Fantasy Baseball Advice

Dexter Fowler had a .394 OBP in almost 1300 minor league at-bats.  In his first big league season, he has a .371 OBP (through whenever I wrote this).  I’m focusing on OBP  because you’d like to have your speedsters on base… *cough* Taveras *cough*   Is Fowler capable of 50+ steals?  I suppose, but I wouldn’t count on that.  No Sir Ree Bob.  (BTW, I like the Urban Dictionary examples for No Sir Ree Bob.  I don’t remember that conversation happening between the Iraqi Information Minister and George W. Bush, but I don’t pay too much attention to politics.)  I’d optimistically predict 35+ steals, 10+ homers and a .285 average.  Shane Victorino called, he wants his stats back, but Andrew McCutchen picked up the phone to say Dexter was in the shower.  I have no idea what’s going on there.  Now, Victorino is a top twenty outfielder, so that’s Fowler’s upside.  For the price you can probably keep Dexter, it makes him well worth the risk.  I’m not saying keep him over Miguel Cabrera.  Please, we’re talking within reason.  Anyway, here’s some more fantasy baseball keepers for 2010:

Kendry Morales – This year he’s been nearly as valuable as Mark Teixeira.  Zoinks!

Eric Young Jr. – We started this sucker with a Rockie and, Harang nabbit, we’re gonna finish it with one. So Junior’s not really getting any playing time right now, but this isn’t about this year, is it? Rhetorical! 2010 should be Young’s year to shine and when he shines he’ll be doing it with 40+ steals. For a guy that you can probably keep on the super cheap in deep leagues, that’s a lovely thing. Not a Lovey thing, that’s J.P. Howell’s Mom.

Adrian Beltre hits the DL with Jockular Sphincteritis as a grounder clipped one of his testicles.  It’s the best contact he’s made all season.  When reached for comment, Beltre said, “Aw, nuts!”  After being badgered, he yelled, “Stop busting my balls!”  Turns out, Beltre doesn’t wear a protective cup.  He claims it’s uncomfortable.  You know what else is uncomfortable?  A bleeding testicle.  Beltre could be out for the season, but he hasn’t really been much use this year so his owners shouldn’t worry.  On a related note, I wonder if he’ll let his teammates sign his cast.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jonny Gomes – 3 HRs.  Half of me (the Lily Tomlin half) wishes Dusty would start benching Gomes again for no good reason, because I don’t own him anywhere.  – Quote from Grey after he picked up Wladimir Balentien for Thursday’s short schedule day.

Bronson Arroyo – 9 IP, 3 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Arroyo was on my list of pitchers to watch in the 2nd half, and he now has 4 straight solid starts and only one poor start since the All-Star Game.  MLB’s Non-approved supplements + marginal pitchers = fantasy gold.

Jorge Cantu – HR yesterday.  He is so long overdue for a hot streak it’s not even funny.  Man, the hot April guys are the hardest to cut, aren’t they?

Hideki Matsui – 2 HRs yesterday to bring his total to 19.  He just needs about 6 more homers to really confuse people next year when it comes time to draft.  “Hmm… need one more outfielder… Screw it, I’ll grab Matsui.  He’s good for 25 homers.  That’s Jason Kubel-ish!”  Slot Matsui in for two weeks, snooze alarm goes off and drop him.

Jake Peavy – Three shutout innings in his rehab start and two baserunners.  His Sox debut is set for the 28th vs. the Yankees.

Kevin Kouzmanoff – 5-for-5, as he bats .283 away from Petco.  Do you think any Padres hitters have a no trade clause?

Mike Rivera – 2 HRs yesterday.  I saw the homers listed next to M. Rivera and I really thought Mariano hit two homers for the Brewers.  I’d prefer to own Mariano.

Victor Martinez/Ryan Howard – Both stole bases yesterday.  According to Elias Sports Bureau, this was the first time two slow guys stole a base on the same day since Bob Horner and Steve Balboni stole a base in 1985.  Actually, they didn’t say that, but here’s something that was overheard this week at the Elias Sports Bureau compound, “For a record five times this week, Ken, in the mailroom, advised the company to save money by putting the intended address in the return address field and leaving off the postage, so the Post Office ‘returns’ the mail where it’s supposed to go.”

Matt Capps – 2/3 IP, 3 ER.  Kazaam!

Dexter Fowler – 4-for-5 yesterday.  Nice, but it’s not HAGNOF, it’s SAGNOF!

Jason Marquis – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 Ks.  If you started him here, nay, if you own Marquis, you have cojones.  Speaking of Joneses.

Garrett Jones – 0-for-4, 4 Ks.  Me and Mr. Jones, our thing is no longer going on.

Prince Fielder – 2 HRs.  Okay, but Ryan Howard and Victor Martinez stole bases.

Gil Meche – 5 IP, 4 ER, in his return.  He’ll be covered more in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell.  If you’re a time traveler from the future, don’t spoil it for anyone.

Justin Verlander – 8 IP, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks.  My head is spinning from how many Ks Verlander is racking up?  My head isn’t meant to spin!

Clay Buchholz – 7 IP, 1 ER, 3 Ks.  He has enough major league innings under his belt that I would give him a chance if he were on waivers, but beware the unbalanced schedule.

Ryan Dempster – 7 IP, 6 ER.  I wouldn’t own Dempster.  I said it in the beginning of the year and I haven’t wavered on him once.  (Clever pun point for Grey.)

Shane Victorino – 2-for-5 as he filed charges against the guy who threw beer on him.  I could see if he threw the beer on Josh Hamilton, but c’mon, it’s Wrigley.

Neftali Feliz – Has 13 Ks in 6 innings and only one baserunner (a solo homer to Adam Kennedy).  MR. B’s unite.

Josh Hamilton – 4-for-4, 2 RBIs and 1 Run.  Let’s hope this good day doesn’t send him on a misbehavior spiral.  Hopefully he just gets another tattoo and calls it a day.

Our fearless leader has been crippled by some Kryptonic supermarket macaroni salad so I will be your tour guide through the daily baseball comings and goings.

So J.P. Ricciardi waved goodbye to Alex Rios and freed up some money so he can buy some tickets to Moneyball The Movie and to get one of them new-fangled Adam Dunn verification machines for his phone.  Rios hasn’t been great outside of Toronto this year, but The Cell isn’t exactly Petco Central.  He actually has picked it up a bit going 6-14 with 2 home runs in his last 4 games. As long as Rios gets playing time he should continue his 20/20 pace.  But knowing Ozzie he could bat Rios behind Wise and Getz in the 12th hole or Kenny Williams could pick Ryan Braun off waivers and Rios will go to the bench.

Chris Coghlan — As soon as I drop this guy he goes all mini-mini-dwarf donkey on me.  He just set a record for most multi hit games in a row by a Marlin with eight.  He’s not going to win you a championship, but he’ll replace some schmohawk who hasn’t had a multi hit game in about two months.

Leo Nunez – Matt Lindstrom should eventually take over Nunez’s SAGNOF slot, but yesterday he got into trouble and had to be saved by Nunez and his SAGNOF slot.

Jordan Zimmermann — After my heart stopped when I read the headline “Zimmerman To Get Tommy John Surgery” I realized that it wasn’t Ryan and if you have JZ on your DL it’s time to replace him with a Hudson/Peavy type.

Mark Ellis — 5-5 with 4 RBI’s and is 21-50 in his last 14 games.  If you are hurting for some MI help take a look because there are some real schmohawks playing 2b and you probably have one on your team and you might as well switch him out for another.

Travis Snider — With Rios moving to the south side it seems like Snider should get called up.  That of course is yet to be seen, but he hit a homer yesterday and  is hitting well with a .320 AVG, 12 hr, 36 RBIs, 150 ab, .653 slg.  Grab him if he is available and then drop him when he isn’t called up.

Troy Tulowitzki — He hit for the cycle, and went 5-5 with 7 RBI’s vs. the Cubs while Aaron Miles was dragged to the top of Mt. Elbert and thrown off.

Johnny Cueto — Left the game after 2 innings with a hip flexor.  This gives anyone still holding onto him an easy out.  Drop him like a hot Cueto.

Chris B. Young — Demoted to the three A’s.  Krispie just never could show us his warm chewy goodness this year.  It’s hard to believe he won’t get his swing back in the minors and then be a sleeper once again.

Dexter Fowler — While writing this Fowler just made a tremendous over the shoulder catch in the ninth while slamming into the wall with the Rockies up by eight.  Watching him this series I can see what Grey sees in him.  He’s more than just another SAGNOF slot for all you Razzballers to abuse!

Trent Oeltjen — Well, he’s been getting plenty of notice here on the daily round up, but anybody who has a magical “M” floating around their last name needs a little press, plus with The Krispie One demoted he should get some more playing time, that, and he out-homered Mark Reynolds last night during the “Summer of Mini-Donkey.”

Russell Branyan — He hit a solo home run.  That is all.

Kendry Morales — The dude, (he is a dude right? I mean I never see this person play because I’m usually on my 4th appletini and it’s about 2 am), this dude just keeps hitting.  Two home runs last night (or this morning) which moves him up to 25 donks and 75 RDI’s (runs donked in) and it’s only in the 6th and I am going to bed!

Taking his name from the Telemundo reruns of Kojak, Ubaldo Jimenez currently has a 3.86 ERA, a 3.33 FIP (Fielding Independent Pitching) and a 3.71 Away ERA.  Chuck in a 7.63 K/9 and a schedule right after the break of either away games or easy matchups.  In the 2nd half last year, Ubaldo had a 3.68 ERA and almost a K an inning.  I’d grab him (and not start him at home vs. the Braves or any other tough matchups at home).  Is Ubaldo going to win you a league?   Doode, I don’t even know your league.  Ubaldo is not just a cute name.  No, sir (or sire, if you’re a time traveler), he’s a matchups pitcher!  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Jorge de la Rosa – Hey, it’s all about the Rockies pitchers.  Sweet, I always wanted to lose my fantasy baseball league!  What, no more Padres hitters? Cute, random italicized voice.  He has a 3.89 ERA Away from Coors and he strikes out more than one batter per inning.  If you’re in a daily league, he’s worth a spot for matchups.

Dexter Fowler – 4 steals in the last week.  SAGNOF!

Franklin Gutierrez – In a week that saw the actor that played The Big Ragoo wash ashore with a DUI, The Big FraGu hit 2 homers and batted .429.  He’ll hit for some power and run with some speed while singing & dancing.

Rafael Furcal – He’s been on fire lately.  If you’re hurting at SS (and who isn’t), you might see if you can get him for cheap.  Though at this point any Furcal owner is probably holding onto him for their dear life, praying they get some production for where they had to draft him.

Andruw Jones – Ah, he’s playing again with a smile.  Actually, he always played with a smile, which I think was part of the problem.  Too much, too soon and all of that.  He was kinda like a child actor for baseball players.  Hopefully he avoids the methadone clinic.  Then again, Hamilton’s done okay for himself.  Jones is worth a pickup in all leagues while he’s hitting to see how long it lasts.

Homer Bailey – Maybe, possibly, perhapsly Bailey’s finally, ultimately, in the endly showing the signs of his promising promise. (The preceding was written by a high school student who just discovered a thesaurus.)

Marc Rzepczynski – The consonant monger had a great K-rate in the minors and is worth a flier in AL-Only leagues.

Garrett Jones – I went over him in last week’s Buy/Sell.  I refuse to go over a Pirates prospect again.  I have me morals, argh!

David Price - You held him for so long and now you’re going to give up on him?  Do you remember why you were holding him?  Patience, grasshopper.

Ricky Romero – Why isn’t he owned in every league?  Just give me your password and I’ll pick him up for you.

Paul Maholm – Keeping with the theme of pitchers you never thought you’d want to own, Maholm’s ERA is 4.60 and his FIP is 3.52.  His career 2nd half ERA is 3.95.  He’s allergic to strikeouts and as exciting as corduroy pants, but he’s worth a flier if available.

Joel Pineiro – What would a post about pitchers who are valuable that you don’t want to own be without Pineiro?

Brandon Morrow – Don’t forget about domani!  He’s worth owning in every league, but I’d still play matchups for now.

SELL

Mark Buehrle – Objects on your fantasy baseball team are better than they appear.

Derrek Lee – Now it’s time for everyone’s favorite game, Fantasy Baseball, Fun With Numbers.  Ding, ding, ding… Bassoon… Triangle!  Triangle!  Triangle!  Cow bell!  More cow bell!  One last ding. Player A) 38/16/58/.304, Player B) 38/16/53/.279 Player C) 37/14/45/.283/1  Player A is Paul Konerko, B is Lee and C is Kendry Morales.  I’m not saying trade Derrek Lee for a cup of Beef Vegetable soup, but if you can get a worthwhile piece and can grab a Konerko or Morales-type off waivers, it’s worth exploring.  Remember, he’s Derrek Overbay to those in the know.

Russell Branyan – Wasn’t that long ago that I had him as a Buy.  Well, times change.  People, besides Joan Rivers, get older.  And Branyan’s hitting .161 in July.  Not saying to drop him, but you’re holding a 33-year-old who has a career .237 average in almost 2300 ABs.  His average will continue to slide.

Colby Rasmus – I’m a big fan.  He’ll probably be the Rookie of the Year.  But right now he’s on a week or two binge where everyone’s telling you to Buy him.  Let’s not lose sight of the big picture here.  He’s a 20 homer rookie who gets benched against lefties.  I told you to buy him in May because I knew he could do what he’s doing, but you don’t buy him now.  You sell him now.  As in trade him, don’t drop him.  You need alligator blood when the bettor check raises to you.

Jose Contreras – In May of last year, Contreras had a 2.09 ERA in over 43 innings.  In June, he had a 6.83 ERA.  In his last 43 and 2/3 innings, he has a 2.06 ERA.  Beware of a correction in the road.

Jair Jurrjens – On May 22nd, I said, “Jar-Jar’s a lot closer to a 3.75 ERA pitcher, instead of a 1.96 ERA.  His Ks are low and his luck is high.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Since that faithful day when my Sell post intersected with Jurrjens, he’s gone 2-5/3.86/1.42/43 in just over 53 innings.  That’s much closer to the pitcher he is.  Sorry, but at least I didn’t title this post, “Jar-Jar Sinks.”

Josh Hamilton hits the DL and could be out for two months.  I’m not one to say I told you so, but… Man did I call this one!  Schadenfreude, snitches!  Sorry, I had to get that off my chest.  Really, no one could’ve saw this coming…. Except me!  Sorry, hiccup.  Of course, Hamilton’s injured.  He was abusing his body like Pookie for five years of his life.  Hey, great that he’s snuffed out the glue sniffing, but that takes a toll on your body.  Look at Courtney Love.  She’s like 40 years old and she looks older than the 75-year-old guy who turns on the lights for your bowling lane.  Then you throw in the fact Hamilton can’t take painkillers for fear that he might relapse so he’s stuck taking Airborne… Bleh!  All adds up to trouble.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Edinson Volquez – Yesterday, I said, “I wouldn’t be surprised if Volquez ends up back on the DL.” And that’s me quoting me breaking bad news to you again!  Turns out the finger numbness was elbow tenditis.  Pitchers with arm troubles yadda yadda yadda.  It ain’t good, guys and two girls that I know of that read Razzball.  (The Ladies love the ’stache!)  Volquez is not a buy low.  I hope you all listened when I said not to draft him this year.  The Reds are spinning it so it sounds optimistic, saying he should be back in two weeks.  Um, wasn’t that what they said two weeks ago?

Zach Duke – 7 IP, 1 ER vs. the Mets.  Kinda surprised the Mets were able to find nine guys for Duke to face.

Milton Bradley – Fun for all ages strained his calf running to first.  Umpires around the league won’t have to look over their shoulder for the next few days.

Jesus Flores – Gonna be out for the season.  Bummer as the Flores Fan Club was just picking up steam with Randy Flores joining.

Troy Glaus – Swinging a bat next week.  Wasn’t he just about to get shutdown for the season?  Anything to get in the papers… in the papers.  If you have an open DL spot, I’d stash, but expect nothing.

Jordan Schafer – Was demoted for Gregor Blanco.  This one hurt me hard in my Razzball league.  Schafer was leading the world in sucking the first two months of the season.  I’m going to look at Chris Burke next.  Hopefully, Burke sees enough time to prove his invaluability.

David Murphy – 2-for-4, one steal.  I grabbed Murphy in one deep league to fill in while Beltran digs on the swine.  I don’t recommend Murphy for 12 team leagues yet, but deeper leagues can look at him.

Joakim Soria – Returns from the DL.  Not soon enough as Cruz began to sputter.

Asdrubal Cabrera – Left the game with a shoulder injury.  Get well soon, Asdrubal.  Your name makes me giggle.

Evan Longoria – Left the game with a tight hamstring. He’s day-to-day, and should be fine after Tony Parker draws him a nice hot bath.

Randy Wells – 7 IP, 1 ER, and a no-hitter into the bottom of the 7th.  I wonder if he’s related to Dan Haren.

Derrek Lee – HR yesterday. Now has his average up to .253.  I know, big whoop!  But, and I might be alone on this island, I think he’s got a month or two hot streak in him.  Not an insane .400/40 homer-type streak, but a hot one nevertheless.

Roy Halladay – 9 IP, 4 ER, 14 Ks and 133 pitches.  He looks like Howdy Doody, but he’s a machine.  I am Rowdy Halladowdy and I must kill Sarah Connor.

Joe Saunders – 5 1/3, 6 ER.  Saunders is the new blech.

Kelvim Escobar – Will start this Saturday vs. the Tigers.  I have him stashed in one league.  Probably be a game time decision on whether I start him.  It’s not a 12 team league.  I wouldn’t start him there.  Not worth the headache.  Just wait to see how he does the first time out.  Honestly, I don’t have high hopes for him to stay healthy, but he’s worth a flier.  The nice thing about Kelvim Escobar is that when he’s been healthy, he’s been effective.

Alex Rios – HR yesterday.  Now .471 over the last 7 with 2 HRs.  Hey, looks like a little razzing has got Rios running through it.

Rick Porcello – 4 1/3 IP, 3 ER and pulled after 84 pitches.  This doesn’t seem very Leylandian.  Was it bring your grandson to work day for the Tigers?

Matt Joyce – 3 homers now in 5 games.  What, Gabe Gross is going to steal time from him?  I now own him in three leagues.  I lost Gamel, a middle reliever schmohawk and Krispie, respectively.

Ben Zobrist – The verse is, “The Zo hit another homer.”  The refrain is, “Of course, he did.”

Kevin Slowey – He’s now 8-1 after a 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER performance.  Ladies and gentlemen of the comments, I’m just a simple fantasy baseball ‘pert.  I do not understand your ways.  Your world frightens and confuses me, especially when you ask me if you should trade away Slowey.  What I do know is Slowey’s been excellent.

Manny Parra – 4 IP, 10 ER.  I said to Sell him last Friday, so I’m absolved of this.  But in one deep league, where there’s few options, I had Pena, Parra, Peavy and Wolf go yesterday.   That’s 23 earned runs in 11 and two-thirds of an inning.  Instead of buying me a daiquiri, perhaps we should go for cyanide.

Jake Peavy – 1 IP, 4 ER. Had the flu.  A’la Ralph Fiennes, “I pardon you.”

Antonio Bastardo – 6 IP, 1 ER.  If only his first name was Ubaldo, then he’d officially have the most badass name in the history of the planet.  Solid major league debut, but it was against the Padres.  I wouldn’t start him against the Dodgers next time out, but I’d grab him in deep leagues to see how the Bastardo does.

David Hernandez – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER vs. the Mariners and, no, Ichiro didn’t hit 5 solo shots.

Dexter Fowler – Not only has he stopped hitting, but he’s not stealing either.  He has a lot of promise in keepers, but in one year leagues you need to be looking elsewhere.

Miguel Tejada – 4-for-6 and leading the National League in batting.  Here’s a preview of Friday’s Buy/Sell:  Miguel Tejada – Sell.

Vin Mazzaro – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER in his major league debut.  Mazzaro’s from Hackensack, En-Jay.  Fun fact:  That’s where Grey was born.  Betcha he knows where to get a great slice of pizza.  Okay, nostaglia out.  I wouldn’t pick Mazzaro on any team.

Randy Wolf – 6 IP, 5 ER.  He’s been too good up until this point, so I didn’t cut him in any league.  Though I felt like cutting myself.   RIP, Frankie from The Real World: San Diego.  You more compelling than Irene “I’m Crazy From Lyme’s Disease” any day.

Tony Pena – 2/3 IP, 4 ER.  I know Tony Pena.  You, friend, are not him.  Goodbye!

Dan Haren – 7 IP, 3 baserunners, 1 ER, 7 Ks.  After the game, Haren said, “That Tony Pena was an imposter.”

Chad Qualls – Was available last night for the save.  Unfortunately, there was no save.  I’m still looking at you, Pena.

Mark Reynolds – 0-for-4, 2 Ks.  Like clockwork, this guy gets to .260 then he tumbles to .230.  It’s the patented Reynolds Whap.

Raul Ibanez – 2 HRs yesterday.  He don’t need no stinkin’ Citizens Bank.

John Maine – Supposedly, a Mets TV crew member has swine flu and has infected everyone, except Mr. Met.  The Mets said Maine should be cured by Friday.  And, as we know, when you cure the swine, you get prosciutto.  Ah… That never gets old.  Never!  Now don’t forget to tip your waitresses.

Carlos Beltran – Also with Swine.  Now I know how the flappers felt when they thought they lost their shortstop, Arky Vaughan, with Polio in the summer of ‘35.  Grey, see, I’m starting Arky, but Skeeter Newsome is on waivers and I’m in a ten way tie for first in homers with 3.  Should I make the switch, see?