Drew Smyly

Dan Pants

Friday I’m in Love with Yu

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 58 Comments

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We have almost a week of baseball in the books and Yu Darvish‘s Marvishlous 14 K 1-hitter and Chris Davis‘ power surge have been early standouts. Don’t own either? That’s a shame. Feel like quitting? Not yet, Razzball Nation, I am here to help. You may remember me, Dan, or my alter ego Blairtch, from such fantasy Friday roundups as Mike Trout Saved My Season, But Jewel Saved My Soul and Harper: Better, Faster, Stronger, and my popular online fantasy advice guide, Quit Losing Already, You Loser! I will be recapping Friday nights in fantasy baseball, providing plenty of references to The Cure and fantasy advice so Grey can use his weekends to take care of business, i.e. drink all those daiquiris you’ve been buying him and continue travelling across America interviewing players and managers, scouting top prospects, and attending round table discussions featuring only the most prestigious faculty, alumni and council members at the Fantasy Baseball College of Charleston. So do not worry, I’ll be here throughout the season to cover Friday’s full slate of games for the loyal weekend warriors. There are lots of players to cover this week so let’s get right to it.

Here’s what happened Friday night in fantasy baseball [*Opening Week Edition*]:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Smokey

SP/RP: The Duality of Man

| 2013 Fantasy Baseball Draft | 21 Comments

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Ah Flexibility. It’s like when you were a kid, (or still are a kid) and you have to do that v-sit reach test. You stretch and stretch and in your mind you are awesome, but in reality there is some Romanian chick in your class name Nadia who can eat spaghetti-o’s one at a time with her naval and makes everyone look horrible. This, my friends, is all about the fake baseball flexibility, the laid back one where you pick Cheetos’s one by one out of your belly button, and that to me is grandiose. First lint and now artificially flavored cheese snacks — the world will never cease to amaze me, next thing you know we will put a man on the moon. So last week I gave a preemptive strike into the flexibility thing covering RP that will or may be starting come regular season and are only eligible at RP. Now I am covering some guys that will have both RP and SP, it’s like a fluffer and porn star all rolled into one. So with out the frills and more annoying hullabaloo here are some cats that have dual eligibility. Keep in mind that everyone plays with different settings, so I am only giving guys with 5 starts/5 relief appearances or more to be considered.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Dan Pants

Sox/Yanks Rivalry Returns, Fans Forgot It Was a Rivalry

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 54 Comments

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How did baseball survive over two months without a Boston/New York match-up? It’s barely a rivalry these days as the Yankees took an 8 1/2 game lead over the Red Sox with the big win last night. It was your typical NY/BOS game, i.e., nearly 4 hours long, 18 runs scored, 28 hits, and plenty of dirty looks and “bad calls.” One thing we can always count on in these match-ups is plenty of fantasy implications; in fact, I was debating even covering the other games.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Damn Y’all Hudson!

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 253 Comments

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In a Hudson vs. Hudson battle, Tim won on a technicality as Daniel Hudson left the game with what seemed to be a forearm injury.  To add insult to injury, he left the game after giving up 5 ER on 7 hits in 1 2/3 IP.  With a ghastly 7.35 ERA in 45 IP this year, injury or not, it’s time to cut Daniel Hudson from mixed leagues.  He looked primed to build upon a solid 2011 but so did Kate Hudson after Almost Famous.  Let’s just hope Daniel doesn’t wake up to find Alex Rodriguez in his bed, begging him to go blonder and to tone up his arms.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jason Kubel – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer in as many games.  Hey, Code Rossi wants back his fantasy outfielder value!  Kubel has 4 homers this week and is hitting .333.  May not be a long-term solution, but I’d give him the ol’ how’s your father?  Even if his last name sounds like a vaginal exercise.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Trumbolaya!

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 545 Comments

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Kendrys returns (or is the verb singular there?) this year, but can’t play every day, and when he does, he needs to DH.  So, since Mark Trumbo fields about as well as Dalton Trumbo fielded commie accusations, it seemed like Trumbo (Mark) would be benched a lot.  In years past, Scioscia would’ve went with some variation of a light-hitting middle infielder with a good glove — “You can’t teach moxie!  Moxie’s innate!  Chone Figgins had so much moxie.  He could’ve played 3rd base, 2nd base and waitressed at a diner from midnight to 8 AM.”  That’s a direct quote from Scioscia’s autobiography, “Crouching Angel, Hidden Drag Bunt.”  But maybe Scioscia learned himself something because Trumbo is playing every day, and hitting well.  Yesterday, he went 2-for-3, 2 runs, 6 RBIs and his 13th and 14th homers.  Right now, Trumbo’s hitting .326.  That’s probably through his ceiling for average, through the ceiling above it and out the roof.  He could hit 50 to 60 points below that.  There’s still plenty of value here.  He’s on his way to 30-plus homers, solid counting stats and 10-plus steals.  Basically, what you hope you get from Pujols at this point.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Scott Downs – And just when you think The Sciosciapath has his harsh mellowed over the closer sitch, he goes and flips the script.  Colvin and CarGo, two lefties, were due up in the ninth, so I’m guessing he went with Downs there for that reason.  I’d continue to hold Frieri, but obviously Downs isn’t out of the picture completely.  He’s kinda photobombing the closer picture, actually.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
JB Gilpin

Pitcher Profile: Drew Smyly Gives Up More Than 2 ERs, Is Frowny

| 2012 Fantasy Baseball, Pitcher Profiles | 54 Comments

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Every time I think about Drew Smyly, I think of Cliff Curtis from Training Day.  That movie ended weird.  “Don’t bleed on my floor,” he says after almost shooting Ethan Hawke in the bathtub with a shotgun.  Pretty typical Saturday night if ya ask me, I dunno why Hawke got all bent out of shape and jumped on Denzel’s Monte Carlo.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

And The Heavens Opened And Rained Frogs On All Closers

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 672 Comments

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The Closer Look was only six days ago and we’ve already lost a $12 Salad (Mo), a Donkeycorn (Huston Street) and three Brain Freezes (Santiago/Thornton, Bell, Downs).  If you think the Closepocalypse is something created by the media (me) to sell newspapers (no one buys newspapers), then continue to disbelieve.  I’m just back from Costco with a keg of chicken broth, 400 count box of Mallomars and a 17 pound box of Wheat Thins to stock my Closepocalypse shelter.  When the major leagues have run out of all pitchers to close and have exhausted all other athletes in all other sports trying to convert them to closers and they come knocking on my door, I’m going into my Closepocalypse shelter and you won’t see me again.  Street is always a good nose blow away from getting hurt, so it’s no huge shocker.  The Padres don’t think he’ll be back when his DL stint is up, and I’ll go as far to say he won’t be back for about a month and he’s a setback away from missing three months.  For further reading on that see:  His career.  I grabbed Andrew Cashner in one league.  I would’ve grabbed Luke Gregerson too if I had room, but, alas, I did not.  Who could fit anything with this keg of broth?!  And, because as soon as anyone becomes a closer, they get hot in the way a Dutch oven is hot, so Cashner followed every other closer this year and gave up a bunch of runs.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Cory Luebke – Probably needs Tommy John surgery.  He said his symptoms point to it.  Now the only thing between him and Tommy John surgery is a visit to Dr.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

The Runs Will Come Out Morrow

| Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 752 Comments

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I liked me some Brandon Morrow, but I’m thinking of the old Morrow (not Edward Murrow) that had no control and sat down hitters like he was a furniture salesman whose favorite line was, “Try it out.”  I talked briefly in our last podcast about Morrow.  Rudy tends to think Morrow is a new and improved pitcher.  I think Rudy’s standing too close to a newly-glued diorama.  I just want to get out the facts about Morrow that we think we know compared to what we do know.  FACT:  He’s never had control.  NOT FACT:  Without control, he’s now able to pitch the ball exactly where hitters can make contact, but not get a base hit.  FACT:  His FIP is saying he’s getting lucky.  NOT FACT:  He can leave more runners on than other pitchers.  FACT:  His career walk rate is 4.39.  NOT FACT:  This year he can continue to shave more than two walks per nine off his rate.  FACT:  He pitches in the AL East.  NOT FACT:  He has a parakeet named, Chisel Jaw, that he dresses up in WWII pilot gear with a mini parachute.  FACT:  He’s injury prone.  NOT FACT:  Whenever he orders halibut, he shrugs and says, “I don’t know why I’m ordering this.  Maybe just for the halibut.”  FACT:  He’s at the peak of his value.  NOT FACT:  He liked Jordin Sparks’ latest album on Facebook.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Steve Cishek – Ozzie wrapped a towel around his neck, had Joey Cora spray him with some water so it looked like he just stepped out of a sauna and said Heath Bell’s still his closer.  Two things I don’t agree with there.  First, Heath Bell’s terrible no matter how many times Ozzie says he’s the closer.  Second, if you spray olive oil instead of water, it holds the look of perspiration much better.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

The Future of the World (Or At Least Angels and Nats) Saved!

| 2012 Fantasy Baseball | 613 Comments

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Bryce Harper and Mike Trout were called up by their respective clubs this weekend.  When Bryce left Syracuse for his first major league game, the grand opening of the “Eye Black Isn’t Just For The Ultimate Warrior And Owls” store turned into a Going Out of Business sale.  When Mike Trout left Salt Lake for the Angels, Bobby Abreu’s three year Going Out of Business sale came to an abrupt end.  Bobby, “I still have some seven-pitch walks to sell!”  With Trout and Harper called up, the minor leagues were closed.   There’s no more minor leagues.  In his major league debut, Harper looked like all that and a bag of douche.  Who over the age of twelve flips their helmet off when they’re running?  Wait, is he over the age of twelve?  Definitely more auspicious of a debut than Trout’s (or is that inauspicious?).  (NSFWUYWAAPPH (Not Safe For Work Unless You Work At A Porn Production House):  In case you didn’t see it, Harper roped a double to deep center while someone behind home plate dropped their pants.  (Here’s Bryce Harper’s first major league hit in motion.)  I can’t wait to go to Cooperstown in 25 years and see Bryce Harper’s 1st major league hit.   The curator showing a group of middle school kids, “Here’s the film of Babe Ruth calling his shot and here’s Bryce Harper with a booty call.”  In 50 years, Bryce Harper showing his granddaughter, “There’s your PawPaw getting his first major league hit.”  “PawPaw, are you the one with your ass showing?”  “No, sweetheart, that’s how fans celebrated baseball players when I played.  A great time to be alive.”)  Mike Trout, nor the fans behind him, flashed anything.  Whatevs, I like him better for this year.

Please, blog, may I have some more?