theprince
You know who I’d really love to punch in the face? Justin Upton. When did he become B.J. Upton. I’m sorry, I mean the artist formerly known as B.J. Upton. Justin has more strikeouts than Chris Davis, George Springer and Miguel Sano. Heck, the only hitter with more strikeouts is Trevor Story. At least Story has 8 home runs. Upton has only one! Even Melvin has more homers. Seriously, WTF! Eight points? J-Up. More like J-Down.

And how about Prince. Mr. Fielder has just 23 points! I know it’s early, but that puts him safely outside the top 100 hitters. Can you believe that those 23 points are four more than Joey Votto’s total. Seriously, I’d like to take Upton, Votto and Fielder, put them in a little red Corvette and drive it off a cliff. As bad as these three have been it’s Khris Davis that takes the cake. Through 13 games and 49 plate appearances this pile of dung has amassed negative four points. That’s correct, you read that right. He has less than zero points on the season. Pathetic does not even come close to describing this sh*t show.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s been a rough season for starting pitching in the early going. If you splurged on Clayton Kershaw or pulled the trigger on Noah Syndergaard in your draft, you’re probably sitting pretty on the pitching side at the moment. However, fantasy mainstays Zack Greinke, Chris Archer, Matt Harvey, Adam Wainwright, and Justin Verlander have combined for zero wins, a 7.30 ERA, and a 1.79 WHIP thus far in 2016. Those ratios are as painful to look at as this video is. Ok, maybe not quite that bad, but still pretty awful. Caught somewhere in the middle of all of this madness is Los Angeles Angels ace Garrett Richards. He’s generally not considered to be a #1 or #2 SP in fantasy circles, but a decent #3. Good, but not great K-rate. Middle of the road ratios. Won’t kill you anywhere but probably won’t be a huge asset either. A fallback option. Is this perception of Richards accurate? What can be expected from him this season?

Let’s take a look at a few things that stand out regarding Richards:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings! Wow, my first fantasy draft of the year and the Academy Awards, all in one night! What a time to be alive! I’d like to imagine being there congratulating Leo, as I feel a certain kinship with him, as I, like him, have never been fully appreciated for my talent. I’ve never won any awards and am more well-known for my countless female actress/model take-downs. So what if my catches are extras and his are A-listers? “P is P, Dog!” Haha, have you ever know someone who uttered that phrase? What an embarrassment to life. If this is you, give your life to me and the Elder Gods, and we will do what we can to revitalize any hope you have of being a respectable human being. Anyway, I won’t be winning many awards for this past Sunday’s draft, for I was in the middle of a threesome with Christian Slater’s nephew and Lena Dunham, but as always, I will compete to a grizzly, disgusting, death if that is my fate.

I know I need to put out these position groups out faster than the Kardashian sisters at a Nickelodeon Teen’s choice awards after-party, so with all of our drafts are approaching, sit back, put your feet up, unzip your pants, and enjoy the show!

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight. TAKE HEED!

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atlanta-braves-logo

Welcome to the 2016 Razzball Team Previews! You’ll find everything you need to know about each team to get yourself ready for the upcoming fantasy baseball season. And I mean everything, folks. We’ve got line-ups, charts, Slurpees, lube, a guide for beginner electricians, and even a cactus! Well, that’s a lie. That’s what Jay had last year sitting in front of him. This year? Um…a little less lube? Take that as you will. But hey, we’ve got teams to preview and questions to ask, so let’s hop to it. We a very special guest for this post…Brad Rowland, to provide his take on what the team has in store this season. Now enough rambling, let’s see what 2016 holds for the Atlanta Braves!

Note: Want to take on M@ in the Razzball Commenter Leagues? Join here!

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The top 20 shortstops for 2016 fantasy baseball were once as bad as the top 20 2nd basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball that I went over the other day.  Now the shortstops have had an influx of youth — or utes, if Joe Pesci is reading — and the future’s so bright I gotta wear shades, Arvid.  I’m happy for the shortstops, and happier for myself.  For a while, the top 20 shortstops were Tulo and those other guys.  Kinda like the top 20 catchers is Posey and those other guys.  Oh, and there was a top 20 1st basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball post already too (organic linking!).  Hopefully, the shortstops aren’t just showing up in a librarian’s outfit with red-rimmed glasses and appearing sexy, then turning out to be Sally Jessy Raphael.  As with the other top 20 rankings, I point out where tiers start and stop and my projections.  All the 2016 fantasy baseball rankings can be found under that thing that says 2016 fantasy baseball rankings.  Unsuccinct!  Anyway, here’s the top 20 shortstops for 2016 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It feels like the Tigers have been searching for a closer since Todd Jones retired — Percival, Valverde, Nathan, Soria.  They prey on dead meat so much, they’re more like the Vultures than Tigers. Papelbon recently was heard saying, “I am going to close forever.  Wait, are those Tigers’ front office people circling above me?  Crap!”  It’s too bad none of the Syrian refugees don’t have closing experience.  So, hopefully, the Tigers’ wait to find a closer is finally over.  Unless Bruce Rondon is reading this, then the wait has just begun.  Assuming Francisco Rodriguez doesn’t get off the plane in Detroit, see an Alburquerque jersey, think he’s in New Mexico, then beat the crap out of an American Airlines pilot for flying him to the wrong city, and get arrested by federal authorities for beating up an employee of a company with the word “American” in the name and get sent to Gitmo.  Sure, this sounds unlikely, not impossible though.  With K-rod sent to the Tigers, I’ll give him the projections of 4-2/2.69/1.02/66, 42 saves in 61 IP.  As for the Brewers, their closer now is Jeremy Jeffress, Will Smith or Corey Knebel, i.e., the offseason is still young and they could trade for someone.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason for 2016 fantasy baseball:

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The Cardinals never not produce prospects out of nowhere.  Double negatives don’t not be damned.  Or is that be damned?  There’s likely hundreds if not thousands (maybe five or six) prospects that have come out of nowhere for the Cardinals.  The big one I can think of is Albert Pujols.  Pujols was originally signed as the 402nd pick overall and turned down an offer of $10,000 to play instead in the National Baseball Congress, against Dick Gephardt and Nancy Pelosi.  Finally, he signed with the Cardinals when no one else wanted him.  We know how that turned out.  Jason Motte was a 19th round selection in 2003, and he was still closing games this year (though for the Cubs).  In 2001, the Cards drafted a little known shortstop, Michael J. Fox, in the last round and he had a fine career in sitcoms and starring film roles.  So, Thomas Pham was drafted in the 16th round of 2006 and came up with little fanfare.  “Little fanfare?”  No way, this is St. Louis baseball, we have the best fans yadda whatever!  Pham was considered a fringe prospect at best and a Thai beef salad at worst.  Could’ve Pham just got lost in the shuffle?  In 2014, he had 10 HRs, 20 SBs, hitting .324 in Triple-A.  Then, with no room to play in the majors, he went back to Triple-A this year and hit 6 HRs with 9 SBs and a .327 average in 48 games.  He’s likely more interesting in fantasy than real baseball, but, guess what, you numbnuts, we’re talking about fantasy.  For 2016 fantasy baseball, I could see him being a 14 HR, 25 SB, .280 hitter, who gets a huge boost if he stays at the top of the order as he’s been doing thus far.  For right now, Pham’s hitting near-.400 in the last week, and taking this back to the beginning with Pujols, he’s in the two-hole with his Phamy jewels.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

For many a year, it’s been well documented that Jorge De La Rosa was a bit of a homeschooler. Of course, that in and of itself isn’t something that would make a person curious; plenty of pitchers have road splits that make them look pedestrian. But Jorge is a Rocky and two things go with that. One, your bats are terrible away and two, your pitching is terrible at home but Jorge is not about that life. He’s had a ton of success at Coors Field which makes my call maybe seem odd given the context but Jorge is doing a bit of a reverse of his already seemingly reversed splits so far this year. Over 32.1 IP this year, Jorge has held his opponents to a 1.67 ERA to go along with 26 K. I know, those Ks don’t sound appealing but they just got a nice bump via the opponent in the Padres. Despite being a heavily righty lineup, San Diego boasts the highest K% against lefty pitchers in all of the MLB and they’re near the bottom in wRC+ and ISO against them to boot. Starting a road pitcher is never safe, of course, so I’m just recommending Of The Rose for tourneys only but there I could see putting him as your SP1 cuz you’re gonna get another cheap option from me below. Ooooh, foreshadowing! So lets not dawdle any longer. Here’s my hot takes for the start of the second half of the DK MLB slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 25 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

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As soon as you’re finished with this post, I want you to close your laptop, step outside and look at a bird in flight. Pick up a flower, breathe in its fragrance, sneeze from your allergies, wave to a neighbor and close your robe because you’re not just waving with your hand. How does that feel? Exhilarating? Then your dedication sucks! It should be a total bore. You should be more interested in whether or not I’m going to have a top 100 for the 2nd half of fantasy baseball tomorrow than what your significant other has been doing for the last three and a half months. Luckily, I will have a top 100 tomorrow, and your significant other can remain your fantasy team. Okay, enough hubbub on the tomfoolery! Yesterday, Rob Refsnyder went 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer as the Yankees called him up on Saturday to be their 2nd baseman. My middle infielder slot on all of my teams feels like the old adage, “Ridden hard and put away wet.” If a fantasy team slot could catch an STD, my MI slot would be it. There might not be a starter on any team that I haven’t tried once, thanks, Rendon! Refsnyder had seven homers and ten steals with a .290 average in Triple-A and looking at him, I’m immediately reminded of Pedroia. In other words, goodbye, Jace Peterson, hello, Refsnyder! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Justin Bour celebrated the birth of our nation Friday night by going 2-for-3 with his 10th home run, making that four straight games he’s homered. Bour is hotter than a roman candle! He’s hotter than a screaming mimi, on top of a snicker blaster with a sparkling spleen splitter igniting a whistling kitty chaser! Thems fireworks, y’all!  I will try to keep it short and sweet today, we’ve all got American beer to drink, things to set on fire, second amendment rights to practice, BBQs to ruin and so, so many hot dogs to eat, but Justin Bour deserves a moment of your short, sweet American attention span. He is hitting .412 in the past week with 4 jacks and 8 RBI. The rookie struggled, batting just .138 with two homers in June, but with the oh so tragic injury to Giancarlo Stanton, Bour has slid into the clean up spot in Miami and it has agreed with him so far. Overall the season numbers aren’t that bad either, he’s slashing .271/.350/.521 with 21 RBI. Grey told you to BUY this hot little potato, especially if you need more power. No one is saying he’s going to replace Stanton in your line up or your heart, but with the Marlins offense in need a big boost, Justin Bour could be the 6’5, 250 pounds of All-American hero that your fantasy team and our nation, needs right now.

Here’w what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?