Fantasy Baseball Advice

Lots of good news coming out about Peavy’s rehab. He said, “I feel good. Could probably take three Pujols line drives off the noggin’.” He wasn’t himself to start the year and then he revealed he had an arm issue. I think Peavy’s as good as Santana if not better when healthy. You won’t find a bigger fan of Peavy than me, but pitchers with arm issues? Eh. He’s real close to a tossup between Buy and Sell to me. What convinced me on Sell? I wrote Buy or Sell on the wall of my condo, then my pet unicorn stabbed Sell with her horn. (While getting sparkle dust all over my home office and setting my allergies into high gear. Also, and I don’t want to get preachy, but it so important to spay and neuter your unicorns and to buy them from reputable dealers. Unicorn mills are a problem and only “You A Can” help. But I digress.) I see Peavy pitching well for a start or three because he’s rested now, but within a month or two he’s going to be sore again and need another break and/or DL stint.  I know this is probably the last thing an owner of Peavy wants to hear, but I’m just trying to be conservative. I’m not proposing you sell him for anything less than his worth, but I am saying you sell him. Anyway, here’s some more fantasy baseball players to buy and sell:

Psyche! (Not the TV show.) Before I get into this week’s Buy and Sell, I wanted to let you know that we have a huge announcement coming this Sunday night and I just wanted to prep people now. So if you need to take heart pills for big announcements, you’ve been warned. (BTW, we’re not selling out or welcoming any new bloggers into the mix. We’re not joining any “Network.” Razzball won’t suddenly start writing about antiquing (we’ll ween you into that). We will not start charging money to read this shizz. We’re not changing anything really, so chillax. All we’re doing is… Well, you’ll see. Let’s just say I’m giddy for all of you to know.)

BUY

Ty Wiggington – Only three home runs thus far. He could get to 20 with 2nd base eligibility, how’s that for a happy ending in Ty-Land?

Ryan Doumit – If you’re still playing the catcher shuffle, Doumit’s coming back. For what it’s worth, my unicorn is a big fan of Doumit.

Micah Owings – Not as terrific as he was, but he’s still striking out three times as many as he walks. Waivers I say, he no belong.

Chone Figgins – He’s due back soon. Sure, it took him way too long to come back the first time, but he can still be had for cheap because his owners (if there are any left) are fed up with him. Unlike Furcal (who we’ll get to), Figgins seems to run fine when he comes back from extended absences.

Jose Contreras – Don’t look now, but Contreras is on a crazy good streak. Last night’s 7 IP, 1 ER win against the Royals comes on the heels of a 3-1 May where he had a 2.45 ERA and 0.93 WHIP over 41 IP. On a more jaded note, those starts included SEA, TOR, and LAA (twice). And his K/BB was 25/12. So we upgrade him from ‘don’t own’ to ’stream starter.’ Hopefully he doesn’t quickly turn into a Cleveland Streamer.

Justin Masterson – He’s Jamaican and his next start is against the Mariners. High Times gives him their Smoking Blunt Seal of Approval™. (BTW, from the file of weird stats (Sorry, if this is your turf, Jayson Stark), the Mariners have struckout less than every other team. They also have walked the second least amount of times. Little League Coach of struggling team, “That’s it, just put it in play,” as he watches someone else groundout to 2nd base.)

Josh Anderson – Two steals in 10 ABs. He’s playing at least for the next two weeks while Kotsay mends. Anderson can steal 8 bases in the next two weeks.

Chris Carter – From the man that brought you Cancer Man, now comes a lefty slugger that should get some opportunities against righties while Papi mends. He’s worth a flier in AL-Only leagues.

Francisco Liriano – Probably will be back in late June, so depending on how aggressive your league is, you should grab him soon if you need a starter. Will he be the Liriano of old? No, not yet, but I’d grab him just to see if he’s still got it (which means, punch the wall to turn on the jukebox. Ayyyy…).

SELL

Jorge Posada – He’s back, but he needs labrum surgery and the Yanks are carrying three catchers because of their lack of faith in Posada. If you can trade Posada to someone for a piece you’re lacking, do it and grab Olivo (7 home runs and 23 RBIs in 127 at-bats) off waivers.

Travis Hafner – He’s swinging a bat again. Every bit of good news that comes out of the Pronk camp is an opportunity to sell him. Push that shizz as well as you can. For example, this is you talking to a leaguemate, “Yeah, he’s swinging a bat on his way to recovery! He was predicted to hit 30+ home runs this year, so he’s going to hit like 4 HRs every week for two months! Matter of fact, I just convinced myself not to trade Hafner! Okay, I’ll take Marmol for him.” (BTW, make sure you put exclamations on every sentence, except the one where you ask for a player. Like the The Quadratics sang, “That’s like taking candy from a baby…”)

Taipei Slinklo – I could have put any top closer here. If you’re sitting on a nine or ten in saves and your offense or starters are hurting, shame on you. Trade Taipei Slinklo? Pho sho!

Carlos Pena – I’d trade this schmohawk too, even if you’re selling low. I see him on his way, like Heidi Montag, to new bust territory.

Rafael Furcal – After taking five months last year to recover from an ankle injury and taking almost a month longer than he was supposed to for a back issue, makes me start to think he’s eating over at Nomar’s house too much. I’d try and move Furcal, he’s becoming way too brittle.

Radhames Liz – Not sure how the Orioles found another Daniel Cabrera, but they did. No wonder Leo Mazzone got out of Baltimore. (BTW, was it Glavine, Smoltz and Maddux or was it Mazzone? Part of me thinks Mazzone’s only real genius was figuring out if you rock back and forth on the bench people will think you’re some kind of Rainman savant. The other part of me feels like it’s blasphemous to even talk bad about Mazzone. Do you see how convincing that rocking is? You can’t even question it without feeling guilt. Okay, homework assignment, when your boss walks by your cubicle, rock back and forth then report to Razzball Nation your findings.)

He looks like a skinny Craig Wilson or an un-curly-haired Eric Byrnes. He’s got no one batting around him unless you count six schmohawks, a pitcher and the X-Man. Is Nate McLouth worth a pickup? Weirdly, yes. He is. Will he continue this? Well, my partner (not in a gay way) Rudy Gamble definitely thinks so. So I watched McLouth play against the Cubs and, not surprisingly, Rudy’s right. McLouth’s locked in right now and deserves a pickup. Weird, right? Unfortunately, he’s probably not available for you to pickup. Oh, yeah, and K-Rod’s injured. Okay, here’s what else I saw yesterday:

Francisco Rodriguez – Seems to have injured his ankle. Justin Speier or Scot Shields? I think they turn to Shields because he’s been there longer. A loyalty thing. They might go with Speier. A who’s-better-right-now thing. Where I was able to, I picked up both until this shakes out. Where I wasn’t able to, I went with Shields.

Howie Kendrick – Left with a thumb injury, but it doesn’t appear serious since he stayed in for a few innings after injuring it.

Joe Borowski – Seriously? How is he still the closer? They don’t have one guy better than him. They have two. Borowski isn’t fit to pitch the seventh inning of blowouts. (BTW, after he blew the save by allowing a walk-off grand slam, they played that crappy American Idol song, “Bad Day.” Classic.

Joey Votto – Dusty put in Javier Valentin to pinch hit instead of Votto. Does this mean anything to you? It should.

Brad Lidge – Edwin Encarncion came close to proving Brantley wrong again and hitting another clutch home run. But it turned into a fairly unremarkable long out except, when Encarncion hit the ball to the warning track, Lidge dropped his head like he had just learned his wife left him for his sister. Seriously, Lidge might cry by the end of the year. Not great for a closer.

Felipe Lopez – Played left field. Well, I guess Acta forgave him for sleeping with his wife and threw him in the lineup. Does his value go up with outfield eligibility? No, not really. But if Felipe is starting coupled with his MI eligibility from last year, he’s worth a looksee. This doesn’t mean he’s starting every day yet. It’s at a wait-and-see right now.

Bartolo Colon – Not sure if anyone out there in AL-only leagues was waiting for him to return, but he just landed on the minor league DL with a strained oblique. Whatevs. You got bigger fish to fry with your team if you were waiting for Bart Colon.

Chris Snyder – Dropped to the eighth spot. Well, that didn’t take long. Oh, well.

Carlos Ruiz – He is killing me, cause in the preseason I named Ruiz to the All-Grey-Talks-About Team. There’s nothing worse than grabbing a player and holding onto him out of spite no matter all the signs saying drop him. It’s still early, but soon I might ask you to punt this puta.

Adrian Gonzalez – I sure hope he keeps up his torrid hitting. Unfortunately, he started really hot last year, as well. I’m beginning to think I might say A-Gone in a trade in June.

Brad Thompson – I bid $3 on him in my NL-only league. Just sayin’.

Matt Cain – That was the Padres! I wish I didn’t have to say I told you to stay away from the CainCum combo, but I did.

Wilson Betemit – Played short, replacing Jeter when he left the game with an injury. If Pretty Boy hits the DL and Betemit fills in, I think he’s an immediate grab in AL-only and a looksee in mixed.

Jose Valverde – He’s not a safe reliever. If I had a dollar for every time he burned me, I’d have three or four dollars. That’s all I’m saying right now.

Franklin Gutierrez – I’m worried; he’s pressing. Hopefully it doesn’t last too long or FraGu (<—-forced nickname) may find himself in the nine hole.

Mark Reynolds – I fingercuffed myself with him. (Fingercuffing — in relation to fantasy baseball — is when you have him on a regular team and also on your Fantasy Razzball team, which rewards sucking and striking out and overall crappiness.) Anyway, each home run and strikeout simultaneously pulls me in two separate emotional directions. Hence, fingercuffing.)

Nick Blackburn – He looked good again. And, to be honest, I still don’t know what to make of him. I don’t think he’s as good as he looked, but if you’re in a deep league and need pitching, you gotta take a flier, right?

Tom Gorzelanny – FYI, I dropped him in the one league I was in. Sure, it was only a ten team mixed league, but, well, now you know.

Ronnie Paulino – He’s not even starting against lefties now? Ugh. Good news for Doumit owners, bad news for Paulino owners (as if there are any). And, because I know the comments are coming, yes, I would drop Ruiz for Doumit if you can grab him.

Juan Pierre – Matt Kemp is being benched for him — for the third straight game! The Pierre Situation will have more victims than victors.

Tom Glavine – My hand that holds how crappy the Rockies were is lower than my hand that is holding how good Glavine was.

Rich Harden – He’s headed to the DL. Seriously, why bother?