Zack Cozart is a pickup in all leagues where you need a middle infidel. Go, I’ll wait here. *scratches chin, yawns, covers mustache with two fingers to see what I look like without it, shakes head* Welcome back! Cozart hit 17 homers and stole 30 bases last year. You know who that reminds me of? No, not you in high school. Let it go, man. It reminds me of Danny Espinosa. Danny has a bit more power and a bit less speed, but tomato-tomato with a different emphasis. Cozart also comes with the same potential to be an average drain. Also, Espinosa and Cozart sounds like a promising TNT drama starring Freddy Prinze Jr.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Well, lookie lookie! If it’s not Carlos Beltran really back from over a year layoff after leaving the lineup initially with what was described as a day-to-day issue. Those sure are long days, New York Mets? They’re like Alaska in the summer days. Beltran returned briefly last year in September, but he’s claiming that he wasn’t 100% at that point. He is now. How far you can throw Beltran is how much you should believe him. As I mentioned in the top 100 for the 2nd half when I gave him the projections of 35/12/45/.270/4, “He comes with injury risk, might not be ready to hit major league pitching and who knows if he’ll be able to steal any bases…” And that’s me quoting me! We’re just as likely to see Beltran reinjure himself, come out of the closet and take Claire Danes to the People’s Choice Awards as a friend. (On a sidenote, in a meeting I went to yesterday, I held a People’s Choice Award for about 12 seconds. I knew I was in trouble when I picked it up and said, “I’d like to thank the 16 million Guatemalans who I paid a nickel each to vote for me. This is as much yours as it is mine, but you’re still not invited to come visit it,” and was met with silence.) About two weeks ago, I told you to sell Beltran. Nothing’s changed on that front. You do what you do, I’ll do what I do and we’ll run parallel and wave to each other. Hey! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jose Reyes – Manuel said Reyes won’t return until he’s 100% pain free. As someone who has struggled with oblique soreness… Oh, who am I kidding, I don’t even know where it is. I’m not sure why they don’t just DL Reyes so I can at least do the same in my fantasy leagues. Doesn’t anyone care about fantasy?! C’mon, I’m juggling Bartlett and Hardy in my SS spot! I wouldn’t be surprised if we don’t see Reyes for another week to ten days. <–optimistic
Matt Wieters – To the DL. I have a suggestion for a new Matt Wieters Fact. A Houston Astros fan swung a bat at a Brad Ausmus piñata and Matt Wieters fell out.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Bob Feller told a story about how he once threw 117 MPH while urinating. He went on to talk about Triscuits and where he left his teeth. When he came back around to baseball, he said no one’s throwing a 1.15 ERA, even that guy with no hair. Once again, the old Feller has forgotten more than you could ever know. To paraphrase EPMD, last night Ubaldo Jimenez had his ERA tooken. He gave up 6 earned runs in 5 and two-thirds innings. It’s no crime to be hit by the Red Sox in Coors and you had to expect the ERA was going to come up at some point. All things considered, he K’d 7 and walked no one vs.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Javier Vazquez touched you in your no-no area for two months to the point where just looking at his name made you crawl up into a ball and cry, but yesterday he flirted with a no-no for seven innings. He held the 1927 Blue Jays to only one hit, a home run by HGH Wells. (In a strange twist, Bautista didn’t homer, but he did have sex with your wife. Don’t shoot the messenger!) So can Javier Vazquez now be trusted? The better question is did anyone really think he was the 8 ERA pitcher he was showing in April and May? Come on, this is baseball. It’s a sport of aberrations from day-to-day and week-to-week and month-to-month, but, in the end, people find their level. Vazquez is more or less a 4.50 ERA pitcher in the AL. So you need some months of dreckitude surrounded by some months of usability. Vazquez is still walking too many guys and, other than him striking out 9 Blue Kays yesterday and the Suckie-O’s the game before, his Ks have been down. So usable, but don’t expect a full return of 2009 Vazquez. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Mike Stanton – He’s coming up on Tuesday. Can you hear that? It’s my heart going pitter patter. Put your ear up to the computer monitor, you’ll hear it.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Dontrelle Willis, the flat-billed pitchypus in question, was traded to the Diamondbacks for a half-used #2 pencil and a race car-shaped eraser. When a team trades a guy and still has to pay the majority of his salary, it’s usually not a good sign. I have maintained in the past that maybe the only thing eating at Dontrelle was the Tigers taking away the best aspect of his game –> his hitting. It’s still not a reason to pick him up. It’s not like the Diamondbacks stadium is a pitchers’ haven. Let someone else take the flat-billed pitchypus under their wing and nurture it back to health. Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Mark Teixeira – Day-to-day after he left the game with a bruised foot, which is far less tasty than a braised foot.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Kendry Morales could miss the rest of the season after breaking his leg during the celebration of his walk-off grand slam. Too bad the Wide World of Sports isn’t still on. They could’ve covered the agony and the ecstasy all in one full swoop. This injury reminds me of the time Justin Duchscherer heard The Hokey Pokey and in celebration put his right hip out. And didn’t put his right hip back in for six to eight months later. In place of Kendry, the Angels could call up Mark Trumbo. In AL-Only leagues, he’s worth grabbing for his power potential. In 47 games, he has 11 homers, but it’s also in the PCL, so there’s your grain of salt. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Howie Kendrick – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs and two home runs. Second home run was a game winner but there was no need for pylons around yesterday’s pile-on. The celebration was kept in check by Scioscia. He said under no circumstances is anyone supposed to injury another teammate in a celebration unless that player is Mike Napoli.Please, blog, may I have some more?
In the first act, some creepy kid runs into frame, mumbling, “I see blown saves.” I know Ryan Madson is a Cuddle Boy, but don’t drop him yet. Sorry to get Biblical on you, but hast thou forgotten the wrath Brad Lidge hast broust on ye past teams? Please. Give Lidge a week before abandoning Madson. Lidge is like a “1000 Dollar Car” as sung by the Bottle Rockets. Google the lyrics if you don’t know the song but in summation, “If a $1000 car was truly worth a damn, then why would anybody ever spend ten grand?” Let shizz shake out first before you act rash, talcum. There’s time to drop Madson. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Evan Meek – Recorded the 3 up, 3 down save yesterday as Dotel was out sleeping with your sister. Don’t worry, Dotel’s days of ruining your ERA and WHIP aren’t over yet. Meek was only used because Dotel had pitched two innings the day before (beautifully, I might add). To recap, handcuffs across the Brewers, Pirates and Rangers: Frank-Frank, Meek, Villanueva and the guy at Subway who gives you the skeeves, in that order. Hoffman, Dotel and Feliz, in that order, should all still be owned.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I picked up Doug Fister in every league I could. So, that’s out of the way. I won’t start him the next time out though and I’m not sure I’ll start him ever. I may just drop him if I never get a good matchup at home. At home’s key. That’s the only place I’d start him. Last night, his 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks performance is his peak. He pitches to contact and doesn’t K anyone. He’s similar to Joel Pineiro. Call him Jo-eh. If you were the firster to get him off waivers, chuck him into a package trade for someone much more reliable or exciting. His appeal is limited. So, yes, I grabbed him to chuck him. My apologies, Mister Fister. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Casey Kotchman – Hit his 2nd homer in as many days. Going mono y mano with Soriole, Bradley Bergesen.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Well you came and you gave without taking but I sent you away, oh Wandy….Wandy Rodriguez yesterday gave up four homers in five innings. That was one way to correct an abnormal home run rate. This is three starts now that he’s been rocked. His owners got a bye on the first one because they were called unearned runs.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Lemonade was a popular drink and it still is, the Rangers could only get one hit against Willis. That’s right, Dwyck. Dontrelle Willis went six and one-third, allowing only three baserunners and K’ing five. The Rangers came into the game hitting lefties extremely well (.291) with Kinsler at .460 and Michael Young at .372. So let’s all get jazzamatazzed, right? Well, I don’t hold the same excitement. His story definitely has the Lubitsch touch, but his last start was four earned in four and two-thirds against the Twins. Dontrelle’s opponents will be tough, his recent history has been extremely poor and a 5/4 K/BB is poor. There’s got to be at least a half dozen guys better on your waivers to take a chance on. Let someone else buy a ticket for the D-Train. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
James Shields – 8 1/3 IP, 0 ER, zero run support. If only they batted Sonnanstine third…
Josh Outman – 6 IP, 4 baserunners, 0 ER, 6 Ks. His Ks are solid, but he walks too many guys and right now he’s getting a bit lucky with how many guys he’s leaving on base. Then throw in the fact that he pitches for the A’s and their A’nemic offense. Outman shouldn’t be in, man, outside of AL-Only leagues.Please, blog, may I have some more?