Here’s a scenario: You are the burger flipper manager at your local burger flipping place. Someone comes to you and says Ryan Braun, your best burger flipping employee, is injecting his meat with HGH. That’s why they’re tasting so good, yells one of your other employees. You don’t want to believe Ryan is doing this. His burgers are soooooooo delicious. All of your customers love them. Kowtowing to your other employees and the media, you decide to taste test his burgers. Sadly, they do taste test positive for HGH. You have no solution other than to suspend him. This is gonna hurt business. When, by sheer luck, it turns out your taste testers sampled his burgers after they were delivered to their house from FedEx and the soooooooo delicious burger wasn’t tasted in the restaurant. Ryan’s attorneys rejoice. Ryan says, “I told you my burgers were clean” and you shrug. You’re just glad your best burger flipper can keep making you those soooooooo delicious burgers. Then…THEN someone comes along and says they found a note scribbled in the dumpster that says Ryan is ordering HGH to inject into his soooooooo delicious burgers. You look at that note and say, “Okay, we’ll keep an eye on things,” and go back to serving those soooooooo delicious burgers that everyone likes. Well, damn me and my deliciously Horsey sauce argument about chain of custody and Biogenesis as a ‘consultant.’ There’s no way Ryan Braun is being suspended for this Biogenesis nonsense. It’s ridiculous. Can we move on? Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2013 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?Edgar Renteria
Linguist, academic and all-around good guy with a lot of free time on his hands, David Crystal says there’s been no definitive research on how many people are actually laughing out loud when they type out el oh el (Thanks, Wikipedia!). I’m guessing the number is less than 50% and the number of people actually rolling on the floor laughing when they type that dopey acronym is far less. I bring this up to impress on you the amount of things read on the internet that turn out to be false. With all that said (and it was a lot, wasn’t it?), the internet tells me the Yankees are going to promote Jesus Montero in the next couple of weeks. If you read that and no streamers or balloons fell from the ceiling, then pull the rip cord harder. In keeper leagues, he should be owned already. If he’s not, I’m assuming you’re in an NL-Only league or a mixed league filled with atheists. Back in February, the two thousand and eleventh year of Jesus Montero’s call up, I gave him the projections of 20/5/30/.290 in 100 at-bats. Still sounds about right. I’m a God, mortal! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Hanley Ramirez – Day-to-day with a sprained shoulder. That sounds like nothing for a guy who plays through injuries and just lives and breathes the game like he’s Luke Appling or some other old timey player. Unfortunately, that’s not Hanley Ramirez. My guess is he’ll miss at least five to seven games.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Clayton Kershaw went 4 and two-thirds innings, giving up three earned and 11 baserunners. Six of those ducks on the pond were walks. That’s 1-2-3-4-5-6 walks. Versus the Pirates. A team that had a .318 OBP last year. Sure, this year they’re starting with Robot Jones, “I must kill the Queen,” but c’mon. How did I convince myself a pitcher who can’t get through 5 innings was a good idea? I blame all of you. Someone should of said something. And if you did say something, you should used more exclamation marks or a bigger font. This is not your beautiful wife, this is not your beautiful house, this is a pitcher who walks the ballpark. On the bright side — and let’s face it, we need a bright side since not all of us live on the first floor — Kershaw was very bad last April too. He’ll get better. Or at least I keep telling myself that. Convincing, right? No, really he will. Right? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Aaron Cook – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 5 Ks. Can you smell what the Cook is rocking? Smells like Dwayne Johnson’s movie career.
Please, blog, may I have some more?When I went over the top 20 2nd basemen for 2009 fantasy baseball, I mentioned that it was really shallow, but actually a bit deeper than the list of the top 20 shortstops for 2009 fantasy baseball. Well, proof is in the pudding, so here’s the pudding. We’ve already gone over quite a few top 20 lists already and they can be found in the 2009 fantasy baseball rankings. Also, here’s a list of every player who has multiple position eligibility and our 2009 fantasy baseball player rater. Anyway, here’s the top 20 shortstops for 2009 fantasy baseball:
1. Hanley Ramirez – Already covered him in our top 10 for 2009 fantasy baseball post.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
In an article so spicy it must’ve been translated from ESPN Deportes, Edgar Renteria and Orlando Cabrera are in a ‘bitter feud’. I’d make more fun of it but they are both Colombian and, well, those hombres know how to feud.
Please, blog, may I have some more?1. Hanley Ramirez
.332/125/29/81/51
If it wasn’t for Arod’s insane year, everyone would be talking about the year Hanley Ramirez had. Oh, and you didn’t have to draft him in the 1st round. Look at those numbers again. One homer off a 30/50 season?
