Fantasy Baseball Advice

I’m no Nostradumbass, but I’m telling you there’s not going to be a whole lot of greatness coming out of this post.  We’re Cousteau deep right now.  The first tier have some nice flyers that you may drop after a week or so and the other schmohawks in this post are, well, schmohawks.  So all the 2012 fantasy baseball rankings are found under yonder and we’re moving onto pitchers next.  That should excite you, you special person you.  C’mon, let me pinch your cheeks.  I didn’t say your face cheeks.  Hey now!  Anyway, here’s the top 80 outfielders for 2012 fantasy baseball:

61. Alex Presley – This tier started in the top 60 outfielders for 2012 fantasy baseball post.  This tier goes from here until Mitch Moreland.  I called this tier, “You may get a top 20 outfielder from any of these guys.  Or a guy you want to drop by April 15th.”  I already went over my Alex Presley fantasy.  I wrote it while suing Supercuts for giving me simply a “great cut.”  2012 Projections:  80/10/60/.270/20

62. Mike Carp -  I sorta mentioned this in the top 60 outfielder post, but a big problem we’re having right now is there are some real interesting upside gambles on some really terrible teams.  Can someone pull a fast one and switch Carp with Trout?  For the job, I propose Tim Salmon.  Most of the schmohawks in this tier look like they Revere, Ben.  At least with Carp, he’s giving you power, though, maybe nothing else.  2012 Projections:  55/21/70/.260/3

63. Chris Heisey – I like Chris Heisey a lot lot.  Maybe too much, since he plays for Dusty Baker who insists on putting the horns to at least one young player.  Heisey is either a righty who can’t hit lefties or a righty who hasn’t been given a fair shake to hit lefties.  I think it’s the former, but if it’s the latter then you could have a nice get with Heisey.  With his K-rates, there’s a very real chance he hits .240, but he could also hit 20 homers and steal 15 bases.  There’s also the whole Ryan Ludwick issue.  But Baker wouldn’t really play him over Heisey, would he?  Um, well, it’s a late flyer.  2012 Projections:  50/17/65/.250/10

64. Dayan Viciedo – Having a hard time seeing past his K-rate and his lack of major league experience, but know someone who isn’t having a hard time with those things?  Bill James.  His projections for Viciedo are 21/3/.275.  Viciedo had a .186 average vs. righties last year, but, as I tell girlfriends, that’s just a small sample size.  He has destroyed minor league pitching and he’s only a Latin 22.  2012 Projections:  60/15/70/.260/3

65. Michael Brantley – Some crazy speed in the minors, but almost 500 plate appearances last year translated to the majors about as well as French comedy translates here.  He’s like the American League version of Dexter Fowler (or the outfield’s Alcides Escobar, if that works better for you).  Brantley stole 46 bases in Triple-A in 2009.  Don’t make me hire Davey Lopes to coach you.  Just run.  2012 Projections:  60/6/50/.275/20

66. Josh Reddick – I already went over my Josh Reddick fantasy when he was traded. I did it like this, I did it like that. I did it with a Wiffle ball bat. 2012 Projections: 75/15/85/.260/10

67. Jon Jay – There’s been some speculation that The Federalist may not be the starting center fielder for the Cardinals.  La Russa’s Feathered Hair, “Hey, you don’t have me to kick around anymore!  That’s on Matheny.”  Until Allen Craig returns from surgery, Jon Jay should book that job, so there’s no reason to ask, why do the righteous suffer?  2012 Projections:  50/12/40/.280/10

68. Alejandro De Aza – Last year in Triple-A, he had 9 homers, 22 steals and hit .322 in 99 games.  He was also 27 years old.  Sounds Quad-A-ey (which is not a legal word for Words With Friends; I’ve tried).  But, in only 171 plate appearances in the major leagues, he had 4 homers and 12 steals.  That’s 12/30 over the course of a full season.  Too bad they outlawed full seasons after Ripken retired.   Could give De Aza a shot in March and when he’s no longer worth owning, you can tell your friends you just did the Alejandrop.  Don’t get sad!  Imaginary friends work too!  2012 Projections:  60/7/30/.270/20

69. John Mayberry – Last year, at the age of 27, he finally saw significant time in the major leagues.  He also kept his K-rate fairly manageable.  Maybe he was learning to walk again.  Damn, that Foo Fighters song is annoyingly catchy.  If Clarence were to show Ryan Howard what life would’ve been like without him, John Mayberry may have had a career.  While Ryan Howard is learning to walk again — ugh, so catchy — Mayberry should be starting somewhere.  2012 Projections:  40/18/55/.250/10 in 400 ABs.

70. Jordan Schafer – I almost avoided putting any Astros hitters into any favorable ranking tiers.  Oh, well.  Here’s one, and even if you’re drafting purely on Zimmermania, Jordan Schafer is barely registering above yawnstipating.  Person who just stumbled on Razzball, “Zimmermania?  Yawnstipating?  What is this mustachioed fool talking about?”  Schafer isn’t much more than SAGNOF (Again, huh?!) but he hit as many as 10 homers in Double-A one year so maybe he can do something without the pressure of the pennant race.  (Astros fan, “Oh, just wait until 2028 for us to come on!  Assuming all other major leagues team fall to the Plague of 2027.”)  Dang, two Astros zings in one post.  Hey, one zing for each of their fans.  2012 Projections:  75/5/35/.245/25

71. Mitch Moreland – Was surprised to see he didn’t make my top 20 1st basemen post.  Not sure what I was thinking.  And if I don’t know, who’s gonna?  What I might’ve been thinking was he’s already light on power and this offseason he had wrist surgery, which is not a recipe for more power as the Barefoot Contessa would tell you.  2012 Projections:  60/15/70/.275/3

72. Angel Pagan – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Span.   I call this tier, “It’s hard for me to tell you to draft these guys, because, if things work out as planned, I won’t.  But one of them might be more valuable than I’m ranking them, and, if you know which one, you’re a witch and that scares me.”  You know what’s weird?  Pagan and Torres seem to always be linked in the rankings.  You’re like, “They’re the same person!”  But they were traded for each other.  How do you figure that?  Weird, right?  Yeah, I’m smart.  2012 Projections:  75/6/40/.280/27

73. Andres Torres – I could tell you to just look 1/8th of an inch above, but that’s lazy talk!  *thinking*  Actually, just look above.  Thanks!  2012 Projections:  70/5/40/.265/24

74. Seth Smith – The Lisper’s Nightmare will finally get to start without having to look over his shoulder.  And it’s now in Oakland, which is yet another pitchers’ park that ends in “co.”   Thit!  2012 Projections:  55/15/70/.275/10

75. Martin Prado – Went over Prado’s projections in the top 20 3rd basemen for 2012 fantasy baseball.

76. Josh Willingham – I can hear someone giving me guff for putting The Other White Meat this low in the rankings, but really he’s the first guy you drop when you want to pick up a hot hitter.  Admit it at least to yourself.  Willingham is the same as every other hot schmotato Luke Scott-Ty Wigginton clone that gets hot for a few weeks.  2012 Projections:  65/22/80/.250/3

77. Jason Kubel – I fought with myself over whether to put Kubel or Willingham first in these rankings.  Finally, I flipped my Morneau voodoo doll and it came up heads, which either meant Willingham should be ranked first or another year of Morneau head trauma.  I’ll let you decide.  2012 Projections:  60/20/75/.260

78. Ben Revere – Span and Revere seem like another two guys that are forever linked.  You say, “Same player!  Move on!”  But how do you explain that they play on the same team?  Still weird!  2012 Projections:  70/1/35/.280/30

79. Denard Span – Again, if I were going to be lazy– Eh, just look above.  2012 Projections:  65/4/55/.280/25

80. Carlos Lee – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until the end of the post.  I call this tier, “In less than 7 years, these guys will receive just over 5% of the Hall of Fame vote and barely stay on the ballot for one more year.”  Hey, do the Astros a favor, Chuck Lee, and shut em’ down.  2012 Projections:  60/20/80/.265/3

80 1/8. Grady Sizemore – Sizemore is only 29 years old and only three years removed from a 33/38 season.  But, oh, what a three year span that was.  He took naked photos of himself and his career took the exact inverse (inter)course of Kim Kardashian’s.  Turned out Tom Sizemore wasn’t the only Sizemore with a joint problem and Grady is starting to show the wear and tear of an 80-year-old man like his first name makes him sound.  With a 28.8% K-rate and 4 steals in the last two years, there’s really no reason to believe in Sizemore, but if you want to believe in miracles.  2012 Projections:  75/17/60/.245/5

80 1/4. Jason Bay – Member the days when Jason Bay was good?  We wore our hair longer then.  Well, you had hair.  We had some laughs!  Crazy times!  2012 Projections:  60/20/65/.250/8

80 what/fraction-is-this? Aubrey Huff – For almost his entire career, he’s alternated between good years and bad years.  If you think that’s a reason why he’s going to be good in 2012, I’ll tell you it’s hooey.  Grey, “It’s hooey.”  See?  2012 Projections:  50/18/65/.255/3

80 1/2. Alfonso Soriano – About three years ago, Soriano turned 47 years old and he just hasn’t looked the same.  “Get outta here you little brats, grandpa’s gotta go limp around the outfield!  Geez, Vlad’s got it so easy with the DH.”  That’s Alfonso in the dugout babysitting Starlin Castro and Geovany Soto.  2012 Projections: 45/18/60/.240/3

80 3/4. Bobby Abreu – He shouldn’t even be ranked.  He’s coasting on good vibes and bad farts.*  (*That’s my saying, but use it so it catches on.  Your mother at dinner, “What do you think of that Ashton Kutcher?”  You, “He’s coasting on good vibes and bad farts.”  See?  It’s easy to use.)  2012 Projections:  60/10/65/.250/15

Kevin Youkilis, the Greek God of Back Pain, is off to the DL.  Yesterday, Ortiz took a boot to the foot and today this.  The Sawx are officially in rest up for the playoffs mode, which is great for all the pasty-faced Sawx fans, but it’s not great for fantasy.  So far this year, Youuuuuuk has 17 homers in 395 at-bats while batting .266.  So that means, if he were healthy in September, he’d give you some runs, RBIs and 3 homers.  I just popped a zit into a mirror and the puss read, “Whatever.”  You can find a replacement for Youk on waivers in most leagues.  So put on your Burger King crown you stole from some kid, open up your fantasy waivers and replace him.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Ryan Lavarnway – Was called up.  Stephen just went over his Lavarnway fantasy.  He wrote it while throwing darts at a picture of me.  Lavarnway is worth noting because he hit 30 homers between Double- and Triple-A this year.  Now, rookie catcher is a tough position to be in.  Ask any recently incarcerated felon.  But Ortiz and Youk are both out, so Lavarnway will see everyday time at DH for the time being.  This is great news since he’s catcher eligible.

Marco Estrada – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks.  I ignored him after his first start in the Brewers rotation when he threw five shutout innings vs. the hey-are-they-still-contending Pirates.  Now he threw another solid start but against a terrible offense.  His K-rate is nice and he could surprise against some weaker teams.  At this point, I’d really only push all my CHIPs in with Estrada in NL-Only leagues.

Mike Minor - 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks.  Before you get too turned on by a minor, just remember this was against the Giants.  Minor’s last two starts against the Mets and Cubs were mediocre except for 11 Ks in 11.1 IP.

Tim Lincecum - Took the loss after giving up 1 ER in 7 IP.  He’s 11-10 with the third best ERA in the NL (2.53).  Matt Cain is just 10-9 with a 2.86 ERA (8th best in NL).  If I were Lincecum or Cain, I’d contact Greg Anderson or Victor Conte for some of the clear and then put it in every hitters’ after-game Anchor Steams.

Tommy Hanson – Won’t return on Tuesday.  Wake me when there’s something I don’t know! (Not really asleep, but I am a bit drunk.  Hey, is that an ad for a vacation to Burundi on Razzball?  I might like to go there!)

Clayton Kershaw – 8 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks.  You know how Jim Leyland’s cigarette-stained teeth make him look like one of those clown head’s at a carnival that has water sprayed into its mouth but instead of water it’s urine?  Now the exact opposite of that image is Kershaw.

Colby Rasmus  - Hit a HR in his 2nd straight game (and had 4 RBIs in the game before).  Must be because his Dad can finally coach him without the meddling of LaRussa and McGwire.

John Buck and Rod Barajas – Both catchers hit HRs on Thursday – Buck’s 14th and Barajas’ 11th.  Both are hitting under .230.  If Miguel Olivo kills a man, we just need 10 more peers for the jury.

Tyler Flowers – AJ Pierzynski’s rookie replacement has now hit in 4 straight games (7 hits) including a double, triple, and HR.  He’s had strikeout rate issues in the minors but also gets his share of walks and moderate power.  So, in essence, he’s Adam Dunn 2011.

Ricky Romero – A 3-hit shutout against the A’s with 6 Ks.  Imagine they still had Halladay and Marcum?  They’d be the best 3rd place team in the majors!

Joe Mauer – Started in the outfield for the first time in his pro career.  The Twins are reacquainting him with the outfield fences.

Erick Aybar – In the midst of a 6-for-56 August slump (.107).  Aybarumba!

Mark Trumbo – Hit a walk-off HR off Mike Adams.  The other Angels made sure to stay out of his way as he touched home.  The Morales family does the same thing whenever Kendry walks off.

Denard Span – Back to the DL because of the concussion he suffered in June.  At least he thinks it was June.

Jack Hannahan – Returned after his wife gave birthahan.  If the baby is half-Korean, my AL-Only team and his wife have something in common.

Mike Jacobs -  Has been suspended 50 games for testing positive for HGH.  On a related note, Marc Jacobs injected suspenders into his latest fashion line and it tested positively fabulous.

I call this, “Highlights of Grey and Rudy Panicking Over a Blown Win for Danks,” which is also a Jewel poem title.  Chris Sale entered in the ninth, recorded no outs, gave up three hits and three runs.  That, sir, is a ‘Fire Sale.’  Then Ozzie brought in Crain, who has a great leg kick.  He’s not the best around… Pitched wild, didn’t look good in general then was lifted so Ozzie could avoid Crain vs. Sweeney, which sounds like a Tim Burton film, and brought in Matt Thornton.  Bringing in a struggling Thornton with the bases loaded in a 4-2 game is like helping someone with impotence problems by filming them have sex.  In the end, Rudy and I lost our Danks win.  Is all that clear?  Yeah, I don’t know either.  I’d hold Thornton and Sale, in that order.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Juan Pierre – 3-for-4 with a run, but would be most valuable in leagues that count brain farts.  He was picked off twice and made his 3rd error of the year.  You’d expect better judgement from someone named after two apostles.

Hideki Matsui – 2-for-4 with his 2nd homer.  Now he can reward himself with his epic porn collection.

Jay Bruce – Tweaked his groin.  Hey, sounds like Matsui!  Reds say Bruce should return by the weekend.  Matsui would tell you through a translator that’s prime groin tweaking time.

Jose Valverde – Recorded his 2nd win in two days.  In one of our leagues, we only have one win for the entire team after two weeks.  I must’ve killed puppies in a former life for my Win Karma.

Max Scherzer – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks.  After the game, Max reentered Michael Chabon’s latest book about the search for Golem.

Lance Berkman – 1-for-3, 5 RBIs and his fourth homer in three games.  Sure, it’ll end but there’s no reason why you can’t be there while it’s happening.

Jorge Posada – Now has 4 homers in the first two weeks.  The same number of homers as A-Rod.  Guys and three girl readers, why do you keep asking me if you should drop him?  If he gets 4 homers a month (24 homers on the year), what else do you want?  Why is it so hard to not pick at your catcher scab?  You’re gonna leave a scar.

David Murphy – 1-for-4 with 2 steals.  As I said yesterday, you should pick him up.  Wait, is there an echo in here?

Francisco Liriano – 5 IP, 7 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Time for our first installment of Point/Counterpoint.  Rudy says, “He’s #3 risky pitcher of 2011 and is pitching like he’s trying to prove me correct.  He’s now 0-3 with a 9.42 ERA and hasn’t pitched more than 5 innings per start.  On the plus side, he only walked one in this game after walking 8 in his first 9 1/3 IP.”  Grey says, “He had a terrible fourth inning with a bunch of junky singles.  He only threw 78 pitches (53 strikes) into the 6th inning and the last run was given up by Glen Perkins, the pancake king.  I’d roll the dice for his next start vs. the O’s, then reevaluate.”

Denard Span – 4-for-5, 2 Runs.  A leadoff man who gets 4 singles and doesn’t steal a base is in a nutshell why I don’t like Denard Dawg.

Drew Storen – Riggleman said Storen will continue to share save chances with Sean Burnett.  Don’t you need to give Storen save chances before he can share them?

Matt Wieters – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his first homer.   Matt Wieters Fact:  The only person that can get Matt Wieters out is himself.

Tim Stauffer – 4 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks.  I had Wood (not like that) and Stauffer going in many leagues yesterday.  Wood looked great, should be owned everywhere.  Stauffer is a borderline fifth starter that I’d continue to roll out there for home games for one reason alone, watching a game at Petco is what I imagine watching baseball in 1968 was like.

Orlando Hudson – 1-for-4, and his 5th steal.  He’s the Padres hitting star.  I.e. the world’s tallest midget.

Aroldis Chapman – 1/3 IP, 1 ER, which usually would be nothing but he was only throwing 92 MPH… Which Usually Would Be Nothing, Part II:  The Return of Which Usually Would Be Nothing, that’s nowhere near his top velocity.  Dusty might’ve figured out a way to injure Aroldis while not even throwing him that much.  It’s an (anti-)medical breakthrough!

Josh Johnson – 7 1/3 IP, 4 baserunners (1 Hit), 9 Ks.  To celebrate, his brother, Gosh Johnson, sprayed his co-workers with champagne.  At least, everyone hopes it was champagne.

Logan Morrison – Hit his third homer and is batting .317 on the year.  I don’t know, sounds okay to me.

Vernon Wells – 1-for-5 and now batting .102, which is also the temperature under the collars of his fantasy owners.

Ian Kennedy – 3 IP, 9 ER.  Ouch… Wait, what?  Oh, ouch.

Carlos Carrasco – 7 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Now has back-to-back solid starts, though one was against the M’s in Safeco.  Have to be in an AL-Only league to get excited about him or any Indians starter.  BTW, Carmona ‘n Carrasco sounds like an upscale Mexican restaurant.  “Forget your pinatas, hit us!”  That’s their slogan.

Wandy Rodriguez – 5 IP, 5 ER, 11 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Obviously wasn’t a great start, but the five runs came with two outs in the 1st.  If he gets that third out there, Wandy would’ve been fine.  (And if if’s and but’s were prunes and nuts, we’d all have to wear diapers.)

Jon Niese – 6 IP, 5 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks.  I hate to move on in only the second week of April, but I’ve had it with Niese and his rock n’ jock aerobics.

Justin Smoak – Hit his first homer.  He’s not in the greatest home park/lineup for production, but at some point his OBP and power are going to make me look brilliant for liking him even if it was a year or two early.  BTW,  the Mariners lineup yesterday — Ichiro, Adam Kennedy, Milton Bradley, Jack Cust, Smoak, Ryan Langerhans, Luis Rodriguez, Brendan Ryan and Chris Gimenez.  That’s murderer’s row.  As in, I’d murder the GM if I were an M’s fan.

With more outfielders than random hairs growing from my grandfather’s ear, we take it to the top 60 outfielders for 2011 fantasy baseball.  These guys may seem like they’re not worth the effort, but remember last year Colby Rasmus, Drew Stubbs and Corey Hart were found here.  As with the other 2011 fantasy baseball rankings, where tiers start and stop are mentioned and my projections.  Anyway, here’s the top 60 outfielders for 2011 fantasy baseball:

41. Travis Snider – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Pagan.  I call this tier, “I’m grabbing at least one of these guys as my third or fourth outfielder.”  I’m all in again with Snider.  I’m rolling Snider into my sleeve like a pack of smokes and unclogging his pipes.  Okay, that sounded bad.  Not bad as in good but bad as in bad.  In 82 games, Snider hit 14 homers.  I’m not one to prorate stats unless you just have to double something, so over 164 games (assuming a four way tie for the playoffs and the Jays play two extra games and Snider plays in every single game a’la some Cal Gehrig Jr. shizz), Snider’s going to hit 28 homers!  Pretty sweet, right?  Okay, see that prorating thing doesn’t even work because Snider is young and can be better in 2011 than he was in 2010.  And he can be healthier.  Want more effusiveness?  Try my Snider fantasy for 2011.  2011 Projections: 65/27/80/.270/5

42. Delmon Young – I dropped a triple tissue already on my Delmon Young fantasy for 2011.  There was only three typos in the whole post.  “Grey, you created a work of art!  Sorry, Miles, that means you’re eliminated.”  Young is teetering between a solid upside pick and an overrated pick, which worries me.  He’s not going to put up the numbers that, say, Jay Bruce could.  He’s mooby like Billy Butler and Pablo Sandoval but he shares their power too.  Okay, a tad more, but not much.  Aside, there should be a Razzball glossary term for these fat guys that are missing the big time power.  2011 Projections:  75/24/85/.300/7

43. Carlos Quentin – I should’ve called this tier, “To wit, guys I didn’t learn my lesson with.” “To wit” because it makes me sound smart.  Though saying that it makes me sound smart makes me sound dumb.  The irony!  I’m not calling Quentin a sleeper this year.  I’m not going caca-cuckoo for him this year.  I do like him and I do think his upside really is his 2008 MVP-like season, which is crazy valuable.  His downside is every other season though.  His ability to get injured is almost as uncanny as his resemblance to Jose Canseco.  2011 Projections:  80/27/90/.260/3

44. Adam Jones – Another guy that I wish I could say I’m done with, but old habits die yadda³.  I’m really excited to draft Jones this year.  I might even write a sleeper post about him.  Still think he can make good on some of that promise that he failed to live up to last year.  He’s going to move up the outfielder ranks for next year.  I can feel it in my bones.  Speaking of bones, what happened to the picture of Adam Jones looking stoned?  2o11 Projections:  85/25/95/.295/12 (<–optimistic but whatevs)

45. Nick Markakis – Member when this schmohawk was a top 20 outfielder?  Trick question, he never was.  There was a time when fantasy baseball ‘perts said he was.  At the end of every season though, Markakis left you with blue balls.  Markakis’ homer totals from 2007 are as follows:  23, 20, 18, 12.  If this were a SAT question and you had to guess his 2011 homer total, the answer would be like 6.  The way he’s going, Juan Pierre’s going to outhomer him by 2013.  I like Markakis’ plate discipline and I think he’s young enough to bounce back, but I’m not reaching for him.  He falls to me and I’ll grab him.  2011 Projections:  85/17/80/.305/10

46. Ryan Raburn – Went over Raburn’s projections in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2011 fantasy baseball post and I dropped a Raburn fantasy sleeper on you too.  I love Raburn this year.  And I loved him before Karabelly.  To wit!

47. Andres Torres – On one hand, you want to believe Torres’ 2010 was fluke.  On the other hand, you think he can repeat.  On a third hand that is actually just a foot wearing a mitten, you don’t know what to make of Torres’ last year.  I hear you, loyal Razzball reader.  It’s a pickle, I tell ya.  Here’s my take, Torres has 10+ homer power and 25+ steal speed but he’s also injury prone.  It’s one of the reasons why he’s so old and just now bursting on the scene.  I’d pay for Torres as a fourth outfielder, then pray he stays healthy.  2011 Projections:  75/12/45/.260/25

48. Angel Pagan – It’s appropriate that he falls right next to Torres in the rankings because they’re pretty much the same player.  Took a while in the minors because of injuries, does have some slight power and good speed, and he’s older than most guys who just get on the scene.  I really don’t like one more than the other.  Could’ve put Pagan above Torres.  They ended up this way because Pagan has a bit less power.  I would not draft both on the same team.  Unless I was trying to lose.  Then I would.  2011 Projections:  75/9/45/.280/25

49. Jason Bay – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Ibanez.  I call this tier, “That last tier was fun, wasn’t it?  Yeah, this tier not so much.”  I suppose Jay Bay can bounce back.  But when you suppose, you make a supp out of you and me.  Hmm… That makes no sense.  Fenway inflated Bay’s power.  He’s kinda a 20+ homer hitter in a neutral park.  He picks and chooses his running spots carefully… A little too carefully so he’s not going to put up a huge steal season.  It’s all a’ight, but he’s in Metco, he’s getting old and I think his name value will cost you more than he’s worth.  I’d take two (other outfielders) and pass.  2011 Projections:  70/18/80/.265/10

50. Alfonso Soriano – I’m telling you right now or write now, if homonyms always get you, this tier is not going to be that interesting to read.  I suggest you put on some music and half pay attention to the next few names.  Maybe hire a homeless person to read it for you.  That could be fun.  2011 Projections:  65/22/75/.260/5

51. Michael Cuddyer – See Kubel, Jason.  Or an 1/8th of an inch below.  2011 Projections:  85/20/80/.275/5

52. Jason Kubel – The Twins manage to consistently field a team that is solid in regular baseball terms but underwhelms for fantasy.  Not everyone, of course.  It’s a generalization.  Go with it.  2011 Projections:  75/24/85/.270

53. Chris Coghlan – If he does start at 2nd base, he’ll have nice value there.  In the outfield, Coghlan’s Law says anything else is always better.  2011 Projections:  95/8/60/.300/17

54. Denard Span – See Kubel or a half of an inch above.  For those of you who look at Span and think he’s a cheap underrated option, 6 homers and 24 steals over the course of the season breaks down to one homer and 4 steals per month.  That’s like watching the paint dry in a public restroom.  2011 Projections:  90/6/60/.280/24

55. Raul Ibanez – Maybe I should’ve just titled this tier, “Yawn.”  Or, “Draft these guys and drop them by April 7th when someone much more exciting starts hitting.”  Your call.  2011 Projections:  70/20/85/.270/3

56. Logan Morrison – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until we get to the top 80 outfielders.  I call this tier, “I just had to get out of that last boring tier, so here’s some fun upside guys again.”  It’s time for Morrison to break on through.  See what I did there?  I’m a freakin’ genius!  Though I do tend to spell genius wrong.  Thank you, spellchecker!  Morrison will probably disappoint in 2011.  Oh, he’ll be a good one at some point, but I’m not sure he’s going to be there yet in 2011.  Probably a bit up and down this year.  This high ranking is due to his August and September and his minor league stats.  In those last two months, he hit .297.  A Morrison-type pick usually translates to a guy who has one bad month and people drop him across most 12 team leagues, i.e., this comment, “Grey, Cuddyer’s hot and Morrison’s not doing anything, should I switch them out?  BTW, love the stache.  Rock it, Grey, rock it!”  For Morrison’s upside, I’m placing him here.  2011 Projections:  65/18/80/.290/5

57. Dexter Fowler – “Aw, sookie.”  That’s me getting excited about Fowler again this year.  What do you want me to say?  I’m a sucker for this guy.  If shizz breaks right, he’s basically Tabata.  Okay, maybe that’s not the most exciting way to put it.  How about this?  Give Fowler 600 ABs, he could steal 35+ and hit 10+ homers.  That’s good for a late round flier.  2011 Projections:  75/8/40/.270/20

58. Domonic Brown – (UPDATE:  Don’t draft Brown outside of keeper leagues.)  Here’s my rejected Penthouse letter about my Domonic Brown fantasy.  You’re probably throwing away your draft pick by going with Brown (or Desmond Jennings, who I’ll get to).  Their value will probably be at its highest the day before the season starts.  If you find the guy in your league that loves them some rookie nookie, I’d look to move them.  To do this, pay attention to who in your draft room says something like, “Oh, man!  Great pick.  I was going to grab Jennings (or Brown) with my next pick.”  There’s always one of those doodes.  Or doodettes (for our 3 girl readers). 2011 Projections: 55/12/70/.290/14 30/8/40/.275/10

59. Lorenzo Cain – In most leagues, you’re not going to hold any of the outfielders in this tier for very long so you may as well try for some upside.  If it doesn’t pan out the first couple of weeks of the season, you drop them.  I’d also gamble on any outfielder who is hitting well in Spring Training who isn’t on this list.  They’re flyers, ya’ll.  I briefly warmed up my Lorenzo Cain fantasy already.  I don’t want to yell fire in the theater of Razzball but I’m gunning for Cain as my fifth outfielder in a lot of leagues.  He’ll probably put up the numbers you’re hoping Coco Crisp gives you.  2011 Projections:  70/7/40/.275/30

60. Desmond Jennings – This tier just got foxy!  Wanna get hotter under your collar?  See my Desmond Jennings fantasy.  Unfortunately, the Rays are going conservative (read: cheap!) and supposedly leaving Jennings in the minors.  The Damon and Manny signings don’t help Desmond’s cause.  But he’s my constant!  Situation is obviously fluid until we’re out of Spring Training.  In non-keepers, I wouldn’t draft him if he doesn’t break camp with the team.  In keepers, I’d go after him.  2011 Projections:  55/3/25/.270/20 (if call up is June 1st)

Chase Utley was placed on the 15-day DL with a sprained thumb and he might need surgery.  This injury opens up a big gaping hole in his owners’ hearts that can only be filled with junk food and hardcore drugs.  Utley may not have been playing his weight in pomade, but at least you had him out there.  At night when you crawled into your Michelob-scented bedsheets, your head hit the pillow knowing that if nothing else Utley was healthy.  Looks like you’re going to have to dust off the “Sounds of the Ocean” CD you used to help you sleep when your wife left you.  Phillies will turn to Wilson Valdez, Juan Catastrophe and Brian Bocock, whose surname is bad enough without me altering it.   Hopefully your options are better.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Placido Polanco – Crapolanco also heads off to the DL.  Too bad because he was leading David Wright in All-Star votes for 3rd base.  Hold on, whaaaaa???  Oh.  Wait, what?  If his vote tally goes up while he’s on the DL, I’m gonna suggest players can’t vote for themselves.

Chris Carpenter – As reported here before I ever read it elsewhere then re-reporting it after I did read it elsewhere, Carp could miss his next start because of the comebacker he took off his forearm.

Albert Pujols – 3-for-4, 5 RBIs and 2 homers.  ESPN dedicated three minutes to Pujols yesterday with only two mentions of Strasburg.

Felipe Lopez – 4-for-5 with a steal and 6 for his last 9.  Worth taking a look at if you lost Pedroia or Utley.

David Freese – Is on ice for 15 days with a sprained right ankle.  Or as doctors call it, “a rankle.”

Dexter Fowler – As Hawpe nurses his ribs back to succulency, the Rockies called up a Razzball favorite, Dexter Fowler.  Fowler still doesn’t have an everyday job in the outfield.  Can the Rockies please ship off Hawpe and Spilborghs?  Fowler has great speed and good on base skills.  If he gets starts, I’ll be more excited.  I still grabbed him in all but one league where I was beat to the punch by Behrens.  Behrens!

Joel Zumaya – Will miss the rest of the season with a displaced fracture of his… It hurts just to type it.  It’s not good.  Let’s move on.

Alfonso Soriano – 2-for-4, 2 homers.  Looked like his Mummy knees were starting to unravel in June (4 homers, .229 this month), but last night was a nice sign of life.  (Of course I was sonavabenched by him last night, but that’s my ulcer.)

Ryan Doumit – 2-for-3 with his 7th homer.  Been Doumit out power since June 5th, but he’s the type to hit them in bunches like a horny monkey.

John Lackey - 7 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks.  That’s cool, I dropped him in a league yesterday.  I’m done with this schmohawk.  You can’t start him at home, in away games he’s taking on the Yanks, Rays and 1927 Blue Jays.  It’s over for Lackey and I.  I should’ve never drafted him to begin with.  Have a nice life, don’t write!

Bill Hall – 1-for-3 and a homer as he filled in for Pedroia.  Hopefully Hall’s brother doesn’t follow the lead of Dustin’s brother, Pedo Pedroia.

Adrian Beltre – 4-for-4 as he hits .349 on the year.  That translates to .270 at Safeco and .220 in a non-contract year.

Carl Crawford – 4-for-5 and a steal as he pulled back on the road after his shoulder issue.

B.J. Upton – Sat out, but the dork in the Buddy Holly glasses said it wasn’t because of his argument with Longoria.  Longoria said, “Yes, it was.”

Roger Bernadina – 1-for-4 with a steal.  Has now hit in nine of his last ten games, though he only has one multi-hit game in there.  He’s making a case for the leadoff spot and has shown some power and speed with 5 homers and 7 steals in 162 ABs while batting near .300.  It’s not spectacular, but in deep leagues it’s worth the flyer.

Joey Votto – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 17th homer.  I <3 Votto.

Mike Leake – 6 IP, 6 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks as the Leake floods your ERA basement.  You guys had a good run.  Get his address and you can write to him when he’s on someone else’s team.

Gavin Floyd – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks. Has now strung together 5 solid starts.

J.J. Putz – Got the save as Jenks continues to be away from the team.  Jenks will return within the next day or so, but this does tell us a bit about what Ozzie is thinking regarding Thornton and Putz.  Worth noting in case Jenks is traded.

Russell Branyan – 1-for-4 as he hit 3rd.  Really?  He’s your three hole hitter?  This is like when you and your lady breakup because you’re a damn fool and thought the new girl would be so much better and let you play your video games and cook for you and laugh at your corny jokes.  Branyan is the new girl, he is not better than the old girl.

Nick Swisher – 2-for-4 with 2 homers.  I almost sat him vs. The Adverb.  Sonavabenching averted.

Phil Hughes – 5 2/3 IP, 6 ER, 12 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Looks like the Hughes Rules in regards to skipping his rotation turn is working as well as the Joba Rules.

Matt LaPorta – Back from the minors only a few games and already homered.  It’s a nice sign.  Those of you hurting for a decent corner infidel will want to keep an eye on LaPorta.  We might have a live one, ya’ll.

Kevin Kouzmanoff – 0 for his last 12.  Yeah, his worth-owning streak might have officially come to a close.

Prince Fielder – He got a little “How’s your father?” in yesterday’s 2nd half hitter post and hit 2 homers yesterday.  And only one of them was a solo shot!

Wilson Betemit – 2-for-4 and is hitting .480 over his 25 ABs this year.  Not getting consistent playing time, but the peasant Royals may want to reconsider that.

Denard Span – 4-for-4, 3 Triples, 2 Runs and 5 RBIs.  Look at Denard Dawg getting it done.  Probably will have a career year for steals in 2010 with the way he’s cut down his caught stealings.

Pat Burrell – 2-for-3 with his 5th homer as he bats .344 so far with the Giants.  Maybe it’s good he’s in San Fran so he can focus on baseball and not girls.  No, not in that way.  He was going through a messy divorce in Tampa and said he was having a hard time focusing.  In San Fran, he can focus on nothing but bats and balls.  No, still not like that.

Clint Barmes – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 6th homer.  Here’s another MI that you can look at if you just lost Utley.  Barmes can give you a couple of ropers while only hurting you in average.

Huston Street – Recorded his first save of the year.  Member when you drafted him and you thought he’d be healthy by mid-April?  Good times!

Manny Ramirez – Left the game with an injured hamstring.  Better get Vladimir Shpunt on the horn!

Matt Kemp – 2-for-4.  Until Manny was hurt, Kemp was out of the starting lineup for the third straight day.  In related Rihanna news, Chris Brown has a new single.

Mike Napoli – Hit his team-leading 14th homer yesterday as the Angels keep trying to shop him for some power.  Can’t make this stuff up.

Leo Nunez – 1 IP, 2 ER as he recorded the newly-coined glossary term, sphinctory.

Brad Lidge – 1 IP, 3 ER.  Lidge now has 5 saves, 2 blown saves and a 5.25 ERA.  Good that he has the closer mentality, because without that intangible he’d be out of a job.

Wilson Valdez – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs as he hit a homer filling in for Utley.  After the game, he met with a youngster named, Wilson Beepee, to assure him his name won’t always elicit jeers.