Fantasy Baseball Advice

In the first installment of the grading process, we’ll look at the gold stars, the players that exceeded expectations.  As always, in the comments, feel free to beat your chest about who you were high on relative to the rest of fantasy baseball players!

Anibal Sanchez – I pegged Sanchez to be a sub-4.00 ERA guy with 170 Ks, and liked him over several guys (Happ, Holland, Niese, Hudson and Lackey) that were going well before him. I projected him to be the 52nd best starting pitcher, but with considerable upside. Well, Sanchez has eclipsed my K projection, has a 3.64 era and is the 49th SP. Not bad, eh?

Ian Kennedy – There isn’t anything more enjoyable than an ex-Yankee doing dirty things for another team…other than maybe a game winning bloop single off the best closer ever in game 7 of the World Series. I ranked Kennedy as the 43rd best starting pitcher, roughly 20 spots higher than most projections. I had him posting an ERA around 3.70 with 175+ Ks and liked him over: Niese, Garcia, Jurrjens, Jorge de la Rosa, Phil Hughes, and Brian Matusz. Well, Kennedy is currently the 10th best pitcher in fantasy with a dazzling 2.99 ERA and 182 Ks. For all kinds of reasons this one makes me happy.

Hunter Pence – I was all over Hunter Pence, touting him as the #11 outfielder going into the year with a .280+ average, 25 HRs and 15-20 SBs. While Pence has the under on homers and SBs, he has batted quite well: .312. Even though my projections were slightly off, he is the 11th best outfielder in the game, 10 spots better than where most had him.

Justin Upton – Obviously JUp’s talent makes it difficult to label him a “sleeper.” However I ranked him about 20 spots higher than consensus. I thought 2009 would be his floor for the next decade and that he would hit .285+ with 25 HRs and 18 steals. Well Upton, who I had at 20, is a top 12 player, and has put up a .294 average with 31 homers and 21 steals. I got him in a lot of leagues and I’m winning a lot of leagues.

JJ Hardy – I said Hardy would push 20 HRs and bat .270. Well, Hardy is pushing 30 HRs and batting .265. Winner, winner, chicken dinner!

Joe Mauer – I ranked Mauer as the top catcher, but had him 2+ rounds after most preseason analysts. I continue to think 2009 was the outlier of his career, given his BABIP and HR/FB rate that season. I said “Mauer is not a .360 hitter with 20 HRs. He is a .330-.340 hitter with 10 – 15 HRs – and that might be generous. Furthermore, it’s incredibly unlikely that he’ll be more than an 85 run scored or producer given he’ll play at least 20 games less than regulars.” I suggested waiting and drafting Mike Napoli over Mauer – Napoli has outpaced Mauer in every 5×5 category.

Trevor Cahill – Calling Cahill a potential bust was like looking outside the window, noticing it’s raining, and saying the ground will likely be wet later. I had him as the 111th pitcher when he was comfortably going among the top 100 players in drafts. Well, Cahill is currently the 936th ranked player. In fact, he has performed so badly, that players who didn’t pitch at all this year are ranked ahead of him. I had Cahill at 130 Ks and a 3.67 ERA. Well, he has 140 Ks and a 4.31 ERA. I wasn’t pessimistic enough!

Mark Teixeira – The preseason Teixeira hate was obviously based on nuances. I ranked him as the 27th best player while most people had him in the top 15 or so. I thought Teixeira would be a .280 hitter with 35 HRs, 100 runs and 120 RBIs. Well, Tex is the 48th ranked hitter, has 87 runs, 37 HRs, 104 RBIs and has continued his downward average trend. He sits at .245 now. I told you not to spend a top 15 pick on him!

Drew Stubbs – I have been a huge fan of Stubbs for an incredibly long time now. I thought a 20-50 season was possible, with the floor being 20-30. Well, Stubbs is the 80th ranked player to date with 15 HRs and 37 steals. Looks like I was a little high on the HRs but otherwise, I’m pretty comfortable calling this a success. Stubbs is going to come in around the 25th best outfielder. I had him 17th; general consensus had him at 42. I’m closer!

Bud Norris – I’ve always liked Bud Norris because he brings it. I had him as the 114th ranked pitcher compared to consensus around 317. I own Norris and clearly undersold him, projecting 180 Ks, a 4.30 ERA and a 1.45 WHIP. Well, he sits at 176 Ks with a tasty 3.77 ERA and 1.33 WHIP. There have been some ups and downs along the way, but no one is arguing with his results to date.

Jhoulys Chacin – At the beginning of the year, I said I wanted Chacin over Derek Holland, Kevin Slowey, Jonathan Niese, Jaime Garcia, Jair Jurrjens and Tim Hudson. I said he was a lock for 160 Ks, a 3.75 ERA and 1.30 WHIP. He has a 3.64 ERA, 1.28 WHIP and 142 Ks. I was right to tout him over Holland, Slowey (obviously), Niese, and Garcia, but not the hurlers from Atlanta. I’m very happy with Chacin though!

Seth Smith – I thought Smith would be a .280 hitter with 15-20 homers. In 2011, Smith has batted .282 with 15 HRs – not bad, remember always bet on black…jerseyed Rockies…or something to that effect.

Pedro Alvarez – While Alvarez was a consensus top 100 player and top 7 guy at 3b, I had him as the 21st 3b. Alvarez has been nothing short of a total bust. He is batting well below .200 and has just three HRs to his name. My advocacy for Aramis Ramirez over him makes me smile…and the whole world stops and stares for awhile.

Erick Aybar – I thought Aybar would be a very serviceable SB option, capable of stealing 20+ bags easy. Well, Aybar has batted .281 with 29 steals – not bad for a late round flier.

Danny Espinosa – In a perfect world, Espinosa was a 20+ HR guy with a .250 average and some steals. While the average hasn’t quite been there (he is hitting .236), he does have 21 HRs and 14 SBs. I’d be wary of him in the future – he just can’t seem to grasp what a strike is, but for now, 2011 was pretty nice.

Clay Buchholz – I didn’t predict doom and gloom for Buchholz, but I did say he had no business being in the draft day neighborhood of guys like Greinke, Scherzer, Haren, Billingsley and Marcum. I saw Buchholz landing squarely in the mid-3.00s for ERA with an unimpressive K-rate (maybe 7 per nine).  While he has been injured, Buchholz has an ERA in the mid-3.00 (3.48), and he has 6.53 K/9.

Aaron Harang – I can’t go a year without promoting Harang. Entering 2011, I saw him as a low 4.00 – 4.25 ERA candidate with 150 Ks or so. He is going to fall short in the K category (he has just 124), but his ERA (3.64) has been tasty.

Derek Holland – I called Holland a sneaky strike-out source who could have an ERA under 4.00. Well, he has a 3.92 ERA and 155 Ks. The Ks fall a little short of expectations, but otherwise, he was a damn good value pick!

Brandon McCarthy – I thought McCarthy could easily log 150 innings as the A’s fifth starter and post a sub-4.00 ERA. I didn’t think he’d wow you with the Ks, but as a late choice, he would pay big dividends. Well, McCarthy has a 3.26 ERA, 117 Ks and a 1.14 WHIP – I’d say he was well worth the price of admission.

Jordan Zimmerman – Before the season began, I wrote: I think you can expect a sub-4.00 ERA about 130 Ks and a WHIP in the 1.20 – 1.35 range for Zimmerman. Well Zimmerman has a 3.18 ERA, 124 Ks and a 1.15 WHIP.

Wouldn’t say this is crunch time as much as this is “Your nuts are in a cracker and the season’s closing in and squeezing tight so you better just throw any pitchers that are available because you need stats — stat!” time.  The line for last week was 80 IP, 4.05 ERA, 1.44 WHIP, 50 Ks and 3 wins.  Not a great line, but if you throw out Lannan and Francis because you had better sense than me and didn’t start them.  The line comes down to 3.42 ERA and 1.37 WHIP.  To recap, these aren’t guys I’d drop anyone worthwhile to get, these starters are meant for streaming purposes and all of their ownership in ESPN is under 50%.  These streamers are in no particular order.  Also, in the final month of the season, managers juggle their lineups more, so there’s no guarantee all of these guys are listed on the right day.  Anyway, here’s some borderline starters for this week in fantasy baseball:

Friday, September 16th

Philip Humber – It’s really slim pickins on Friday for under 50% owned starters.  I’m not a huge fan of Humber but compared to some of the other schmohawks, well, here he is.

Jeff Locke – On Friday, Locke goes against the Smoke Monster in chess and the Dodgers’ weak offense.

Saturday, September 17th

Jeanmar Gomez – Gets the Twins, has only given up 3 earned in the last 17 and a third innings and when you say his first name it causes phlegm.

Rick Porcello – Don’t trust Porcello at all but he goes to a -co stadium and faces the A’s.

Chris Volstad – In his last three starts, 17 1/3 IP and 3.12 ERA.  Here he takes on the Nats and Strasburg’s three to five innings of work.

Sunday, September 18th

Joe Saunders – In 22 innings vs. the Padres, he has a 2.05 ERA and a .190 BAA.  Kill me now for recommending Saunders.

Matt Harrison – 1.84 ERA vs. the Mariners, though I’m not sure there’s any pitchers with a 2+ ERA vs. the M’s.  Maybe Liriano or Danks.  Schmohawks.

Brad Lincoln – Gave a pretty yawnstipating start last time out, but here I am going back to the well like Baby Jessica.

Monday, September 19th

David Huff – I never said the names on this list were gonna be pretty.  There’s only a few teams I could see starting Huff against:  the Mariners and the Mariners minor league affiliates.

Mike Minor – He just dismantled the Marlins (with a four walk performance in 5 2/3 innings — technicalities!).

Tuesday, September 20th

Jason Vargas – Choices aren’t Grade A when I’m taking on a Mariners starter, but it was between him and To Be Announced.  And I don’t like To Be Announced’s matchup.

Edwin Jackson – Highest compliment I can give any guys on this list is when I think one should be owned in more than 50% of leagues.  Jackson’s one of those guys.

Derek Holland – Last three starts (when this was written), 1.77 ERA and 21 Ks in 20 1/3 IP.

Wednesday, September 21st

Dana Eveland – He/she gets the Giants in Chavez Ravine.  Giants have a .236 average vs. lefties, which is only slightly worse than what they’re batting against righties.  As for the lack of other options today, they were kinda Plouffey.  I almost put down Brett Cecil, but he’s all over the map and not in the good traveling circus kind of way.

Matt Holliday sat out yesterday with a hand-thinga-ma-injury — a tendon or a ligament.  Sounds like he’s going to miss the rest of the season, but for right now he’s only out for four (stutterer!) to five days.  I’ll tell you what I’m not gonna miss….  Matt Holliday.  A .295 average, 1 steal and 22 homers?  You know what that is?  A good season for Andre Ethier.  It’s not a good season for Matt Holliday.  Matt Holliday does more than that.  At least in my mind.  I’m not in your mind so that’s all I have to go on.  On the bright side, this injury didn’t cost a moth their life.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Randall Delgado – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks.  When it comes to pitchers, the Braves are like a cyclops with a monocle.  I kinda want to own all Braves pitchers in keeper leagues.  Wrap me up in a big ball of Hanson, Minor, Beachy, Delgado, Vizcaino, Teheran and Kimbrel and put me in Leo Mazzone’s lap and rock me to sleep.

Craig Kimbrel – Recorded his 44th save.  Now has 1.73 ERA, 0.99 WHIP and 120 Ks.  Member early in the season when you wanted to drop him?  Oh, you.

Alex Gonzalez – 2-for-3 with a homer.  After his 3-for-4 game on Monday, I was gonna mention how he binges on hits from time to time.  Well, I didn’t, but should’ve.  He’s now 8 for his last 11.  A’la Dave Hester, yuuuuuuuup!

Edwin Jackson – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks.  He’s gonna be in this afternoon’s borderline starter post only because he’s unowned in far too many leagues.  He hasn’t had a bad start in a month and a half.  His season ERA is 3.71.  Gallardo’s ERA is 3.66.

Rafael Furcal – Left the game with a strained left knee.  Furcal looks like a utility man with more name value, a futility man.

Derrek Lee – 3-for-4, coming a day after a homer.  Sure, his name anagrams to Elder Reek, but you’re not picking up the tab for his Early Bird Specials, you’re just picking him up.

Ben Revere – Stole three bases yesterday, now has 4 steals in the last two games.  Revere, “The steals are coming, the steals are coming!”

Michael Cuddyer – 2-for-3 with a steal.  He hasn’t hit a homer since August 3rd and is three for September, batting .120.  My best edumacated guess is his wrist is bothering him.  His Wrist, “I don’t appreciate the accusation.”

Johnny Cueto – Left yesterday’s game with a strained lat.  On the negative side of things, he’s probably done for the year.  On the bright side, all of his owners avoided his regression the entire season and he ends the year with a 2.31 ERA.  Be fun to watch Murray Chass draft him on all his fantasy teams next year.

Juan Francisco – 2-for-4 and his first steal.  Okay, I’ll stop with the Francisco love.  It’s like I’m seeing a double rainbow.

Chris Heisey – 2-for-4 with his 16th homer.   On a related note, the Reds excite me for next year.  Think about Yonder, Mesoraco, Cozart, Franciso and Frazier with Dusty figuring out how to get Edgar Renteria into the lineup.  If that doesn’t get your blood pumping, check your pulse.  You might be dead, but then I’d wonder how you’re reading this.  Maybe from now on I should address everyone as, “Guys, three girls and one zombie reader.”

Clayton Kershaw – 5 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 5 Ks and the umpire ejected him for grazing Parra’s elbow.  He could throw a bloody ax at Parra and he shouldn’t be ejected when he’s vying for a Cy Young and throwing a one-hitter.  That’s it, all umpires should be replaced with robots.

Matt Wieters – Third straight game with a homer, now has 20 homers.  Do you see how quickly a catcher can make his season palpable?  You Ron Popeil your catcher and set him and forget him.

Jim Johnson – Earned the Orioles 4th straight save.  Okay, I get it; you’re the closer.

Nolan Reimold – Him and Chris Davis both hit a homer yesterday.  The Orioles should trade for Ian Stewart so all my past hopes and dreams can be in one place.

Mark Ellis – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 1 RBI and a steal.  Potatoes to chips, he also has 2 homers in the past week.

Joakim Soria – Has a stiff hamstring and is day-to-day.  Yesterday, Greg Holland went Dutch on the 9th inning with Tim Collins, but ended up with the save.  To preemptively answer your question, I’d take Jim Johnson before Holland.

Adrian Gonzalez – Hit his 26th homer then left the game with a tight calf, which is less offensive than a loose cow.

Matt Moore – 1 1/3 IP, 2 ER.  The top prospect came into the game and did a lot of nothing.  Means absolutely nothing, but here’s the number one reason why this late in the season I avoid top prospects in redraft leagues.  It’s not worth the hype.

Alejandro De Aza – 2-for-3 and his 3rd steal in the last 4 games.  On a semi-related note, the White Sox outfield yesterday was Pierre, Rios and De Aza.  I get the feeling by the end of the year Ozzie’s going to kill someone.

Mark Trumbo – 2-for-4 with the slam & legs.  That’s now 27 homers and 9 steals.  Not completely surprising with the steals, Scioscia likes to run.  “You can’t pitch around moxie!  Moxie doesn’t go through slumps!”  That’s Scioscia.  But with all that in mind, don’t see why Bourjos doesn’t have 40 steals.  Next year he will.

Cameron Maybin – 0-for-3 with his 36th steal.  I’m not sure what’s sadder, that Maybin’s batting third or that it makes sense that he’s batting third.

Brad Peacock – 5 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks.  The understaffed Nats showed off their Peacock.  Pun point!  He’s actually been great in the minors with a solid K-rate and a 2.39 ERA between Double and Triple-A, but a rookie on the Nats…Eh, I’m avoiding for this year in mixed leagues.  In NL-Only, you obviously do what you do.  Also, he was listed in the top 50 fantasy baseball prospects post.

Lonnie Chisenhall – Homered yesterday.  If you feel like you’ve heard that before recently, it’s because you have.  He’s homered four times in the last week.

Brian Wilson – Threw a bullpen session yesterday and it looks like he might see some game action before the end of the season.  His fantasy owners and beard enthusiasts wait with bated breath and rugged looks.

Carlos Beltran – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 19th and 20th round trippers.  No relation to Jack.

Santiago Casilla – Got his third save yesterday.  Romo still hasn’t gotten one since he returned from the DL.  Cust kayin’.

Justin Smoak – Left the game with a groin strain.  This Justin, Smoak might be out for the season.

Derek Holland – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Two Hollands and one roundup!  One should change their name to New Amsterdam.  Holland scares me because of his occassional start where he’ll go 2 innings and give up 5 runs, but he has been solid in 8 of his last 10 starts.

Josh Willingham – 1-for-3 with his 26th homer.  On Tuesday I said, “The Other White Meat now has 2 homers in his last 4 games.  When he hits them, he hits them in bunches like Mr. Chiquita Banana.”  And that’s me quoting me!

Brett Lawrie – Collided hard at the plate with Jason Varitek.  That made for some interesting cinema Varitek.  Lawrie could’ve just slid and avoided the whole thing, then Lawrie left the game with a knee contusion.  #nahbuddy He looked fine after the collision.  Not F-I-N-E fine, but fine.  I’m not too worried, then again I don’t own him.  Muahahahaha…Wait, is that maniacal laugh aimed at me or you?  Hmm… Not sure.

Ricky Romero – 8 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks vs. the Sawx.  I’m guessing the only fantasy owners with all 208 and a third innings from Romero are those that abandoned their teams in March.  What a waste.  Is there anything sadder than an abandoned team?  You look at a team in last with Roy Halladay and you’re like, “Man, I wish I could get Halladay.”  Well, now you can!  There should be some kind of recycling program for abandoned teams.  Every Tuesday and Thursday, ESPN, CBS or Yahoo goes through all of its teams that haven’t had any moves made in the last two weeks and puts those teams curbside for people to pick through. “Ooh, an Asdrubal Cabrera!”  That’s you.

Alex Avila – Hit his 19th homer yesterday as he bats .301 on the year.  Seriously, there’s a lot of catchers for next year.

Ryan Raburn – 1-for-2 with his 14th homer.  Now has 2 homers in the last three games.  It’s worth a looksie for power.

Roy Halladay – Threw a shutout in just over two hours.  Rafael Palmeiro had erections for a longer time.

I said three days ago that Brian Wilson was probably headed for a DL stint.  And now he’s on the DL.  Confession:  I’m a time traveler!  And not for stocks or gambling Biff-style, I use my foresight for fantasy baseball.  To recap what I’ve been saying, I said three days ago that Brian Wilson– Wait, I should recap from a little further back.  Ramon Ramirez already has two saves, so that’s who I’d grab first.  Affeldt could get some saves, you just need to put up with his annoying duck.  Casilla may sneak into the picture, but I wouldn’t go deeper than one of these guys unless you’re very desperate.  Though remember closers can smell desperation and you’ll never get any saves like that.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Psyche!  Before we get into the roundup, I just wanted to announce that this afternoon there will be announcement. So this is the announcement’s announcement.  The pre-nouncement?  If you’ve been around the last three Augusts for our announcements, then this shouldn’t come as that huge of announcement.  But act surprised anyway, would you please?  Anyway II, the roundup:

Jordan Lyles – Was sent to Triple-A.  Hope he gets one of their TourBooks.  They have so many great coupons!

Alex Rodriguez – 0-for-5 as he returned from the DL.  Bee tee dubya, he has 13 homers on the year.  Where does he get drafted next year? Fifth round?  Sixth?  Hasn’t been drafted that low since he started hanging out with his cousin.

Eduardo Nunez – 1-for-4 with a steal.  More importantly, he played even as A-Rod returned.  Though, I wouldn’t count on that continuing.  Jeter DH’d yesterday, but he won’t do that every day.

Curtis Granderson – 1-for-4 with a slam & legs.  Now has 35 homers and 24 steals.  Is he in the MVP conversation at all?

Derek Holland – 3 1/3 IP, 5 ER as Holland gave his owners a Dutch oven.

Tyler Flowers – 2-for-3, 3 runs, has now hit in 6 of 7 games.  In one league where we lost Eli Whiteside (yeah, it’s a deep league; no, we didn’t get extra points for owning Whiteside because he sounds like herring), I added Flowers.

Ryan Braun – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 1 RBI with his 25th and 26th steal.  He has no business stealing 26 bases, yet he goes out there and does just that for your fantasy team.  How sexy is he?  I want his swimsuit calendar.

Casey McGehee – 1-for-4 with his 9th homer.  Hasn’t really gotten hot all year, and I still wouldn’t say he is now, but he is hitting near .333 over the last week.  That’s McOkayhee.

Tim Hudson – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks.  I haven’t given Hudson much fanfare this year, so here goes.  With a 3.01 ERA and a 1.07 WHIP, he’s been my most reliable starter on multiple teams and wish I owned him on every team, which is saying something since his Ks are pretty yawnstipating.  Thank you, Tim, for letting me love a non-strikeout pitcher.  Though, if you could ramp up the Ks, you’d be really awesome.

Adam Lind – Out with a sore wrist.  Should be able to return on Tuesday.  Canada waits.

Luis Perez – 6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks and 4 Ks.  Late-blooming southpaw that ran up against a good matchup yesterday vs. the A’s.  I wouldn’t look at him outside of deep AL-Only leagues.  Could get some Ks, will probably get mollywhopped.

Frank Francisco – Scratched with a sore shoulder.  Well, stop scratching it!  Francisco has actually been decent recently, but if the shoulder’s a problem, it won’t matter.  Since Rauch is off seeing a giraffe doctor, Casey Janssen or Shawn Camp would see saves.

Rafael Furcal – Tripped over a rope and sprained his thumb.  He should’ve stuck with hopscotch.

Yadier Molina – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and 2 homers, three this weekend.  This had to be more than just the wind blowing out at Wrigley.  I’m guessing the entire Molina family, including Alfred, was sitting behind home plate blowing.

Ubaldo Jimenez – 3 1/3 IP, 8 ER.  Um, dubya tee eff?  Last week I joked that Cleveland should raise the mound a mile above sea level, but I joke when I don’t think there’s any reason to worry.  Now, I’m kinda troubled.   Or troubaldo.  If he gets beat badly his next time out by the peasant Royals, might be time to discard.

Jacoby Ellsbury – Sat out with a back bruise after being plunked.  Eric Plunk, “Someone owes me a nickel!”

Ryan Lavarnway – 2-for-4.  Playing DH (do you play it?) which has me concerned.  If he only DHs then only pinch hits when Papi returns, will Lavarnway lose his catcher eligibility going into next year?  Probably moot since the Sawx will most likely let him start 2012 in the minors.  Cust pondering.

Craig Kimbrel – Recorded his 39th save.  Has 101 Ks, 1.72 ERA and 1.01 WHIP.  Member how Tony Gwynn used to watch hours of pitcher videos while eating donuts?  I think Kimbrel watched hours of a young Mariano.

James Shields – 7 1/3 IP, 7 ER vs. the Mariners.  Huh?  I feel like the box score had a typo.

Brandon Belt – 4-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer.  Great, wonderful, gronderful!  But he hasn’t been playing every day so you might need to platoon him in and out of your fantasy lineup for right now.

Casper Wells – 2-for-4 with his 10th homer.  As all of Casper’s fans boo.  BTW, on Saturday I went to this karaoke place and this one guy was awful so I stood near the stage and started booing him.  Loudly.  He got rattled and started messing up the words (worse), so I booed louder.  I got a kick out of it, but apparently he didn’t.  He threw down the mic, shouted “Oh, that’s it!” and charged after me.  Luckily (for me and my mustache), three bouncers got to him before he got to me.

Michael Pineda – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Before this game, I told someone in our fantasy baseball forums that I wouldn’t start Pineda again until he pitched well.  Well (stutterer!), this was a decent start.

Nick Blackburn – Left the game with a forearm strain.  Maybe it was straining to be a fivearm.

Ben Revere – 1-for-4 with his 2nd game in a row with a steal.  SAGNOF!

James McDonald – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks.  McDonald was then replaced by Grilli.  I prefer the McGriddli.

Garrett Jones – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and a home run as he continues to stay hot with his 2nd homer in the last five games.

Joel Hanrahan – 2/3 IP, 2 ER.  Hanrahanananan is obviously strugglinginginging right now, but his season ERA is still at 1.76 so, ya know, don’t be ungrateful.

Carlos Quentin – Might end up on the DL with a sprained AC joint.  That sucks, humidity this time of the year is killer.

Peter Bourjos – 3-for-5 with his third homer of the weekend.  I’m telling you right now, there’s gonna be a sleeper post about him sometime in January and I’m gonna go cacacuckoo for him again next year.

Danny Espinosa – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 18th homer.  Corspinosa is alive!  He tends to be streaky so if he’s out there, I’d give him another chance if you’re hurting with your middle infidel.

Ian Desmond – 2-for-5 as he also homered yesterday.  It must’ve been Zombie Day in Nationals Park.

Seth Smith – 1-for-2 with a slam & legs.  If someone asked me what’s the bare minimum you should get from your fifth outfielder in a 12 team mixed league, I’d say look at The Lisper’s Nightmare’s stats.

Ivan Nova – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Honestly, I don’t trust him.  This start was vs. the Twins who have Plouffe, the guy who sounds like the noise a turd makes when it hits the toilet water, hitting second.  If you’re chasing wins, I could see going with Nova, but chasing wins is a losing proposition. (<–Turn of a phrase point!)

Roy Halladay – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Was lifted after a rain delay then Schwimer took over.  All I can say is thank God he’s no longer making movies.

Jimmy Rollins – Left the game with a groin injury.  Wouldn’t surprise me to see this be a DL stint since the Phils will just want everyone healthy for the playoffs.  As Jimmy gets older, maybe he should ease back a little to Strollins.

Ryan Madson – 2/3 IP, 6 ER on Friday.  Madson, the Phils already have one Bastardo in the bullpen.  Please.  Wasn’t used in a save situation on Sunday, which was then blown by Bastardo and followed by Lidge losing the game.  I think Madson will be fine, was just a big giant blip.

Matt Wieters – 6 for his last 12 and his 12th homer yesterday.  Pretty whatever season from him so far, but if he were to hit five homers in the last month plus, his season would still look a’ight with definite promise for next year.  He really needs a big last month though.  Either way, I’m still gonna go all in with him next year again, assuming he’s drafted late, which he should be at this rate.

Delmon Young – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 2nd homer on the Tigers.  On the Twins, Delmon was happy, but on the Tigers Delmon’s all about business.

Bobby Parnell – Mets said Izzy will see some saves still, but then Izzy went out on Sunday and gave up one run and on Saturday he gave up 4 runs.  They say the 301st save is always the toughest.

On this episode of Solid Goldschmidt, we have Neil Young performing, “I’ve Been Searchin’ For a Heart of Goldschmidt,” and later the nursery rhyme, “John Jacob Paul Goldschmidt, His Name Is On My Buy List Too,” song by Various Artists.  Well, I’m just full of Goldschmidt!  Goldschmidt may have Growing Pains but don’t call him Tracey.  Okay, breathe, Grey, you got puns… Breathe!  Remove the cigarette and put on the oxygen mask — stat!  When Goldschmidt was called up, trades were going down — the end of July is kind of a big deal! — so Goldschmidt never got his lead.  Well, here we are.  Paul Goldschmidt hit 30 homers in Double-A this year with 9 steals.  Go for the Goldschmidt!  Geez, I’m trying to stop.  In most mixed leagues where you’re struggling with your corner infidel, I’d give him a shot.  There’s Goldschmidt in dar hills!  Okay, done.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Derek Holland – I’m not a huge fan of borderline Ranger starters.  Sorry, Nolan.  Their home park is Coors South.  Seems like at any moment Holland could give up seven earned runs in two-thirds of an inning.  Now that I’ve undersold (underbought?) him, he does have three shutouts in his last five starts.

Brett Cecil – Member what I said earlier today?  Actually, I’m writing this before I said anything, but I’m sure I’ll say something.  I always do.  Oh, Grey.

Ivan Nova – 5 IP, 1 ER or 6 IP, 4 ER.  That would be my exacta box if I had to choose Nova’s next start.

James McDonald – I almost called him James McStreamer.  He’s been solid for the last two months, besides a start in Citizens Flank and yesterday.  Can’t hold that against him; a lot better pitchers have been hit hard in Philly and yesterday’s start was four earned on four hits, that’s just mistimed big hits.

Alex Cobb – The Tampa Bay Peach has an ERA of 2.79, a WHIP of 1.20 and he gets those not-so-Athletics tomorrow.  Yes, please and why not?

Charlie Furbush – Then after you pick him up you can cheer him on, “I love Furbush!” and your significant other can overhear and misunderstand you like in an O. Henry story and throw out her razors.

Jason Kipnis – Nothing says nourishing like some homers from Kipnis and a side of stuffed derma.

Brett Lawrie – Hope you didn’t miss out on him to the guy in your league that owns Desmond Jennings.  People will point and laugh at you.  Can you handle that sort of ridicule?

Chris Davis – It’s easy to look past his three years of failed hitting…Actually, it’s not easy to look past it.  His grandmother Ann B. Davis would be very disappointed, and she’s fun-loving and carefree.  If you’re really struggling at a corner slot, you could do worse (though not much, potentially).

Eric Young Jr. – Playing and stealing… Because he can! (And Tracy’s playing him and he’s fast.)

Eduardo Nunez – In one of my deepish leagues, someone dropped Eduardo Nunez.  On one hand, I understand it.  He’s not doing all that much.  Then on the other hand, he can slot in at MI and steal bases.  Then on the the third lesser known hand that is actually just a big ear, you should probably play the hot hand… Wait, another hand?  Now I’m confused.

Rafael Furcal – Member when he was good?  Yeah, I faintly do too.  Was a while ago.  He looks like he’s hitting now between DL stints, so it’s worth a flyer.

Dee Gordon – See Eric Young Jr. or an inch above.

Josh Willingham – The other white meat is hot with a side order of hot schmotato.

J.D. Martinez – The only thing standing between you and J.D. Martinez is the common sense that says don’t pick up an Astros hitter.  I get it, but in some deep NL-Only leagues you have no choice.

Mike Carp – He keeps hitting but without power because he plays in one of those godforsaken ballparks that end in -co.  We’ve cleaned baseball of steroids… Now move the fences in 100 feet!  I miss 70 homer seasons.  (Yet, no one thought it was weird at the time.  70 homers?!)

Lucas Duda – If I keep touting him, people are gonna start to think I really like this schmohawk.  I mean, he’s a’ight.  The preceding was taught in Hedging Your Fantasy Advice 101 at the Fantasy Baseball College of Charleston.  You, “This guy is a fraud.  I’ve done Google searches and the Fantasy Baseball College of Charleston appears nowhere except on this site.  I tried Bing and it doesn’t show up there either.  What gives, Grey?  This isn’t a ruse, is it?  I can’t handle ruses.”

SELL

Danny Espinosa – I’ll be honest, I hate doing these Sells.  The Buys either hit or they don’t and you drop them.  The Sells require you to drop them, then they get hot out of nowhere and you end up sending me anthrax.  With that said, Espinosa’s doing a whole lot of nothing.  He’s dug himself a hole — and I mean a hole literally and figuratively — and the best I see from him is maybe 6 more homers, a few steals and a lousy average.  You can probably find that elsewhere, unless your league is so deep you can’t.  These are decisions for you to make.  Or not.

Rajai Davis – In most leagues, you want someone who is going to steal bases AND (caps for emphasis, not aesthetics) play every day.  Right now, Davis is on the outside looking in on a Jays lineup that is filled with one outfielder, two 3rd basemen and six DHs.

Jordan Zimmermann – I told you to trade him a little over a month ago. Now you’re lucky to get the Padres top prospect, Nadir Bupkis.

Anibal Sanchez – Has nearly a 5.00 ERA in the last month and a half.  BTW, you think Anibal and Gaby Sanchez ever double date with two girls named Kevin and Bob?

Juan Pierre – Has 4 steals in the last two months.  Or one less than Eric Young Jr. in the last week.  Since we started this post with a nod to Kanye, let’s end it the same way, “You’ve been putting up for Alex Rios for way too long…. Kenny Williams is so gifted at findin’ what you don’t like the most…  So I think it’s time for us to have a toast… Let’s have a toast for Juan Pierre who stopped stealing bags… Let’s have a toast for Adam Dunn who’s in an o-for-78 hole… Let’s have a toast for Alex Rios who raised the white flag… Let’s have a toast for Gordon Beckham who didn’t have the decency to take a day off…”