Hello again.  Which was a fantastic movie!  Shelley Long needs a juicy role like Judith Light found with Transparent.  Or at least a Juicy Fruit commercial.  Sorry, for a second I sounded like a gay Larry King with rainbow suspenders.  Which would be totally fine!  Take it easy, PC police!  As we move into the top 60 outfielders for 2016 fantasy baseball, we still haven’t hit a huge road block of guys that are awful.  Sure, some of the top 60 have some warts.  I mean, Evan Gattis slept in a cardboard box for three years; he has to have warts.  As with all of my 2016 fantasy baseball rankings, my projections are included and where I see tiers starting and stopping.  Anyway, here’s the top 60 outfielders for 2016 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

With the top 40 outfielders for 2015 fantasy baseball, we’ve finished all the hitter recaps.  We meaning me, but I’ll include you.  No, that’s not a cue to try to hold my hand.  Why are you now patting my butt?  Don’t muss my hair!  The pitching recap will begin on Monday.  You can hardly wait.  No, you!  To recap, the end of the season rankings are based on our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater.  I felt the easiest way to keep it objective would to go this route.  This way when I say someone finished 30th and I ranked them 23rd in the preseason, it carries more weight like Jesse Plemons on Fargo.  Anyway, here’s the top 40 outfielders for 2015 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I said it last week and I’ll say it again, if you’re still reading our DFS content at this point in the game, then you most likely had yourself a profitable season. Congrats and come on into the comments and brag about your successes. Let’s see if we can finish off the season on a high note and maybe win a little extra spending money before the holidays. Also, if you’ve done well this season (Over $600 in winnings) you’ll need to set a little aside for taxes, you know, if you’re into paying those.

Now, come sail away with me to Arizona. Don’t worry, it’s a “dry” heat. Once we’re there, we’re going to check out Robbie Ray. Ray checks in with a very affordable $6,900. Let’s face it, he’s affordable because he isn’t really that great, but, and it’s a big but, he’s got a couple things going for him. Well, he’s got one thing going for him and that’s his opponent. The Rockies are such a beautiful disaster away from Coors field, that they can make even make the most mediocre pitcher look amazing. Away from home, the Rockies have the lowest team OPS in the majors, about 50 points below league average as a matter of fact. Even more in Ray’s favor is his handedness. The Rocks are bottom five in team OPS vs. Lefties. Add this up and you can see a lefty on the road is death on the Coors crew. It makes sense really, their only scary RHB is Arenado. Does DJ LeMahieu strike fear in your heart? Wilin Rosario maybe? I thought not. Ray’s been fairly respectable in his own right. His 3.53 ERA is right in line with his 3.55 FIP and his 8.3 K/9 is nothing to sneeze at. Ray’s biggest issue is being a little WHIP-y at times and that can get him into trouble. I think this match-up really sets up well for him though and he can be a low-priced star for tonight’s slate. Let’s look at a few more potential stars tonight:

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 7 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The other day I made the best purchase of my life (okay, of the last week).  I bought a thermometer that has a laser beam on it.  You shoot the laser on the object and it tells you its exact temperature.  It’s meant–Actually, I don’t know what it’s meant for.  I bought it because our oven seems to be about 100 degrees off.  Though, I got it five days ago and I haven’t used it for the oven once, but have measured the temperature of about twelve hundred other things.  The coldest drinking water I’ve had was 49 degrees at this pizzeria around the corner from my house.  Oh, yeah, I’ve been taking this out with me.  I’ll go up to people on the street, shoot their temperature and be like, “You have a fever, you might want to take an aspirin.”  I like to put on my flip flops when they’re between 68 to 71 degrees.  Any colder and it stiffens my toes, any warmer and it raises my body temperature a full .4 degrees.  I know this because I have a thermometer with a frickin laser on it!  So, how does this relate to fantasy baseball?  I was watching Justin Bour slug his 23rd homer yesterday, his 2nd of two homers in the game, and I shot his temperature.  A blistering 109 degrees!  Doode’s fahrenhot!  Doode is straight butter that a professional hibachi chef puts on a sizzling lobster tail!  Doode’s Kurt Russell in Backdraft!  Yes, you should own him.  In fact (Grey’s gonna say more!), you should’ve owned him for the last few months.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Cardinals never not produce prospects out of nowhere.  Double negatives don’t not be damned.  Or is that be damned?  There’s likely hundreds if not thousands (maybe five or six) prospects that have come out of nowhere for the Cardinals.  The big one I can think of is Albert Pujols.  Pujols was originally signed as the 402nd pick overall and turned down an offer of $10,000 to play instead in the National Baseball Congress, against Dick Gephardt and Nancy Pelosi.  Finally, he signed with the Cardinals when no one else wanted him.  We know how that turned out.  Jason Motte was a 19th round selection in 2003, and he was still closing games this year (though for the Cubs).  In 2001, the Cards drafted a little known shortstop, Michael J. Fox, in the last round and he had a fine career in sitcoms and starring film roles.  So, Thomas Pham was drafted in the 16th round of 2006 and came up with little fanfare.  “Little fanfare?”  No way, this is St. Louis baseball, we have the best fans yadda whatever!  Pham was considered a fringe prospect at best and a Thai beef salad at worst.  Could’ve Pham just got lost in the shuffle?  In 2014, he had 10 HRs, 20 SBs, hitting .324 in Triple-A.  Then, with no room to play in the majors, he went back to Triple-A this year and hit 6 HRs with 9 SBs and a .327 average in 48 games.  He’s likely more interesting in fantasy than real baseball, but, guess what, you numbnuts, we’re talking about fantasy.  For 2016 fantasy baseball, I could see him being a 14 HR, 25 SB, .280 hitter, who gets a huge boost if he stays at the top of the order as he’s been doing thus far.  For right now, Pham’s hitting near-.400 in the last week, and taking this back to the beginning with Pujols, he’s in the two-hole with his Phamy jewels.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

All right all of you, hardcore, prematurely balding fantasy baseballers, who are battling in the trenches these final weeks.  You people.  And by “you people,” I mean middle-aged, middle class white men with their mothers on speed dial.  (What?  Google Analytics can tell a lot.)  Let’s do this like Brutus and Tommy Artootis.  (I went to middle school with Tommy Artootis; you probably didn’t know that.)  Yesterday, Kendrys Morales went 4-for-4, 5 runs and three solo home runs (19, 20, 21).  The Morales of the story?  He’s stepping up to help you win because we prayed for this.  Right after praying that Lay’s Gyro-flavored potato chips wins the new flavor contest.  Show of hands:  how many of you care who becomes the next president?  Okay, now how many of you care what flavor wins Lay’s potato chip contest?  Ya’ll bunch of liars if you didn’t vote for Lay’s.  Can we just make a Trump flavored potato chip to combine all my voting into one place?  Morales has done well for my Tout Wars team, but I’m gonna come up a little short like Altuve.  Here’s the current standings, as you can see power was my real bugaboo.  If Miggy had reached 30 homers like he did seemingly every other year, it could’ve made a huge difference.  For now, let’s bask in Rudy’s dominance and hope Lay’s Gyro flavor kicks ass.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve written about a few of the specific hitters and starting pitchers who I felt might be useful as well as a few who might struggle during the remainder of the 2015 MLB regular season. With just over two weeks remaining until our fantasy fates are determined, I’d like to focus on the types of players who are worth targeting and avoiding down the stretch, aka the final bears and bulls of the season. As Judge Alvin Valkenheiser would say, it’s “last chance saloon” to make a few key moves and take home your league titles, so let’s get to work.

Here are the types of players that I’m bearish on over the next couple of weeks:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Don’t worry, I’m not going to talk about U2. I already go over boring hitters below. Seriously, they are one of the most overrated bands ever. They are like the 80’s and 90’s version of the Eagles. The closest they get to my iPOD is this song. This week we are going in a different direction than before, because I killed the Top 100. After receiving Grey’s blessing (thanks bossman!), here’s what’s going to happen: After going through the evolution of ranking players this season, it became clear to me that it wasn’t working. By June 1st, you know what you have and it’s generally a good point to start making trades to address needs. As the season goes forward, those needs get increasingly particular until you get to this point. After some discussions with Mike, Sky and Big Magoo, I got some good input and a really confusing emoji text conversation with Sky. Still not sure if we cool, but I got my Japanese friend coming over later to translate. This week, I have a Top 50 Hitters and a few sub lists for you to check out. Every week, it’s my plan to mix a few different sub lists in to help cover all bases… pun point!  I have included Steamers, ROS, HR/SB, projections, the ROS player rater, dollar values, and my own HR/SB projections. Don’t worry if you don’t see someone here, they are probably going to appear in another list next week or thereafter. Some people may even appear on multiple lists. You never know? Any questions? Good moving on…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’m in New York celebrating my grandfather’s 88th birthday, or as he calls it “achy-ache,” and we started talking about Caitlyn Jenner, and he said, “She’s a hot number, I’d throw her one.”  Throw her one, I believe, means have sex with her.  I thought this was pretty forward thinking for my grandfather, then he continued, “Do you know how they put lost children on the side of a carton of milk?  I heard if Caitlyn got lost, they’d put her on a carton of Half & Half.”  Ah, there he is.  Reminds me a bit of Marge Schott, which brings us to Raisel Iglesias, who threw a gem yesterday — 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 13 Ks.  “Raise the Church” has looked far superior since he returned from his stint in the minors with an ERA that’s bordering on startable everywhere (3.93), and peripherals that look ownable everywhere (9.5 K/9, 2.6 BB/9, 3.42 xFIP).  At this point in the year, I would go one start at a time for him, but I would definitely own him, and start him for his next one.  Now, if you excuse me, I have to get back before my grandfather tries to “throw one” at Cougs.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’m channeling some inner-Albright this week. Seat of your pants son! Speaking of Grey, I used the photo he took of me giving him the Larry Bird for my new avatar since it made sense to me that I should use Grey’s photo on his site. In other news, I shook up my top-100 this week as we get to the third leg of the 400-meter stretch run relay. If you’re not in the top-60, then you can be cut at any time. If you are hot, ascending, or the type of player who can go on a monster power or speed run, then I want you. Obviously, I couldn’t get everyone here, for this isn’t the Top-120, but you may notice the name brands in the bottom of the list. They are there because it’s difficult to cut some of them, but if you must, then you must.

Please, blog, may I have some more?