Fantasy Baseball Advice

Yesterday, DeWayne Wise joined other historical footnotes, such as the guy who tried to tackle Hank Aaron as he rounded the bases on 715, Francisco Cabrera and the other 4 guys besides Crispus Attucks that were killed in the Boston Massacre, when he saved Mark Buehrle‘s perfect game.  That’s the DeWayne Wise of this video.   I look forward to his next video, Stop Cheering Me!  Okay, so Buehrle is not just a difficult to spell last name.  No, sir.  He’s a perfect game pitcher, um, guy.   So what can we expect of him going forward?  After he threw the no-hitter in 2007, he went right back to being the just-below 4 ERA pitcher he was before and since.  I’d expect the same now.  This perfect game doesn’t do much for Buehrle’s value unless you can convince your leaguemates that he’s suddenly Nolan Ryan Jr.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Lance Berkman – To the DL.  What is totally lame, besides me using the word lame, he just pinch-hit on Wednesday.  Why play him at all if he might go on the DL?  Especially when all reports are saying he could’ve played through it.  He could have been back earlier after sitting out the July 21st game too.  Very frustrating.   On the bright side, now everyone has room for Garrett Jones!  *Grey saddles up to a bar*  What’s your name?  Garrietta Jones?  Marry me!

Jordan Zimmermann – Heads to the DL with elbow tenderness.  Even when he returns, his innings will be limited.  You guys had a good run, now it’s time to look elsewhere.

Mark Rzepczynski – 4 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 Ks, 7 baserunners.  The RZE is really unreliable as a fantasy starter.

Alex Rios – 1-for-3, stole three bases yesterday.  I see what’s happening here.  Can’t give us fantasy value with power so you revert back to your speed.  Very sneaky.

Yunel Escobar – Hit another homer yesterday.  Doode’s out of his mind right now.  If only he didn’t have less speed than the three-hundred pound, Pablo Sandoval.

Jarrod Washburn – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners.  Who is this guy and what has he done with Jarrod Washburn?

Scott Kazmir – 6 IP, 5 ER.  I didn’t start him here and I won’t start him next time out.  At some point, I’m going to have to cut bait, but there’s too much upside for me to do it yet. (I did discuss it with Rudy though, so the time is near.)

Rafael Betancourt – Traded to the Rox as the Indians decide another season is in the books.  Sleep well, Comatose Indians Fan.

Dan Haren – 5 IP, 4 ER.  Hey, it’s after the All-Star break, it’s not like you weren’t forewarned.

Justin Upton – Yesterday, he hit his first homer since July 9th.  Good to see it, but he’s still hitting .167 in July so he has a bit to go before I say he’s fully back.

Phil Hughes – Getting saves now?  Zoinks!  Mariano had pitched in 5 of 6 games since the All-Star break.  Even (fill-in your deity) rested on (fill-in your Sabbath).

Alex Rodriguez – Might be the first time in two months I’ve mentioned him.  (I don’t talk much about the top players.)  Anyhoo, he has three steals in the last three games.  Great sign that his hip is feeling well.

Steve Pearce – 2-for-4 as he played 1st base.  He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell.  He’ll be just left of the forward slash.

Ryan Doumit – Third homer in two days.  I see your Miguel Montero and I raise you a Ryan Doumit.

Kyle Blanks – Rudy Jr. hit his 2nd homer yesterday.  Rudy was so proud, he called him up to congratulate him, but Kyle said, “You see my new job’s a hassle and kids have the flu, but it’s sure nice talking to you, Dad… It’s been sure nice talking to you.”  And as Rudy hung up the phone, it occurred to him, he should go grab a beer with Cecil Fielder.

Chien-Ming Wang – the two-time 19 game winner – is pitching historically bad.  How bad?  Some TV highlight show quoted some statistical service that the 15 earned runs he’s given up in the past 2 starts are the most ever for a Yankee pitcher’s first two starts of the year.  For fantasy purposes, he’s more toxic than Chinese air, waterways, and land combined.  As for Ted Lilly, you have to respect a guy who can overcome the ignominy of being traded for Hideki Irabu and Jeff Weaver.  He’s been a very underrated late game starter for the past two years with the Cubs. Today, he went 6 and 2/3, giving up only one hit.  Not to take anything away from Lilly, but the conditions were lousy at Wrigley for hitters.  If Ubaldo didn’t walk 6 batters in less than 4 innings, the Cubs wouldn’t have scored as many runs either.  We think Lilly’s risky for this year as he’s been relying a bit too much on breaking pitches.  But it’s not as if the Cubs training staff hasn’t had experience with sore-armed pitchers (see Prior, Wood, Harden)… Oh, and Wang?  We’re very worried about him.  Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Edinson Volquez – I feel bad saying I told you so when someone’s not going well, but I told you so… Actually, that didn’t feel that bad.  Schadenfreude, you make me feel good!

Fausto Carmona – 5 IP, 4 ER.  Okay, I didn’t say to stay away from this schmohawk and it feels awful.  Damn you, karma!

Orlando Hudson – Orlando is living it up in LA.  Disneyworld meet Disneyland!  O-Dog used up his month’s offense production in one day as he hit for the cycle.  O-Dog’s about as hot as they come these last few days.  Is he worth owning?  Sure, I suppose.  He’s a 10/10 hitter with a decent average.  There’s a place for that but I’d prefer a 2nd baseman that could get you 25-40 steals.  One thing I will say is Hudson seems like he’s running more in the early going with 3 steals already in the first week.  But his career high in steals is 10.

Andre Ethier – 2 HRs yesterday.  Nice!  Now twist an ankle or something so Kemp could slowly start working his way up the lineup.  Aw, you know I’m just playin’, Ethier.  I love ya! (Actually, I don’t really, but I’m semi-rambling.)

Zach Duke – Shutout? Shuddup!  The Astros are not a very good offensive team. (Which seems like a complaint for them for the last so many years.  Maybe they might want to think about upgrading that.  Just a thought!)  Duke’s fine for an NL-Only league flier.  In mixed leagues, it’s Zach Puke.

Cristian Guzman – My Fantasy Razzball team (and really it’s all about me) took some hits (literally!) yesterday as Guzman went 5-for-5 then limped off the field.  He surprised last year by maintaining a .300 average and staying relatively healthy after failing to do either in his last years with Minnesota.  I was banking on a regression but not on the health part… There is nothing more frustrating then losing a guy on a Monday in a weekly league.  I should’ve just left Belliard in there… Wait, is that my inner monologue?  My bad.

Jesse Litsch – Left with forearm tightness. Another guy I had on my team that I want to suck.  I don’t think highly of Litsch, but would’ve been nice to see him stay healthy.  He’ll be out a few starts is my guess.

Mike Pelfrey – 5 IP, 5 ER.  I’m not defending Pelfrey because I don’t like him this year, but he did give up some bleeders and bloops.  Cust kayin’.

Jon Lester – 11 runs in 2 starts.  He was a risky pitcher too (in addition to Pelfrey).

Zach Greinke – 2-0, no earned runs thus far.  Because our dipolma from the College of Fantasy Baseball at Charleston says we have to report when we’re wrong 17% of the time, Greinke was a risky pitcher too.  Maybe trade him if you think we might still be right.

Matt Holliday – 3-for-4 with 2 RBIs.  Batting between Giambi and Garciaparra is really paying off! *sarcasm off*

B.J. Upton – Matt Joyce sent down as The Beej returned to action with a two steal night.  Good to have the Bossman back in town.

Carlos Pena – HR and 6 RBIs. *Random observation that is neither funny nor that enlightening alert* Pena reminds me of Delgado.

Ryan Franklin – First Save last night.  He will get more.  As far back as March 17th, I’ve been saying Franklin will get saves.  I’m not going to link to all the times I said it.  Just search in the search-a-ma-jig on the left.

Travis Snider – 2 HRs.  Still like Lind better, but I also like anyone who’s hitting two home runs in a game.  Even you, Ethier!

Chad Billingsley – 7 IP, 1 ER, 11 Ks.  Since last summer, I’ve said he’s headed for the 2009 NL Cy Young.  The Verducci guy clinked the armor, but I’m still holding tight.

Milton Bradley – Out a few days with a right groin strain.  How appropriate since he’s a jerkoff.

Justin Upton – O-for-the season.  The ‘Backs have too many options for him to continue on the path of ugly.  He’s going to be a good one, but it may not be the first half of the year.  Or this year at all.  Color me worried.

Jermaine Dye/Paul Konerko – Back to back 300th HRs.  According to the Elias Sports Bureau, this was the first time two players hit back to back 300th homers.  Actually, they didn’t say that… Well, they might’ve.  I have no idea.  Another thing possibly heard today in the Elias Sports Bureau office, in Accounting, Julio said, “Who took my pen for the third time this month?  Which is a new record!”

DeWayne Wise – Separated shoulder and out 6 weeks. This also really hurt my Fantasy Razzball team.  Wise looked like he was headed for one of the all-time worst years ever if Ozzie would’ve continued to play him.  And that’s a small “if,” because of course Ozzie was playing him.  Alas…  This opens up the centerfield job for the Jerry Owens promotion (SAGNOF, but he’s a truly crappy player) or Brian Anderson (poor average, some pop, not much to see here either).  This could also mean Ozzie moves Alexei Ramirez up the order.  Honestly, Alexei hasn’t done much to deserve it so that could mean Ozzie does move him up.  Oh, who are we fooling?  Ozzie’s going to continue to plug Wise into the top of the order, DL be damned!

Jed Lowrie – To the 15-Day DL.  Oh, well.  He’s done.  Feel free to cut him loose.  Probably the best thing that could’ve happened so you can move on from him sooner vs. later.  (BTW, Sooner vs. Later battled to a draw last time out in the octagon.)

Who doesn’t love a good comeback story?  Mickey Rourke, Jamie Walters, Wilco’s Sky Blue Sky after a very hit or miss, A Ghost is Born…  Now there’s Edwin Jackson.  Last night, he pitched a gem. 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER with 89 pitches.  I love prospects that seem destined for greatness then fail. (see Alex Gordon Love™.  Don’t see Felix Pie Love™, Jeff Clement Love™ or Andy LaRoche Semi-Love™).  Edwin Jackson fits that post-hype prospect bill.  He was supposed to be so good for sooooo long. (Yes, five oh’s.) And he’s still only 25.  In deep leagues, I’m going to try him on for size.  If you need pitching, don’t wait until his next good start.  It may be too late.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Tim Lincecum – He was pulled after 78 pitches with Bochy showing more restraint in one start than he did all of last year.  Obviously, I don’t own him on any team, but if I did, I wouldn’t cash the bailout check. (<– Not sure what that means, but it’s timely!)  Last year, Lincecum only threw 84 pitches in four innings in his first game of the year and went on to win the Cy Young… Of course, there was an hour and fourteen minute delay between his first pitch and last pitch and he was coming in in relief.  Nevertheless!  Lincecum will be fine and, even if he’s not, you’re not trading away your prize pitcher right after yesterday’s performance.  Sit tight, paisan.

Travis Ishikawa – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs.  You don’t know anything about him?  That’s the way it’s meant to be.  I have secrets!

Jeff Suppan – I can’t believe Milwaukee’s opening day pitcher was rocked.  Oh…it’s Suppan.  I can’t believe the Milwaukee opening day pitcher was Suppan.

Mike Cameron – 2 steals.  Said after the game about the Giants, “They were really swinging the bats today.”  They were facing the Soup.

Kyle Farnsworth – Cost me a win for Meche and a loss for Buehrle in my Razzball league.  We need a Razzball glossary term for this.  Please advise.

Ryan Zimmerman – Started the year 1-for-9.  Way to come out swinging!… And missing.  I swear, if you disappoint me this year, we’re through.

Cameron Maybin – One steal and batted 2nd yesterday.  That’s so Maybin!

Emilio Bonifacio – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and after the game he saved a turtle from a burning building.

Jorge Cantu – Another HR.  In other news, the Marlins are petitioning major league baseball to only face the Nats this year.

Scott Olsen – 3 IP, 8 ER.  Marlins finally figure out what those other teams were talking about.

Josh Johnson – 6 2/3, 0 ER, 8 Ks.  Tried to push as many people as I could into drafting Johnson.  Hope people listened.

Chris Young – 6 IP, 2 ER.  Why ignoring spring training stats is sometimes the best medicine.

Heath Bell – Notched his first save.  I hope he entered to Hell’s Bells.

Alex Gordon – HR yesterday.  If he could just hit 25 more with a respectable average, I’d be so happy.

Ubaldo Jimenez/Dan Haren – Was like Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton out in Chase Field.

Ian Stewart – Rockie players were supposedly upset Stewart got the start on Opening Day over Barmes.  I can’t even imagine how upset they were with that deer.

DeWayne Wise – 0-for-4, 3 Ks.  When asked about the decision to lead off with Wise, Ozzie said, “Without Juan Uribe, what choice do I have?”

Geovany Soto – Left with shoulder soreness.  Will be out until the weekend.  If something happens to Koyie Hill, Soto said he could play, so I don’t think it’s that bad.  Then again, Theriot took warm up pitches from Heilman in the 9th.  If only Ozzie was managing the North Siders…

James Shields – 5 1/3, 5 ER.  Couple of doinks, a couple of donks and Ortiz’s badonkadonk.  Not a great start, obviously, but you can’t sit Shields.  Take solace in that…. I take solace everywhere and it always finds it’s way home — oofa!

Josh Beckett – Red State Jeter put it together with a very solid opening day start — 7 IP, 1 ER, 10 Ks.

Trevor Cahill – 5 IP, 2 ER.  He looked much worse.  The A’s start guys that have no business being in the majors.  I tend to ignore them.

Jason Motte – Was deemed unable to go yesterday after pitching on Monday.  Translation:  Franklin’s getting some saves whether Motte’s effective or not.

Wandy Rodriguez – 6 IP, 1 ER. Get on the Wandwagon!

David Freese – Not playing again.  This time LaRussa opted for Joe Thurston.  In one hand, rookie with potential.  In the other hand, minor league journeyman.  Eh, just be happy LaRussa started Rasmus.

Colby Rasmus – 2-for-4 in MLB debut.  That’s it, LaRussa.  Now give him 400 more ABs.

Brandon Morrow – During Morrow’s collapse on Tuesday, the Mariners announcer said Batista was “sparkling (on Monday).”  I’m not even joking.  Batista put something in the Mariners drink when they weren’t looking!  This job is still Morrow’s, no doubt.  But let’s go over quickly what we know.  1) Morrow can’t stay healthy.  2) Closing puts a lot of stress on a pitcher, physical and otherwise. 3) Batista’s their backup plan.  4) Batista sucks.  5) Batista spiked the Mariners’ drink.

Coming to the Braves outfield this summer, Jordan Schafer — The outfielder to have when you’re drafting more than one.  I picked him up immediately in my sucky fantasy baseball league.  He sounds blahtastic! Maybe 10/15/.250 aka every outfielder that sits on waivers all year that has one good game and you contemplate picking up until you think better of it.  Some have compared Schafer to Sizemore, but he’s much greener.  Though he does know his way around striking out.  He’s jumping straight from Double-A where he K’d 88 times in 297 ABs.  CHONE and ZiPS project averages near .240.  He may turn into a Sizemore, but for 2009 he’s more of a Sighsmore <– pun!  He’s worth a flier in an NL-Only league.  But then again, so is Cha-Seung Baek.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in spring training for fantasy baseball:

Dexter Fowler – Razzball was abuzz yesterday with the news Fowler might make the team.  He really should, and Helton should retire so Ian Stewart can play, but whatever.  Fowler is the total package like Lex Luger.  He can run, mash and had the opportunity to go to Harvard.  He could go 12/30 and hit .285.  Then he’s a 30/30 guy in a year or two.  Keeper leagues should be all over him.  I have Spilborghs on a few teams, but I’d happily move on from him to see Fowler get the chance.  I grabbed Fowler in my Spilborghs leagues for backup until this shakes out.  I’ll drop whoever doesn’t get the job.  Fowler or Maybin? I still want Maybin for now, because Maybin is assured time, i.e., the Marlins play their prospects.  If Helton was on the Marlins, he would already be DH for an AL team.

Joey Devine – Aching Joey Devine is having a real hard time staying healthy.  Looks like Ziegler will start the year as the A’s closer.  He could hold the job for a while depending on effectiveness and Devine’s injury-prone-itude (Made Up Word Of The Day!).

Alexei Ramirez – Was hurt sliding into home, but didn’t seem too serious from the latest news I heard.  Now ease back on the hustle, Alexei.  You’re going to give me a heart attack.  Everyone’s calling you an Alfonso Soriano clone, but there’s no need replicate his injury-prone-itude.  Please don’t turn into this year’s bust.  Please.  I’m begging you now.

James McDonald – Some of you noobs (I called you a noob! Natch!) are going to think it’s Christmas in March, but I wrote a James McDonald sleeper post already.  How’s dem apples?  Delicious, I know.

Dustin McGowan – Jays unsure of his return.  Hey, that makes two of us!

Travis Hafner – Hit first homer of spring and he’s batting .227.  Good to see he’s rounding into mid-season form.

DeWayne Wise/Chris Getz – White Sox one and two hitters?  Alexei batting 8th?  Fields 9th?  Somebody, please help him!  Ozzie Guillen’s gone crazy!

Jason Motte – LaRussa said Motte would see some save chances.  Way to clear that up!  I think Franklin still gets involved in this mess.

J.D. Drew – Will bat fifth for the Sawx.  I think people underrate Drew.  He’s not a bad 4th to 5th outfielder.

David Purcey – I’m not buying into his solid spring training numbers.  I call shenanigans.

B.J. Ryan – Gaston’s talking about using Downs for some saves, but reading between the lines tells me he might just be goading Ryan to man up.  Either way, Downs is the handcuff you want as a Ryan owner.

David Delucci – Sticking with the newly-established David theme, David Delucci goes to the DL.  Lates, Double D.  Ben Francisco and Shin-Soo Choo just got a bump — not a Studio 54 bump.

Emilio Bonifacio – Could be leading off for Florida.  Or Maybin.  Or Hanley.  Or Amezaga when he’s healthy.  I doubt Bonifacio sticks in leadoff, but SAGNOF.  I also really hope to one day see Alfredo Amezaga and Emilio Bonifacio in an Olive Garden commercial.  Now that’s Italian!

Oh, they’re not just bad.  Nah, I outdid even myself this time.  On this drafternoon, I picked a team that is near-perfectly awful.  They simultaneously suck and blow.  On a scale of one to ten, they’re a negative seven.  I did the math!  Somehow I managed to get a team where not one hitter projects for more than twelve home runs.  If someone in the Royals brass gets wind of my drafting skills, I may get a job!  If you think I’m being facetious (which was recently outlawed in Madagascar), shame on you.  And shame on this team!  I took part in a fantasy baseball draft this past Saturday to pick the worst fantasy baseball team.  And I think I done did it.  My co-conspirators in this were:

Roto Rob
Tirico Suave
Drunk Jays Fans
Fantasy Baseball Cafe
Fantasy Pros 911
Hire Jim Essian
Sharapova’s Thigh
Fantasy Baseball Geeks
Beyond the Box Score

Come with me as I take out the trash:

Random thoughts about various rounds of the draft:

ROUND 1 – I had my eye on Ronnie Belliard like only Mrs. Belliard could ever know.  He’s eligible at 1st!  Need I continue?  Okay, he’s on the Nats.  Should I go on?  His K rate has been going up.  More?  He’s also eligible at 3rd.  All right, one more thing.  He’s projected for 400 ABs and 11 home runs.  Bleh, and thank you.

ROUND 2 – It was between Chone Fuggums and Lousy Castillo.  Had to go with the more shallow position of 3rd base.  Fuggums will probably get 500 ABs, and, I don’t know, 4 HRs.  Not a bad guy for the Not Corner.

ROUND 3 – And Lousy Castillo makes it back to me.  Projected for 487 ABs and… Wait for it… Here it comes… Hold on, I have an itch… All right, here it is… Zero home runs!  WTF?  How is that even possible?

ROUND 4 – Okay, I’ve waited on crappy outfielders long enough.  Skip Suckmaker, you’re mine!  Thank you, LaRussa.

ROUND 5 – I’m actually worried about my Runs at this point.  No, I didn’t just drink some Mexican water.  So to clog up my tailpipe, I select Erick Aybar.  He’s projected for less than 50 Runs and over 400 ABs.  Later I will add his Brother in Razzball Charms.

ROUND 6 – One thing I really notice about drafting craptacular players, everyone has a different draft sheet.  It’s like you got ten owners together that have all been in solitary confinement for the last six months.  Everyone knows who’s crappy, but nobody knows which order anyone else is going to take them, so guys last longer than you think they will.  Without further ado, Brian Schneider.

ROUND 7 – And because no one knows when anyone is drafting a player, you (or at least I) want to fill up your (my) Utility spot with another catcher that I know will rack up the ABs and little else — Yadier Molina.

ROUND 8 – Super futility man, Willie Aybar.

ROUND 9 – Finally, I take a pitcher.  Not just any pitcher, but a pitcher worthy of a Razzball Spotlight, Gorilla Ponson.

ROUND 10 – B. Giles because anyone who’s ever played any level of baseball can put up his stats.

ROUND 11 – Travis Ishikawa.  Everyone loses a job on your fantasy Razzball team, so backups are very helpful and Giants hitters are even more so.  Worst case scenario, Ishikawa and Belliard will make a nice blahtoon.

ROUND 12 – Vicente Padilla, probably my riskiest pick so far.  He can’t make it out of May with a job, can he?

ROUND 13 – Endy Chavez.  Nicest thing anyone can ever say about a guy on your Fantasy Razzball team, “He’s a great fielder!”

ROUND  14 – DeWayne Wise. Ozzie’s crazy enough to give him 500 ABs, but he’s not crazy enough to lead him off, is he?

ROUND 15 – Having played this league last year, I knew anyone I took on the pitching side would lose their job sooner than later if I was playing right.  With his 150th pick, Grey selects Danys Baez, a leading candidate for an Orioles rotation spot.  You heard me right, non-Orioles fans.  Baez might be an Orioles starter this year.  How’s dem apples?  Delicious!

ROUND 16 – Mark Buerhle.  Tried to balance all of the starters I was going to lose with a guy who can give me 200 lame innings.  There’s a chance I bench him until he gets cold.

ROUND 17 – Matt Harrison.  Okay, I’m a sucker for sucky Texas pitchers.

ROUND 18 – Jamie Moyer.  Another innings eater-slash-guy you can’t believe is still a major league starter.

ROUND 19/20 – Chris Dickerson and Gerald Laird.   Dickerson’s a K machine, but he’s the only guy on my entire team with any downside.  I’ll be honest.  I might be patroling the waiver wire for a Dickerson replacement.  As for Laird, it’s really hard to resist taking an extra catcher.  They’re all so good!

ROUND 23/24 – Jesse Litsch and Mike Pelfrey.  Some of you may be sad to see these guys here because you have them on your regular fantasy teams.  Let’s just say, I’m hoping these guys stay healthy because they could be in for an awfully wonderful year.

ROUND 25/26/27 – Kevin Frandsen and Cristian Guzman and Gabe Gross.  Not sure how this crapfecta lasted this long, but I just had to back up some of my other guys that are sure to lose playing time.  Actually, if I played my cards right, some of them might have lost playing time already.  Razztastic!