Fantasy Baseball Advice

Giancarlo Stanton has battled injuries and the Marlins’ awkward ballpark this year, but I haven’t completely lost hope. Since arriving in the majors, he’s been a fantastic player in OPS leagues because, aside from his insane slugging, he’s been taking walks at a solid rate. This year’s been different, with Stanton walking a lot less, hitting less of his balls in the air, and less of his fly balls becoming home runs. I have no idea how much of his struggles can be attributed to lingering knee problems, but the fact that the Marlins have played him in a majority of their games gives me confidence that his knee is improving. If he stays on the field, I don’t believe these negative trends will continue because his excellent eye and power are too good to disappear. For the rest of 2012, I’d expect his baseline near .330/.500/.830, or roughly his 2010 numbers. Keep in mind that he already has 57 career home runs, despite being only 22 years old. I believe that he will regularly top a .900 OPS throughout his career, possibly as soon as next year. Speaking of sluggers with slow starts…

Nelson Cruz, an avid historian, has been a long-time believer in Theodore Roosevelt’s sage advice to speak softly and carry a boomstick. He has a relatively low OBP, but offsets this potential shortcoming in OPS leagues with his career .500 slugging. He’s had a weak start in 2012, posting an OPS below .700. There are many numbers that stand out this season. Cruz has been swinging at fewer pitches outside the strike zone and more pitches inside the strike zone, always a good sign. However, he’s made less contact with the pitches he’s swung at, as evidenced by an increased swinging strike rate, an increased strikeout rate, and a decreased contact rate, relative to his career norms. Another important factor is that his HR/FB is roughly half his career rate, suggesting likely improvement going forward. Overall, I believe these factors indicate some decline is probable, but improvement is to be expected from his current 2012 pace. For the rest of the season, I’ll project a .320/.480/.800 line.

Derek Jeter is a player only Matthew Berry would call an “upper-level fantasy shortstop” for the rest of 2012. Sure Jeter’s been rocking a 1.000 OPS this season, but I’m astonished that other fantasy baseball ‘perts are buying into him. Apparently ESPN analysts watching the Yankees are like observers at a Man vs. Food event shouting “This is the stuff of legends!” In OPS leagues, it might be tempting to like his fast start, but he’s just not going to continue anything remotely near this pace. In fact, Jeter has arguably been the luckiest player in baseball, with a .400 BABIP and a HR/FB at 30%. It’s also important to note that he hasn’t maintained an OPS over .900 since he partied in 1999, while his OPS has been below .750 the past two seasons. I think he approaches a line of .360/.390/.750 as he did in 2011. However, his upside is limited and there’s the possibility that Jeter leaves his fantasy owners alone in a world that’s so cold.

Seth Smith is used to being neglected. The Lisper’s Nightmare was the backup quarterback to Eli Manning at the University of Mississippi. Last year he was traded to the A’s for Guillermo Moscoso and Josh Outman. He’s currently owned in less than 1% of ESPN leagues. If this doesn’t compel you to pick up Smith out of sympathy, then do it because he’s a sneaky play in OPS leagues. His plate discipline has improved, as illustrated by his increased contact rate and walk rate, along with him swinging at less pitches outside the strike zone. Despite these encouraging signs, he’s posted a .650 OPS. I expect Smith’s BABIP to surge and his overall line to have a corresponding rise, with .340/.460/.800 a distinct possibility for the rest of the season. In leagues with daily changes, it would be worth benching him against lefties because the A’s plan to do so the majority of the time (Smith has a career .590 OPS vs. lefties and .870 OPS vs. righties).

Bryan LaHair continues to set the world on fire. The 29-year-old rookie obliterated Triple A in 2011, with 38 homers in 129 games, also known as taking candy from a baby. In his stint with the Cubs last September he demonstrated that he appears to be capable of playing in the majors, with an .885 OPS across 20 games. This year he switched jerseys with Albert Pujols and is currently carrying an OPS over 1.200. Some, if not all, of his stats are downright ridiculous and he won’t be able to remain the best player in the league. Nevertheless, after heavily regressing his numbers, there appears to be a decent hitter underneath all that luck. I’d expect LaHair to produce a .330/.470/.800 line for the rest of the season, with upside for more if his luck continues. You may be old for a rookie Bryan but tonight, with you on my fantasy team, we are young.

Can you get him for cheaper than he’s worth?  Is panic mode setting in for his owner?  Is he walking around muttering Effjols?  When you look into the eyes of your opponent who owns Albert Pujols, what do you see?  Do you see someone who is hiding tears, pretending they just came out of Subway and the godforsaken onion smell that you need to walk on the other side of the street to avoid has caused them to cry?  Or do you see someone steeled in their resolve?  If it’s the former and former is the first one, you pounce like a feral cat that you’re allergic to.  A feral, I-used-to-be-tame-but-now-I’m-gonna-scratch-your-eyes-out-and-put-them-on-a-kebab-and-serve-them-with-tabouli cat!  There’s no way Pujols just ups and leaves Fantasy Worthiness Land, unless the Angels accidentally signed Alburt Pujols, Albert’s evil, mustachioed brother who the Pujols family disowned 30 years ago and has been plotting his revenge ever since.  (Albert) Pujols has 30 homers, 100 RBIs, 100 runs, .300 average for breakfast and then says he has room for dessert.  Who has dessert with breakfast?!  Albert Pujols does.  You don’t trade that away for pennies on the dollar, but you do prey on the weak and buy that.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Tony Campana – Campana is so steals-crazy he’s like the jittery, smoking guy who asks you where the bathroom is in a bad part of town and you instinctively hold your backpocket to make sure he doesn’t rob your wallet.  That’s Tony Campana.

Luke Scott – The “Luke Scott has cooled off!” and “No, he hasn’t!” camps have moved further apart than Israel and Palestine.  Right now, I’m in the “No, he hasn’t!” camp, but if the U.S. sends in a healthy Nolan Reimold, I may be swayed to flip sides.

Gerardo Parra – Almost hate promoting Parra because it means no Krispie.  Member that fine brother who left his face in the Chase Field wall like Han Solo in carbon?  Miss you, Krispie!  Parra is a decent, not great, five category guy.

Brennan Boesch – For a while there, Boesch looked like cold soup, which is seriously nasty.  Has anyone ever had cold soup that’s tasted good?  I feel like you need to be an old Russian woman to like it.  Anyway, Boesch is in a great spot in the lineup and now hitting.

Stephen Drew – Wondering who the next guy is that you stash on your DL and then drop him once you have to activate him?  Here ya go!

Alcides Escobar – Here’s another guy I’ve be on for about two years and finally it’s looking like it might make a modicum of sense.  He has nice speed and he’s actually hitting.  Like peas and carrots, those two.

Bryan LaHair – Sure, you kinda want to call him B. Bryan LaHair, and don’t believe in love at first sight, but I believe in love at first.  Can I be with LaHair just one night?  Nah, but I could wear him outside like a suit made of cheddarwurst.  Did that rhyme?  I’m not sure it matters.

Francisco Cordero – Santos isn’t returning for at least a month with shoulder issues.  My best guess is Cordero saves more games than Santos this year.  Actually, that’s not my best guess, but my most realistic guess.  My best guess would be Lichtenstein.  But that’s my best guess for every question.  Why don’t they let me on Jeopardy?

Santiago Casilla – Not sure why he’s still owned in less than 50% of leagues (usually my cutoff), but he is.  Wilson’s out for the year; Casilla will get saves.  Don’t make me hack your fantasy account and add him!

Matt Thornton – Look up chilly in the dictionary and you find Santiago.  Pun point!  Could Reed be next?  Could be… Well, could be a few guys, but my money’s on Thornton.

Ross Detwiler – Prior to the 2007 draft, he was considered the 2nd best lefty behind only Price.  Shizz got derailed, or Detwilered.  At one point, he had a 9+ K-rate and solid control.  He might be a really late-bloomer.  I’d prefer that than a guy that has never been anything, but had one great game *cough* Humber *cough*.

Tommy Milone -  His last start was like someone playing Scramble on their iPhone.  Amazing!  Incredible!  Genius!  Wanna look behind the curtain at how I put together these Buy/Sells?  Come with me, attractive-to-your-mother friend!  I usually look at the most added and dropped players in ESPN, but I saw Milone wasn’t there, so I figured he was owned in so many leagues that he wasn’t applicable.  But then I got thinking — hey, sometimes thinking happens.  So I Googled Milone’s name to see how much he’s owned.  He’s owned in 5% of leagues.  (For reference point, Ryan Madson is owned in 12% of leagues; yes, the Ryan Madson that isn’t playing for 12 months.)  So it wasn’t that Milone was owned, it was that he wasn’t being added.  He has a 0.85 WHIP in 27 innings.  If you have a middle reliever for ratio help, the best middle reliever may not have a 0.85 WHIP through 27 innings, and it would take until June to get that many innings.  You might be saying to yourself, “Well, a lot of good this info does me now after he’s already thrown those innings.”  A) Before his first start on April 6th, I said to Buy him.  B) Going forward, I still like him for ratio help.  C) Seriously, what more do you need?  You’re bleeding me dry of fantasy baseball ‘pertness!

Jason Hammel – As mentioned the other day, he gets the Bronx jeers in his next start, but you should own him.

Trevor Bauer – He’s on his way.  Eventually.  How do I know?  I read it on Twitter along with something Ashton Kutcher’s assistant wrote anonymously.  If you have room on your team, move the mattress you saturated in cat urine to hide the weed smell and stash Bauer.

Jarrod Parker – Parker’s no poseur you indie, black-rimmed glasses kid, but if you grab him, because of his jersey, you can tell your friends you’re going green.  Even pick him up using your iPhone while driving your Prius and not paying attention to the road so you run over a pedestrian.

SELL

Ike Davis – How about those fences coming in, huh?  Good ol’ Metco!  You know when I’ll be excited by Mets hitters?  When they move the fences behind home plate.  I don’t mean the fences that are behind there already.  I mean, moving the outfield fences to the other side of home.  Bunt homers!  That’s what I’m looking for.  Davis’s own manager sold him down the river when a lefty came out of the bullpen, pinch hitting for him.  In shallower leagues, make like Tina and drop Ike.  In deeper ones, I’d probably shove him to my bench with Adam Dunn or whatever schmohawk you’re fatally attached to.

Mark Reynolds – I was trying to hold out hope for Mini Donkey but he looks like he’s headed for a Big Donkey circa 2011 season.  A slump for a guy that strikes out nine out of five times to the plate is death.  What’s that smell in here?  “Grey’s cleaning out some mold that was forming in my fridge!  I’ll be up in a second to clip your toenails!”  That’s you talking to your Mom.

Gaby Sanchez – “My Mom’s busting my chops and Yo Gaby Gaby was in the last Sell column!  Get to the good ones!”  Okay, moving on.

Derek Jeter – You know who’s smiling right now?  Minka.  Let the haters hate, right, Minka?  I hear ya, girl.  A’la Clubber Lang, “Let me know if you want a real, mustachioed man!”  I have nothing against Jeter.  Maybe he’s going all Zombino and eating the hearts of pitchers all year.  Though I seriously doubt that.  Do you remember how low he was going in drafts this year?  Do you remember why?  Because he’s been The Sexiest Man Alive That Can’t Hit 12 Homers Or Steal 20 Bases.  Is he hot garbage?  Did you just dump a fresh off a hot plate Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity into the trash?  No?  Then he’s not hot garbage.  He should hit around .300 and get around 10-ish homers and steals.  Yippee!  Whooooooo cares?  I’ll take Altuve and see Jeter on the other side of I still don’t care.  His name value is so much more valuable than actual value.  I wouldn’t trade him for a five DVD set of Step By Step’s third season, but I’d explore options.

In the doubleheader, Nate Schierholtz went 6-for-10 with a homer, 2 runs, 3 RBIs, steal and back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-etc. starts from Bochy, go ahead with your big head self!  “This is the year Schierholtz breaks out!  And fill up my Merlot!”  That’s every Giants fan for the last three years.  Then within a few weeks, he’s usually hurt.  If Schierholtz is indeed German for pantyhose, he sure gets rips in them quickly.  Maybe he should bathe in clear nail polish.  (See, ladies, Grey doesn’t forget about you.)  Schierholtz has power, he just needs to stay healthy.  For now, I’d pick him up in all leagues.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Tim Lincecum – Good news:  5 IP, 1 ER, 8 Ks.  Bad news: 4 hits, 5 walks, 108 pitches.  Reminds me of my stat lines when playing backyard Wiffle Ball.  Maybe Timmy needs to throw to a Pitchback instead of a Posey.

Mike Gonzalez – Boras said Gonzalez is expected to sign with a club in the next ten days.  Boras better get a deal fast before the terrible closer bubble bursts.

Lorenzo Cain – Expected to come off the DL on Friday.  Make room in your fantasy cupboard for Cain…Sugar!

Josh Donaldson – After starting the year on a sub-.100 anti-tear, the A’s brushed him aside like the ABC makeup lady used to do to his grandfather’s hair.  He will be sorely missed by opposing pitchers, Fantasy Razzball managers, and frustrated owners in 2-catcher leagues who hoped he could outperform the Barajii of the league.

Adrian Beltre – Should return soon as the MRI showed his leg was normal.  Right above the foot and below the hip.

Francisco Liriano – Twins will skip his next start.  Guess that’s easier and more legal than getting John McDonald to drop a knee on his head.

Josh Willingham – Out until Friday on maternity leave.  A lesson in the birds and the bees brought to you by Grey Albright:  Nine months ago there was a Drillingham with a throbbing lardon, asking to porker and now there’s a baby back.

Derek Holland – 6 IP, 7 ER, 13 baserunners, 1 K.  An embarrassment to pitchers and mustaches everywhere.

Josh Hamilton – 1-for-4 with his 8th homer as everyone who didn’t draft Hamilton continues to have their balloon Burrst.

Hunter Pence – Missed yesterday with a sore shoulder.  Chase Utley scoffed and raised him a sore everything.

Michael Bowden – The key piece in the Byrd trade is headed to the bullpen as predicted here first after reading it elsewhere.  He was a top pitching prospect once, but had a pedestrian K-rate as a starter in AAA so they turned him into a closer where he showed some signs of dominance (10+ K/9).  Nothing to see right now, but, if he has some early success and Marmol is traded (as I think he will be), Bowden could be saving games by the end of the year.

Cody Ross – 2 HRs yesterday and another one on Saturday (his last game).  Hot schmotato!

Daniel Bard – Shut the door yesterday in the 8th inning, but Bobby Valentine said that there’s no “great temptation” to have Bard stay in the bullpen.  In related news, Valentine is going for psychological testing.

Jake Peavy – 9 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Now has an ERA of 1.88.  I told you to draft him in the preseason, I drafted him in the preseason and then I dropped him.  Why do you make me rue?  I don’t wish to rue.  I’m fine with no ruing.  I’m stirring butter and flour in my soul!

Alex Rios – 3-for-5, hitting .360 on the season and hitting about .500 over the last week.  Cust kayin’.

Dontrelle Willis – The O’s confirmed that they signed Willis.  This was hilarious to me.  I imagine the O’s front office said, “Dah!  Yes, we signed Willis.  Stop mocking us!”

Chris Capuano – 7 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Is it the Year of the Cap?  Not probably, no.  But he could have end of the rotation appeal in mixed leagues and be one of those guys that’s cheap in NL-Only leagues that can really help you.

Michael Pineda – Headed for an MRI on Tuesday.  Here’s the Cliff Notes of a book I wrote (besides this one).  The name of this other book, “Signs of Trouble for Your Fantasy Starter.”  Chapter One:  If your starter is shut down and almost a month later they need an MRI, it’s not good.

CC Sabathia – 8 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks as he has an ERA of 5.27. Without looking at our Player Rater, I’m guessing his FIP is much lower.

Derek Jeter – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 1 RBI, batting .411.  So is he an Early Bird Special or a (Fill-in blank for term of older player who has a renaissance year.  Regarding that term that I asked for with Beltran last week.  I liked Ponce De Leon-g Balls, Hologram Tupac and Dead Cat Bounce, but Rudy nixed them.)?

Dillon Gee – 6 2/3 IP, 7 ER.  He alternated good start/bad start last year and he’s continuing this trend.  It’s pretty uncanny.  It’s like his job is to rope in and frustrate streamers and he takes his job very seriously.

Jason Bay – Left yesterday’s game with bruised ribs, which is nowhere near as delicious as braised ribs.

Hideki Matsui – Rumored to be signing a minor league deal with the Rays.  The Rays hope he still has a little left in the tank if they need a lefty DH.  Matsui just wants a job and heard good things about their potato chips.

Brandon Morrow – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Can we get Scooby on the Case of Morrow’s Missing Ks?  He only had 2 starts all last year of 3 Ks or less and he’s already had 3 starts this year like that and his other start was a 4 K effort.  His velocity didn’t look bad last night, but I’m starting to get concerned.  A guy who walks as many as he does (though he didn’t yesterday), isn’t very cute without Ks.

Krispie Young – Won’t return when his DL stint is up in 15 days.  With a ligament tear in his shoulder?  Really?  Here I thought a ligament tear was a good thing.  Just when you think you got the world figured out.  Wow.  File that in the surpriseapedia.

Wade Miley – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks vs. the Phillies (Just think, Phils fans, in another 25 years your team will be good again, not like the Red Sox who have to wait 80 years.), and Bauer’s call-up just took two steps back with this Miley effort.  The key word with Miley is serviceable.  That makes for good real world pitching and only matchups appeal in fantasy.

Justin Upton – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs as he hit his first homer.  Formally document it:  In the nick of time, Justin.

Eric Hosmer – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer in 3 games and 4th on the year.  He’s still hitting .203, but I bet he’s about to go on a tear and be hitting near .260 by this time next week.  Get it, Hosmer, get it!

Tony Campana – 1-for-1 with 2 steals.  He stole 2nd base so fast that he actually overran it, ran all the way around the globe, causing time to rewind, and allowing him to steal 2nd again.

Jason Motte – 2/3 IP, 2 ER and the blown save.  What a follower!  Ooh, all the cool closers are blowing games so he figured he would too.

Bill Hall – Signing a deal with the Orioles to replace Josh Bell on the Triple-A roster.  Bell to Hall?  This is a big score for the equipment manager.

First off, the Master Standings should be up next week, so it’s time to quit fooling around. You don’t want to be trailing a Yahoo! expert, do you? Secondly, isn’t it frustrating when your top pick struggles early?

According to the Razzball Player Rater, of the 20 players we selected at least once in round 1, only Matt Kemp (Congrats Boesch Hog, Blue Heaven, 7 Js and 2 Jeys, and AZ Kush Mafia for making Matt the first overall selection!) and Roy Halladay have put up 1st round numbers. Justin Verlander (16) and Hanley Ramirez (20) are close enough, but where’s everbody else? Miguel Cabrera (93), Adrian Gonzalez (132), Joey Votto (137), and Albert Pujols (346) are all under-performing badly. How about Ryan Braun (272) and Jose Bautista (292)? Oh, well, it’s early. Don’t panic. They’ll start hitting eventually. And, of course, there are always other players who are outperforming their draft position to keep you competitive. Like Josh Hamilton (2, ADP: 35) and Krispie Young (6, ADP: 95.)

Expert League: As was expected, some of the experts have other leagues they are more worried about, so their teams here are neglected. Worst is Team Emack (Eric Mack), whose only moves came on April 1, when Michael Pineda was placed on the DL and Chipper Jones added. 3 minutes later came his final move, replacing Chipper with Bryce Harper. Currently the team features 8 injured players, including 6 in the starting lineup. Rudy and Grey are following different strategies, as Grey leads the league with 29 moves, while Rudy is giving his drafted players a chance to prove themselves, having added just 3 players. Mastersball Carey (Ryan Carey) is setting the pace with 99 points, followed by Secret Treasure Loaf (Andy Behrens) at 79.5.

Trades: A busy week, with 18 trades consummated. That includes one in the ECFBL where the Silver Bullet Bandits and Copales Charros undid an earlier trade when one of the traded players, Brett Gardner, was injured. Copales Charros also traded Matt Holliday to Uncle Robbies Daffiness Boys for Felix Hernandez. There were some surprising trades for saves. In Ones are GOOD right, NYC Matthole traded Drew Stubbs to Unlucky Llamas for Fernando Rodney. Army of Llamas sent Matt Wieters to Bushwood Varmint Cong for Grant Balfour in the Epic Beardmen Division. Probably the biggest name traded was Roy Halladay, in RCL 22, who was sent by Manitoba Manwhores with Coco Crisp to FWG Herders for James Shields and Mariano Rivera. You can find all the trades in the fantasy baseball forums.

League Leaders

Broth’s  Baseball Stars (Fausto or Roberto?) was the top hitting team this week. They hit .360 with 17 home runs and 72 RBI, 50 runs, and 6 steals. Matt Kemp was their 5th best hitter! Ahead of him were Freddie Freeman (.478/14 RBI), Josh Hamilton (.462/11 RBI), Mike Napoli (.440/10 RBI), and Derek Jeter (.407/6 RBI).

Average: .360 (Broth’s  Baseball Stars – Fausto or Roberto?)

Runs: 58 (Army Of Llamas – Epic Beardmen Division)

HR: 20 (AZ Kush Mafia – RCL 29)

RBI: 72 (Broth’s  Baseball Stars – Fausto or Roberto?)

SB: 17 (Team Everett – Beef SAGNOF!)

CROP DUSTIN (RCL 46) had some top pitching numbers with 5 wins, 6 saves, and an ERA of 1.11 and 0.99 WHIP. Their lineup features Clayton Kershaw (9 K/0.00/0.71), Matt Cain (0.00/0.33), and Brandon Beachy (0.00/0.68).

Ks: 97 (Navin Johnson’s Puke Diamomds – Magnificent Mustachioed Men)

Wins: 11 (Navin Johnson’s Puke Diamomds – Magnificent Mustachioed Men)

Saves: 12 (Baltimore Scorioles – RCL 20)

ERA: 1.05 (Dixie Rebels    - Fantasy Master Lotharios)

WHIP: 0.69 (Poorjays – Beef SAGNOF!)

TEAM OF THE WEEK -  April 16 – 22
The Fredsies (ECFBL)
83/287 (.289) 45 R/18 HR/44 RBI/3 SB	72.1 IP 70K/8 W/1.62/1.09/11 S
The Fredsies strong pitching won them the weekly honors over some tough competition. They had 8 different pitchers record wins, while 6 added saves. Vance Worley tossed 7 scoreless innings with 11 Ks. Rafael Betancourt and Henry Rodriguez each contributed 3 saves. On the offensive side, Mike Napoli (.440/7 R/5 HR/10 RBI) and Matt Kemp (.381/4 Runs/3 HR/6 RBI) were once again dominant.

Welcome to the Razzball Fanduel Freeroll for Thursday night. This week we get an exclusive $500 dollar freeroll for Razzball readers. 1st gets $125, 2nd $80, 3rd $60, 4th $40 and so on until unlucky 14th who gets a big pile of leaves and just scooped cat droppings. And this all comes at the low cost of zilch, zip, nada, i.e. sans money. So let’s have some fun here and pick a bad ass team for this Thursday’s games. Here’s my team which, if history repeats itself, will not be bad ass and will finish in the basement where I will be told to stand in the corner while my players are all brutally murdered.

P: Vance Worley: Worley gets to pitch in the spacious free range pug fields of Petco against the Padres who are hitting .191 on the season. I’ll take my chances on him to not eff up this chance.

C: Jesus Flores: He’s not going to give you a ton of points, but he’s a cheap alternative who has been getting on base of late. I like Avila more here but he’s too rich for my good-0le boy Kansas blood.

1b: Adam LaRoche: LaRoche is hitting which is not usually his way early in the season, but I’ll take it. LaRoche’s splits are all in favor of facing righties at home versus lefties on the road. Bud Norris fits the bill. And I had a LaRoche Split at Margie’s the other day and it was not as tasty as it sounds.

2b: Jose Altuve: Mr. Altuve has been hitting well thus far even though he’s got the stink of being buried in the bottom of the order on him. He’s only faced Ed Jackson once but has a hit off him. I’m not sold on this pick but the options in my price range were all looking pretty Walmarty.

SS: Derek Jeter: The old guy is still inviting pitchers up to his condo, banging them, and then ever so sweetly having his footman give them a nice parting gift of muffins and stamp-signed baseballs. This time around he’ll triple-dip Swarzak who he’s 3 for 6 off of in his career.

3b: Evan Longoria: Longoria hasn’t faced Handerson Alvarez much, but does have 2 hits off him in 3 at bats. Oh, and those 2 hits were home runs. Alvarez may throw all his pitches onto Spandina Avenue instead of near the plate, but eh. Thanks Google Maps.

OF: Raul Ibanez: DHing for the Yankees and facing right-hander Tony Swarzak seems like a good set up for the guitar man.

OF: Brett Gardner: Well, I guess I like Yankees players for Thursday’s games. Gardner gets on base a decent amount which makes him safe to not go negative and he’s also hit Tony Swarzy 2 of 4 times.

OF: Austin Jackson: The dude keeps hitting. Hopefully by Thursday he’ll still be doing so. He’s 5 for 10 off Matt Harrison which happens to be who he faces on this particular day in Detroit. He also may have the best Alt-Country name in the bigs.