David Robertson

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AC Bringing The Juice To LA

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 206 Comments

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Alex Castellanos was called up by the Dodgers to replace the DL’d Kemp, so what’s this guy’s story?  He was found in an orphanage in Crete.  He grew up eating ambrosia, feta and olives.  He spent all of his waking hours either playing baseball or pooping because of his diet.  Oh, you mean what’s his story as in what’s his stats like?  He looks like a product of the PCL, which is more glamorous than a product of Greek economists, but just as dangerous.  As we know, hitting in the PCL is like hitting on the moon with an aluminum bat.  So far in Triple-A this year (21 games), he has 4 homers, 7 steals and a .361 average.  That’s being wholly supported by an inflated BABIP because his K-rate isn’t pretty.  He’s closer to a .270 hitter with 10-ish homer power and 15-ish steal speed.  That’s solid enough in NL-Only leagues for a placeholder, but I’d hold off in mixed leagues for now.  In keepers, I’d pursue slightly more aggressively, but he is already 25 and from his picture it looks like it’s a Latin 25.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Matt Kemp – Won’t return for at least 4 weeks with a strain in two different places.  One place is his hamstring, the other place is his ears from the high-pitched screeches of his fantasy owners.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

You Go Tell Rafael That I Ain’t Taking No Jive

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 322 Comments

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David Robertson to the DL for three weeks with a left oblique strain.  2009 was the Year of the Oblique, then there was the Middle Infieluenza Outbreak of Twenty-Ten, and 2011 was a war between General Soreness and Major Discomfort.  This year is The Closepocalypse.  If you’re a closer and gonna go to the DL, at least get your make-believe plague right.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Reliable Closer Joins Jumbo Shrimp And Pretty Ugly On Oxymoron List

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 498 Comments

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I had high apple pie in the sky hopes for David Robertson, but no one is safe.  “There’s a storm a comin’!  Jebediah, should I bring the cows into the barn?”  “No, Gissley!  It wants our closers!”  “But I only have Juan Cruz!  And I’s not even sure he’s the set-up man”  “It doughs’cent matter!”  Really, really shocked by Robertson performance yesterday (2/3 IP, 4 ER), but I guess I shouldn’t be.  I’ve officially ‘learned’ Closepocalypse on my computer spellchecker.  If Soriano is out there in your league, I’d grab him.  The Yankees could flip-flop right back to him since he has ‘closer experience.’  You know, pulling the ol’ Robertson is just more comfortable in the 8th inning shtick.  At this rate, Fernando Rodney’s going to be the only $12 Salad next month.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Chris Sale – This is a message from the Emergency Broadcast Network.  If you are a closer, just go for an MRI now.  You’re pitching with a torn tendon.  I repeat, you have a torn tendon.  So, Addison Reed might now be the closer on the White Sox, as Sale goes to get an MRI today.  Robin Ventura thought a good way to preserve an injured pitcher’s arm was to throw him into high-leverage situations.  I say that’s crummy with crackers, but what do I know?  I’m just a guy who has a hard time pronouncing the word ‘peculiar.’  If Reed is out there, I’d grab him immediately.  If Reed gets the closer job, he has a chance to be a strong Donkeycorn with $12 Salad upside.   To all of those who are reading Razzball for the first time, that last sentence wasn’t gibberish.  It only sounded like it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Hamilton Satisfies Bedside Wish For Conjoined Twins

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 315 Comments

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“Just because we share some organs doesn’t mean you can’t hit 2 two-run homers for each of us!”  Josh Hamilton had a night that makes you feel like you’re seven years old again.  You remember it.  When the birds chirped, it made you smile.  When your dad carried you on his shoulders, you were on top of the world.  When you peed the bed, no one tried to commit you to rehab.  People pinched your cheeks without you having to pay some stranger on Craigslist $75.  You’d throw a pebble into the lake without worrying if you hit someone in the head and blinded them if your insurance would cover it.  A time of joy.  Wonder.  No Splenda.  That’s what Josh Hamilton did for us last night.  And he also gave his stupid fantasy owners 4 friggin’ homers, going 5-for-5 with 4 runs and 8 RBIs.  Why don’t I have him on every team?!  I would not try and sell him high because if he stays healthy (it doesn’t have to be that remote of a chance, you cynical bastard), you have an MVP.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Adrian Beltre – 2-for-5 with a homer.  Pfft, wake me when you hit three more!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

And The Heavens Opened And Rained Frogs On All Closers

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 672 Comments

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The Closer Look was only six days ago and we’ve already lost a $12 Salad (Mo), a Donkeycorn (Huston Street) and three Brain Freezes (Santiago/Thornton, Bell, Downs).  If you think the Closepocalypse is something created by the media (me) to sell newspapers (no one buys newspapers), then continue to disbelieve.  I’m just back from Costco with a keg of chicken broth, 400 count box of Mallomars and a 17 pound box of Wheat Thins to stock my Closepocalypse shelter.  When the major leagues have run out of all pitchers to close and have exhausted all other athletes in all other sports trying to convert them to closers and they come knocking on my door, I’m going into my Closepocalypse shelter and you won’t see me again.  Street is always a good nose blow away from getting hurt, so it’s no huge shocker.  The Padres don’t think he’ll be back when his DL stint is up, and I’ll go as far to say he won’t be back for about a month and he’s a setback away from missing three months.  For further reading on that see:  His career.  I grabbed Andrew Cashner in one league.  I would’ve grabbed Luke Gregerson too if I had room, but, alas, I did not.  Who could fit anything with this keg of broth?!  And, because as soon as anyone becomes a closer, they get hot in the way a Dutch oven is hot, so Cashner followed every other closer this year and gave up a bunch of runs.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Cory Luebke – Probably needs Tommy John surgery.  He said his symptoms point to it.  Now the only thing between him and Tommy John surgery is a visit to Dr.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

The Runs Will Come Out Morrow

| Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 752 Comments

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I liked me some Brandon Morrow, but I’m thinking of the old Morrow (not Edward Murrow) that had no control and sat down hitters like he was a furniture salesman whose favorite line was, “Try it out.”  I talked briefly in our last podcast about Morrow.  Rudy tends to think Morrow is a new and improved pitcher.  I think Rudy’s standing too close to a newly-glued diorama.  I just want to get out the facts about Morrow that we think we know compared to what we do know.  FACT:  He’s never had control.  NOT FACT:  Without control, he’s now able to pitch the ball exactly where hitters can make contact, but not get a base hit.  FACT:  His FIP is saying he’s getting lucky.  NOT FACT:  He can leave more runners on than other pitchers.  FACT:  His career walk rate is 4.39.  NOT FACT:  This year he can continue to shave more than two walks per nine off his rate.  FACT:  He pitches in the AL East.  NOT FACT:  He has a parakeet named, Chisel Jaw, that he dresses up in WWII pilot gear with a mini parachute.  FACT:  He’s injury prone.  NOT FACT:  Whenever he orders halibut, he shrugs and says, “I don’t know why I’m ordering this.  Maybe just for the halibut.”  FACT:  He’s at the peak of his value.  NOT FACT:  He liked Jordin Sparks’ latest album on Facebook.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Steve Cishek – Ozzie wrapped a towel around his neck, had Joey Cora spray him with some water so it looked like he just stepped out of a sauna and said Heath Bell’s still his closer.  Two things I don’t agree with there.  First, Heath Bell’s terrible no matter how many times Ozzie says he’s the closer.  Second, if you spray olive oil instead of water, it holds the look of perspiration much better.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Closer Look

| Closers | 405 Comments

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Well, not much has changed for closers since last month when we did a run down of all of them.  Kimbrel got a save, Axford got a save, and everyone else sucks.  Holly Robinson Peete closers are a mess!  I don’t think there’s ever been so many Brain Freezes before.  I almost feel like adding an extra category below the Brain Freezes called, “The Legend of Gloom.”  Wha’ happened?  Did someone poison the bullpen water?  Has Mariano Rivera made it so when he retires there won’t be any more closers?  There will only be starters and “Those Other Guys.”  To recap this month in closing quickly:  Valverde has been less than stellar, Putz and Street just don’t close games, Motte hasn’t been good, Brian Wilson became Casilla who Bochy pulled after one batter during one game, Joel Hanrahananananan gave fantasy owners the question, “Who’s Juan Cruz?”, Sergio Santos may start throwing at some point in the next few weeks, the Red Sox gave the job to someone who has an over 10 ERA, Frank-Frank hasn’t had a blank-blank inning in forever, Kyle Farnsworth left stage right and Rodney, who couldn’t get saves last year, entered stage “I can’t believe Rodney’s closing games,” Guerra’s been about as bad as expected, Walden blew one save and lost the job, What the H.

Please, blog, may I have some more?