Jurickson Profar called up to replace The Ian Kinsler DL Experiment. I’ll wait here while you go add Profar in your league. Okay, back? Good! If you’re not back yet, then you’re not reading this, so let me clear the air, I slept with your sister. Baseballstar Profarlactica is the safest bet from catching the prospect hype virus in the known universe. First (after all those other firsts), let’s see what Scott, our prospect writer, wrote, “Profar brings legit 20-20 potential, along with .300+ AVG, and an OBP north of .350. From shortstop, that sort of production would be enormous. Here’s Grey’s Jurickson Profar fantasy. Also check out my Top 25 Prospects for 2013, where Profar came in at #15. I also slept with your sister.” Damn, hope those other people still aren’t back. I’d grab Profar in every league. Yes, even yours. My guess is he will hit. My 2nd guess is C. Always guess C. That advice can get you into an Ivy League school. I didn’t go to one, ergo, henceforth, vis-à-vis, I had to Google whether or not Ivy League was capitalized. If he hits, Profar could be here to stay with the Rangers saying, “Yo, Profar is hitting so let’s keep him and move Kinsler to the outfield. Or just put a “Hockey sucks” t-shirt on Andrus and drop him off in Winnipeg.” If Profar doesn’t hit, he’ll be sent back down and no one will need to go to Winnipeg. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
“The Nats Don’t Play,” was almost the title, but that’s too raw for all you suckas. It’s too cutting. It cuts the quick and bleeds ever-so-slightly that irritates you when you cut a lemon for your Arnold Palmer. Y’all can’t hang with my chinchilla fur that I’m wearing in my picture. (It’s just off my shoulder; you can’t see it.) B-Real said it best, “You don’t know where I’m going cause you haven’t been where I’ve been, understand where I’m coming from?” The Nationals know where I’ve been. They’ve dealt with the same thing as me, only they had to pay Zimmerman millions of dollars to get what I got. Which is an ulcer. Thanks, doode! I’ll send you the bill for the Zantac I’ve had to take for the last two years. The Nats called Zimmerman into their office and said, “You only have a hamstring issue, but if it’s anything like the injuries you’ve had in the past that have lasted about 60 days past when they were supposed to, we’re bringing up our best prospect, Anthony Rendon. We’re gonna tell everyone that it’s only for a few weeks while you heal, but we hope you don’t come back until July and we can trade you to the highest bidder. What? No, we don’t validate!” Rendon is gonna be a great one…some day. Damn, the fantasy baseball fortune cookie ending! Yeah, I’m not sure he’s ready just yet, but he’s worth a flyer in all leagues. I grabbed him in one league where I have Moustakas, because I’m tired of seeing that gyro-eating-motherfu– Let’s just say I’m tired of Moustakas. Best case scenario, Zimmerman has a set back and Rendon stays up and hits for a solid average and gives high-teen power with some very light speed. Another scenario, Rendon hits, Zimmerman returns and the Nats gutter ball Espinosa’s value and move Rendon to 2nd. Most likely scenario, Zimmerman returns and Rendon is demoted. Worst case scenario, Rendon shows up at your house at 3 AM and asks to sleep on your couch, seems fine at first then he tells you he has no place to live, stays for months, doesn’t ever flush the toilet or fill up the Tang in the fridge then starts dating your aunt, eventually marries her, making him your uncle, a title he insists you call him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
With the 2013 fantasy baseball rankings for every position done, we turn our lazy eye towards the top 100 for 2013 fantasy baseball. These 2013 fantasy baseball rankings are one part fresh and two parts to death. They own a cat, a dog and a lizard in a two bedroom apartment where pets aren’t allowed. Know why? Cause they don’t care! None of this top 100 for 2013 fantasy baseball is meant to surprise. *jumping out of a closet* Boo! Now, that was meant to surprise. This top 100 is just taking my positional rankings and putting guys in The Big Picture. You really should read each ranking post because the blurbs in this top 100 are on the skimpy side because there’s so many of them, and I went over each one of these guys already. Obviously at a hundred players, some guys just didn’t make it. About 300, to be inexact. It’s okay, there will be a top 400 tomorrow. Shortly, Sloth, you’ll have your Baby Ruth. Not to get all biblical on you, but this is the gospel. Print it out and take it to Mt. Sinai and it will say, “Win your 2013 fantasy baseball league, young prematurely balding man.” Projections were done by me and a crack team of 100 monkeys fighting amongst themselves because there were only 99 typewriters. Somebody please buy Ling-Ling his own typewriter! To help with your drafting, there’s also a list of players with multiple position eligibility, and all of the 2013 fantasy baseball projections. Anyway, here’s the top 100 for 2013 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Unlike the top 20 1st basemen for 2013 fantasy baseball, this post doesn’t need to go to 42. About thirteen will do. We’ll still go to 20-something, but it won’t always be fun on the way. I don’t remember another position any other year like this for the 2nd basemen. There are no upside picks after the top thirteen. I mean, I guess, sorta, possibly Logan Forsythe or Donovan Solano could surprise, but, more likely, they will have a few weeks here and there where they are ownable. This wouldn’t matter if, say, they were catchers. You draft one and you’re done. But you know some doofus in your league is going to draft an early middle infielder and then take two of the top thirteen guys. If you get two doofii in your league, you’re gonna have Brian Roberts as your 2nd baseman and be like, “Yo, Grey, he could bounce back, right? Hello? Echo? Mr. Eko from Lost?” There’s the position eligibility chart for 2013 fantasy baseball. All the 2013 fantasy baseball rankings are under that linkie-ma-whosie. As always, my projections and tiers are included for the low, low price of zero dollars. Anyway, here’s the top 20 2nd basemen for 2013 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Here is a look at the value of second basemen over the past season in OPS fantasy leagues. This is not meant to be a ranking so much as adding a lens to illustrate their relative value with OPS as a component.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, James Shields yields 15 Ks, 1 run, but a win ain’t won. Murray Chass just bid a penny on the world’s smallest violin on eBay so he can play it just for Shields. Murray had this to say, “When men were gristled, and ladies were more gristled, we had a name for yellow-bellies like James Shields.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Hector Santiago went 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 10 Ks. Hey, it’s the White Sox closer from 6 months ago, with that gig lasting for a minute. Not an Urbandictionary minute, which is a long time. An actual minute.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Royals called up Jake Odorizzi, which means nothing really for this year. He will start next weekend vs. the Indians, and that could be a spot start in some fantasy leagues, but this is more for 2013. Or, since it’s the Royals, this is Moore for 2013.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Mets went into their minor league system and pulled a giant rabbit out of their hat with Matt Harvey. *terrible Jimmy Stewart impression* Mr. Potter, I knew a Harvey once. Back in 1955, see, and Danny Kaye asked me to sneak this guy named Harvey out of his bedroom at 2 AM.Please, blog, may I have some more?