the cannoli to like Espinosa again next year. You, sir, don’t know my pastry prowess.
Erik Bedard – 2 2/3 IP, 1 ER (3 unearned). Of course the Sawx want to get to the playoffs, but has anyone seen their last four starters? Wakefield, Weiland, Lackey, Bedard… So, they gonna pitch Lester and Beckett on one day rest throughout the playoffs?
Clay Buchholz – Threw a simulated game. Unfortunately, he gave up 7 runs, but the 1976 Cincinnati Reds are a tough Strat-o-Matic matchup. Damn you, George Foster!
