I hope you don’t think I’m doing a BTO theme today with that title. I’m not Homer. When it comes to Canadian rock they are not my cup of tea, I’m a Guess Who fan. You know, the band where the “B” in BTO came from. The band loved in Almost Famous by Lester Bangs (played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman). Seriously, Live at the Paramount is one of my favorite live albums. From Pain Train to Sour Suite, the album hits it on lots of levels for me. Speaking of sour/sweet, I made a trade for Howie Kendrick this week by giving up Jason Grilli. Sweet! Now Howie’s got uncertain knee issue… Sour! Which leads me to my creeper pick, Justin Turner, and the opportunities that Mattingly can’t ignore. His usage patterns leave me very sour while the production of these “part-time players” is sweet! He said he doesn’t want to run Turner into the ground, unlike his bullpen, which Donny feels a need to regularly run into the ground. Yimi was such a beautiful creature of K/9. So please, take his usage with a bit of caution this week as I tell you to own him and get him in your line-up. But be careful of the sour/sweet.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I ate a ton of asparagus yesterday and my pee stinks. I also spent most of the day drinking tall boys in a kiddie pool. I spent about 3 hours trying to make a YouTube video of me blowing up chipmunks with bottle rockets. Didn’t work out, and I still found time to checkout the DFS happenings for today. If you’ve looked at the pitching roster then you know it’s arms on arms today. Cole, Archer, deGrom, Greinke, Cueto, Carrasco, Zimmermann, and there’s still more. The long and the short there’s a ton of options. So let’s just get something out of the way I’m not going to suggest you play Cole, Archer, or deGrom. I assume you’re well aware of how good they are. You should also recognize that starting one of those three as your SP1 is a necessity in all cash games. The question then becomes do you go double aces or do you pair one with the second level of starters. Today’s a great day for the second tier. Lets talk about a few of the options I like.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 20 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Happy Friday everyone. It’s nice being in on a Friday. Tuesday and Friday nights are usually the most jam packed nights of the DFS week with plenty of large tournaments and Friday tends to house the week’s biggest events including qualifiers aplenty. Good luck to those chasing Q’s this evening. Despite being a Friday, it’s more like a whacky Wednesday. I guess we can call it a freaky Friday. For those that don’t subscribe to the hitter-tron and stream-o-nator, first of all, I’m sorry you’re losing your league. Second of all, what is the matter with you? Thirdly, there’s some craziness going down tonight and I’ll fill you in a little and explain my sentiments. There’s something I can’t ever recall seeing with the stream-o-nator tonight and that’s not a single pitcher with over a $6.7 value. In fact, there are only 9 pitchers with any positive value tonight, which leaves 21 pitchers in the negative with three of them in the negative $30 range. Those three pitchers aren’t even starting in Coors! What does all this mean? Expect a ton of offense tonight because there’s a ton of shizz pitchers throwing. I would guess tonight might be one of those nights where you can score 150 DraftKings points and not cash. The other fun thing tonight is Giancarlo Stanton in Coors field. The superhuman crusher of baseballs checks in at a very rare $100+ value tonight. Just imagine what Giancarlo could do if he were on the Rockies. *Wavy lines* I was so excited to draft Giancarlo #1 overall this year. He hit 30 homers before the all-star break and then his hamstring tore in half, what a bummer. *Wavy lines* Yea, that sounds about right, very Tulo-esque. No matter, he’s in the hitter friendly confines tonight and will be appointment television for me. At $5,800 tonight, I’d say he’s worth every penny. I expected him to be over $6,000 to be honest. Look at us, bargain shopping like a soccer mom. Let’s take a look at some other players to roster and see if there’s any starters worth rostering this Friday.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 25 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Thank you, Jesus Guzman! Or Jesus Alou or Jesus Colome or David DeJesus or whatever baseball Jesus you pray to! Anthony Rendon was activated! “Hello, God, it’s me Grey. I have no more requests…Well, maybe one more. Could you allow Rendon to hit? Okay, you being such a literal God will prolly take that to mean, he’ll get at-bats and ground out. I mean, can you allow him to hit for a high average, some power, some speed and just be better than Logan Forsythe? I’ll take my answer off the air.” Honestly, I have no idea what to expect from Rendon. Some players — Josh Hamilton comes to mind — get countless injury updates from the media no matter how small the news. I feel like with Rendon it’s been radio silence since he was DL’d. Every few weeks there would be a ‘playing in rehab games’ update, but very little else. So, the realistic side of me wants to think he’s going to struggle like it’s spring training for him. The fanboy side of me thinks he’s gonna hit a zillion homers and steal a trillion bases and make everything right. Likely, he’ll be about as good as Yunel, but, due to his name recognition, will soothe my middle infidel nerves for a few weeks. Yesterday, he went 2-for-4 and, well, he’s back, and that’s all that matters. Thank you, Jesus Montero! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Who is Chi Chi Gonzalez?

He’s a pitcher I only really knew because of his incredible name (and seeing it a few times on prospect lists)… I knew almost nothing about this guy.  So instead of doing any research or pounding the Fangraphs, I decided to go into this week’s Pitcher Profile blinded.  I’m going into it like walking into a crowded room, desperately yelling “Chi Chi?!  Chi Chi!??!?!”

And honestly, I wouldn’t have broken down his debut against the Red Sox on Saturday had it not been a no-hit bid into the 6th.  Debut bias alert!  “JB, you got suckered in…”  Darn tootin’!  But I was unable to watch the start live, so even though I figured there was some smoke and mirrors going on, you never really know until you sit down and watch a guy to see how he looked.  So alas, here’s how I saw Chi Chi’s Major League debut:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

All right, you ragtag bunch of misfits! You hate me, and I hate you even more. But without my beloved ringers, you’re all I’ve got. So I want you to remember some inspiring words that someone else might have told you over the course of your lives, and go out there and win!

Has a greater speech ever been uttered to fire up a bunch of ball players? It’s pure honesty at it’s finest. Group hate as a tool of motivation, then followed with some Zen-ish words or whatever kind of “Phil Jackson blah-blah-blah to get your head right” words. Hey, look, a basketball reference Gilpin! If we can remove ourself from the moment and transport ourselves to that happy place, then we can trick ourselves. Thank you Montgomery Burns for this gem and this great song. If this doesn’t work for you, then just think of boobs and how many you get to see if you’re successful. That’s in life, not fantasy baseball. In fantasy baseball, you get the adoration of random men over the internet. Wait, what? Ummmm… I officially just made this weird. Hey, look, there’s a creeper below me and a top-100 for you to chew on below that. *Runs away from computer.*

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Felix Hernandez went 9 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners with 8 Ks, but wasn’t the best pitcher in yesterday’s gaymey. Damn! I wrote the preceding sentence in drool hanging from my mouth while looking at Chris Archer‘s stats, and got to the very end before my drool failed me, sorta like Boxberger failed the Rays. This post will be one part fawning over Archer, two parts awe and three parts peyote. Speaking of peyote, why are there jam bands, but not jelly bands? I put on 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover by Garfunkel’s old partner and fell asleep. When I woke, I started singing, “Chris, there is something you can do to make me smile again. I said I appreciate that and would you please explain the fifty ways you can fix my ratios. You just throw a backdoor curve, swerve! Make a new game plan, man! You don’t need to be coy, 12 Ks — oh, boy! Just get yourself free to pitch every fifth day! Hop on the Nats bus and explain it to Effin Strasburg! You don’t need to discuss much because you are so clutch! Just drop off the key and stay with me! There’s fifty ways I can leave my Cougar!” Yesterday, Archer’s line was 8 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 12 Ks, lowering his ERA to 2.12. Fancy area code you got there! The crazy thing is his K-rate is 10.9, walk rate is 2.7 and xFIP is 2.59, which means he’s as good as he seems. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hey, it’s Memorial Day weekend, so I assume most of you aren’t here. I guess I’ll be chatting with some of our playas’ from Europe and that New Zealander Steve. Damn, that came out like I’m hatin’ on Razzballs good buddy Steve. Sorry Steve, we miss you. With this title you might think I’m going to play a bunch of jazz tunes and that would be the most logical place to go, but not in the stream of confusion of my  mind. Of course I started with Dizzy from one of my favorite jazz albums, but then my mind took an odd turn to Herbie Hancock and how this song changed a lot of musical perspectives for me. After absorbing all of that I fell deeper into the funk and the brilliance of the godfather of soul’s backing band (now there is some dancing I want to see come back). Oh, that sweet sweet soul music from the Baby H to the contemporary Charles Bradley and Lee Fields. Now along the way, I had the local LA underground hiphop scene to deliver rare gems like the Breakestra, and speaking of hip-hop, I have to wonder what the world would be like without Herbie Hancock. Now, you might be asking yourself what this has to do with todays creeper or top 100, and all I can say is my mind is a place and I’m letting you step in it for a few. I also know you guys like talking about music so WTFN.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Cuban phenom and top prospect Rusney Castillo debuted for the Red Sox last night going 1-for-4 with a run scored and a fielding error on a fly ball that resulted in a few boos from the Sawx Nation. “You ahre nevah gunna be like owah Tawmmy!” Be nice you guys, he’s new. OK, so not the best debut, sure, but Castillo made good strong contact on a few fly balls and showed flashes of that speed we’ve all heard so much about. Russy was slashing .293/.341/.440 with six steals, two homers and 10 RBI in 18 games at Pawtucket, and Boston is in desperate need of an offensive jolt right now. If he’s still available in your league you need to go grab him immediately, he was number one on Prospector Mike’s Power Rankings and Grey told you to BUY. If I’m projecting conservatively, I could see 10-12 homers and 15 steals from Rusney with a .275 AVG, but there is a lot of upside here and the homer in me wants to project 25 jacks, 30 steals and .325 AVG, because that’s way more fun. He also has the same hair cut as David Ortiz so they should be best friends forever in no time, and that’s always a bonus, especially if your league counts “Hugs Received” as a category.

Here’s what else I saw Friday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

harperimage

In 1977, not only was yours truly introduced to this cruel, crazy beautiful world, but so was a place that would sell the coolest of cool gadgets. Who reading this can say that, as a kid, or even an adult, they didn’t go into a Sharper Image to sit in one of their outrageously overpriced, super comfortable leather massage chairs. The display chairs in those showrooms saw more action than Jenna Jameson did in the late 90s. The Sharper Image was a great place to kill a good 20 minutes while you wife, girlfriend or other female shopping companion went into the stores you had no desire to see the inside of. It was either Sharper Image or Cinnabon, or both. I used to get yelled at all the time by the store clerks for eating that cinnamon deliciousness while getting a free mechanical rub down.

Please, blog, may I have some more?