I’ve said before Homer Bailey is someone you should acquire in a trade. SAME! I’ve said Homer and homers are synonymous. SAME! Those homers should come down, literally. SAME! I…went…scuba…diving…while…eating…Captain…Crunch…SAME! His K-rate is down from last year and his walks are up…NOT SAME! I’ve also said his BABIP is absurdly high, which means he’s getting unlucky. SAME! I’ve said before the difference between his xFIP and his ERA are huge, but after his last start his ERA is starting to come down. Um, SAME but different? He’s not the same pitcher as he was last year. SAME NOT SAME! His Ks are a bit off. NOT SAME! It’s more likely he has a low-3 ERA the rest of the way than the plus-5 ERA he has right now. Um…Well…Dah, the Gobstopper! I wouldn’t trade anyone too huge to acquire Bailey, but the beauty of this is you don’t have to. He’s got a 5+ ERA, so trade for him your Never Nude jorts. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Braves called Tommy La Stella up to replace Fuggla. Here’s what I said about a month ago, “Incredibly, we already had a Tommy La Stella fantasy post. Don’t you people sleep?! There, Dano compared him to Pedroia and not because he needs his tippy toes to get on a roller coaster. I think that comparison might be a tad bizzonkers. Or as the gentle fantasy writers of our day would say, “That’s a bit more bullish than I’d say.” Has any group of people said the word bullish more? This word feels like it’s dominating all fantasy conversations. It’s a polite way to say, someone is smoking more crack than another person. Of course, in a world of small sample sizes, anything could happen, but La Stellllllllllla looks like an NL-Only play with a chance for 5 homers, 7 steals and a decent average if he were called up in June.” And that’s me quoting me! Now that he’s been called up, I’d add him in deeper mixed leagues (think 15+), but I still don’t have high hopes for him outside of maybe a decent average. He’s basically a forty-twenty. If Fredi Gonzalez had any brains in that squishy melon on his shoulders, he’d bat La Stella leadoff and move Heyward down the order. Smarts and managing baseball teams don’t always go hand-in-hand though. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

In the past, I’ve gone out of my way to focus more on rookie hitters than pitchers, but after last year and living through season-after-season of diminishing offense, this is the world we live in. Before you blame anyone, look in the mirror. What do you see? Besides, the blackheads. You see someone that supported baseball ridding itself of PEDs. So, this is what we have. Pitching up the wazoo. I still contend it should be ‘out the wazoo’ and not ‘up the wazoo,’ but I’m playing by your rules now. I’m no longer sticking it to the man and going up the wazoo. Hmm, that sounded wrong, but never the hoo! Kevin Gausman just barely maintained rookie eligibility by only pitching 47 2/3 IP last year. Really showing a thing or two about not knowing what was coming or going either by having a 5.66 ERA and 1.34 WHIP. It really means nothing. First of all, his xFIP was 3.04, so his ERA shouldn’t have even been that bad. Second of all, he had a 9+ K-rate, which is right in line what you can expect. Third of all, there is no third of all. Why would you think there was a third of all? Gausman isn’t a 5+ ERA pitcher. He could be the best rookie pitcher this year. He has that kind of stuff. With the O’s, you gotta mind your P’s and Q’s. Excuse me, I had Alphabet Soup for lunch and just burped. What I mean is the O’s aren’t in the best division for nurturing along a young starter. You have to be on the top of your game in the AL East. Gausman has the stuff to tame the big offenses. As I’ve tried to beat into your head, a pitcher with great control and strikeout stuff is worth your attention. Gausman is that type of pitcher. The only real question is do the O’s stay with him in the rotation. If today’s game vs. the Tigers is a spot start and back to the minors, it’s not great. Opportunity + Stuff = Fudgie the Whale. Wow, my math is off there. It should’ve equaled “worth a flyer in all fantasy leagues to see if he stays in the rotation.” To give you an idea of this guy’s upside, in Prospect Scott’s top 25 fantasy baseball prospects, the top five are Tanaka, Abreu, Bogaerts, Taijuan and then Gausman. That’s elite company. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Before we go any further, pick up the phone and wish your mother a happy Mother’s Day. In honor of the woman who taught me not to play in traffic, pet strange dogs, or stick Legos up my nose, I’m playing it super safe today with my A-1 starter and drafting Clayton Kershaw ($13,000) in cash games. He’s a whopping $30 value on the Stream-0-Nator and I would be really surprised if he doesn’t post at least 25 points today. Then again, it doesn’t take much to surprise me anymore. I’m boring y’all! The biggest drawback to Kershaw today is what that hefty price tag does to the rest of your lineup, so it will be key to draft a solid number two starter and we’ll have to scrape together some pocket change for a couple hitters today.

Signing up for DraftKings is easy and if you use that link, you’ll get a free ticket for a contest with your first-time deposit. The winner of that contest gets entry into our $500k Showcase with a $100k top prize. Also, if you haven’t tried the DFSBot yet, check it out. It gives you an idea of who the best values are based on their projections versus their actual DK salaries for the day. This comes in really handy on a day like today when we splurge on pitching and need to find some cheaper bats. If you’d like to see how your lineup fares against the Guru and I, join our free 5-team contest. As always, double check the starting lineups and the weather before the day’s games begin. Here are today’s DraftKings picks for 5/11/2014…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Carlos Santana provides the back drop for today’s headline of the May Day Draft Kings special. Well it’s not a special contest but it happens to be my Thursday that coincides with it being May Day. Before we move forward lets make it clear that this is Carlos Santana the guitarist’s song I’m word playing with and not the poor hitting catcher and the Santana I’m talking about in the title is the pitcher Ervin Santana who is not related to any of the previous mentioned Santana’s. Wow, that’s a lot of Santana’s. When I was a kid I jacked my dad’s Santana tape and listened to that thing until I broke it. Then when I got older and did drugs and all the songs made sense. I got your Jingo right here. Ervin Santana is what I like to call my sure thing pitcher who most will probably start but I don’t want to be behind the eight ball because that wold suck buy or S.T.P.W.M.W.P.S.B.I.D.W.T.B.B.T.E.B.B.T.W.S.B. I think I need to work on that acronym. Maybe I should ask the baby’s mama what she thinks I should call it? First she gives me “pick of the litter” but that really plays into all this kitty business around here and I can’t be having that. I love puppies too much. Then she turns to me and says he’s your 24 carat play. I like it, he’s my 24 carat play today, he cost’s a lot and he’s worth every penny of it. I love her Long Beach ghetto vernacular. When you get the Marlins and their 2nd worst 24.7% K rate and you play for a team that should score more runs than the other team then I think you got a 24 carat play. The dude has been on fire this year posting 3 wins in 4 starts a 1.95 ERA, and 10 K/9. Those numbers mean it’s a yes and thank you please. The Stream-o-Nator loves him today as it’s second favorite play on the day at $16.8. If you are looking for a second opinion on the Miami hitters, after Giancarlo Stanton, Christian Yelich is the next highest Hitter-Tron option at $6.7, which is not good for daily. Here are some other plays I like today.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Easy now, pardner. We’re not doing podcasts anymore, but we are going to start doing a daily radio show as of next Monday. Our fantasy baseball radio show will live under that link-ma-jiggie that I just linked to. Seamless! To give you an idea of a schedule, Nick will be taping every day at around 10 PM EST and uploading to Razzball Radio. He’ll have all the usual Hawks of Schmo on over there, including Rudy and I. I’m in for two days a week, but that will fluctuate to more or less depending on schedules. This won’t be the last time I tell you to go over there, so you can put this information in the same place you put all the other info I’ve told you that you’ve chosen to ignore. Too bad you didn’t ignore the part where I said to draft Brad Miller, huh? He’s a crumb-bum! On today’s podcast, I dissect Nick’s poorly-managed RCL team, my thoughts on Justin Morneau, David Wright and we spend about 315 minutes talking about Masahiro Tanaka. That’s all after I tell you about my absolute worst get-rich scheme. Anyway, here’s the Razzball Podcast (now with a final adieu which will lead you to asking next week, “This is kinda still a podcast, why are they calling it a radio show?” Good question!):

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Who could have predicted that Justin Morneau would have a career revival after moving to Coors Field? Nearly everybody. Yes, he’s clearly benefitting from his favorable home park, but he’s also hitting well on the road. He appears to be swinging at nearly everything and, fortunately, is hitting it so far. However, this approach isn’t sustainable, even in Coors. I think he’s a great sell-high candidate if you can find somebody who believes that he’s going to maintain anywhere near this level of performance due to his new home ballpark. Even with some regression, I think the park and aggressive approach will allow him to have a noticeable improvement from his past couple seasons, with a .280/.350/.480 line going forward. This is roughly his career slash line, so it’s a reasonable expectation for him. Anyway, here are some other players on my mind and what it means for OPS and OBP leagues:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Terry Collins announced a change at the top of Mets bullpen system on the down, Jose Valverde would concede the job to Kyle Farnsworth. Valverde handed him the ball, and like a true sportsman said, “You can’t be worse than me, but I know you’ll try.” Terry Collins, or Mr. C as the players call him, told Valverde to sit on it, Farnsy’s cool. Some have speculated on Vic Black, Frank’s little brother. Didja you know when Vic was a young Black he went to his brother Frank and asked if he could play drums in the Pixies and Frank said, “Do drugs for six more years and then we’ll talk.” Rock ‘n roll, doodes and four doodettes! Will Farnsworth do a decent enough job as closer to hold it for the whole year? Seems doubtful, but I like his odds better than Valverde ever had. Farnsworth could get 25 saves and be a Donkeycorn by September. Likely, he gets around 12 saves, has a 4-something ERA and the Mets give Gonzalez Germen a little guten tag a’la vater, which is ‘how’s your father’ in Germen from someone who never took Germen. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Just because it is Monday does not mean you can’t be happy right? What will make you happy you ask? How about going to bed at the end of the day with a fist-full of cash that you just won on DraftKings ? Your already registered aren’t you? Here go now ill wait …. Back already? Guess what? I am gonna send you right back so you can do the smart thing and get in this sweet spot drawing, just a few pesos to get in and a whopping $400k up for grabs. That will buy you a lot of good memories that you will probably forget in Tijuana hombre.

Lets work on getting you that money by checking out the best available lumber for Monday. You don’t have to take my word for it, you can do your own homework with our handy dandy Hitter-Tron and Stream-O-Nator.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

J7WzY4N

Most exciting thing to happen at spring training thus far.

Can the season start already? Spring training has all the excitement of watching The Bachelor finale through the holes in a cracker. Basically, your humble-but-nonetheless-superstitious Guru spends spring training lighting candles, arranging antlers True Detective-style and just praying guys I’ve already drafted don’t strain a bursa sac or meet the Yellow King mowing the outfield. With only a handful of RCL drafts completed – including the writers league – the fun is just getting started. Let’s fire up the jammer crammer machine ©, get to the hot corner and take a look at third baseman ranked outside ESPN’s top 100 players. The third base position is a whole lot of Pam Anderson kind of top heavy with the flat girls and their nice personalities stuck in the middle and the cross dressers in the back – sounds like the worst New Orleans strip club ever. If you miss out on the stacked guys like Miguel Cabrera, Evan Longoria or Adrian Beltre don’t panic, just make sure you’re stuffing dollar bills into the g-strings of David Wright, Ryan Zimmerman and or Josh Donaldson’s. Now if you pass on one of those guys too it might be time to take up morning drinking and fantasy NASCAR. Dale Earnhardt Jr. goes left really well – that’s it for my racing analysis. There’s only six third baseman in the top 100 and the guys that immediate follow test the gag reflex in a way that is not at all exciting – Aramis Ramirez *hiccup*, Pedro Alvarez *burp* and Brett Lawrie *gets bucket*. I’m passing on those guys and waiting a little longer like it’s almost last call in the Razzball Lounge – we’re holding out for something better. I’ll risk a late CI pick on a young skank like Todd Frazier that tries hard before I wake up next to the eager lady that looks like Mike Moustakas who rolls over in the morning to say, “Let’s play jam it or cram it.”

Please, blog, may I have some more?