Fantasy Baseball Advice

The Twins’ Francisco Liriano may actually have a Twin.   Let’s call him Diego Liriano (runner-up choices were Jose, Antonio, Luis Obispo, and Fernando Valley).  Maybe Diego pitched his first 5 starts – the ones where Liriano got shelled to the tune of 24 ER, 18 BB, and 27 Hits within 23 2/3 innings.  How else do you explain a Twin with Liriano written on his back throwing a no-hitter last night?  Okay, I suppose you can look at the stats and see that Liriano threw 6 walks and only 2 strikeouts during his no-hitter.  You know how rare that is?  Really, we need to know because Elias Sports Bureau charges for that kind of thing.  I’d steer cleareano of Liriano and/or sell him if he was on my team – no reason to keep a guy with a WIP of 0.67 (WHIP minus the H) if he isn’t K-ing a ton of people.

On to the rest of fantasy baseball news…

Erik Bedard - Managed 7 innings of 2 ER on only 2 H and 2 BB.  More impressively, he managed to avoid an arm injury.  He’s bringing hope to the Rich Hardens and Ben Sheetseses of the world.

Jon Lester – Lestah got his 4th win by giving up only 1 ER and 11 Ks versus the visiting Angels.  Looks like someone isn’t liking all that “Weaver for Cy Young” talk.

Cole Hamels – It was a good night for lefties as Hamels threw a complete game victory against the Nats – giving up only one ER with 6 Ks and 6 baserunners.  That’s now 4 wins for Hamels with 40 Ks in 40 IP, a 2.66 ERA, and a 1.01 WHIP.  Not bad for a 4th starter.

Mike Leake – Wrong night to be a righty (3 2/3 IP, 7 ER).  We streamed Leake in one of our leagues and Leake streamed all over our ERA and WHIP.  The game might’ve been in Cincy but this sure smelled like a Cleveland Streamer.

Zach Braddock – DL with a sleep disorder.  He had 3 Ks on Sunday but obviously fell short of that on Z’s.  They knew it was bad when he fell asleep in the bratwurst tray during the post-game meal.  Luckily, he was pulled out before Prince went-a-forkin’.

Ian Stewart – Recalled from Triple-A.  If you just lost Kung Fu Panda then Mini Mini Donkey is a decent enough flyer… And if the preceding sentence made total sense to you, you might want to go outside once in a while and smell the flowers.

Jonathan Broxton – Brought into a tie game in the top of the 9th, walks 2 of 3 batters, and Mattingly pulls him for Blake Hawksworth.  Blake Hawksworth stayed true to his WWE character and played the heel – letting them both score on a Geovany Soto double.  Personally, I would’ve brought in a masked Vicente Padilla.

Jon Rauch – Blew his first save of the year via a BJ Upton 2-run HR.  That sucks but he had saved 5 in a row before that.  My guess is he still gets the next save opp vs. Frank-Frank.  It’s an important decision that could be the difference between an 80 win season or an 82 win season for the Blue Jays.

Jose Valverde - Redempción for Jose as he gets the save against the Yanks one game after taking the loss.

Scott Sizemore – Called up and rewards Leyland for his delayed belief in him with a 3 for 4 night.  That’s only one less hit than he managed last May (4 for 34).  I’d joke more about how Sizemore sucked last year but Grey still hasn’t gotten over it.  Maybe he can now stop singing his ‘Say Anything’ tribute to him….Scott Sizemore lies more…when he’s 0-for-four….

Fausto Carmona - Played 8 innings of chicken with Tyson Ross and the A’s and won when Fuentes coughed up 3 runs in the top of the 9th.  He’s been on a roll of late but he’s also had some pretty favorable matchups (@OAK, @MIN, home vs. KC and BAL).  I’d say he’s an okay streamer option in mixed leagues when he has a decent matchup but his low K rate and occasional wildness leaves me wary.

Eduardo Sanchez – Got his 2nd save of the season by getting Gaby Sanchez to pop up and Mike Stanton to strike out after he had let two get on via a walk and HBP.  He now has 18 Ks in 11 innings and he definitely probably maybe is the new closer of the Cardinals.  You never know with LaRussa.  Speaking of LaRussa, did you hear that his daughter is going to be an Oakland Raiders cheerleader?  I guess cheering for steroided Oakland athletes runs in the family.

Jose Bautista – Out for a couple of days with an inflamed neck.  I’m sure it’ll subside once he agrees to live up to the deal and hand over his soul to the devil.

Justin Smoak – 3 for 4 with 2 RBIs against his old team (the Rangers).  He’s quickly becoming the most feared Mariner hitter (aside from Milton Bradley of course).

Orlando Hudson - All you Hudson owners who were waiting for the inevitable injury that would sadly put an end Hudson’s improbable SB spree, your wait is over.  Strained hamstring.  Even if he doesn’t go on the DL, that’ll put the kibosh on SBs for the time being.  If he does go on the DL, keep an eye on Eric Patterson who could steal bases in bunches.

Nelson Cruz – Cruz came out of the game with a tight quad.  Does he even have to go to the trainer for these issues anymore?  Hasn’t he learned to treat himself by now – kind of like how Swayze’s character in Roadhouse could stitch himself?

Pedro Alvarez – He also left early with a tight quad which still made him the 4th healthiest 3rd baseman to start on opening day.

Jason Bourgeois – 3 for 5 with 2 doubles, 2 RBIs, and a SB as he filled in for the injured Carlos Lee.  That’s 10 SBs – he’s nearly out-SAGNOFing Bourn.  He’s a must own as long as he’s starting – though Jason resents the implication that ‘owning’ him means he’s part of the proletariat.  You’ve been Marxed!

Luke Scott - Another HR for Luke Scott.  That’s 4 in 6 games.  Luke warm is an understatement.  He’s more like Luke Perry (in 1990)!

Mat Latos – The time to buy low on Latos – if there was a time – may be starting to close.  He gave up 2 ER in 6 IP.  Two key points with Latos:  1) He has 30 Ks in 27 IP and 2) He pitches half his games in Petco.

Carlos Pena – Pena finally got his 1st HR of the year.   Pena can now start attending the weekly HAGNOF meetings (how ya doin’, Mr. Branyan!).  One more HR and he’ll be all tied up with Nate Schierholtz!

Nate Schierholtz - The answer to the unasked question of “Who had the most random slam and legs so far in 2011?”  If only Vegas let you play the Slam & Legs exacta, I could spout that it was 10,000-to-1 odds or something like that.  And Bill Simmons could regale us with stories like, “My buddy and I had $100 on Big Papi for the 500-to-1 exacta and he hits a HR in the 3rd.  That was the easy part.  But in the 9th inning, the Sox are down by two and he walks.  He steals 2nd on the next pitch and they call defensive indifference!  I can’t believe I went to the game over watching an ESPN Classic replay of the 1983 Celtics-Knicks ‘Boston Tea Party’ game where Kevin McHale got the whole Knick team in a headlock and Larry Bird tea-bagged each one.”

Shin-Soo Choo – Arrested for DUI.  Soo Choo?  More like Shochu or Soju!  (that joke would kill if we were a Korean or Japanese blog!)  They didn’t even bother to take out the breathalyzer as Choo’s face gave it away.  Damn you Alcohol flush reaction – aka Asian Flush!  Upon told by the cops that his face looked flush, Choo asked what the f**k that meant and was forced to spend the next couple hours riding a tricycle and getting taken in poker.

Manny Ramirez was involved in a trade.  The drug trade!  Many people move to Florida to retire.  Manny just decided to do them in a slightly different order.  Manny said of the sudden retirement, “I’m at ease.  I’m now an officially retired baseball player.  I’ll be going away on a trip to Spain with my old man.”  First, he tests positive for estrogen, now he’s going to Spain with what sounds like a sugar daddy.  Manny’s a kept man!  The Rays suddenly have room for Desmond Jennings… Or Matt Joyce… Or Sam Fuld.  We grabbed Desmond Jennings in one league where we had room for a flyer.  Here’s some of what Grey said about Jennings in the preseason, “DJ is currently on the ones and twos for top ranked MLB prospects.  He’s never had an OBP lower than .360 at any stop in the minor leagues, so I don’t think the bottom is going to fall out on that in 2011.  If he’s getting on base, he’ll be stealing bases and scoring runs, whether he’s slotted leadoff or ninth.  Is he much more than SAGNOF?  Yes and no.  He can be more than SAGNOF for 2011, but, worst comes to worst (or wurst comes to wurst, if you’re German), he’s going to steal bases.  There’s the possibility of him getting 5-8 homers and he has the power for 12.  If he reaches the top end of his ceiling, you’re looking at Carl Crawford.  More likely, you’re going to open up this Crackerjack and get half a Carl Crawford.  Say a Carlford.  You ain’t got the Craw yet, kid!”  And that’s us quoting Grey!  In the short term, if the Rays go with Joyce, he has decent pop, but his average will be po’.  Or poor if you’re a completist.  Or poo, if you’re a middlist.  Sam Fuld, who sounds like a cartoon character, can steal 25 bases this year with little power.  Sounds okay, until you break that down to one steal a week and little else.  Anyway, here’s what else we saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Jered Weaver - 7 2/3 IP with 1 ER, 8 base runners, and 15 Ks.  That’s a Weaver family record!  Even more impressive is that he did this with Bobby Wilson as the catcher – if Jeff Mathis was the catcher, it would’ve been a no-hitter with 25 Ks.

Josh Beckett - 8 shutout innings with 3 base runners and 10Ks….against the Yankees.  Take that Weaver!  It seems like Beckett owns the Yankees but they crushed him last year to the tune of a 10.04 ERA in 26 IP.  So does this mean 2011 Beckett is back to the dominant SP that you would want to actually own on your team?  Not I.  Or is it not me?  Or not we?

Matt Thornton – After Thornton blew his second save, Ozzie tweeted, “Thornton is throws gas like me after a plate of frijoles.”  On Saturday, Chris Sale grabbed the save.  Here’s the thing, and there’s always a thing, Ozzie has no loyalty to Thornton, but Thornton also is better than he’s shown so far.  Don’t think Thornton gets every save and he may get even less than that if he keeps blowing saves, but right now I’d want him then Sale.

Ryan Franklin – Blew his third save on Saturday.  Motte hasn’t been good.  Mitchell Boggs hasn’t been bad but his best attribute is that he’s got the best law firm-sounding name this side of BenJarvus Green-Ellis.  La Russa will probably stick with Franklin for a few more blow ups, but I’d own Motte and Boggs, in that order.

Jaime Garcia – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks.  Another gem on Saturday in spite of everyone saying a regression was coming this year.  Baseball-Reference’s Database had to talk Fangraphs Database down from the roof of a twelve story building.  “It’s not just your FIP.  It’s everyone’s.”

Carlos Beltran – Hit 2 homers on Saturday.  One for each knee he has problems with.

Chris Narveson – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks.  Now has 13 straight scoreless innings.  Someone go grab Orel Hershiser off the beach in Jamaica!  Not because Narveson is going to break his scoreless inning streak, but Orel’s really pale, you don’t want him to burn.  Grab Narveson in every single league you have room, you never know where a crazy breakout is going to come from.

Justin Masterson – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks and now has only given up 2 earned in two starts.  Could I have been a year early when I told you to grab Masterson last year?  It’s possible.  Sometimes when I pop out of my DeLorean, I have no idea what year it is.  It’s worth a flyer to see if Masterson can continue his early success, but I have less faith in him, the Indians and AL pitcher flyers, in general.

Russell Martin – Hit two four-baggers on Saturday.  Speaking of a four-bagger, for those who read my e-book, my friend from college, Dirty, was visiting me this week.  So we’re headed to this bar on Friday and he starts telling me about this girl he hooked up with on Tuesday night.  He’s like, “I was hooking up with her and then she starts making out with this girl… Then me… Then this girl….It was so hot!”  Now, my one experience with the bar he was at was seeing a friend’s band perform and there were a lot of lesbians there, so his story sounded plausible.  So I tell him to invite his bisexual girl to the bar we’re going to.  He does, but she has no car or cash.  He’s like, “I’ll pay the forty dollar cab ride for you!”  He’s giddy with excitement.  I’m giddy just to meet her.  He’s built this girl up to the point where I’m expecting Vanessa Hudgens taking pictures of herself.  She texts him from the cab outside, “Come pay for the taxi, I’m here.”  So he walks out while I stay inside the bar.  Fifteen minutes later, he walks in with his tail between his legs and a girl that can be best described as Rosie O’Donnell from the days of Exit to Eden.  She was wearing a denim jacket, a silver chain hanging from her jeans’ pocket and had a shaved faux hawk.  She wasn’t bi-curious, she was a lesbian.  Yeah, he still went home with her.

J.J. Hardy – Sidelined for six weeks with an oblique injury.  I see your appendix and intercostal and raise you an oblique!

Zach Britton – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Another solid start on Saturday.  Because he induces groundballs, his downside isn’t as bad as some other rookie pitchers.  He also doesn’t K a lot of people.  I’d prefer my SP flyer from the NL, but you do what you do, I do what I do and we’ll meet somewhere in the middle like Monie and Malcolm.

Hanley Ramirez – With a deep contusion on his leg, he’s out until Tuesday.  A deep contusion for Hanley is also known as a charley horse.

Ryan Zimmerman – Abdominal strain has knocked him out for a few days.  Zimm loves himself some day-to-day injuries, huh?

Brett Cecil – 5 IP, 5 ER on Saturday.  Hey, you took the flyer, gave him a chance, he touched your naughty bits and left you high and dry.  I’d start to look elsewhere.

Bud Norris – See 1/8th of an inch above…i.e., grab Narveson.

Andres Torres – Strained Achilles – consider him out until Friday.  Now if he has a doctor that stutters, no one will know when he says, “Heal heel!  Heal heel!”  The big problem with Torres coming into this year and his career is he had a hard time staying healthy.  Achilles injuries can linger, says the guy without the medical degree.

Ryan Doumit – Hurdle said he won’t play Doumit in right field or at first when Snyder returns.  I did enjoy Clint Hurdle’s quote about it, “It wouldn’t be fair to Ryan.”  He’s making it sound like he’s doing Doumit a favor by benching him.  This is like when you do the ol’ “It’s not you, it’s me” breakup.

Dan Haren – Got the relief win on Saturday.  In the dugout, the Sciosciapath was seen reading Dusty Baker’s book on managing pitchers, “They Weren’t a High Pressure One Hundred and Eighty Pitches.”

Jose Tabata – Knock Knock.  Who’s there?  Tabata.  Tabata who?  Tabata the Rockies are leaving town because Jose hit 2 HRs and stole 3 SBs in 4 games against them.  It’s been only 10 games but Tabata is showing signs of improvement vs. his rookie year.  He’s walking more than twice as much as last year, flashing more power (only had 4 HR in 400+ AB last  year), and is stealing more (5 for 6 vs last year’s 19 for 26).  While it’s highly doubful he’ll keep up this Bondsian/Eric Davisian pace (32 HR / 80 SBs), a 15/40 season isn’t out of the question.

Rajai Davis – For the love of Rajai!  Davis re-irritated his right ankle on Sunday.  Don’t they have band aids in Toronto?  Damn socialized medicine.  He will likely miss a couple games, just in time for Corey Patterson to appear off the DL, look great for a week or two, and then morph back into Corey Patterson.  This has the potential for the best SAGNOF fight with only CarGo Lite and Nyjer standing in its way.  And if Podsednik ever gets his act together, he can team up with Mike McCoy and the Jays can have a SAGNOF tag team event.

Stephen Drew – 4-for-4 with 3 RBI.  Looks like he’s holding Bloomquist in contempt.

Matt Kemp – That was 5 SBs for Kemp in the 3 game series at San Diego.  Maybe he just visualizes Chris ‘Tall’ Young on the mound.

Fernando Rodney – Just when you think that Scioscia has no respect for Rodney as a closer, he gives him another chance.  Even crazier, he throws a 1-2-3 inning.  Maybe it’s because Walden pitched on Saturday but Rodney had pitched on Friday and Saturday.  Go figure.  I still think Walden will get more saves this year but you’ve got to hold onto Rodney for now.  Sorry in advance.

Yovani Gallardo - 4 ER and 11 base runners in 5 IP.  And only 2 Ks – which makes it 8 Ks in three starts (20 IP).  That’s Buehrlesque.  That’s not good at all for someone who’s averaged over a K an inning for his career.  Maybe he’s saving them up to impress Zack.

Metco – The Mets and Nationals hitters somehow made the quartet of Capuano (8 Ks), Gorzelanny (8 Ks), Marquis (9 Ks), and Chris ‘Tall’ Young (7 IP, 1 ER, 5 Ks) look like great pitchers.  If there’s anything to learn from this, it’s not to pick these guys up.  It’s to stream starters who face these two teams.

Jonny Gomes – Slam and legs!

Brandon Belt – Another 0-fer.  That’s 3 for 24 since the big HR in his 2nd game. We had a guy in one of our leagues spend his whole $100 waiver budget on Belt.  Ouch.  Obviously, Belt is better than this but it’s always a crapshoot with rookie hitters.  If you can bench him until he snaps out of this funk or gets demoted, do it.

Eric Bedard - That’s two bad starts in a row for Bedard.  The odds are low that he’ll pitch so poorly the rest of the year.  But that’s because there’s a 90% chance he gets injured and can’t pitch at all.

Chris Davis has 42 Ks in 88 ABs.  That’s a pace of about 300 Ks.  Not sure he gets there, but Mark Reynolds should be worried about his strikeout record.  Back when I called Chris Davis a poor man’s Mark Reynolds, everyone and there’s Momma’s boyfriend wanted some Davis action.  Back in June of 2008, when Davis was called up, I said, “(It) doesn’t mean he will strikeout 250 times and hit 50 HRs, but it gives you a bit of an idea of what kind of player he is.”  Actually, he may strikeout 250 times.  And that’s me quoting me linking to me and correcting me!  I’m not saying any of this to push people to trade him away, but I think a lot of people thought they were getting a .300 hitter in Davis.  He’s not.  Average is a bit of a fluky thing, but, with the way Davis is striking out, he’s looking like a .240-.250 hitter.  I still think as the weather heats up the homers will be flying, but check your expectations.  Anyway, here’s what we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Grady Sizemore – Sizemore got caught stealing for the 4th time yesterday in 9 tries.  Last year he only was caught 5 times out of 44 tries.  Grady hasn’t had this much trouble getting to 2nd base since he was a sophomore in high school and was still being ridiculed as Gravy Friesmore. The Cleveland GM Mark Shapiro is one of the more analytical GMs out there – don’t be surprised if they pull the reins in on ol’ Grady, unless he shows he can steal at a 70+% clip.

Eric Bedard – Rudy said this yesterday morning, “Yeah, the Rangers are a bitch to face even when they’re on the road.  That said, you shouldn’t bench Bedard.  Against the Rangers, he’s good for 7+ Ks”.   Rudy must have a way with Canadians because Bedard delivered 7 IP and 7 Ks.

Jarrod Saltalamacchia – Grand slam yesterday.  Again, this is why you just put a catcher in there and slowly back away.

Nelson Cruz – 3-for-5, 7th homer.  As I’ve said before, I don’t think it stops.

Kenshin Kawakami – He was dropped in my 16 team league.  And he stayed on waivers.  Sometimes the most significant action is the one not taken. – Grey Albright.  (But he might be cribbing that quote and just doesn’t remember.  He’s also talking in 3rd person right now.)

Felipe Lopez – Day-to-day with a sore ankle.  Hmm… Felimpy?

Julian Tavarez – 1/3 IP, 3 ER. Yeah, I’m done with Tavarez.  He can save the next 20 games for the Nats (which would take him to about September) and I’m not picking him up again.  Hanrahananan, who also wasn’t great yesterday, might get another shot, but, like most Nats pitchers, if they’re not pitching, they’re the most valuable so Beimel’s looking the best right now.

Jorge Posada – On the DL with a sore hamstring.  Posada was heavily discounted in many drafts this year with the assumption he’d miss a lot of time.  Figure you drafted him thinking he’d get 4-6 weeks vacation.  This is just part of the employment package for a 36-year old catcher…

B.J. Upton – 1-for-4, bringing him to .157 on the season with no homers and 4 RBIs.  Yeah, that’s terrible.  We wouldn’t be surprised if Joe Maddon shot his shoulder up with cortisone next time he gave him an encouraging pat.

Emmanuel Burriss – Webster stole his 8th base yesterday.  It’s not pretty, but it’s three more than Jose Reyes.

Alberto Callaspo – HR yesterday, hitting .379 through 80+ ABs.  This is why I was annoyed last year when the Royals were playing Grudzielanek. (Yes, I needed to look up the spelling.  Cut me some slack!)  So who or what is this Callaspo?  He’s a light power and speed middle infielder who should have a decent average.  Say Callaspolanco.

Roy Oswalt – Bruised finger forced him out of the game.  Said to be day-to-day.  He better have an excuse for giving up all of those runs to the Nats.

Gavin Floyd/Kyle Davies – 5 IP, 6 ER and 4 IP, 6 ER, respectively.  Hope everyone’s already chucked these two turd sandwiches.

Joba Chamberlain – 5 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 12 Ks.  It didn’t start pretty, but it sure did end up that way. With 12 of the last 14 outs coming on strikeouts.

Max Scherzer – Going from Joba to Jobacum, Scherzer threw 6 innings and gave up 2 earned, but he will never win a game.

Jeff Weaver – 5 IP, 1 ER.  Outpitched Scherzer, or did he?  I think Jered Weaver pulled the ol’ Alex P. Keaton tie switching trick and pitched for his big bro.

Brad Ziegler – Pitched a perfect inning of relief yesterday.  Oh, well.  I was looking forward to the TV movie of the week with Freddie Prinze Jr. documenting Ziegler’s “flu.”

Josh Greer/Aaron Cook – Both pitched 8 innings, gave up five hits and one run apiece.  According to Elias Sports Bureau, this is the first time two pitchers had near-identical pitching lines.  Actually, they didn’t say that.  But heard in the Elias Sports Bureau office last week was, “For the first time in over a year, Bill in accounting didn’t purposely staple his finger to get out of a board meeting. Instead, he chose to slam his hand into a filing cabinet.”

George Sherrill – The Orioles have been seeking consistency in their pitching and now they have it as their bullpen is as unreliable as their starters. The O’s said they were going to a closer by committee. To get on this closerousel, you need Sherrill, Ray, Johnson and Baez, in that order.

Edinson Volquez – 8 IP, 0 ER.  Against a young, free swinging team, Volquez is your man.  And he still walked four.  As for WWDD?  Or “What Would Dusty Do?”  After the 7th inning, Volquez had already thrown 100 pitches.  Do you bring him out for the 8th inning in a blowout?  Of course Dusty Do!

Adam Wainwright – 5 IP, 7 ER.  He avoided the wrath of Ibanez, Howard, and Utley (not in the lineup) but couldn’t stop the Flyin’ Hawaiian (HR, 3 RBI ) or J-Werth (HR, 4 RBI ).  Still, Wainwright is a must-start everywhere except maybe COL or until LaRussa makes an everyday player out of him.

Curtis Granderson – 9th HR yesterday.  Well, la di da!  Wasn’t he supposed to do this shizz last year?  Guess he never got the memo.  I blame the messenger.

Rick Porcello – 7 IP, 0 ER.  Was a good matchup for him and he’s good for matchups, so there’s that.

Maggilio Ordonez – Batting .232 on the season.  If Ordonez gets hurt, they should replace him with a guy whose last name is Derson.  Then they can have the Russian Doll Outfield – Granderson, Anderson, Derson.