Fantasy Baseball Advice

Alcides Escobar, SAGNOF!  Do you need more?  Um, he’s good at defense.  Alcides Escobar stole 42 bases in 109 games in Triple-A this year.  I dropped Trent Aussie Dog for Escobar in a league, because I need steals more than a flier on power.  Have I mentioned Alcides Escobar steals bases?  Lots.  Of.  Bases.   You know who gets hurt here?  J.J. Hardy.  But enough about that schmohawk.  This is a celebration of the new Brewers shortstop.  Cuz who Hardy are, is dim in the light of Alcides Escobar…  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Carlos Delgado – Strained his oblique while rehabbing his hip.  Here’s what I do when I get about half way through a bowl of pho.  I wrap my napkin around my chopstick and stick it in the bowl.

Erik Bedard – To have exploratory surgery on his shoulder.  I think the Mariners are hoping to find a few prospects in there.

Jordan Zimmermann – Out for a year or two with Tommy John surgery.  The Lone Nats fan, “But you can’t spell Nationals without two N’s!”

Derek Jeter – Took a non-aptly titled breaking ball off his ankle.  X-Rays were negative.  Which is positive.  Weird!

Randy Ruiz – HR for his 2nd straight game.  When I say Randy Ruiz, you say Randy Ruiz…  Actually, don’t say that, it’s just so… I don’t know, repetitive.  (<–That last line sounds like Alton Brown.)

Howie Kendrick – 2-for-3 as he homered.  Frequent commenter, Simply Fred, correctly pointed out last week that Kendrick isn’t hitting much against righties, then he goes and hits a homer against one, but two of the runs were charged to a lefty, so natch!

Carlos Pena – 2 HRs yesterday, now with 31 on the year.  Over/under on homers for the rest of the season, 13.  Which one are you taking?

Pat Burrell – HR yesterday, has 3 in the last week.  Guess his Hooters VIP card finally came in the mail and he can concentrate on hitting homers again.

Rajai Davis – 2-for-5, with a steal yesterday.  Has a bazillion steals in the last month.  Seriously.  He has 22 steals on the year, but a bazillion in the last month.  Look it up.

Adam LaRoche – 2 HRs yesterday.   Sure, but Andy LaRoche has their mother’s love.

Trent Oeltjen – 0-for-5, Oh, no!  It’s The Curse of the Razzball Roundup!  I still own him in one league, but Oeltjen is nothing more than an outfield flier.  Remember, if you need to cut bait for someone hotter, lose The Outback.

Tim Lincecum – 8 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 Ks.  The uze there, but I wanted to mention the kind of year the Dodgers are having.  They patchwork together Jeff Weaver, James McDonald and Insert Middle Reliever Schmohawk for the game and they almost win.  Some years it just feels like a certain team’s year.  This year really feels like the Dodgers.  I’m not a Dodgers fan, but I’ve never lived in a city of a World Series (was in England during the Yankee dynasty), so it would be cool if it’s in LA.  Hey, it’s sharing time with Grey! Okay, random italicized voice, moving on.

Hunter Pence – 2 HRs and 6 RBIs yesterday.  Some would think this day was a good season.  Jose Reyes, for one.

Lance Berkman – 2-for-3 with 2 doubles.  Welcome back, Guy Who Looks Like the Host of Man vs. Food’s Father.

Bud Norris - 5 IP, 4 ER, 6 Ks.  It’s the usual refrain.  He’s young and risky.  He was broken down in detail here.

Shane Victorino – 2-for-5 with a HR yesterday.  The best sign was actually the triple.  Good to see The Hawaiian still airborne.

Pedro Martinez – 5 IP, 3 ER.  I actually should’ve predicted this line, because it’s so obvious.  Five innings, three runs.  That’s the best you’re getting from Pedro.  It’s actually kinda of amazing the pub this start got.  He looked a’ight, really nothing great.  I’d prefer Kevin Correia.

Francisco Liriano – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 Ks.  I imagine a lot of people were sonavabenched yesterday by Liriano.  I also imagine the next time out you’ll start him and you’ll be cursing his name.

Garrett Jones – 1-for-4 as he teeters on the edge of being dropped.  He has today in Colorado to do something, then it’s off to Carlos Gonzalez (who homered yesterday).

Troy Tulowitzki – 2-for-4, now has a line of 69/22/61/.278/15.  Hanley’s at 71/17/79/.351/22.  Granted, the averages aren’t even close.  But I don’t look at averages (Guess that’s how I ended up with Mark Reynolds on all of my teams).  Now look at the rest of their lines.  They’re that different?  Cust kayin’.

Kevin Youkilis – He got five games to repent (hopefully he doesn’t have to starve himself), so Casey Kotchman and Mike Lowell will both benefit.  Lowell has three homers in the last two games and Casey has one game played.  But if you need cornerman help, there ya go.

John Smoltz – Said he didn’t want to pitch out of the Boston bullpen.  Immediately, Takashi Saito smelled his armpit.

Tommy Hunter – 7 IP, 0 ER.  Hey, you gotta manage your own teams after all, but I wouldn’t pick him up anywhere.

Ricky Nolasco – 3 1/3 IP, 10 ER.  It could’ve been worse.  Between innings he could’ve been having sex with your wife.

Nick Markakis – 3-for-4, 0 RBIs.  I might have to recant my love for Sparkakis.  He has 13 homers and 3 steals.  If Scott Hairston were a piñata and you hit him with a stick, Markakis plus a homer and 7 steals would fall out.

J.A. Happ threw a complete game shutout yesterday with only 6 baserunners and 10 Ks vs.  Jorge de la Rosa’s 5 IP, 7 ER, 3 Ks line.  I pretty much saw this matchup going almost exactly opposite.  Maybe I had my contacts in backwards.  dlR had won seven games in a row.  Happ was coming off two losses.  dlR’s a lefty, the Phils don’t hit lefties well.  Maybe I underestimated Happ’s desire to stay in the rotation with Pedro breathing down his neck.  This was a solid case for that, but if the Phils don’t pull Happ from the rotation they’re jeopardizing his 2010 (when people take flying cars to the ballpark).  Happ should be moved to the bullpen and Pedro should be put into the rotation.  Even if that means Pedro throws a bunch of 4 inning, 3 run games and Happ comes in in the 5th inning and throws three dominant innings.  It’s the right move for everyone and I think that’s the way the Phils should/will go.  To clarify, this is not an endorsement of Pedro.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

David Wright – HR yesterday.  As I said yesterday in the comments, “(The Mets play-by-play man, Cohen, said) that was (Wright’s) first opposite field homer in the new park.  For a guy that goes that way, that’s not great.  After all, we’re in August.”  And that’s me quoting me quoting Gary Cohen!  Cohen also said the humidity may be helping the ball carry.  So now Metco is Yellowstone instead of the Grand Canyon.  Sah-weet.

Jon Niese – Out for the season.  Surprisingly, the Mets trainer had time to help him off the field.

Gary Sheffield – Left the game with an injury.  It’s The Curse of the Shirtless Bernazard.

Pablo Sandoval – 3-for-4, .334 on the season.  I think the average comes down a bit by the end of the season (not much).  But Pablo’s been an absolute revelation this year — .374 on the season as a righty.  .314 as a lefty.  .382 in home games.  17 homers.  4 steals.  Catcher eligibility.  Same weight as Kyle Blanks and seven inches shorter.  In the beginning of the year, I mentioned that I thought Sandoval looked a lot like Edgar Martinez.  I still think it.  And he’s affectionately nicknamed Kung-Fu Panda because he’s athletic and fat.  (I would’ve went with the other athletic, fat person nickname — The Fabulous Moolah.)

Chad Gaudin – 3 1/3 IP, 6 ER.  I should’ve made a bigger deal of this when I did it, but the other day I dropped Gaudin in all of my leagues.  He’s consistently been better in road games.  A HodgePadre who can’t pitch at Petco makes no sense to me.  I don’t know what to do with that.  Makes me feel like Rainman when he can’t watch Jeopardy.

Will Venable – Another HR.  Okay, sorta on topic, sorta not, but I’ve been meaning to address this.  There’s no reason to ask me something like, “Venable or Velez for the rest of the year?”  The rest of the season?  These guys may not be good by the middle of August.  The rest of the season only applies if you play in a league where you have a limited number of moves or you’re marrying a von Bülow.  Don’t get attached to anyone in your UTIL spot, MI or fifth outfield spot.  I have Kyle Blanks, Wigginton, David Murphy, Velez, Venable, Beckham, Robot Jones and Gomes on different teams (thankfully).  I can guarantee you I won’t have 90% of those guys in two weeks.  In fact, I just dropped Gomes.  Play the hot guy and move on.  Especially at this time of the year.  Okay, school’s out, Alice Cooper.

David Murphy – 2 HRs yesterday.  As mentioned above, I own him on a few teams.

Kevin Gregg – Returned from a tired arm.  Piniella was annoyed that Gregg didn’t mention he was suffering from a tired arm over the weekend when he blew two saves, saying, “I can’t just read somebody’s mind.  I can look at the stuff, but by the time I look at the stuff, it’s a little late.  The ball’s out of the ballpark and the mojito doesn’t taste as good.”  He sounds like LaRussa.

Francisco Liriano – 5 IP, 4 ER, 12 baserunners vs. a team that was selling at the trade deadline.  You’re really wasting your time with Liriano.

Aaron Laffey – 8 IP, 0 ER.  If you pick him up, you will be Sobby.

Edwin Jackson – 8 IP, 2 ER, 8 Ks.  As you can imagine, I don’t root for players I don’t own, but I’m kinda rooting for Edwin.  He’s been at the game ever since honeys been wearin’ Sassoons.  Nice that he’s finally making good.  Man, I really love prospects who fail at first.

John Lannan – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 Ks.  He can just as easily get shelled in his next start out vs. the Braves.  I’m pessimistically cautious going forward.

Gerardo Parra – 2-for-5 and a steal, as he bats almost .400 over his last 7 games.  I’m picking him up in a few leagues, though his lack of legit speed bores me so he may not stay on any team too long.

Ryan Roberts – Now has 3 homers in the last two days.  I still don’t think this is going anywhere you wanna go, but if you’re hurting at MI, it won’t hurt to grab him.

Erik Bedard – His shoulder is still sore and he’s headed for an MRI.  Punt!

Justin Upton – Strained oblique (vague!).  Hopefully it’s not too bad, but unfortunately these are the sort of injuries that linger like poorly chewed jalapenos.

Adam Dunn – Hit his 29th homer yesterday.  Country strong.

Jim Thome – 2 HRs yesterday.  Country stronger.

Gavin Floyd – 8 IP, 1 ER.  Absolutely incredible the year he’s putting together in his home park.  Around a two and a half ERA at home, while over 5.50 ERA away.

Jason Bay – HR yesterday.  It was his first one since July 7th.  Good sign!  Reaggravated his hamstring injury.  Bad sign!

Marc Rzepczynski – 6 IP, 4 ER, 7 Ks.  Only one walk, which is a good sign for The RZE, but I still wouldn’t own him this year.

Justin Lehr – 9 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Here’s what you do with Justin Lehr.  Photoshop Justin Lehr’s name onto Stephen Strasburg’s college stats page, then screenshot it and post the .jpg in your league messageboard.

David Price – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 Ks, 0 walks.  Nice showing vs. the Sawx.  Very nice to see him string back-to-back starts together.  Let’s hope his next start vs. the Angels is his third step forward.

Prince Fielder – Stole a base yesterday.  After the game, he said he pictured Mota’s face on the 2nd base bag.

Garrett Jones – HR yesterday.  You know how you love a guy for a week or two when he’s out of his mind, hitting homers every game, then he goes through a week slump and you’re ready to drop him.  Then the day you prepare to drop him, he hits a homer.  Now are you excited by this latest homer or annoyed?  I kinda get annoyed.  I just want him to fail one more day so I can drop him.  I gotta talk to my shrink about what that means.

Jason Bay has been terrible.  Like Don Mattingly’s wife in a mugshot terrible.  In June, J-Bay hit .230 and 4 homers, but he was hitting the cover off the ball in June compared to July.  In July, he’s hitting .203 with 1 homer.  This month Garrett Jones has hit more homers during REM sleep.  The optimist in me says Bay will hit 15 homers and .300 the rest of the way with ten steals.  The pessimist in me thinks he’ll be benched in favor of Chris Duncan.  The realist looks at all of his splits and sees a guy that has been consistent throughout his career, minus a season (2007) when he was battling knee problems.  The surrealist in me thinks Bay will hit a line drive up the middle that will ricochet off the pitcher and shoot to the 1st baseman who will smack the ball into center, then the ball will slowly roll back towards the infield until God tilts the field and the ball rolls towards the 3rd baseman, but God tilts too far and the field freezes causing the ball to roll back towards the catcher.  In all likelihood, Bay’s 2nd half should be somewhere in the realist realm (though it would be cool if the surrealist was spot-on).  I think Bay can give you 10+ homers, .280 average and a handful of steals.  Right now, I’m actively trying to acquire him in one league.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Erik Bedard – Back to the DL.  In related news, George Sherrill was an All-Star in 2008, Adam Jones in 2009 and Chris Tillman is about to be called up.

Ted Lilly – After he was rocked by the Phils, I said he might end up on the DL.  Lo and behold, voilà, alas, see that, told ya so, etc.  Lilly’s now on the DL.  Will miss about a month.

Kevin Millwood – Left after two innings because of tightness in his glutes.  That never bothered Richard Simmons.

Chad Gaudin/John Lannan – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners and 8 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, respectively, with two no decisions.  Watching the Nats and Padres really tested my love for baseball.  I don’t want to test fate for the off chance Tom Paciorek is rehired, but listening to Bob Carpenter and Dibble is like sitting next to Ted Striker on an airplane.

Ryan Zimmerman – Since May when he hit .342, he’s hitting .238 with 5 homers and nary a steal.  This guy has 9 homers and is batting .260.  This guy is Kevin Kouzmanoff.

Everth Cabrera – It was about five games ago, I said I’m selling back all of my old EverCab CDs at Amoeba, now he has 4 straight games with a steal.  SAGNOF!

Kyle Blanks – HR yesterday.  Rudy’s pride and joy now has three homers in the last week (while batting about .240).

Daric Barton – 2-for-4, after he finally did something he left the game with a hamstring strain.  If he were a bigger name, he could have had the lead with the title, Barton Fink.

Dallas Braden – 5 2/3 IP, 7 ER and 16 baserunners.  I sat him in The Jetstream.  I’m going to give him his next start vs. the Blue Jays at home.  If that doesn’t work out, then bye-bye Braden.

Brett Gardner – Headed to the DL with a broken left thumb.  So much for the Fonzie impersonations.

Brett Cecil – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 Ks.  Sticking with the newly-established Brett theme, Cecil now has three solid starts in a row and gets Oakland next.

Joe Blanton – 8 IP, 2 ER, 6 Ks.  Now has a 2.55 ERA through the last two months.  I’ve been starting him everywhere for the last three weeks in a 12 team league.  I’d own him in a 10 team league at this point.

Julio Lugo – Batting .571 since the trade to the Cards and has a homer and a steal.  Lugo wouldn’t be the first middle infielder lemon that LaRussa turned into lemonade.

John Smoltz – 5 IP, 6 ER.  I know he had a lot of great years.  But your nostalgia is hurting you like when you sneak off into your attic and look at photos of you with your one true love.  Burn the photos, man.  She’s married with kids.

Nolan Reimold – .417 and three steals since The Break.  No idea where this newfound speed is coming from, but he’s capable of a few week streak where he’s ownable in all leagues.

Kelly Johnson – 3-for-4, HR and steal yesterday.  Whatever Yunel was drinking last week, Johnson seems like he’s bogarting it now.

Jason Schmidt – 3 IP, 4 ER.  Yup, sounds about right.

Russell Martin – Hit his third homer yesterday.  He would be leading the league if this were April 7th.

Anthony Swarzak – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER.  I wouldn’t pick him up with your team.

Seth Smith – 1-for-2, 1 steal.  After being declared the starting left fielder, he didn’t get the start Friday or Saturday.  Obviously Jim Tracy put starting in quotes.

Aaron Cook – 7 IP, 2 ER and the Win.  The third starter I had going yesterday in my crapfecta of pitchers (the other two were Lannan and Gaudin).  As I’ve said (numerous times) before, there is so much pitching out there you don’t have to have the exciting names (Liriano, Ervin Santana, Smoltz, Porcello, any number of rookie pitchers) to be competitive in pitching.  Boring works too.

Justin Morneau – 2 HRs yesterday as he makes his case for MVP.  Judge Grey presiding in the case of Morneau versus the AL field.  Without the runs and A-Rod hanging with Madge, what do you got?  A sucka in a uniform callin’ his shot…

Ervin Santana – 3 2/3 IP, 6 ER.  He’s mocking you now.  You took the flier; it didn’t work.  Let him go.  You’ll feel much better when he’s doing this to someone else’s team.

Gerardo Parra – Rico Suave’s mocking me now.  I held him for so long in a deep league.  Since I dropped him last week (4 games ago), 2 homers, 7 RBIs, 4 Runs and one steal.

Tony Pena Jr. – To go reverse Ankiel on us and become a pitcher.  If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em…

Ryan Dempster hits the DL with a broken toe.  No word on how he hurt it, but Cubs fans are blaming Milton Bradley, Milton Bradley’s blaming an Italian Beef sandwich he ate in March but the Italian Beef sandwich refuses to play The Blame Game.  Way to take the high road, Italian Beef sandwich!  Dempster was at 5-5/4.09/1.37/89 through 105 2/3 innings.  Now he’s out until late-July at the earliest.  If you have a DL spot, go for it.  With a non-arm injury, I wouldn’t be too concerned about Dempster coming back and doing pretty much what he’s been doing so far, which is, well, I just told you.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Mark DeRosa – Went to the DL.  It’s a move they were calling “precautionary” and they’re “very optimistic.”  They expected him back right after the “All-Star break.”  DeRosa wanted to play but the “doctors” “said” “he” “shouldn’t.”  Hopefully, his “wrist” will be “fine.”  Then it turned out there was a reason they put everything in quotes as it was all lies and he could be out for a month with a torn tendon sheath.

Tony Pena – Traded to the White Sox.  The Sox now have four setup men.  Guess if they ever have two doubleheaders in one day, they’re set.

Ronald Belisario – Headed for an MRI.  Geez, usually Torre can overwork his relievers for at least one season.  Luis Vizcaino, Scott Proctor and Ron Villone never needed no stinkin’ MRI.

Jose Reyes – Received a cortisone shot.  Supposedly this will push his return back at least another couple of weeks.  Though when Upton received a cortisone shot before the playoffs, it was a boost.  Guess different body parts react differently to cortisone shots.  Glad I didn’t get a cortisone shot in my fingers so I could write the best post ever.

Carlos Beltran – Was seen sharing the same news story as Jose Reyes.  He’s also in no rush to return.  Guess he doesn’t own himself in multiple leagues like me.  If I find out Beltran owns me in a fantasy baseball bloggers league, I’m going on the 60-day DL.

Freddy Sanchez – Has missed five straight games with a back strain.  Since this is all about me, let me say this really leaves me with very few options in a deep league where I own Freddy.  Get well soon, Dirty Sanchez!

Brandon Phillips – 2 HRs.  After his 2nd homer, he pointed into the catcher’s mitt and called the 2nd strikeout for Jay Bruce.

Marc Rzepczynski – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 Ks, 4 walks.  Solid strikeout numbers in the minors, but a bit wild.  He averaged over 10 K/9, but over 4 BB/9.  And, like your Mom’s cooking, he’s under-seasoned.  He’s worth a flier in AL-Only leagues, but I’d avoid him in mixed leagues for now.  Oh, and so you can impress your friends, pronounce his last name the same as Kzepczynski, but with an R.

Vladimir Guerrero – For some reason, the Angels had Ron Kovic in the outfield.  That didn’t go well.  He limped off the field in the 8th inning from discomfort in his knee.  If you own him, hope the Angels say it’s only day-to-day, which would be only a 15-day DL trip.

Juan Rivera – 2 HRs, up to 16 HRs.  Rivera’s a solid option when healthy and hitting.  He’s currently doing both.  He’s also 31-years-old and has never hit more than 23 HRs in a season because he never stays healthy.  Can he this year?  Maybe.  Maybe he’s this year’s Ludwick.  But even if he stays healthy, he has no speed and goes ice cold for extended stretches, like last year when he hit 6 homers and batted .248 in August and September combined.

Erik Bedard – 4 IP, 2 ER, 8 Ks.  On a pitch count, you can’t ask for much better of a start.  Looks solid going forward, if he stays healthy.  The same was once said of Rickie Weeks.

Franklin Gutierrez – The Big FraGu hit another homer yesterday.  Get’m while they’re hot.

Justin Verlander – 6 IP, 3 ER, 11 Ks.  I wish I owned a guy that would strikeout 11 in 6 innings.  Owned in the non-biblical way.

Pat Burrell – Hit his 4th homer yesterday.  Has 20ish more to get.

Jason Bay – HR and 2 steals yesterday.  He’s at 20/8 with 71 RBIs.  If he gets to 35/15 with 130 RBIs, he’s going in the 2nd round next year.  Crazy, right?  Want crazier?  Just wait until Shaughnessy runs with that story in September.  You thought Jim Rice in the Hall was crazy; Bay could win the MVP.

Scott Hairston – HR yesterday.  Since Kris Davis went off to the minors, we lost our Reynolds vs. Davis K race, so I have a new one.  Hairston vs. Holliday, the HR race.  Hairston’s up by 3.  Yes, if you traded Holliday for, say, Rollins and picked up Hairston off waivers, you’d be doing better right now.  This is you.  This is you owning Holliday and doing a double take.

Alfredo Aceves – Will start for Wang on Thursday.  So, he goes, what?  60 pitches?  Worth grabbing in H2H leagues and AL-Only, but I’m not bothering with him in mixed leagues.

Scott Baker – 3 IP, 5 ER.  The troubling aspect (or positive, depending on your POV) is he didn’t give up any homers.  Usually if he’s hit hard, it’s because of HRs.  Think you can just chalk it up to a tough lineup and him having a bad day.

Barry Zito – 8 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits vs. the Marlins sans Hanley or Sansley, for those portmanteau lovers out there.

Blake DeWitt – HR yesterday as his Mom, Joyce DeWitt was arrested for a DUI.  If only Joba had such fortitude…

David Wright – 0-for-3, batting .050 in July.  C’mon, Alex Cora can only do so much.

Kevin Correia – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 Ks.  Eh, it was an okay start.  He gets the Giants next, so I’m holding tight for that start.

Luke Scott – HR yesterday and 7 RBIs.  He was almost benched in one league of ours.  Luckily, Glass Chipper didn’t play.

Garrett Jones – 2-for-3, 2 steals. He’s not a pure steal guy, but he does have 15-steal speed.  So it’s a great sign that he’s using that speed, unlike Rasmus, another rookie with 15-steal speed who only has one steal on the year.  As mentioned a few days ago, I own Jones.

Grady Sizemore – 2 HRs.  I said Sell him!  Oh, wait.  No, I’m not backing off on that.  If he has the slightest setback, the Indians will shut him down faster than you can say Rzepczynski.

Paul Konerko – 3 HRs.  Seems like he’s doing for the White Sox what Branyan’s doing for the other side of the plate in Seattle.  Has anyone seen them in the same place at the same time?  Things that make you say hmm…

Bartolo Colon – Yesterday news said, White Sox GM unsure of Colon’s location.  Hey, Kenny, it’s in the large intestine.

Surprise, surprise, Canada’s number one export after Stubby Clapp is hurt, eh?  Erik Bedard takes his inflammed shoulder to the DL.  The Mariners say he’ll be fine to return on June 23rd.  If you were to read between the lines, here’s what you would see, “Please, someone trade us something for this pitcher that cost us Adam Jones, Sherrill and Chris Tillman.  Please!”  Man, Bill Bavasi really shit the Mariners house.  On top of the three guys mentioned, he traded away Shin-Soo Choo, Asdrubal, Carlos Guillen, Rafael Soriano, Matt Thornton and Randy Winn.  The top player he received back was Joe Borchard, who’s currently playing for the Fresno Grizzlies, the Giants minor league affiliate.  Forbes Magazine rated him the worst general manager in all of baseball in 2007.  No idea why Forbes is rating GMs, but that sounds pretty right on.  I’d expect Bedard to come back about two weeks after he’s supposed to then to hiccup and end up back on the DL.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Pedro Martinez – Close to signing with either the Rays or the Cubs.  Pedro on the Rays seems most likely.  I wonder if Fred McGriff and Wade Boggs took him out for an early dinner to convince him Tampa was a great place to end a career.  He’s worth a shot in 12 team leagues and deeper to see if he can recapture some of the glory days of carrying around a midget and dissing Karim Garcia.

Scott Downs – Downs Goes… Okay, I won’t bring it out again.   Early estimates say Downs could be out for 6 weeks.  Frasor’s the guy to go with, hopefully he’s not too persnickety.

Roy Halladay – Heads to the DL with his groin injury.  He says he’ll be back in a week and a half when he’s eligible.  I actually believe him.  Weird!

Ryan Braun – Left the game with back spasms.  Sounds like his usual shizz that sidelines him for a couple of days.

J.J. Hardy – HR yesterday.  Streaky like old lady hair.  Could be hot now.  (Welcome, Googlers, of “streaky” + hot old lady)

Trevor Hoffman – First blown save yesterday and has now given up runs in two of his last three appearances.  Not saying his goose is cooked, but he is old as dirt.  That’s old dirt.  None of that fresh peat stuff.

Javier Vazquez - 8 IP, 4 ER, 7 Ks, 6 baserunners and the loss.  I know, who doesn’t like to win?  But if I could every one of my starters throw that exact line all year, I’d take it and like it.

Adam LaRoche – 2 HRs in 3 days.  May sours, June swoon.

Andrew McCutchen – Aargh, thar she goes as The Dread Pirate went deep for his first homer.

Francisco Liriano – 7 IP, 4 ER vs. the Pirates?  Not sure if you’re going to see the Nats this year, Liriano.  Need to make something work, no?

Jacoby Ellsbury – Hit his third homer yesterday.  Who has more homers, Ellsbury or Pedroia?  I took him in the 2nd round for his position eligibility! No need to explain, random italicized voice.

Jorge Cantu – 2 HRs since the end of April.  Tailspin is not just a great song by The Jayhawks.

Curtis Granderson – 2 HRs yesterday, now has 16 on the year with 11 steals.  You better make it happen, Grandy.  Leyland really wants to work Don Kelly in the lineup.

Jose Lopez - 5 HRs in June.  Glad I gave up on him in May. /sarcasm

David Price – 7 IP, 5 ER.  Okay, but you shouldn’t have started him anyway, but at least there were no walks.  <–Bright side

Troy Tulowitzki – Another homer.  Member when I was telling you to buy Tulo in April?  Yeah, I was about a month early, but he’s here again.  Finalwitzki.

Aubrey Huff – HR yesterday.  If his first name were Jack or Kyle, you’d be excited.  Just hard to get excited about an Aubrey, I know.

Matt Wieters – Hit his first homer.  And you only had to hold him for 65 games.

Nick Markakis – 4-for-4 with his 2nd steal of the season.  I haven’t read this anywhere, but the Orioles must’ve put the child safety locks down on his running game.

John Lannan – 8 1/3 IP, 2 ER.  Not a huge endorsement, but definitely serviceable in 12 team leagues.

Mike MacDougal – Got the save yesterday.  *pulling cord to release streamers and balloons on your head*  Woo-hoo!

Jay Bruce – Obviously he must’ve saw that he was out of a lot of fantasy lineups yesterday so he homered.

Chris Young – Now he’s avoiding the DL.  With the way he’s pitched this year, not sure if that’s good or bad news.

Kevin Kouzmanoff - 3 HRs in the last 5 games.  Will anyone pitch to Adrian?  Maybe not, but you can benefit from that with Kouz.

Denard Span – Heads to the Dizzabled List.  Member about twenty years ago when there was a crazy amount of no-hitters?  Everyone was throwing one, even Bob Milacki got in on the action.  Okay, so in twenty years from now there’s going to be something weird, like all outfielders’ jetpacks are malfunctioning and I’m going to say, “This is weird like twenty years ago when everyone was dizzy.”

Mark Reynolds/Adam Dunn – Both hit their 18th homers yesterday.  Donkey see, donkey do.

Scott Richmond – 8 IP, 1 ER, 11 Ks.  You can mitch and boan about missing this start, but you shouldn’t have started him in Philly anyway.

Scott Rolen – Hit his 4th homer and stole his 3rd base yesterday.  Putting him on pace for a 9/7 year.  Yunel Escobar just laughed derisively at his projections.

Jayson Werth – Hit his tenth homer on Tuesday and yesterday he hit… 11.  C’mon, that wasn’t hard.

John Danks – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks.  71 strikes out of 99 pitches.  Sweet mother of pearl, take a pitch, Cubbies.  Since the Sox are terrible against righties and the Cubs are equally belchy vs. lefties, I thought this might’ve been a stalemate, but the Cubs’ belchiness won out.

Andres Torres – Please explain to me how he’s a leadoff hitter.  He’s a .270 hitter in 1000+ minor league games.  For those not in the know, 1000 minor league games is about 10 seasons.  Tenacity is not just a city in Jersey!