Fantasy Baseball Advice

It’s trade deadline time, a full baseball weekend, and Grey is at a crawfish festival asking ladies whether he has any chum in his moustache.  Anyway, the Indians spoiled the Yanks and Sawx plans by nabbing Ubaldo for a bunch of prospects including their top two pitching prospects (Drew Pomeranz and Alex White).  Moving to the AL Central is definitely better for Ubaldo’s stock than the AL East and you’d think moving a mile closer to sea level for home games would help in the long run.  I expect a good finish this year for him as ALers adjust to his stuff.

As for Pence, what a shocker that Philadelphia and Houston made a trade!  Ruben Amaro Jr. is like the jerk in a fantasy baseball keeper league who keeps tapping the same goober (Ed Wade) for advantageous trades.  The Phillies got Brad Lidge and Roy Oswalt the past two years and the Astros have Brett Wallace, JA Happ, and (had) Michael Bourn to show for it.  Time will tell whether the prospects in this trade are worth it but the change in scenery should definitely help Pence.  He hit 5th on Sunday which should give him some solid RBI opportunities behind Utley and Howard.  Plus, he can look forward to many Pence-sylvania puns!

In other news…

Erik Bedard - The Red Sox nixed a trade with Oakland for Rich Harden because of injury concerns and then ok’d a trade to Seattle for Erik Bedard.  When pressed on why they signed off on Bedard but not Harden, Red Sox doctors pointed out that Bedard’s right arm looked a lot healthier than Harden’s.  We’re disappointed they didn’t pull off both trades.  They could put Erich Bedarden as the probable starter and then start the healthy one.  Suffice it to say, going from Seattle to Boston should only help Bedard’s Wins, hurt his ERA/WHIP, and maim non-New Englanders’ eardrums during unsuccessful home starts (You sahck cahk Bedahd!).

Michael  Bourn - Traded to Atlanta for Jordan Schafer and the Atlanta B-prospect orchestra.  This was all news to him when he woke up today in the wrong part of Atlanta, not knowing how he got there.  Luckily he outran all his attackers until he was able to surmise his past role as a SAGNOF operative.

Rafael Furcal - Traded to the Cardinals.  McCourt offered to send a $10,000 check as well if the Cards could just wire him $5,000.  No real change in value for Furcal.  He’s barely startable when healthy and barely healthy when he starts.

Dee Gordon - With Furcal traded, the Dee Gordon era has arrived in LA.  Dodger fans, SAGNOF fans, and What’s Happening fans, rejoice!

Doug Fister - The Mariners traded Fister to a team (Tigers) where he might have a chance at the occasional win.  Fister has 3 wins and 12 losses (only 2nd in the AL to Jeremy Guthrie’s 13 losses) despite a 3.33 / 1.17 ERA/WHIP.  Fister’s lack of K’s (5.5 Ks) makes him only spot start worthy in shallow mixed leagues.  I just wish Seattle would’ve added catcher Adam Moore to the deal to preserve possibly the best pitcher-catcher battery of all-time (Fister-Moore).

Chris Davis - He’ll finally get his 3rd chance to prove he’s a major league hitter after getting traded with Tommy Hunter to Baltimore for Koji Uehara.  If he’s your best option at cornerman, my condolences.   I can see Chris Davis and Mark Reynolds becoming great friends, swapping tips on how to walk back to the dugout after striking out.

Brandon Allen - Man, just when Arizona started playing him, they trade him to the A’s for Brad Ziegler.  Allen is getting sent to AAA for now but I wouldn’t be surprised if he gets called up soon.

Paul Goldschmidt - With Allen out of town, the Diamondbacks plan to call him up to take over at 1B.  He’s shown great power and I’d give him a flier as a corner power option.  I predict he’ll surpass Jason Schmidt (7) and end up with the 2nd most career HRs for someone with Schmidt in their last name.

Mike Adams – Traded to the Rangers for two pitching prospects where he apologized to all owners who held onto him in mixed leagues hoping he’d inherit the Padres closer job when Heath Bell was traded.  He’s still worth owning as a middle reliever – especially as a handcuff if you own Feliz.

Ryan Ludwick - Traded to the Pirates.  His value moves from yaaawwwn to yawn.  Once Tabata comes back, this is going to mean a big drop in playing time for Garrett Jones.

Derrek Lee – Also traded to the Pirates.  He’s been hitting of late and is serviceable when on a hitting streak.   In related news, if your beer league softball team needs a 1B, Lyle Overbay is available.

Orlando Cabrera - Traded to the Giants as Sabean is looking for the right mix of Tejada’s over-the-hillness and Brandon Crawford’s weak bat.

Lance Berkman – Returned after a few days off to hit a 3-run HR on Sunday.  That’s 28 HRs in 308 ABs.  See Colby, that’s what happens when you listen to the Cardinals coaches.  Although, it should be said, that McGwire’s success with Berkman is largely because Lance pictures a Big Mac in place of McGwire’s face when getting batting tips.  If only the Astros had hired Mayor McCheese as batting coach…

Justin Verlander – Took a no-hitter into the 8th inning for the 3rd time this year, outdueling AL Cy Young front-runner Jered Weaver in a 3-2 win.  He’s now 15-5 with a 2.24 ERA, 0.87 WHIP, and 178 Ks in 181 IP.  Almost every award prediction I made this preseason looks awful except Verlander for Cy Young.  If only I drafted him on one of our teams.

Jered Weaver – Lost the duel against Verlander to ‘fall’ to 14-5 with a 1.88 ERA and 0.94 WHIP.  Worse yet, he got ejected for throwing one high and tight on pitch after Carlos Guillen took a few minutes to admire his HR.  While I can see why Weaver was mad, he needs to realize that might’ve been one of the only notable accomplishments for Guillen in like 4 years.  Let the man have his moment.

Domonic Brown – Sent down to AAA as the Phillies decided John Mayberry at least lets them put out an MVP outfield (Mayberry, Victorino, Pence).

Joe Saunders - Oh the joys of pitching in the NL West.  He’s followed up a complete game victory @SD with a 7.2 IP, 2 ER win against LA.  He’s got another start coming up against the Dodgers which makes him a pretty solid streaming candidate.

Jeremy Hellickson – The H-E-double hockey st-ickson is bringing the Devil back into the Rays.  He got his 10th win of the year albeit against the Mariners and with only 2 Ks in 7 IP.  At 10-7, Hellickson and Pineda are battling for top non-Roofie this year.

Brett Wallace / Chris Johnson – The ineffective corners of Houston were sent down to AAA.  This will finally give some playing time to top prospects…..oops, those are their top prospects.  That’s the bad karma you get when you play in the park formerly known as Enron Field.  Unlike Ed Wade, at least the Enron executives got to feel like the ‘Smartest Men in the Room’ for a little while.

Jason Bourgeois – Slam and legs with an extra side of legs for the upper class Astro.  With Michael Bourn and Hunter Pence gone, Bourgeois should get plenty of time to hit at the top of the lineup and steal bases.  Given the current state of the Astros lineup (Bourgeois hit 3rd on Sunday!), he better steal during his first 3 ABs because there may not be a 4th AB.

Emilio Bonifacio - His hitting streak was snapped at 26 games but he did hit a HR on Sunday.  Mr. Dimaggio, you dodged a bullet.  Mr. Bonds, hope you’re ready for some Boneface.

Johnny Cueto – Threw a 3-hit shutout against the new look Giants offense.  Why can’t Volquez take a sip of whatever Cueto is drinking (1.72 ERA / 0.98 WHIP)?

Coco Crisp – 3 SBs to tie his career high from last year at 32 SBs.  No wonder why Ice-T loves him so much.

Juan Nicasio - 7 IP, 1 ER and 10 Ks at San Diego – his first good road start this whole year.  I’d say he’s a great bet for K’s but he has only K’d more than 6 in one other start…..@COL against the Padres (9 Ks).  The R0ckies should rest him for a few weeks and then start him every game in their next series with San Diego.  Also, not for nothing, if his parents had gringo’d his name to John, he could have had the best 80′s keyboardist name of all time (Johnny Casio).

Roger Bernadina – In the midst of an 0-for-17 slump (or 8-for-50 if you want to go back further), the Nats sent him down to AAA.  For the love of SAGNOF, WTF?!  Ankiel owners should benefit the most from this although, if anyone owns Ankiel in a shallow mixed league, they probably checked out 3 months ago.  On Sunday, the Nats decided to start Brian Bixler in CF.  This is the Brian Bixler whose awful bat (.177/.237/.227 in 203 ABs) wasn’t good enough for Pittsburgh’s SS position (when they sucked).  This was the equivalent of Bixler taking a bat and hitting Bernadina in the balls – assuming Bixler would actually make contact.

Brandon McCarthy - Two straight wins for McCarthy after dispatching the Twins yesterday with a 9 K effort.  He’s doing his part to rid the McCarthy name of its embarrassing affiliation with Communist witch-hunts, vaccination witch-hunts, and falling for redheads from the wrong side of the tracks.  If you leave Brandon, don’t leave now!

Dustin Moseley - The NL Doug Fister (3-10 despite a 3.30 ERA) went on the 15 day DL with a bad shoulder on his non-pitching arm.  That’s weak.  Jim Abbott pitched just fine with a bad arm on his non-pitching shoulder.

Tampa is no South Beach.  His Wade-in-crime (Davis) isn’t quite as stellar.  But James Shields is looking a lot more Kingly than LeBron these days.  Facing the red-hot Red Sox (9 straight wins @ 9+ runs scored per game), Shields threw a 5-hit, 3-walk shutout.  That’s Shields’ 6th win with a 2.60 ERA, a 1.05 WHIP, and 98 Ks in 103.2 IP.  His ERA is almost half of last year’s 5.18 debacle.  Sure, he’s playing slightly above the talents he brought to Tampa (.269 BABIP, 82% strand rate) but his peripherals (K/BB) are as solid as anyone in the AL (including Verlander).  Hold him if you got ‘em.  Be confident to trade for him if you don’t.  Just watch out when he starts against the Tigers – that Dirks is clutch.

Elsewhere in fantasy baseballdom….

Justin Verlander - A 12 K, 2 hit shutout with the Indians’ first hit coming with one out in the 8th inning.  Clearly, Verlander was pissed that Francisco Liriano flirted with a 2nd 2011 no-hitter the other night.  He is Verlander, there can only be one.

Aaron Hill – 3 for 5 with a double and his 2nd HR of the year.  Not what I was expecting when I paid $18 for him in my AL-league.  Seems like an off year for a number of HR + high-K guys (Dunn, Reynolds, Hill, Uggla).  Reminds me of the mid-1980′s when suddenly all the coked up, slap-hitting SB guys all fell to the floor – or should I say LeFlore!

Cole Hamels - Another great start (7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners) but left with a sore back.  Musta picked it up from ol’ balky-back Roy Oswalt.  Next thing you know, Hamels will be riding to games in a John Deere or strapping a V8 onto Cliff Lee and painting a Confederate flag on both his sides.

Domonic Brown - Two solo HRs for Domonic that both were no-doubters.  I’m starting to give him the googly eyes I usually reserve for Mike Stanton.  Homers just seem easier to hit when you’re 6’5″.  Well, except when you’re Michael Jordan.  (last basketball reference, i promise)

Jered Weaver – A 5-hit shutout just like Shields’ except it was against the Mariners vs. the Red Sox.  His other two shutouts this year were against Minnesota and Oakland.  Next time an ace throws a gem against a crappy offense, we should just write “He went to Jered’s!”.

Yovani Gallardo - Gallardo rebounded from an off start against the Mets (10 hits in 4 IP) with a 7 IP, 1 ER, 10 K performance against the Cubs.  He got the no decision as the Brewers bullpen blew the lead.  Congrats to everyone in Quality Starts leagues!

Josh Johnson - Now officially out through the All-Star break.  Even worse for the Marlins, Javier Vazquez is still healthy.

Chase Utley - 2nd HR in 3 games and 3rd straight multi-hit game.  He’s also got 3 SBs so far.  That’s how you play hurt, Heyward!

Ryan Zimmerman – Returned from the DL after a 2-month break with an abdomen injury.  Now if only the Nats had 5-7 more Zimmerman(n)s, I think they could make a run at a 90 win season.  If only 1912 near-Triple Crown winner Heinie Zimmerman was 105 years younger and alive.

Pablo  Sandoval - Returned from the DL as well.  Guess it was a good day for DL’d 3Bs not named Pedro Alvarez.

Lance Berkman - Another day, another HR for Berkman.  He leads Pujols in all the Triple Crown categories.  Feel free to gloat if you have Berkman or puke if you have Pujols.

Yuniesky Maya - 4 2/3 IP, 6 ER.  This Cuban got smoked.

Jaime Garcia – A solid start (6 ER, 7 Ks, 2 ERs) but the bullpen blew the win.  The thing with Garcia is that you either catch him early for an 11-run outburst or he gets into a rhythm.

Roger Bernadina – Rick Ankiel has the health yips again (came out in 2nd inning) which can only help Bernadina’s playing time.  With 9 SBs in 122 ABs, he’s a worthwhile catch off SAGNOF Harbor.

Philip Hughes – Had a successful side session throwing in the low 90′s.  If he’s available in your league and you’ve got DL space, I’d give him a flier.  Probably not back until early July but he’s got solid starter potential if he can pitch at that speed.  He’s got Cy Young potential if they’d inject some Colon fat into this arm.

Alexi Ogando - Alexi had his owners (who started him) saying ‘Oh God no’ with 6 ER in 1 2/3 IP at Yankee Stadium.  And that’s why you bench almost every pitcher @NYY outside of H2H leagues and AL-only.

Charles Blackmon - Another SB.  He’s making Dexter’s baserunning look fouler by the minute.

Trevor Cahill - 4 ER in 4 1/3 IP isn’t pretty but here’s the ugly stat.  0 Ks and 7 BBs.  Against the Royals.  And two of those walks were to Francouer.  Ain’t that a kick in the Cahill!  Brett Anderson threw up a clunker like this and he turned out to be hurt.  Wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case here too.  Damn you Moneyball movie.  You’re a worse curse than the Madden cover.

Jon Niese - Had his 4th straight quality start albeit over a 16 game stretch for the Mets because he needs time to rest.  His ERA is 2.76 in home games and 4.22 in away games which makes sense but….his WHIP is lower on the road (1.20) than home (1.44).  That doesn’t make sense but…..I’m still going to call him an East Coast Hodgepadre.  Start him at home and favorable away games.

Freddie Freeman – Scratched with a mild oblique strain.  I didn’t realize that oblique strains make one itchy.

Adam LaRoche – Out for the season with a torn labrum.  He tried to play through it until a clubhouse attendant pointed out that the labrum is in the shoulder.  You mean all those weeks of icing my LaNutsack after games was for nothing!

As I was sipping from my high-priced stemware that also happens to feature Star Wars characters, I got to thinking about how lucky I was to grab Eric Hosmer in one league.  I patted myself on the back and took a dive onto my water bed.  As the posturepedic waves crashed over me, I slept.  A few hours later, I woke in a panic.  Water was dripping from my forehead.  Was there a leak in my bed?  No.  I was sweating, worried I fell for the hype machine like when I bought 10 Gregg Jefferies rookie cards for the incredibly low price of $9.  (On a baseball card side note, I was one of those schmohawks thinking baseball cards are only going to appreciate in value.  They are going to be so rare!  Ooh, a Mark McGwire 1987 card!  Better hold on to that one!  Wally Joyner has some pop!  Stock up!  Randy Velarde is the next Bucky Dent!  Put that one in a sleeve!  Now you can buy 200 cards for a nickel.  Alas…)  Is Hosmer going to be great with a side order of splendiferous?  Probably, friend, assuming splendiferous is a word.  But he’s a rookie.  A 2007 Ryan Braun rookie season is crazy rare.  Most rookie seasons are pretty just a’ight.  Some solid streaks, some funky streaks where it looks like they’re playing in a burlap sack.  In ESPN, Hosmer went from 1% to over 90% owned in a week.  Since 40% of ESPN leagues are filled with abandoned owners, that tells me 130% of fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term) are excited about Hosmer.  That’s your chance to sell high, you savvy fantasy owner you.  Obviously, in keepers, you hold tight.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Justin Turner – I’d have no interest in him if he didn’t have 2nd base eligibility.  How’s that for a hard sell?  Or is it a hard Buy?  Or maybe it’s a soft Buy…

Elliot Johnson – He sounds like a Vice President candidate from the early 1900s.  Elliot Johnson is a firm believer in woman suffrage.   Hopefully Nucky backs him.  It feels like the middle of the Rays infield is a black hole for upside.  Hey, is that Reid Brignac floating past the Russian space station?  Way to reach your potential!  Johnson has decent speed (~25 speed potential over a full season) and some light power.

Jason Bartlett – Speaking of black holes, it’s the Padres offense!  “I’ve been hitting the ball well for the last ten days.”  That’s a Bartlett quotation.

Carlos Pena – He’s over the ESPN ownership threshold that I usually look for (50% owned), but, even in ESPN leagues where the majority of the leagues are one owner with ten aliases, Pena should be owned more than he is.

Eric Hinske – This is the type of player I don’t like telling people to pickup outside of deep NL-Only leagues because at any moment he’ll either go back to the bench or start sucking from the suckhole.

Brandon Belt – He should be back any day (week?) now.  As we saw on his first trip through the majors, there’s no guarantee on how he’ll perform, but he should be better than he was.

Scott Rolen – You know what Scott Rolen is?  Gritty!  He’s cut from a different cloth than today’s players.  And he seems like a total douche.  While he’s healthy, I’d grab him.  He’s usually good for a short term add.

Rafael Furcal – He should be back within a week, so that puts his next DL-stint ETA at around three weeks from now.  Any the hoo!  You should own him while he’s playing (assuming you don’t have one of around 20 middle infielders that are better and/or less injury-prone).

Laynce Nix – He’s hitting around .400 over the least week.  Him and his brother, Jayson, tend to get hot for about one week a year.  Usually they’re pretty layme.  “I’m gonna make you eat that mustache of yours!” That’s their drunk, unemployed brother, Jaymes, prank calling me.

Corey Patterson – Started with Justin Turner Overdrive and now we’re talking about Corey “I could easily go 0-for-35 at any moment” Patterson.  This Buy post is a barn burner like the posse searching for John Wilkes Booth.

Roger Bernadina – I feel like I’ve heard his name somewhere before… Let me check my Memento-style tattoos:  1. Talk about Bernadina.  2. On Razzball.  3. There’s no 3.

Eric Thames – Don’t you wanna call him Ericus Thames?  Hey, maybe it’s just me!  He put up some pretty spectacular numbers in the PCL, but, as we all know, hitting in the PCL is like hitting on the moon with an aluminum bat.  Thames still has pop… Jose Bautista, “Call me Dad.”  Um, okay, Bautista.  If I were in an AL-Only league, I’d grab Thames for a little HBI (Hot Bat Injection), but he’ll probably strike out a ton and I’d hold for now in mixed leagues.

Domonic Brown – He’s going to get called up within the next two weeks.  Or my name is not Grey “I’ll Admit To Seeing Brian Setzer In Concert…Once!” Albright.

Matt Guerrier/Kenley Jansen – See this morning’s post, it can be found in less than one mouse click.  Good luck!

Fernando Salas – Looks to be locked in as Cards closer, which, obviously, means he could get replaced by Sunday.

Wilton Lopez – Melancon is good to poop on, I wouldn’t even waste my waste on Lyon and Lopez is buried in the bullpen of a team that doesn’t win.  It’s not great, but that’s why they call it SAGNOF.

Jamey Wright – SAGNOF!

Jake Arrieta – People are starting to catch on at ESPN that Arrieta should be owned, so be careful because that means he’s due for an explosion like you after a meal at El Torito.

SELL

Josh Johnson – No, don’t trade him for an autographed picture of Phyllis Diller.  But, yeah, I don’t like his injury history and he just had a forearm issue.  Everyone is saying he’s fine, and I believe them.  That still doesn’t mean another injury isn’t right around the corner.

Chipper Jones – Glass Chipper puts his pants on like everyone else.  One leg at a time.  Only he pulls a hamstring when he does it.  I’d drop him in most mixed leagues.

Justin Morneau – Hit his 2nd home run yesterday.  As Arnold used to say about his lover, “I love four baggers.”  We all do, Arnie.  But Morneau still doesn’t look right.  He’s too skinny.  Is he prepping a model chic look for Milan?  He looks malnourished like you should be sending a dollar a month to Minnesota to get him clean water and a bowl of rice.  I don’t know if his concussion led him to a diet of raw foods and Master Cleanses but something is up.  That’s between me, you and the guy behind you who’s photocopying his hand while he reads over your shoulder.  So you parlay this  “Morneau is back after his home run!” chatter and see if you can pawn him off for anything to another owner.  Now is your time to sell– nay, it’s your duty to act.  Go forth, young, socially awkward man and prosper!

As of May 13th, Eric Hosmer has started his early MLB career slashing .280/.387/.600 in 25 at-bats with 2 home runs, 5 RBI and a 7:5 K:BB ratio. Granted, it’s a small sample size but his start reminds me of two recent rookies who were similarly hyped: Jay Bruce and Ryan Braun. Bruce was called up and went 15 for 29 with 3 home runs, 7 RBI with a 2:7 K:BB ratio from late May to the first two days of June. Bruce’s June slash-line: .223/.274/.340 in 103 ABs. By year end, he finished with a .254/.314/.453 slash line for the year. Braun started 6 for 27 with 1 home run, 4 RBI with a 8:0 K:BB ratio. Braun went on to hit .382/.435/.716 in 102 at-bats during June and finished with a .324/.370/.634 in 451 at-bats (2007). I wouldn’t be surprised to have him perform at a level between the beginnings of Braun and Bruce rookie years. But, and there’s always a but, keep expectations tempered and be prepared for pitchers start finding his weaknesses. Other notable prospects to watch for:

Mike Minor/Julio Teheran | ATL | SP (AAA): With Brandon Beachy straining his oblique in his Friday start, it’s speculated that Minor or Teheran fill-in while Beachy is on the DL. Either pitcher should be picked up.

Domonic Brown | PHI | RF (AAA): Sprained UCL in right thumb – same hand with broken Hamate bone. He will miss 5 to 7 days.

Anthony Rizzo | SD | 1B (AAA): With 10 home runs and a slash of .377/.447/.708 in 131 at-bats. He has been slowly regressing towards the mean while staying hot. Grey made recommendation to pick up in NL-Only leagues for the time being, until he’s called up. Concur, with the addition of deep leagues. As June nears, I would start eying the possibility of picking him up.

Desmond Jennings | TB | CF (AAA): Has hit two home runs in last two games and is proving he belongs in the majors. His K:BB ratio is 28:21 in 130 at-bats. The strikeouts are uncharacteristically high for Jennings. The power potential scouts have been hoping for is starting to show with 5 home runs, not to mention eight steals in as many attempts. Expect a June call-up. He’s deserving.

Bryce Harper | WAS | RF (A): He should be promoted to High-A soon as he has 19 XBH (8 Hr) with 6 steals and a .390/.467/.686 slash line in 118 at-bats. He’s been everything everyone had expected.

Brett Jackson | CHC | CF (AA): Was placed on DL with strained ligament in left pinky caused by sliding into second base on 5/11/11. Time frame is currently unknown.

Fernando Martinez | NYM | CF (AAA): Called up for Friday’s game to fill Angel Pagan’s roster spot and hit a pinch-hit home run. Collins plans to use him as a bench player. You’d think that a solid prospect hitting .292/.361/.477 would at least get a chance to plan more than occasionally. Expect to see him sent back down when Pagan returns from the DL.

Andy Dirks | DET | OF (AAA): With Magglio Ordonez going on the DL, he received the call up after .328/.375/.527 with six home runs. A good contact hitter with gap power (12 to 15 home run ceiling). Struggles versus left-handed pitchers. Upside for career is fourth-outfielder. For more information see Detroit Tigers 2010 Minor League Review.

Brett Lawrie | TOR | 3B (AAA): Has hit 4 home runs in last 10 games as his average is regressing to the mean. Still a strong play for third when called up. Think Pedro Alvarez. (Rudy to Grey: So does that mean Lawrie will f*** our 2012 teams like Alvarez has f***ed our 2011 teams? If so, now we just need to not draft him and “the next Morneau” and we’re set!)

Trayvon Robinson | LAD | OF (AAA): Not sold on him contributing this year with 38 strikeouts in 122 at-bats with only average power and 4 SBs (Rudy: He has 7 HRs in PCL but that league is like Coors Field pre-humidor. Wily Mo Pena has 13 HRs so far this year!). Defensively has good range but a fringe-average arm. If Robinson starts to make more contact, could be a Rajai Davis or Willy Taveras type player. Don’t expect until September as his game needs more refinement.

Jesus Montero | NYY | C/DH (AAA): The smooth hitting Montero has been lacing base-hits all over the field this year hitting .325/.350/.421 in 121 at-bats. His 2 home runs, 5 doubles and 25:5 K:BB ratio are disappointing. At only 21 years old, the power should develop but at this point he’s a poor man’s Joe Mauer. With Jorge Posada showing his age (Rudy: and grumpy old manness on Saturday), Montero could provide a jolt of youth and minor pop in the near future.

Brandon Allen | ARI | 1B (AAA): Has warmed up after starting slowly. Has 2 home runs, 2 triples and 2 doubles, 10 RBI and hitting .355/.475/.742 in last 31 at-bats (10 games). Overall, hitting .313/.413/.531 in 128 at-bats with 5 home runs but with 34 strikeouts. The average wont stay this high, the strikeouts are expected, and the power is starting to come around. (Rudy: That said, the Diamondbacks still prefer Juan Miranda, Russell Branyan, Xavier Nady, and Gerardo Parra. Grrr!)

With 4 homers for Kelly Johnson, there’s still the Kelly Ka-POW, see?  With the 6 steals, he’s still running.  If you extrapolate those numbers out, it’s a 20/20 season.  If extrapolate is the right word.  From radio, to the video, to Arsenio… Tell me!  Yo, what’s the best case scenario for Johnson?  Last yeario, Phife Dawg.  That’s not happening this year though.  This is what currently is happening.  His balls batted into play are showing he’s been unlucky, so he’s pressing and his Ks have gone up and walks have gone down.  If a couple balls fall in front of fielders and Johnson gets on base, his confidence will rise and he’ll start being more selective at the plate.  His average will then rise and he’ll continue to hit for power and steal bases.  His average isn’t likely going to get up to .280, but a 18/15 year with a .250 average is still very possible.  That’s better than the current perception of him.  If he’s been dropped, I’d look to grab him. If he’s on an impatient owner’s team, I’d offer up a deal.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Julio Borbon – Was moved to the top of the order in Texas.  You know why?  Cause Ron Washington is mixing things up!  “How much powdered sugar are you putting on your donuts?”  “That’s not powdered sugar…I’m mixing things up!”  That’s Ron in other aspects of his life.

Domonic Brown – He was in last week’s Buy column, he’ll be in next week’s and every week until he’s called up.  That is my promise to you, now buy American!

Roger Bernadina – He’s been doing a whole lot of bupkis since he got called up, but for his upside I’m giving him another week.  Now get hot you schmohawk!

Mark Trumbo – Maybe the Los Angeles Angels of Not Los Angeles County shouldn’t have took Trumbo’s doctor recommendation for Kendrys.  Never the hoo!  Pitch a tent in the middle of your fantasy lineup for Trumboner.

Anthony Rizzo – I’m Anthony Rizzo, jerky!  He has 10 homers in 31 games in Triple-A, so I don’t think Petco is going to kill his power completely.  For now, I’d just grab him in NL-Only leagues.

Danny Valencia – More of a very deep, short-term add because he doesn’t have enough power to really get the blood flowing.

Mark Melancon – He sounds like a comedian/ventriloquist who plays in an Indian casino.  Speaking of which, my friend recently went out with a puppeteer.  I told him to ask her if he can try and move her mouth by putting his hand up her–  Wait, this is a family show.  Um, Melancon, yeah, he should be getting saves for the time being.

Vicente Padilla – No, I can’t believe I keep recommending Padilla for pick up.  Yes, it is weird.  Yes, I am reading your mind’s eye for questions you have.  No, you shouldn’t have Chipotle for lunch.  You had that yesterday.

Eduardo Sanchez – SAGNOF!

Jake Arrieta – In his 2nd start of the year vs. the Rangers, he gave up 8 runs in 3 1/3 IP.  He bounced back from that mugging like Bernie Goetz.  In all other games, his ERA 2.14.  Zoinks!

Travis Wood – Should be owned.  Don’t believe me today?  Go back and read what Yesterday Grey had to say.  Yesterday Grey, “Do your own work, man.”

James McDonald – There’s certain players that make it seem like I’m higher on them than I am because they’re never owned but should be, forcing me to talk about them a lot.  That doesn’t mean they should be owned over say Kuroda.  This message was brought to you by the Committee to Hedge All Bets in Regards to Picking Up McDonald.

Chris Iannetta – Ever notice Italians seem to catch more than any other position?  Berra, Piazza, Torre, Girardi, Garagiola, Campanella (half), Lo Duca, Napoli, Iannetta, Sal Fasano…  My theory is because Italians like to be in charge and what better way to control the game than from the catching position.  Or maybe it’s because they all enjoy eating so they like it behind the plate.  As for Iannetta, he’s hitting so ride the green, white and red lightning.

Scott Sizemore – He’s not exactly lighting the world on fire…Shoot, he’s not even sparking a match over a stack of dry newspapers.  (For our 18 to 25-year-old demographic, newspapers were regularly scheduled publications containing news of current events, informative articles, diverse features and advertising.  Thanks, Wikipedia!)  Sizemore is still a solid upside MILF (Middle Infielder I’d Like to take a Flyer on).

SELL

Ryan Roberts – Hey, you guys had a good couple of weeks.  Friend him on Facebook so you guys can keep in touch and drop him.

Jason Bay – Other than Reyes and Wright, I’m not a huge fan of the Mets hitters (or pitchers for that matter).  I’ve been called names for expressing yawnstipation for Ike Davis.  Some of those names were accurate.  I am gooftarded from time to time.  Still, potatoes to chips, old Bay isn’t helping any fantasy teams reach its full flavor potential.

Jeff Francoeur – I wouldn’t drop Frenchy outright, but right now he’s sandwiched between A-Gon and Miguel Cabrera on ESPN’s Player Rater.  That’s as good as it baguettes for Frenchy.  You should see what you can get in a trade before his average drops out and he stops hitting Freedom Flies.

Gaby Sanchez – He (she?) is batting .336 and just came off a home run binge (binger!).  It’s nice, huh?  You should go to a Marlins game (if you can get seats — real hot ticket!), sit in the first row and blow kisses to Gaby.  He (she?) will like that.  He’s still around a 20 homer, .275 hitter.  I wouldn’t trade him for a You Can’t Do That On Television autographed cast photo, but I’d explore options.