Fantasy Baseball Advice

Last night, Buster Posey was carried off the field after Scott Cousins plowed him over.  This was the worst bang-bang play a catcher took in San Francisco since– Okay, you almost drew me into that one, but I’m not going there.  It didn’t look good as Posey wasn’t able to put weight on his leg.  Everyone’s favorite lox dealer, Eli Whiteside, would take over if the busted Posey misses time.  As Eli would say, oy.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Mike Minor – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks.  The reason why I haven’t been screaming for you to grab this Minor, besides the fact I’m not Gary Glitter or Jeffrey Jones, is I have no idea the Braves plan for him.  I imagine he’s sent back down as soon as Beachy returns.  You can pick up Minor, just in case he sticks.  I do still have much love for him.  Even if he hasn’t returned any of my phone calls, appreciated my unannounced drop-bys or patted my butt when I’ve asked him to.

Jordan Schafer – 2-for-5, was called up and led off for the Braves.  With his poor slash line in the minors this year, the only thing Schafer should be leading off is Letterman shows.

Mike Morse – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and now has three straight games with a home run.  Dot, dot, dash.  That’s Morse code for pick him up right now.

Zack Greinke – 7 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks and he pitchslapped Jason Marquis.  In Greinke’s last three games, he’s given up 5 ER, 4 ER and 3 ER.  I look forward to his start in early June when he throws a shutout.

Zach Braddock – Still out with a sleep disorder, but yesterday he missed a rehab start because of a cracked fingernail.  He said, “I’m not going to let a fingernail–”  Then fell asleep mid-sentence.

Matt Guerrier – Lost yesterday’s game; Jansen lost the previous Dodgers loss.  Guerra, MacDougal, Rubby…. Your time to suck is now!  Dodger bullpen?  More like Dodgy bullpen.

Ted Lilly – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Would’ve been nice to see more Ks — because I like Ks, okay?! — but he’s lowered his ERA from 4.93 on May 4th to 4.41 in the (not Denard) span of four starts.   Next stop, 4.00!

Hong-Chih Kuo – Throwing at 90% intensity as he works his way back from an anxiety condition.  Somebody just needs to ask him, “You happy with your status, Kuo?”

Juan Nicasio – Will get the Rockies Saturday start.  He was making it look easy in Double-A — 2.22 ERA, 1.02 WHIP, plus-10 K-rate.  That’s a yes, please and thank you.  Unfortunately, Double-A players sleep in hammocks that smell like mildew and can’t hit like major leaguers.  Outside of NL-Only leagues, you’re asking to get roofied if you grab Nicasio.  Though, if he pitches well, I could see reevaluating.

Jed Lowrie – 0-for-5 while the Sawx scored 14 runs.  Ticker tease!

Jarrod Saltalamacchia – 2-for-4 with his 4th home run in his last ten games while upping his batting average thirty-three points.  I don’t mind him, but Salty raises Rudy’s blood pressure.

Carl Crawford – 4-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs, his 3rd home run and 2nd in three games.  On top of the homer, there were two doubles and some premature extrabasulation.  He’s batting .308 in May and the “Now Through Memorial Day” sale on Crawford ended early.

Brad Hawpe – 2-for-4 and homers in back-to-back games.  Yesterday, someone asked if Hawpe’s recent hitting would keep Rizzo down.  The thing about Rizzo is the same with most rookies.  They fail — with or without a hashtag.  A rookie in Petco?  I would take a flyer, but I wouldn’t count on Rizzo saving your season.

Andruw Jones – 3-for-3, 4 RBIs and two home runs.  Someone just woke from a five-year coma and can’t stop talking about the Hall of Fame career Andruw Jones is having.

Russell Martin – Has 9 homers and 4 steals on the year.  Not bad considering there were two Yankee backstops drafted before him.

Frank Francisco – John Farrell, the Blue Jays manager (which I always feel the need to clarify), said Frank² was their closer.  Then he said Dotel, Frasor and Rauch could all jump on the closerousel if a matchup proved favorable.  By which he means, if they don’t want to blow the save, they’ll look elsewhere.

Erik Bedard – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks.  So, here’s a day in the life of Grey Albright:  Yesterday, I was backing up my SUV in a gas station and I ran into an old man walking behind my car.  Not on purpose!  I love old people.  They have good stories and carry hard candies.  But, from my rearview mirror, it looked like I decapitated him.  Quickly, I jump out of my car — after momentarily considering driving straight to Mexico and selling blankets and chiclets for the rest of my life.  Turned out I didn’t behead him, I knocked his toupee off.  I bring this up now because if the old man were Erik Bedard, he wouldn’t have walked away from the accident.  I.e., he’s injury prone.  Enjoy Bedard while you can, he’s not staying healthy.

Franklin Gutierrez – 2-for-3 as The Big FraGu went deep for the first time this season.  To be clear, I like The Big FraGu’s nickname better than him.

Neftali Feliz – He got the save yesterday and his season ERA is 1.13.  Still, something is not right.  He has a 1.50 WHIP and 14 walks vs. 8 Ks.  This isn’t the same guy who has a career K-rate better than 9.  I’d say he’s hiding an injury, but his velocity has been fine.  It might be a mechanics thing.  I don’t know, I’m not Tom Emanski.  BTW, who’s the backup to grab in Texas?  Blech, no one really.  BTW II, The Return of BTW, there should be a Razzball glossary term for when your closer is doing poorly (Joakim Soria, anyone?), but the rest of the bullpen is so bad you just ignore it.  Make suggestions in the comments.  Thank you.

Luke Hochevar – 7 IP, 7 ER, 11 baserunners, 1 K.  Seven innings and seven runs?  Looks like he was a victim of manager’s indifference.

Ian Kennedy – 8 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks in Coors.  Sorry if I told you to bench him yesterday.  Mea culpa, my Latin friends.  I avoided a sonavabenching because Rudy snuck Kennedy into our lineup.  His ‘fro is obviously just camo-ing his giant brain.

Ervin Santana – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks.  On May 13th, I told you Ervin was about to be magic.  Since then, his ERA is 2.05.  Cust kayin’.

Wilson Valdez – Started at 2nd base for Utley then pitched the 19th inning to earn the win.  Geez, everyone’s breathing down Ryan Madson’s neck.  When the game ended at 2:45 AM, all fans remaining in attendance got to take home with them one homeless person.

Don Kelly – LL Donkey has started the last two games in front of Brandon Inge.  Inge needs to turn to Big Mike for some guidance.

Kevin Slowey – Out with an abdominal strain.  Jim Hoey to replace Kevin Slowey.  Too bad they couldn’t replace Joe Mauer with Jack Bauer.  “Look, Liriano, we don’t have time!  I need you to throw me a fastball low and outside and I need you to throw it NOW!”

Mike Stanton snapped out of a 5 for 58 slump with 2 HRs and 4 RBIs in a doubleheader against the Phillies. Was retired lefty reliever Mike Stanton hitting for him? I realize they look a little different (the hitter is 22 years younger, 15 pounds heavier, 4 inches taller, a tad darker) but even a young K-prone hitter should avoid that bad of slumps, right? Well, obviously not. Stanton’s 35% K rate translates to a .235 AVG with an average (.300) BABIP. He’s still a valuable asset because of the power – but you’ll have to either compensate with a high batting AVG guy or absorb the AVG hit.

Danny Espinosa - The rookie 2B looked like the 2.0 version of 2009 Desmond by going 4 for 5 with 2 HR and 6 RBI against the Mets. Where’d this come from? Espinosa was a 3rd round pick out of Long Beach State – the baseball factory that brought you Troy Tulowitzki and Evan Longoria. Espinosa has shown 20/20 potential in AA and AAA over the past 2 years but his AVG has been in the .260 range. So it’s possible he maintains this streak for the rest of the month as an extended audition for a 2011 starting spot. Take a chance if you’ve got dead wood in your MI spot.

Jeff Niemann – The good news is he gave you less earned runs than his past two starts. The bad news is that he still got whomped – 6 ER in less than 2 innings after giving up 17 ER in 8.1 IP in his previous two starts. If he’s still on your team, I’d drop him like he bombed.

Jon Lester – Won with 10Ks over 6 IP – his 3rd straight game with a win and 10 Ks. Last Red Sox player to do that? How would I know – I don’t work for ELIAS. (I’d guess Pedro). I’d say it’s Sabathia’s Cy Young to lose but I think Lester will edge out Buchholz and F-Her if he stumbles. Unless Keith Law is the only voter – then I’d say Felix Hernandez.

Brian Matusz – Won his 4th straight game – this time at Yankee Stadium. This three starts were home against Boston and Texas and at the White Sox. All four were 6 IP and none more than 3 ER. So if you need a pitcher to stream, he’s your guy.

Don Kelly – The man two L’s away from donkey status had a HR/3 RBI game. He’s platooning with Ryan Raburn (Kelly gets righty pitchers) and he’s not that great. I’d stream him for a day if your OF isn’t playing – that’s about it.

Neil Walker – Another HR – making that 5 HRs in his past 9 games. Now hitting .312, this guy has been looking like the second coming of Freddy Sanchez. But Pirates are like people you meet at the Jersey Shore – don’t fall in love with them. His minor league stats and his .370+ BABIP suggest he’s hitting out of his mind right now. Enjoy the ride but drop him in shallower leagues should he struggle for the next hot-hitting MI.

Jim Thome - 2 HRs on Saturday. Took Sunday off. Hit another HR on Monday. The guy is hitting a HR now every 11AB or so. Trying to figure when this guy is going to play is infuriating – Kubel and Mauer DH as well – but he’s a must add now for daily leagues where you can swap him out if he’s sitting.

Jose Reyes – The Mets have been in complete minayal over Reyes’ oblique injury. They’ve been having hit batting practice and claim he might play but he’s been out for 7 days and will probably miss most of next week too. As someone who drafted Reyes hoping for a discount on his typical 60 SB with respectable AVG/R/HR/RBI, the only solace is that at least he hasn’t been completely useless like D’Ellsbury.

Ivan Rodriguez – Had 1 HR and 7 RBIs over the past two days. Congrats to the 3 people who own him in a league.

Carlos Marmol - It was clearly Piniella’s fault that the Cubs were underperforming because it feels like they’ve been streaking ever since. Marmol now has 4 saves in 6 days in September. Even better, he’s still K-ing guys and now has a ridiculous 118 Ks in 66.1 IP. Most relievers couldn’t get that many K’s if they faced a lineup of Ryan Howard, Adam Dunn, and Mark Reynolds.

Kevin Kouzmanoff – Will miss a few games with back spasms. I think they’re sympathy spasms for Eric Chavez.

Ozzie Guillen said Jake Peavy “has some things with his arm.”  You know how know-it-alls put (sic) to indicate the quote’s error is not the transcriber’s error?  They should adopt this for major league managers.  “Has some things with his arm (Ozzie).” “Mathis just knows how to play the game BETTER! (Scioscia)”  “That’s not old school, that’s good school.  That’s the way you play the game unless you want to put some rouge and makeup and lipstick on. (Manuel)”  So Peavy has some things with his arm.  Yeah, that’s not a good sign.  That’s like my friend who was trying to sell me a car.  “It just hasn’t been started in over a year.”  I put Peavy in the “Avoid” tier in the preseason because he’s been too injured the last few seasons.  What’s he now?  Injured.  Thank you, your Honor.  I rest my case.  I’d look to sell Peavy.  Unfortunately, no one’s buying him.  Right now, the Sox are only talking about moving his next start, but it’s not a good sign either way.  Or eithurrrr if Mystikal’s reading to you.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Chris Resop – Off to the DL.  The Disgraceful List is when a player’s DL’d for sucking.  But what’s it called when the player forces a team to promote them due to a contract issue and then is DL’d because the club just doesn’t want the player?  Disagreement List?  Disaccord List?  Dis Team Has No Room For You List?

Shelley Duncan – Hit his 2nd homer in two games.  Unfortunate for anyone who had to high five him afterwards.

Tommy Hunter – Left the game with some hip flexor discomfort.  Pretty sneaky of Coghlan to step up to the plate with “The Twist” playing.

Julio Borbon – 2-for-4 with his 1st homer, now batting .285 to Andrus’ .288.  Give him the green light!

Brandon Wood – 1-for-3 as he played shortstop for Izturis, who went to the DL with a strained forearm.  If Wood hits and if he gets shortstop eligibility and one more if you’ll have a full house.  If’s over and’s.

Jon Niese – 7 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Looks like Niese has put his feud with Heather B completely behind him.  He’s pitching well and he has home games in Metco yadda³, I’d grab him.

Fred Lewis – 4-for-5 with his 5th steal as Jose Bautista sat.  The Bautista who is hitting .194 with 5 homers since I said you should sell him a month ago.  In April, Bautista had 4 homers.  In May, he hit 12 homers.  In June, he has 2 homers.  You tell me which month looks off.  Oh, and sorry to Fred Lewis for hogging his blurb with Bautista info.

Ricky Romero – 6 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks and a 3.08 ERA on the year.  I don’t want to lose people with K/9 or anything so here… Romero has 96 Ks in 96 1/3 innings.  Thing.  Of.  Beauty.  Yes, I brought out the douchey one word sentences for emphasis.

John Buck – 2-for-4 with his 12th homer.  BUCK!

Scott Baker – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 12 Ks.  A Baker’s dozen!  Wait, that’s not right.  Eh, whatever.  Baker just about reached the point where I was going to tell people to lose him everywhere so he really needed this start.  I don’t think he’s completely out of the woods, but he’s in a better place than he was after his last start.

Joe Mauer – 0-for-3, hitting .311 with 2 homers on the year.  Cust kayin’.

Jaime Garcia – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks.  First time in a while his line looks like he should have got the Win and what happens?  Gets the loss for the first time since May 8th.  It’s the chutzpah of Wins.

Brennan Boesch – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs, his 9th homer as he bats .344 on the year.  Who’s been more valuable, Boesch or Holliday?  Yup.

Don Kelly – 0-for-4, ye of a .217 average and .276 OBP hit leadoff.  Your internal monologue, “Why, Grey, I do not understand?”  Because Kelly played center and Leyland only has one lineup card.

Jose Tabata – Hit his first major league homer yesterday.  I’m fingercuffed to him and it feels so good.  Then not good.  Then good again.

Matt Lindstrom – Got the save.  Guess his back is, um, back.  Lyon hasn’t been bad so I’m holding him for now where I have room.

David DeJesus – 10 for his last 13.  For DeJesus’ next trick, he’s going to walk on water.  The downside is there isn’t much upside.

Mike Leake – 6 IP, 5 ER, 12 baserunners, 4 Ks.  About three weeks ago, I was saying he was going to fall back to earth then for the last two weeks after that I’ve been reminding you that I was saying Leake was going to fall back to earth three weeks ago.  I don’t think he’s all the way back to earth yet either.

Manny Ramirez – 3rd homer in his last seven games and 2nd homer in last two games.  After the homer, he got back in the dugout and Casey Blake iced him.

Clayton Kershaw – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 Ks, 8 baserunners, but only 1 walk.  Look at Kershaw only walking three hitters in his last two starts.  Oh, and he has 97 Ks in 85 IP.  Nasty.

Livan Hernandez – 6 2/3 IP, 8 ER, 13 baserunners, 2 Ks.  What did this fat guy who can only throw 82 MPH do with the other fat guy who can only throw 82 MPH?

Aubrey Huff – 3-for-4 with his 4th homer in the last six games.  Keeps going like this and he may get a “Huffing Along” post title.

Tim Lincecum – 6 IP, 2 ER, 12 baserunners, 10 Ks.  Was hit by a comebacker and removed from the game.  Lincecum should be fine for his next start.  In a weird voodoo doll-type way, when Lincecum was hit, k.d. lang said, “Ouch.”

Pablo Sandoval – Giants trainer said Sandoval needs to be more disciplined about his eating habits.  Earth to ESPN, this is a reality show!  Watch Kung Fu Panda go to the beach and refuse to take off his shirt.  Watch as Kung Fu Panda says no to Kung Pao Chicken and yes to calisthenics.  Watch Kung Fu Panda go shopping for clothes.  “No, Renteria, I can’t fit into these Dockers.  I’m bloated!”

The Rangers bullpen costing C.J. Wilson the win is like ten thousand spoons and all you need is a knife.  Maybe Frank-Frank didn’t like Wilson cutting into his save chances last year.  I was skeptical of Wilson moving into the rotation.  I said to myself, “Grey, you’re handsome.”  Wait, wrong conversation.  I remember it now.  “Grey, why not start Neftali Feliz?  Why they fussing with C.J. Wilson?”  I didn’t have an answer and wasn’t sure why I was using the word “fussing.”  It’s like when you get mail order bride emails.  Wouldn’t they be email order brides?  Some questions have no answers.  But I’m ready to hush that fuss.  C.J. Wilson has always rocked an impressive K-rate as a reliever and, if he can maintain that and his walks, he could be a huge surprise in the rotation.  Am I a fan of Arlington for pitchers in the summer?  Nope, but let’s get there first, shall we?  Wilson could give you a K/IP and a solid just under-4 ERA.  I’m buying!  Oh, and welcome to all the Googlers of “I’m buying” + “mail order bride.”  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Taylor Teagarden – 0-for-4, but enough about the negatives.  Saltymochachino is out for at least 15 days with back stiffness and it’s not like Salty was doing anything anyway.  Ron Washington said Salty was only the starting catcher because “his name goes to eleven.”

Frank Francisco – 2/3 IP, 3 ER as he blew the save.  As a commenter said yesterday, Frank-Frank fail-fail.

Julio Borbon – 0-for-the-season.  Will be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell.  Your breath is bated.

Ian Kinsler – Was given another cortisone shot in his ankle.  Now his ankle really won’t have any wrinkles!  Wait, what?  Yeah, I’m not a doctor, but this will delay Kinsler return a few more days.  I’m guessing it’ll be at least two more weeks.

Aaron Hill – Sat out due to hamstring tightness.  He only missed 4 games last year.  His numbers last year had a lot to do with him accumulating many² at-bats.  It’s a situation that bears watching, Timothy Treadwell.

Travis Snider – 0-for-4, 3 Ks.  With the way he’s going, he’ll be in the minors within two weeks.

Ronnie Belliard – 3-for-5 with a Double, Triple and Homer as he hit for The Hungry Man Cycle.

Chad Billingsley – 5 1/3 IP, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks.  If I wanted to emphasize the baserunners, I would’ve listed them last.  Instead, I chose to put the strikeouts last.  I’m a big fan of Bills.  A Billiever, if you will.  However, this was an ugly start.

Paul Maholm – 6 IP, 4 ER.  For those who think they’re outsmarting everyone by finding value on the Pirates staff, this start was against the Dodgers B lineup.

Hayden Penn – Why is the girl from Heroes pitching for the Pirates?

Orlando Hudson – Left the game with what appeared to be a neck injury.  Could mean Nick Punto at 2nd on Friday.  Shandler must be happy.

Jim Thome – 2-for-4, HR yesterday.  Started at DH for the 2nd straight game.  Yeah, that’s not good for Delmon Young’s playing time.

Kevin Slowey – My almost preseason Cy Young pick threw five and a third and allowed only one run.  Have much love for Slowey this year.

Carlos Beltran – Set to begin a running program.  A source told ESPN, “He’s a professional.  His body will dictate what to do.  He’s progressing great.”  Here’s what I hear, “Trite statement.  Statement that can be misconstrued to mean more than it does.  Lie.”  Then Beltran said, “Right now I don’t want to talk about when I’m going to come back if I haven’t run yet.  When I run, then that can give me an idea of where I am. Right now it’s hard for me to say.”  Here’s what I hear, “I’m not lying for the Mets.  They can suck it.”

Luis Castillo – Will sit Friday with a calf injury.  Whatever, Reyes returns Saturday!

Jeff Niemann – Was hit by a line drive in the arm, not the knee, man.  Should make his next start as he’s listed as Day-to-Day.  Where is this master Day-to-Day list?  Is there some guy in Barbados sipping coladas keeping this list?  I’d like to know.

Jon Niese – 6 IP, 3 ER, 3 Ks as he battled Nate Robertson (5 IP, 1 ER, 4 Ks).  Reminded me of the epic battles between Nies and Heather B.

Randy Wells – 6 IP, 8 baserunners, 1 K as sabermetricians shake their fist at his BABIP.

Marlon Byrd – Another homer yesterday.  All he does is hit homers!  No, really, his only two hits this year are homers.

Tyler Colvin – HR yesterday.  He’s an older rookie prospect who never played Triple-A.  He’s pretty deep on the depth charts and profiles as a 4th outfielder.  Has some pop in his bat, but no starting job unless The Mummy asks for his knees back from Soriano.

Chipper Jones – Glass Chipper left with a boo-boo.  Boo boo, indeed.  He’ll be out for 2-3 days with a strained oblique.  Chipper definitely keeps strained obliques in business.

Don Kelly – Started at 3B for Detroit today.  For some reason, he makes me think of Adam Dunn, Mark Reynolds, and Ian Stewart.  Then again, sometimes I have a hard time seeing L’s.

Miguel Cabrera – 4-for-5, 4 RBIs and a homer.  Another sober day in the office for Miggy, but what’s interesting is how he’s tried to steal twice already.  If he can somehow swipe 10 bags (it’s a stretch), he could be the most valuable fantasy hitter this year.

Billy Butler -1-for-2 with his third Warning Track Fly of the year.  Could lead the league in WTF’s.

Daric Barton – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs.  For what it’s Wuertz, Barton reminds me of Gaby Sanchez.  It’s neither a compliment nor an insult.

Nolan Reimold – HR yesterday.  Take that, Achilles!  Pee-ay is out with an injury and Reimold’s making the most of his time.  If the Orioles come to their senses, Reimold really should be the starter.  If he is, all bets are off.  Or maybe that’s on.  Either way, he should be owned.

Brian Matusz – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 BBs.  This kinda blew my mind.  When I was doing the Buy/Sell that’s coming later today, I was looking at the percentage owned at the major sites.  Matusz is owned in 98% of ESPN leagues.  I think Matusz is talented, so don’t take this wrong way, but he will roofie you.  98% seems way too confident and tells me people could be overrating him for this year.  But the mind blowing part is coming in the next blurb, follow me…

Justin Masterson – 5 IP, 6 baserunners, 1 ER, 5 Ks.  Here’s what I said in my rankings, “He induces groundballs and gets strikeouts, that’s not a combo that should be scoffed at.  Even if the only people that scoff at something are in Merchant-Ivory films.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Oh, and Masterson’s owned in 2% of ESPN leagues.  That’s two.  Wha…?

Kerry Wood – Will throw from 110 feet on Friday.  So he’s now pitching from 2nd base?  Oh-kay.  Still not returning until the end of May.

Brad Penny – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 Ks.  Put a straitjacket on a pitcher and throw him in a milk can and Dave Duncan will get him out.  Don’t try and figure it out, just know that Penny can now be a reliable 4th fantasy starter.

Bronson Arroyo – 8 IP, 1 ER, 6 Ks.  Maybe he won’t wait until the 2nd half this year to be good, but I’m not risking it.  Also, Arroyo was hit by a comebacker and might miss his next start.  Too bad, so sad.

Mike Sweeney – 1-for-4, 1 RBI.  Dave Eggers’ favorite hitter got his first start as Seattle’s DH.  He’s only DH-eligible in most leagues now and probably won’t have 1B-eligibility until end of May at the earliest.  So unless you’re in a 14-team AL-only league, he’s not going to give you any value.

Doug Fister – 4 IP, 2 ER.  Has there ever been a pitcher/catcher combo that warranted the ‘battery’ name more than today’s Mariner tandem of Fister-Moore?

Ichiro Suzuki/Franklin Gutierrez/Milton Bradley – It’s like having two Gold Glove outfielders and one Golden Glove outfielder.

CC Sabathia left his start with biceps tightness.  Or is it bicep?  Hmm…  Either way, it’s not great to hear about an arm issue with your fantasy ace.  Right now they’re saying no tests are even necessary.  Give me two hundred CCs of a White Russian and I’m asking this, you pay one hundred trillion dollars for a player and then you don’t send him for tests when he hurts his bicep(s)?  Are they joking?  Seriously, is this Candid Camera?  I thought I saw my Adam Lambert poster’s eyes move.  Is there a camera behind there?  Send me a signal, throw me a line.  Hopefully, tests aren’t necessary because it’s so obviously not a problem.  They don’t need to administer tests for how Sabathia feels about his new home park, The Jetstream.  To the left, to the left… Now, up, baby, up… He has a 3.99 ERA at home and 3.35 away.  His 6 K/9 is more troubling.  That would be the lowest mark of his career.  Even last year in April when he was struggling, he was K’ing more than one batter per inning.  Hopefully in the 2nd half of the year he can rearrange the girth and makes things right.  (Fun with anagrams!)  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Daisuke Matsuzaka – Disgraceful List just got one more as the Sawx made room for Smoltz.  Neither funny nor that insightful, but you’d think there would be some kind of rule by the MLB that teams can’t just DL someone because they’re ineffective.

Ryan Howard – In and out of the hospital with a fever.  Phillies doctors said he’d be fine, he just ate a quart of ice cream too fast and his body temperature was trying to overcompensate.

Carlos Beltran – Going for an MRI on Monday for his knee even though he complained days ago and played on Sunday.  Um, okay.  Supposedly he only has pain when he decelerates abruptly.  Here’s an idea, slide!

Endy Chavez – Out for the season so Transylvania’s favorite son, Wladimir Balentien, should get the starts.  Now the Mariners just need all of their major league and minor league catchers to hurt themselves so they have to play Jeff Clement.

Casey McGehee – HR yesterday.  Has 10 homer power, but right now he’s scorching hot, batting over .400 for the last week.  He’s worth a flier over the schmohawk behind door number 3.  For what it’s worth, last week I dropped Kennedy for McGehee in one league.

Chris Coghlan – 3-for-4, 3 Runs.  According to ESPN, Coghlan’s only owned in 3.1% of leagues.  Actually, I kinda understand that.  In June, he has 1 homer and 3 steals.  Excuse me while I burp.

Don Kelly – 2-for-4 and batting .417 since his callup.  He’s a minor league journeyman who has some light speed.  Not speed of light.  Totally different thing.

Aaron Harang – 7 IP, 3 ER, 7 Ks.  It’s like 2008 never happened.  But, you know what?  I remember it.

David Ortiz – HR yesterday.  Note from the author (me).  This was sent in by a longtime reader, Tarasco’s Secret Stash, “Ortiz’s swing this year has been interesting to watch evolve lately, and it’s finally clicking. Dave Magadan first tried the Drew back-shoulder tap as his first timing correction, but that didn’t really seem to get him out of his funk. Papi was rocking that timing mechanism for a couple weeks in May, until they started trying his current approach, which is much quieter and more vertical. He’s setting his hands smoothly now, Hideki Matsui style, instead of waggling the bat or cocking his wrists, and he’s instead leaving the hands up higher and the wrists more loaded. That’s letting him dip slightly to load his weight back while keeping the wrists much more steady, and it’s keeping his swing plane on the ball better. His hip rotation is still strong, which is the best sign for him going forward. He’s able to turn through balls as well as years past, and he seems to have rediscovered his bat path over the last couple weeks. He’s drilling the ball to left center at Fenway of late.”

Dallas Braden – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 Ks.  Solid fill-in for this week without Peavy.  I’m sticking for now and going with him in Oakland vs. the Rox in his next start.  If I were feeling particularly lucky, I’d roll the dice with Cahill (vs. SF, COL) or Garrett Olson (vs. Padres, LAD) this week.  I’m not feeling lucky, but some of youse may be.

Wandy Rodriguez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 Ks.  The Wandwagon rolls again.

Ricky Romero – 7 IP, 2 ER.  Nice start vs. the Nats.  I’d take a flier on him for a fifth to sixth fantasy starter.

Lyle Overbay – Hit his 9th homer yesterday with 5 RBIs.  You’re showing Derrek Lee and the dealer’s showing Lyle Overbay.  That’s a push.

Khalil Greene – Two games, two homers.  Now that he has his emotional baggage safely stored in his overhead compartment, he’s mollywopping the ball.  Worth a flier for cheap power at your MI spot.

Gil Meche – 3 1/3 IP, 9 ER.  It was the Cards, man.  The Cards.  Pitch around Pujols (who had 6 RBIs in this game).  Pitch. Around. Him.  Come on!

Michael Cuddyer – HR yesterday.  Hitting .444 over his last week with 2 homers, which is also known as Joe Mauer every week.

Geovany Soto – HR yesterday.  Clearly he’s found his power stroke with 3 homers this month, but he’s still batting .238 in June and only has 6 RBIs all month.

Randy Wells – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER.  Got the Win after 6 starts when he could’ve easily been victorious.  I’m still not endorsing him past matchups and his next matchup’s kinda eh.

Kevin Millwood – 7 IP, 2 ER, 10 Ks.  Finally listened to Nolan Ryan as he emphasized the importance of the K.

Chris Davis – Over the weekend, Davis became the fastest man ever to 100 Ks.  Maybe Nolan Ryan should be careful about to who he’s emphasizing the importance of the K.

Troy Tulowitzki – 3-for-3.  His average has been on the rise all monthowitzki.

Matt Holliday – 0-for-4, batting .269 on the year with 8 homers.  Where’s that blogger/guy/doode who in the preseason said Holliday just needed to get familiar with Oakland then it would all start clicking?  Is he familiar yet?

Jeremy Accardo – Left yesterday’s game after tweaking something on his right side.  Eddie Vedder says, “Jeremy’s broken…”