Wouldn’t say this is crunch time as much as this is “Your nuts are in a cracker and the season’s closing in and squeezing tight so you better just throw any pitchers that are available because you need stats — stat!” time. The line for last week was 80 IP, 4.05 ERA, 1.44 WHIP, 50 Ks and 3 wins. Not a great line, but if you throw out Lannan and Francis because you had better sense than me and didn’t start them. The line comes down to 3.42 ERA and 1.37 WHIP. To recap, these aren’t guys I’d drop anyone worthwhile to get, these starters are meant for streaming purposes and all of their ownership in ESPN is under 50%. These streamers are in no particular order. Also, in the final month of the season, managers juggle their lineups more, so there’s no guarantee all of these guys are listed on the right day. Anyway, here’s some borderline starters for this week in fantasy baseball:
Friday, September 16th
Philip Humber – It’s really slim pickins on Friday for under 50% owned starters. I’m not a huge fan of Humber but compared to some of the other schmohawks, well, here he is.
Jeff Locke – On Friday, Locke goes against the Smoke Monster in chess and the Dodgers’ weak offense.
Saturday, September 17th
Jeanmar Gomez – Gets the Twins, has only given up 3 earned in the last 17 and a third innings and when you say his first name it causes phlegm.
Rick Porcello – Don’t trust Porcello at all but he goes to a -co stadium and faces the A’s.
Chris Volstad – In his last three starts, 17 1/3 IP and 3.12 ERA. Here he takes on the Nats and Strasburg’s three to five innings of work.
Sunday, September 18th
Joe Saunders – In 22 innings vs. the Padres, he has a 2.05 ERA and a .190 BAA. Kill me now for recommending Saunders.
Matt Harrison – 1.84 ERA vs. the Mariners, though I’m not sure there’s any pitchers with a 2+ ERA vs. the M’s. Maybe Liriano or Danks. Schmohawks.
Brad Lincoln – Gave a pretty yawnstipating start last time out, but here I am going back to the well like Baby Jessica.
Monday, September 19th
David Huff – I never said the names on this list were gonna be pretty. There’s only a few teams I could see starting Huff against: the Mariners and the Mariners minor league affiliates.
Mike Minor – He just dismantled the Marlins (with a four walk performance in 5 2/3 innings — technicalities!).
Tuesday, September 20th
Jason Vargas – Choices aren’t Grade A when I’m taking on a Mariners starter, but it was between him and To Be Announced. And I don’t like To Be Announced’s matchup.
Edwin Jackson – Highest compliment I can give any guys on this list is when I think one should be owned in more than 50% of leagues. Jackson’s one of those guys.
Derek Holland – Last three starts (when this was written), 1.77 ERA and 21 Ks in 20 1/3 IP.
Wednesday, September 21st
Dana Eveland – He/she gets the Giants in Chavez Ravine. Giants have a .236 average vs. lefties, which is only slightly worse than what they’re batting against righties. As for the lack of other options today, they were kinda Plouffey. I almost put down Brett Cecil, but he’s all over the map and not in the good traveling circus kind of way.
Matt Holliday sat out yesterday with a hand-thinga-ma-injury — a tendon or a ligament. Sounds like he’s going to miss the rest of the season, but for right now he’s only out for four (stutterer!) to five days. I’ll tell you what I’m not gonna miss…. Matt Holliday. A .295 average, 1 steal and 22 homers? You know what that is? A good season for Andre Ethier. It’s not a good season for Matt Holliday. Matt Holliday does more than that. At least in my mind. I’m not in your mind so that’s all I have to go on. On the bright side, this injury didn’t cost a moth their life. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Randall Delgado – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks. When it comes to pitchers, the Braves are like a cyclops with a monocle. I kinda want to own all Braves pitchers in keeper leagues. Wrap me up in a big ball of Hanson, Minor, Beachy, Delgado, Vizcaino, Teheran and Kimbrel and put me in Leo Mazzone’s lap and rock me to sleep.
Craig Kimbrel – Recorded his 44th save. Now has 1.73 ERA, 0.99 WHIP and 120 Ks. Member early in the season when you wanted to drop him? Oh, you.
Alex Gonzalez – 2-for-3 with a homer. After his 3-for-4 game on Monday, I was gonna mention how he binges on hits from time to time. Well, I didn’t, but should’ve. He’s now 8 for his last 11. A’la Dave Hester, yuuuuuuuup!
Edwin Jackson – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks. He’s gonna be in this afternoon’s borderline starter post only because he’s unowned in far too many leagues. He hasn’t had a bad start in a month and a half. His season ERA is 3.71. Gallardo’s ERA is 3.66.
Rafael Furcal – Left the game with a strained left knee. Furcal looks like a utility man with more name value, a futility man.
Derrek Lee – 3-for-4, coming a day after a homer. Sure, his name anagrams to Elder Reek, but you’re not picking up the tab for his Early Bird Specials, you’re just picking him up.
Ben Revere – Stole three bases yesterday, now has 4 steals in the last two games. Revere, “The steals are coming, the steals are coming!”
Michael Cuddyer – 2-for-3 with a steal. He hasn’t hit a homer since August 3rd and is three for September, batting .120. My best edumacated guess is his wrist is bothering him. His Wrist, “I don’t appreciate the accusation.”
Johnny Cueto – Left yesterday’s game with a strained lat. On the negative side of things, he’s probably done for the year. On the bright side, all of his owners avoided his regression the entire season and he ends the year with a 2.31 ERA. Be fun to watch Murray Chass draft him on all his fantasy teams next year.
Juan Francisco – 2-for-4 and his first steal. Okay, I’ll stop with the Francisco love. It’s like I’m seeing a double rainbow.
Chris Heisey – 2-for-4 with his 16th homer. On a related note, the Reds excite me for next year. Think about Yonder, Mesoraco, Cozart, Franciso and Frazier with Dusty figuring out how to get Edgar Renteria into the lineup. If that doesn’t get your blood pumping, check your pulse. You might be dead, but then I’d wonder how you’re reading this. Maybe from now on I should address everyone as, “Guys, three girls and one zombie reader.”
Clayton Kershaw – 5 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 5 Ks and the umpire ejected him for grazing Parra’s elbow. He could throw a bloody ax at Parra and he shouldn’t be ejected when he’s vying for a Cy Young and throwing a one-hitter. That’s it, all umpires should be replaced with robots.
Matt Wieters – Third straight game with a homer, now has 20 homers. Do you see how quickly a catcher can make his season palpable? You Ron Popeil your catcher and set him and forget him.
Jim Johnson – Earned the Orioles 4th straight save. Okay, I get it; you’re the closer.
Nolan Reimold – Him and Chris Davis both hit a homer yesterday. The Orioles should trade for Ian Stewart so all my past hopes and dreams can be in one place.
Mark Ellis – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 1 RBI and a steal. Potatoes to chips, he also has 2 homers in the past week.
Joakim Soria – Has a stiff hamstring and is day-to-day. Yesterday, Greg Holland went Dutch on the 9th inning with Tim Collins, but ended up with the save. To preemptively answer your question, I’d take Jim Johnson before Holland.
Adrian Gonzalez – Hit his 26th homer then left the game with a tight calf, which is less offensive than a loose cow.
Matt Moore – 1 1/3 IP, 2 ER. The top prospect came into the game and did a lot of nothing. Means absolutely nothing, but here’s the number one reason why this late in the season I avoid top prospects in redraft leagues. It’s not worth the hype.
Alejandro De Aza – 2-for-3 and his 3rd steal in the last 4 games. On a semi-related note, the White Sox outfield yesterday was Pierre, Rios and De Aza. I get the feeling by the end of the year Ozzie’s going to kill someone.
Mark Trumbo – 2-for-4 with the slam & legs. That’s now 27 homers and 9 steals. Not completely surprising with the steals, Scioscia likes to run. “You can’t pitch around moxie! Moxie doesn’t go through slumps!” That’s Scioscia. But with all that in mind, don’t see why Bourjos doesn’t have 40 steals. Next year he will.
Cameron Maybin – 0-for-3 with his 36th steal. I’m not sure what’s sadder, that Maybin’s batting third or that it makes sense that he’s batting third.
Brad Peacock – 5 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks. The understaffed Nats showed off their Peacock. Pun point! He’s actually been great in the minors with a solid K-rate and a 2.39 ERA between Double and Triple-A, but a rookie on the Nats…Eh, I’m avoiding for this year in mixed leagues. In NL-Only, you obviously do what you do. Also, he was listed in the top 50 fantasy baseball prospects post.
Lonnie Chisenhall – Homered yesterday. If you feel like you’ve heard that before recently, it’s because you have. He’s homered four times in the last week.
Brian Wilson – Threw a bullpen session yesterday and it looks like he might see some game action before the end of the season. His fantasy owners and beard enthusiasts wait with bated breath and rugged looks.
Carlos Beltran – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 19th and 20th round trippers. No relation to Jack.
Santiago Casilla – Got his third save yesterday. Romo still hasn’t gotten one since he returned from the DL. Cust kayin’.
Justin Smoak – Left the game with a groin strain. This Justin, Smoak might be out for the season.
Derek Holland – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks. Two Hollands and one roundup! One should change their name to New Amsterdam. Holland scares me because of his occassional start where he’ll go 2 innings and give up 5 runs, but he has been solid in 8 of his last 10 starts.
Josh Willingham – 1-for-3 with his 26th homer. On Tuesday I said, “The Other White Meat now has 2 homers in his last 4 games. When he hits them, he hits them in bunches like Mr. Chiquita Banana.” And that’s me quoting me!
Brett Lawrie – Collided hard at the plate with Jason Varitek. That made for some interesting cinema Varitek. Lawrie could’ve just slid and avoided the whole thing, then Lawrie left the game with a knee contusion. #nahbuddy He looked fine after the collision. Not F-I-N-E fine, but fine. I’m not too worried, then again I don’t own him. Muahahahaha…Wait, is that maniacal laugh aimed at me or you? Hmm… Not sure.
Ricky Romero – 8 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks vs. the Sawx. I’m guessing the only fantasy owners with all 208 and a third innings from Romero are those that abandoned their teams in March. What a waste. Is there anything sadder than an abandoned team? You look at a team in last with Roy Halladay and you’re like, “Man, I wish I could get Halladay.” Well, now you can! There should be some kind of recycling program for abandoned teams. Every Tuesday and Thursday, ESPN, CBS or Yahoo goes through all of its teams that haven’t had any moves made in the last two weeks and puts those teams curbside for people to pick through. “Ooh, an Asdrubal Cabrera!” That’s you.
Alex Avila – Hit his 19th homer yesterday as he bats .301 on the year. Seriously, there’s a lot of catchers for next year.
Ryan Raburn – 1-for-2 with his 14th homer. Now has 2 homers in the last three games. It’s worth a looksie for power.
Roy Halladay – Threw a shutout in just over two hours. Rafael Palmeiro had erections for a longer time.
Dexter Fowler has been hotter than a junebug on the back of a furnace’s ass, or some other yokelism. Dexter? I hardly Fowler! Huh? In his last seven games, a .423 average and 2 homers. He’s not good for anything more than the occasional dinger, which only sounds talk between a wife and her friends. He is hitting on top of a lineup that puts up runs and he has speed. While he’s hot, I’d grab him everywhere. Don’t get left out in the cold. Remember you can’t spell Denver without Dexter envy. Or you can’t spell Dexter Fowler without DTF. That’s Doubles Triples Forget about homers. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
David Murphy – He was nearly the lead for today’s Buy post. That’s how much I like him. You have to really strike a nerve about needing to be owned in every league to get the lead, but you have to come close to striking said nerve to almost be the lead. Talk about the pinnacle of one’s career. Put it on the back of your ball card, kid! You almost made a Razzball lead!
Alex Presley – And he almost-almost made the lead! Wow! It’s raining praise like a church that mysteriously appears in the Bermuda Triangle! (<–Confusing comparison of the day!)
Alex Rios – He didn’t almost make any lead. I kinda don’t even want Rios to do anything because I absolutely know it’s just going to cause people to come out of the woodwork next March asking about him. “Buh-buh-buh-but, Grey, sir, your almighty ‘stacheiness, Rios was good last September. Big things in 2012, right?!”
Alejandro De Aza – Alejandro is hot like Mexico! And just think, when he’s no longer worth owning, you can tell your friends you just did the Alejandrop. Don’t get sad! Imaginary friends work too!
Kosuke Fukudome – It’s the week of the hot outfielders, huh? It reminds me of that week in 1993 when Jim Eisenreich was in the middle of a 7-for-12 stretch but Philly fans still wanted to throw batteries at him because he kept cursing at them.
Jon Jay – He has 2 homers and hitting .522 in the last week. I got Federalisztomania! What, no Phoenix fans? You, “I thought French rock was a stale baguette.” You’re such a snob!
Jason Kipnis – Nothing goes better with a bagel and cream cheese like Eli Whiteside. But Kipnis is good for a nosh if you need a middle infielder.
Scott Sizemore – ESPN wrote something recently saying Sizemore could be a sleeper in 2012. Way to take a stand! Of course he’s going to be a sleeper. The problem is the A’s need to move their fences in about 1.2 miles. In all directions. You could have a front row seat by 1st base and need binoculars.
Trevor Plouffe – His last name sounds like the sound a turd makes when it hits the toilet water. Hehe. Sorry, that’s juvenile. But, seriously, he-effin’-he. Um, so he’s been hot– Sorry, I have to move on. His name’s just too ridiculous.
Juan Francisco – I spy with my little right eye a worthwhile add for right now in NL-Only leagues. Since Rolen is following in Glass Chipper’s footsteps, I imagine Francisco will see the majority of the at-bats for the remainder of the season, which means he could become mixed league sexy. Otherwise known as a swinger.
Dayan Viciedo – He’s done nothing but swing a hot bat since his call-up, so of course Ozzie benched him the other day. Oh, Ozzie, you make me a little crazy. *shaking fist at the sky* A little crazy!
Cliff Pennington – Has good speed and can teach you how to golf.
Dee Gordon – He’s good for steals. Yadda3. On a side note, I was thinking about how I can’t imagine Don Mattingly ever getting fired. Maybe because I grew up in the tri-state area when he was a God, but I can’t picture any scenario where Mattingly is blamed for anything. “Ooh, it’s Donnie Baseball, it’s his back’s fault the Yankees aren’t winning.” The Dodgers will have to be folded into the Padres (and the Dodres still wouldn’t have a good offense) to get Mattingly out of his job.
Marco Scutaro – Hitting .476 in September and…Ugh, don’t make me say anything else nice about Scutaro. He’s hot as of right now, that’s all I got.
Edwin Jackson – Hasn’t had a bad start in over a month…Which makes me think he’s gonna have one tonight because I just jinxed him. Stupid superstitions. Anyone see where I put my rabbit’s foot?
Bud Norris – BTW, I just went over borderline fantasy starters for the next week, and, really, this late in the season there’s no reason to look more than one week in advance in most leagues.
Bobby Parnell – Own unless you’re in a British ex-con league with a No-Bobby rule.
Kenley Jansen – Word out of the mean streets of sunny LA is Jansen or Guerra could be the closer next year. So those in deep keeper leagues who are looking to stick someone on their team for cheap this year that could have huge value next year, grab Jansen.
Jason Motte – Member during the 2010 preseason when I said Motte should be the closer? So I was a year and a half early. Well, here’s the thing, I time travel so much I sometimes forget what year I’m in. BTW, invest in AOL, they’re about to merge with Time-Warner.
SELL
Fernando Salas – I could see holding him in some leagues where you’re very desperate, but in most leagues you’re looking at a guy that might get a save or two or might be closing out the seventh inning. I.e., I’d prefer the apple sauce instead of the misspelled Mexican sauce.
Brandon Morrow – His next start is against the Sawx, who just mollywhopped him for 8 earned, and the Jays might limit him since he’s above his career high in innings. You guys had a good run. Get his address and go hide in his garbage can with a Jiffy Pop container over your head so you can see anytime you want.
John Danks – Who’s more infuriating than this schmohawk? A three hitter followed by an 8 earned run game. There’s gotta be better matchup guys on waivers. Move on, there’s nothing to see here.
Jair Jurrjens – He’s out until the playoffs. That’s nice. Later!
Grady Sizemore – I guarantee you, with his stats, if his name was Crappy McCrapstein, you wouldn’t own him.
Adam Lind – I hate to outright drop a guy capable of a four homer week, but it seems like his wrist is sore and his power looks zapped, and not zapped like that awesome early 80′s movie with Scott Baio. I wonder if him and Willie Ames are still friends. They were like peas and carrots. I bet David Aardsma is glad that Willie Aames devoted his prodigious talent to acting instead of baseball so he can stay first in the baseball dictionary.
This isn’t meant to replace Smokey’s two-start pitchers for fantasy that comes every weekend. This is meant to supplement that, like something A-Rod’s cousin would give you. This isn’t two start pitchers, this is barely owned guys that could give you one start. A pick up and a drop. They’re all owned in less than 50% of ESPN leagues. Pretty much everything I told you in the beginning of the year about trusting your big guns and not trusting the wayward sons-of-bees goes out the window this time of year. If you’re battling for pitching points or in the H2H playoffs, you need to take some chances I wouldn’t necessarily take in April. Suddenly, Jeff Francis looks ownable and John Lannan doesn’t look like John Lannan, but looks like a guy whose home ERA is under 3. So I’ve assembled starters from Friday, the new Hump Day, until next Wednesday, the old Hump Day, that you could take a chance on depending on how bad your pitching shituation is. I’m not completely proud of all of these guys, but their mommas are (even Momma Lannan). Anyway, here’s some borderline starters for this week in fantasy baseball:
Friday, September 9th
Bud Norris – Has a great K-rate and goes against the Nationals, a team that is 2nd in the majors in strikeouts. Could see him getting tagged for a homer or two, but should give you 6 innings and at least 6 Ks. There’s a chance here for a 7 IP, 10 Ks game. Fancy me some of that!
Jeff Francis – Game is in Safeco. Yes, that’s all you need to know. A recurring theme will emerge. Recurring Theme, “Safeco!” See?
Saturday, September 10th
Henderson Alvarez – My very-risky-may-not-be-risky-at-all start of the week. Why do I sound like a less racist Jimmy The Greek? Alvarez won’t strikeout many guys but, as long as balls don’t find holes — that’s what she said! — he should be okay.
Chris Capuano – Has been better in Metco than on the road and he gets the below-average Cubs offense at home.
John Lannan – I aforementioned this shizz if you read the lead — or lede if you’re an old-timer who likes the feel of a newspaper, Lannan’s home ERA is under 3 and he gets the Astros.
Edwin Jackson – This start worries me and I debated leaving it off, so there’s that.
Wade Miley – He gets the Padres. This will be another recurring theme – Recurring Theme, “Padres!” — but not for this week. Recurring Theme, “My bad.”
Sunday, September 11th
Javier Vazquez – He falls under the 50% owned threshold, but he really shouldn’t. So this one’s kind of a gimme. Now watch him drop an upper decker.
Monday, September 12th
Brad Lincoln – Four score and four straight quality starts ago, he was a middle reliever. Now he gets a team (the Cards) that he threw six shutout innings against.
Mike Leake – In 23 innings, he has a 2.74 ERA vs. the Cubs, including his last game where he was within an out of a one-hitter.
R.A. Dickey – He rematches against Wang for the Toilet Bowl II.
Phil Hughes – Recurring Theme, “Safeco!”
Aaron Harang – He goes against the Giants and rookie Surkamp, who I almost listed here too. Conflict of interests yadda3.
Tuesday, September 13th
Guillermo Moscoso – Honestly, only because I had to pick someone. It’s Tuesday the 13th… Spooky!
Wednesday, September 14th
Brandon McCarthy – I expect he’s gonna get rattled in his Friday start vs. the Rangers because, ya know, they’re good. Here he goes against the Torii HunterPeter BourjosVernon WellsHowie Kendrick Mark Trumbo-led Angels.
Chris Narveson – There’s a chance this start may not happen, but if it does against Colorado… Keep on pushing my love to the borderline…fantasy baseball starters.
Logan Morrison was optioned to Triple-A New Orleans. Easy to say he was demoted because of his struggles since the All-Star break, but what fun would that be? He just started to hit again — 4 for his last 11 with a homer and steal. As Fredi Gonzalez and Dan Uggla before him, Logan’s run out of town by the Han-Man. Easily having his worst season, it’s pretty incredible the nerve Hanley has putting his full 5-hour energy drink towards getting rid of Morrison. Billy the Marlin would like to demonstrate the size of Hanley’s cojones. I imagine Logan won’t be down in New Orleans longer than a couple of weeks so don’t do anything rash in deep keeper leagues. Hopefully Morrison doesn’t take a bath in that French-influenced city. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Brian Wilson – Out with a back pain. A back issue sent him to the DL in April, so if this a recurrence it could be trouble with a capital beard. Romo would be the first option out of the bullpen but he has a tender elbow — I always prefer al dente. Next up, Affeldt, who’s voiced by Gilbert Gottfried, but he’s a lefty so the Giants might just go with matchups as they did yesterday turning to Ramon Ramirez aka Ram-Ram.
Brandon Belt – 2-for-4 with two homers as he returned from the minors. Now he’ll be A) Sent down again. B) Played regularly. C) There’s no C.
Ryan Vogelsong – 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA now sits at 2.47. This comes after his last start when he was hit hard by the pennant-contending Pirates, who are now 13 games out of 1st.
Doug Fister – 5 2/3 IP, 6 ER, 13 baserunners, 5 Ks. A Twisted Fister got rocked.
Nick Markakis – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 12th homer. Sparkakis! I’m gonna go out on a limb and say this was his best game in three years.
Eric Thames – 1-for-3 with his 2nd homer in the last three games against Ervin and Haren. Worth giving Thames a look if you’re power starved. Or parved, if you’re into portmanteaus or flattened bread.
Jose Reyes – No timetable for his return, i.e., no ticky; no tocky. The only reason for Reyes to play is to prove to the free agent market that he’s healthy, which is a pretty sizable reason so I imagine he’ll try to get out there for September. Or Boras might put on Dan Aykroyd’s Jamaican costume from Trading Places to play in Reyes’s place.
Freddy Garcia - Scratched from his start after he cut his finger during a kitchen accident. He said he was making his Choochie lunch and the recipe called for fingerling potatoes.
Edwin Jackson – Left yesterday’s start with a hamstring injury. No word yet how long he’ll be out. We’ll wait to see if we get an up or down on the Jackson pollex.
Johnny Giavotella – 1-for-4 with his third steal in the last three games. If you need steals, I’d take him into the smush room.
Dan Uggla – Had his hitting streak snapped. Was this the longest hitting streak ever for someone who started their streak with a sub-.200 average? Where’s Tim Kurkjian’s crack team of voice-cracking interns when you need them?
Tommy Hanson – To the DL with what the Braves are calling “We should’ve listened to Grey last week when he said to place Hanson on the DL.” Hanson will probably return at the beginning of September and have another three weeks of starts in his arm, just in time to break down in the H2H playoffs.
Carlos Guillen – To the DL with a wrist injury. His wrist said, “Oblique, hip, back, hamstring, tonsils… They’ve all taken turns DL’ing us. It was my turn.”
Jason Marquis – Out for the year with a fractured fibula. No lie.
David Hernandez – Got the save yesterday because of an overworked Putz. Hehe.
Franklin Gutierrez – 1-for-3, hitting near .450 over the last week. Not sure how long he’ll last on my team, but I just grabbed The Big FraGu in one league.
Jesus Guzman – Out for last two days with an injured elbow. He should be proud that even a minor injury would warrant (RIP) a mention.
Cameron Maybin – 1-for-4 with his 31st steal. Here’s a sneak peek of next year’s February Grey, “Maybin went 10/40, which is better than dozens of outfielders that were taken before him, and the year before Andres Torres and Angel Pagan were similarly valuable only to flame out in 2011. So don’t throw out the outfielder with the bath water, but keep your expectations in check.” And that’s me foreseeing me!
Dontrelle Willis – 2 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 1 K. Left the game with pain in his forearm. Seems a lot more like a pain in the neck.
Jay Bruce – Hit his fifth homer in the last week. Pray to your deity of choice that Bruce stays hot from now until the end of September.
Brandon Allen – 3-for-4, 2 runs and a RBI after being recalled on Saturday. Not sure why he wouldn’t play every day, but I don’t think he will. Instead, he’ll probably share time with CoJack which will hurt both of their values in AL-Only leagues. Though I guess it could be said they were hurting their own values with this shizzy hitting.
Carlos Zambrano – Threw at Chipper on Friday, which got him ejected, then he went into the locker room and retired from baseball. Not sure how this hasn’t happened yet, but Big Z needs to be in the WWE. He can go by the name, The Big Loco. His finishing move can be The Locomotion. His ringside manager Ozzie Guillen distracts the ref and The Big Loco pulls a baseball out of his tights, yells out “Choo-choo… Locomotion!” and skulls his opponents’ head. After he gets the three count, The Big Loco stands up to jeers and flashes his green tongue. The only thing that can stop him is when an opponent brings a Gatorade cooler ringside which totally distracts The Big Loco, throwing him off his game. Or if the opponent shows up ringside with Michael Barrett. Please, WWE, make this happen. On a side sidenote, you know how when a female is in the news for all the wrong reasons, she’ll then get a call from Hustler to pose nude? I imagine it’s like that for men and the WWE. So, if you ever get a call from the WWE or Hustler, I don’t know what you did but it’s ridiculous and not in a good way.
