If you read my column last week, I used a terrible metaphor relating a cruise buffet to the pitching slate of the day. I guess I don’t learn from my mistakes very well, so I’ll use another bad food comparison. A few days ago I went to one of my favorite steak restaurants and the service was absolutely terrible. We waited 45 minutes for our food, and it was cold when it got there. It was an absolutely terrible experience. I dread going back there again, but I know that it will probably be amazing the next time I do. This is Clayton Kershaw. For that huge price, he probably burned you last time out. Do not be fooled, mediocrity is a very rare (unintended steak pun), occurrence for Clayton. I don’t care that the Rockies are hot, you are pitching Kersh, and you will be rewarded for it.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 25 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

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I’m taking a stand. I officially want to change Thursday to Slowday. Is anyone else with me? No? OK, well, anyways, it’s another slow day for baseball on Thursday, with just four games in the evening slate. Personally, I prefer days where there are 12 games or so to play in the evening, allowing for numerous possibilities. On a day like today, the importance of having one or two guys different from everyone else can’t be understated. Now to hit on that person or two is another story.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 20 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Have you ever seen the pictures of those little birds that ride around on hippopotami?  They cruise around on their backs, picking off random bugs and what not.  They have a symbiotic relationship.  Despite you not weighing 4,000 lbs and/or being a bug eating bird, you too can be part of a symbiotic relationship and here’s how.  The thing about DFS and DFS research is that you’re most likely doing the research anyway.  Think about it; as you sit down in front of your computer in the morning with your cup of joe and ponder that day’s potential RCL streamers, what you’re also doing is researching cheap pitchers for the day’s DFS slate.  Those guys available to you on the RCL waiver wire are going to be your mid to low priced DFS options.  Next, as Rudy has already empowered you with the knowledge of the importance of maximizing ABs in the RCLs, you check the wire to see if Player X is facing a lefty at home today.   Well, what you’re doing once again is finding a nice low-priced DFS option on offense.  Just like the hippo and the bird, it’s a symbiotic relationship this DFS/RCL research.  The fun doesn’t end there either.  Another time you’ll see this relationship is during year long head-to-head playoffs. This is where you’re throwing everything and the kitchen sink out there.  Any and all streamers welcome, it’s all about racking up points.  Your regular 2B has been lousy of late and is playing in Petco?  See ya later and say hello to DJ LeMahieu playing at home this week!  It seems kind of obvious, but if you’re doing all this research anyway, why not apply it towards something where you can win more than the couple Bennies in your home league or RCL?  Roll those skills out into a 50/50 or 20 and make that research count.  Before you know it you’ll be picking bugs off a hippo and using your DFS research to pick out offensive streamers in your RCL.  It’ll only make you a better overall player and who doesn’t want that?

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 25 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I recently went on a cruise. Now if you have ever been on one, you know there are way too many things to do, way too much to eat, and way too little space in your room. If you have not been, here is how a typical day goes. You wake up and bump into the wall getting out of bed. Next, look at the schedule written in probably 2 point font because they put 8 million bits of information on it. You’ll probably be hungry by now, no matter what time of day it is, so you decide to go to the buffet. Now on this buffet is anything you could ever imagine… well if you can imagine every TV dinner at Wal-Mart already cooked for you. Don’t get me wrong, there are some good things to eat on this buffet, it’s just hard to tell what they are because it’s just not appealing to the eye. Today’s pitching slate is one gigantic cruise buffet. There are so many unappealing options, but there has to be something good buried beneath the mess. Let’s take a look:

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Happy Matt Harvey Day, everyone! Too bad the scheduling gods didn’t put it at night so we could have some serious DFS fun. Anywho, welcome. I could go on and on about what I do, and how I’ll be here each Thursday for your DraftKings advice, but we’ve been there and done that.

Let’s make you some cash.

Thursday is a weird day, and my spidey-senses tell me it’s going to be this way quite a few times this year. As a go-home day and an off-day, Thursday won’t be like your typical day for baseball. Today, we have games spread throughout the day, with only three night games.

Not cool.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 20 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

One of the easiest things to do in DFS is to abandon ship. On Twitter, you can find all the folks you follow in total shambles over the results of the evening’s gameplan. So as you prepare for the next day, it would be real easy to see a good play but pass on it because you feel the burn of the previous evening’s results.

Rather than bailing on the play, there is no better time to double-down on that play, because there are going to be plenty of people who will not get on the boat again, leaving you to be the one to cash in on what you knew was a good play.

You have to have a cornerback’s mentality to have fun at DFS, otherwise you’ll find yourself with a Do-Not-Roster list longer than the player’s eligible. Do your research and trust your process. What you can’t trust is your own recency bias.

With that said, it takes a real thick-skinned player to go back to the well a third time when the other two times haven’t worked out. Yet, that’s exactly what I’m doing tomorrow when I have at least one lineup with a Milwaukee Brewer stack in it for tournament play.

The Brewers have scored a whopping two runs in their first two games, at home, against the not-so-intimidating Colorado Rockies staff. Wednesday they face Eddie Butler, a hard-throwing but otherwise hittable arm that occupies the three slot in the Rockies rotation. So, Adam Lind, Jonathan Lucroy, you’re not leaving my lineups just yet.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 20 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hello there (four) ladies and gentlemen. It’s your friendly neighborhood hippo here. Not to be confused with Big Fat Hippo from back in the day, but I’ve been around these parts since that time frame. First as a lurker, next as a frequent commenter, and now I come to you as a humble DFS writer. I’ve always had a lot to say and have always wanted a platform to say it. Well, want no more. I’m excited to be coming to you weekly and hopefully putting a few pesos in your pocket. This is a nice way for me to give back to Razzball and the Razzball community for all they’ve done for me over the years. I was hoping this gig came with one of those STAFF shirts, I’ve always wanted one of those, but no dice. Instead, I’ve taken my Razzball T-shirt and used some iron on paper to spell out STAFF on the back. Now excuse me while I stand here with my arms crossed and try to look important. Ahhh, feels just like I thought it would. With introductions out of the way, I’d like to chat a minute about this daily game.

The daily fantasy game is the fantasy sports format of the future if you ask me. Just think about it: kids these days are all hopped up on MAXX energy drinks (no clue if that’s actually a thing) and can’t remove their eyeballs from their twitter account, even while driving. Nothing holds their attention for longer than 30 seconds. 30 seconds isn’t nearly enough time to sit through an entire roto draft or manage a team each and every day for 6 months. You know what you can do in 30 seconds though? I’ll tell ya. Put together a Draftkings lineup that could win you thousands of dollars. Instant gratification friends. You can cash out the next morning and put it all on red by the afternoon. It doesn’t get much better than that. No more waiting for your 12 buddies to pay the commish who will eventually get around to sending you a check for a couple hundo. If it’s bragging rights you crave, you can set up a league with those same 12 buddies and play every day for $1. Or, you can play your Razzball pals regularly right here and thump your chest in the comments. Plenty of options and a little something for everyone. I invite you to do what I did last season and decide on a bankroll (let’s just say $100) and just give this thing a whirl. Play a $1 50/50 game, where half the field wins, everyday for a month or so and just get a feel for it, see how it works and see if your bankroll grows. Trust me, you don’t want to be left standing on the beach while everyone else is riding the fantasy wave of the future. Now, hold on while we drop into the green room for some of today’s best plays, bruh.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings y’all, it is finally here! You use Greek in the title and then go hillbilly in the lead paragraph? Look, my ghost writers are very diverse in their backgrounds, m’kay? Gotta let them wax poetic as they want to. Or wax period, honestly. Could use some help with my eyebrows right now if we’re being honest. It’s the one thing me and The Brow have in common. Oh no, a basketball joke on a baseball blog; worlds are colliding! Anyways, opening day is here and that’s both a blessing and a curse in the world of DraftKings. You see, on the one hand, the season is starting and we’re excited. On the other hand, all that data mining you did last year to aid your own ascent up your tourney rankings? Might as well grab the paint thinner and start the Mona Lisa over because plenty of things don’t matter any more. We now have to aggregate some data from over the years and weigh some things out, carry the two, multiply by the square root of an isosceles triangle…OR you can get your subscription to the DFSBot started today and take a look at some of the data I’ll be looking at for today’s slate. How’s that for a god from the machine? But more to the point, it’s opening day and time for some fun. There’s the $100K Moonshot Tourney out there as well as a free $15K Tourney if you’re new to DK and sign up through us. But how do I do such a thing, you ask? Click on the underlined ‘DraftKings’ in this opening paragraph. No, I won’t tell you where it is. Treat it like this is a game of ‘Where’s Waldo’. PS, I referenced a child’s game because this search shouldn’t take that long…I’m still waiting…alright, just gonna have to leave you laggards behind because we have to get this show on the road. Here’s my red hot takes for the Opening Day 2015 Fantasy Baseball DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

What’s that I see creeping around the corner? The stalker you’ve filed a restraining order against? Nah, our resident Creeper of the Week writer JFOH is fine; we’ve finally taught him what ‘personal bubble space’ and ‘bad touch’ is so he’s allowed to spend time with the other writers. Granted, he DOES have to wear oven mitts so he doesn’t get overly stimulated when we high five but he gets to enjoy Razzball potlucks again without the police getting involved. Baby steps! Of course, what’s creeping is the baseball season as this Sunday is the start of six months of that game we love so much…Daily Fantasy Sports! I heard you just say ‘what, huh’? If you don’t know what DFS is, just click on that link to get an idea of what we’re talking about here and then come back. Don’t worry, we’ll be waiting…ok, we’re still waiting…alright, some of us just didn’t take the speed reading class seriously, I guess. Heck, I even learned how to do it out loud. Sounded like the Micro Machines guy. Anyways, now that you’re intrigued by the concept, we’re gonna talk about what to do once you’ve signed up for DraftKings. Ah ‘but how do I sign up for DraftKings while supporting Razzball at the same time?’ is your question. I could read it on your face and let me tell you, ‘sharpie’ isn’t a good look on you. By clicking on the DraftKings link I’ve now given you thrice, you are given a signup referral from us and a free $3 ticket to any contest you choose. In fact, you COULD choose a $100,000 Moonshot tourney opening day with that $3 ticket or better yet, a free $15,000 tourney to kick off the season care of signing up through us. Or just keep it simple and join a multiplier or a head to head……if you don’t know what these words mean feel free to take a look at a review post of the league types to get yourself acquainted. Now that we’re past these link hurdles, though, let’s get down to da biz. Here’s some strategy to attack your DK games with for the 2015 Fantasy Baseball season…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So if you’re keeping up with the flow of all things DraftKings around here, you’re well aware that I touched briefly on league types in our intro post for this years MLB kickoff. Also, if you’re keeping up with said things, you wouldn’t have to click that hyperlink highlighting DK because that’s the portal that says ‘Hey, I wanna play DraftKings and get a free $3 ticket cuz Razzball sent me’. I mean, you’ve already done that, right? Right?!? Well, if not there’s your second chance to do so. Much like life, these chances are fleeting. Be sure to take advantage before the start of the season so you can get in on the big Moonshot tourney to kick off your season. Moonshot tourney? Ugh, that’s right, I’m getting ahead of myself. You see, the scary cool thing about DraftKings is that it’s very much like the Gummi Bears from Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Minus the laying naked next to the Berlin Wall and finding yourself a Sugar Daddy part. Nope, no links, you’re just gonna have to figure what I mean out all by your google lonesome. Just saying that the choices are seemingly infinite and also can be overwhelming so with that, lets discuss what DK can offer you for 2015 Fantasy Baseball and what leagues suit you best…

Please, blog, may I have some more?