The Tigers announced that Joe Nathan had a torn UCL and would require season-ending Tommy John surgery. This could be the end of a once-illustrious career. To commemorate all that Nathan has done for baseball, this Fourth of July, at Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest, they will be eating Nathan’s discarded elbow tendons. Takeru Kobayashi said, “I’ll be training on udon and Brandon Beachy tendons for the next few months, then a week before I will eat nothing but Sabathia’s knee ligaments to widen my gullet.” Gotta love that guy’s ambitious spirit. So, Nathan’s done and Joakim Soria now becomes a top twelve-ish closer with the chance of being top seven-ish by season’s close. As long as -ish don’t kill my vibe! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Welcome! Ladies and cucumbers! Gather round for another edition of Lineup Maximizer. The season wanes to an end, but our efforts do not. Each night becomes even more important as the number left dwindles. Why give up now?
Let’s see who we can use as a human hole-patch on Thursday:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Don’t be confused, I don’t want you to pass on Alex Cobb today. I want you to inhale his awesomeness and value today and play play play him. Usually an $8,100 play on an off day Monday should be reason enough to convince many of you to go with the Cobb. Oh no J-FOH, he has to go on the road to Oaktown and face the Amazing A’s! I know I know diligent commenter but over his short career he owns a 1.80 ERA at the O.Co with 13 K’s in 15 innings. Career against them he sports a 2.78 ERA over 35.2 innings with 28 K’s. The only player on the A’s that has been his killer is Coco Crisp who has been out with a nagging neck injury. I like the start a lot and Stream-O-Nator is pretty neutral on him at a $7.5 dollar play. Cobb has been getting back into the form (July stats: 2.23 ERA in 32.1 innings with 36 K’s) that made him such a highly touted pitcher coming into the year. To close out 2013 he had a mid 2 ERA with 58K’s in 59.2 innings and is looking like he has found himself again. You could say he is hitting his montage scene for 2014. Montage? Hhmmmm… Ok I’m inspired now and here are some classic 80’s montage’s off the top of my head for you guys to have some fun with: Real Genius, Back to School, Better off Dead, and the greatest motivator for you to finish 2014 strong montage. Speaking of 80’s movies, my buddy the Birdman’s buddy Chazz, who I met at the bachelor party, looks like the perfect 80’s campy movie villain. He would be an Alpha Beta in Revenge of the Nerds or challenge me to ski the K-12 in Better Off Dead or even get the other Cobra Kai’s to hold me so he can kick my ass. Chazz is rad to the max to hang with. For realzzz.
If you still aren’t sure about DraftKings then lets change the words around and say let’s play King of the Draft. How’s that for you? You think you have what it takes to be king of the hill? The high hog of the trough? The top of the heap? You get what I’m saying. The worst thing that happens is you lose a few bucks you would of spent on something else you don’t need in your life and if you are a stickler for the monthly budget then live a little and mix it up. I’m kidding though, you can also play for free but why not throw down a little scratch and challenge some readers and writers at Razzball and take our pride and money. Ralph has been really good at roaming the comments to pick up any new players that post their info so go sign up, post your handle and Ralph will get you in. It’s that easy.
New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 20 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Au Shucks, Au No, Au Crap, Au Whatever You Want To Say, it’s Au Not So Good. Au contraire mon frere, it’s auful. On Friday night, in a meaningless at-bat in a meaningless game in a meaningless season by the lowly Diamondbacks team, lowly’s meaning: less, Paul Goldschmidt entered the game as a pinch hitter and was plunked* (*trademark Eric Plunk), and now has a broken hand. Au, c’mon, can’t we have anything nice? Au, guys and four girls, it’s au so bad. Am I au right? Au, sadly no, I’m not au right; shizz has gone pear shape and au wrong. Maybe I shouldn’t have paid retail for this word ‘au;’ now I feel compelled to use it so auften. Aufortunately, Goldschmidt is droppable in redraft leagues. Here’s hoping he’s fine for next year. Au please. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Lately, I’ve been thinking about what a creeper of the week really is, and how best to put it out there for you readers. I’m the pimp, uh, I mean dating service, and you are the receiver of a good time… for about a week. You might say a “batty call with benefits broker”. Since the majority of us are men, except Prezzi, who looks like he struggled with sophmore English last year and is waiting on puberty to complete. (Writers note: I would rather look young to slay more cougars than what I do now.) It’s safe to assume that for most of you (except the four girl readers), I’m setting up man dates every week. Which brings me to this week’s hot date– David Murphy. Hi David, I see you’re only 12.2% owned, so I know you’re available. Would you like to hop in my car and go for a little drive… for a week! This officially got weird, so you can call me Creeper McCreeperstein from now on.Please, blog, may I have some more?
It was easy to accept Jay(Wrong)’s offer to add an additional column when I heard his idea. The concept was simple: take a look through the most added and dropped players and decide which ones are actually deserving of their big gains or declines in ownership percentage. Every fantasy baseball platform has some version of the ‘Most Added/Dropped’ sheet, but for the purposes of this column, I’ll use ESPN’s data. I don’t consider ownership percentages to be research. In fact, if you you are using ownership percentages as your only barometer for player evaluations, then you probably found Razzball by mistake. Welcome. We’re here to help.
What is interesting about these numbers is that they offer a window into the minds of all the other teams out there patrolling the waiver wire. We see a player on our roster or in free agency with the double digit red/green numbers next to his name and we tend to think, “What am I missing?” There are two feelings I hate in fantasy baseball- the feeling that I just dropped somebody I shouldn’t have, and the feeling I just picked up a guy who’s about to go as cold as ice. God forbid we tick both boxes in the same move (I’ve done this).
Each week, we’ll look at one of the biggest adds or drops, then I’ll suggest one player from the most added column that I feel is actually trash, and one player from the most dropped list that is actually a treasure.Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s about that time, prematurely balding men and four girl readers. Gregory Polanco is nearing his call-up date. He is basically a young version of Starling Marte. As of this writing, he’s 22 years old. I’m hoping he’s still 22 years old when I’m done writing this post otherwise I spent way too much time on it. He can be a superstar, which has me excited. He won’t be a superstar this year, which takes the wind out of my sails for redraft leagues. Usually when I’m talking about wind in my sails, I’m wearing only my boxers and just ate a can of beans, so maybe it’s best if we ignore how much wind is in my sails. Polanco can hit 12 homers and steal 40 bags without killing you in average. Yes, I know, you love him too now. It’s okay, just because your father never loved you doesn’t mean you can’t love another man. In Single-A, Polanco had 16 homers and 40 steals. In Single-A, Marte had 3 homers and 24 steals. Granted, Polanco had 200 extra at-bats in his Single-A year. Granted, Part II: Granted Lives; Polanco was two years younger in his Single-A year. Marte doesn’t have anywhere near the plate discipline of Polanco, so, if anything, Marte will become a poor man’s Polanco. Polanco has the kind of pedigree right now that could mean he’s a top three rounder and one day supplanting The Dread Pirate as the best outfielder in Pittsburgh. I.e., The Sexy Dish That Ate Pittsburgh. Yes, I’m really excited for him. This past year between the two levels, he hit 12 homers and 37 steals while hitting .286. Christian Yelich went from Double-A to the majors and hit fine. Lots of players do. The Pirates weren’t that aggressive. If they were, then Polanco would’ve shot up my preseason rankings and I would’ve told everyone to draft him in every single league. Instead, Polanco went to Triple-A and continued to bash like your 12-year-old self idealizing Jose Canseco. As with rookies, you need to keep expectations in check. To misquote the immortal words of John Popper, “Nobody should think or expect too much while everyone is calling for the movie rights. Singing, ‘Hey, babe, let’s keep in touch. Hey, baby, let’s keep in touch.” He will be up in early June and now is the time to stash him. For 2014, I’ll give him the line of 32/8/36/.250/15 in 300 ABs. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
If any good can come from Joey Votto going to the DL with a strained quad, at least he didn’t try to play this weekend and have a set back. Well, there’s other good that can come of it. We can be thankful for our own health. Actually, that’s BS, I’d give my quad to have a healthy Votto. I don’t need my quad to type up my fantasy baseball ‘pertness. I got acumen for days! You know what a smart Indian chef uses? Acumen. Take it, Highlights magazine, it’s yours! Fortch, Votto sounds like he should be back in the minimum fifteen days. Here’s hoping, I got hard-hit singles I need hit! In tangentially related news, Reds manager, Bryan Price, said Jay Bruce would return “very, very soon,” then he was activated from the DL. I’d go as far as saying that was very, very, very soon. Bryan Price added “Very, very soon,” I will buy a thesaurus. That’s a very, very good idea! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Four teams were showing interest in Stephen Drew. No official word on which four teams, but I’m guessing the Yankees, Tigers, Red Sox and whoever didn’t want the Yankees, Tigers or Red Sox to get him. Probably the Giants. That Sabean is a real party pooper! “Stephen Drew is under 40 years old, but he comes across as a guy that is aging twice the speed of the average human.” That’s Sabean weighing Drew’s pros and cons. Well, tough noogs, Sabean, the Red Sox secured their long-coveted, barely above replacement level shortstop. In a news conference, the Red Sox said they hadn’t had a news conference in a while and felt like now was as good a time as any. “We were gonna hold a presser to say Jerry Remy was down to a pack and a half of smokes a day, but this is so much better!” Drew hasn’t been worth owning in fantasy in about six years, so I wouldn’t expect you picking him up will work as a Viagra substitute. He’s around that of a 12-homer, 5-steal, .250 hitter. Lowercase yay. This will move Xander Bogaerts to third base and Will Middlebrooks to an outside chance of being a deep league sleeper in 2015, if he gets a few good at-bats off the bench when he returns because he’s now out of a job. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The date was 1 B.O. — that’s one year Before Okrent — and the Fantasy Baseball Overlord rose from the Fantasy Baseball Overlord’s Mom’s Basement and said, “Fantasy baseball lovers, I will grant you one wish.” One Fantasy Baseballer swooped his wisp of hair over his balding spot, in case he ran into any girls, and stepped forward, “I wish that all players would be healthy.” The Fantasy Baseball Overlord scratched under his armpit, thinking. “Fine, prematurely balding man, I will grant you your wish. May all players be healthy. Just not all at the same time or while on your team.” And with that the FBO descended back into its mom’s basement, since it was almost snack time. As the Overlord descended the stairs, the prematurely balding man yelled, “Wait, I didn’t agree to that!” But it was too late, and now Jose Abreu‘s landed on the DL too. Can’t we have anything nice?! Please return to us, The Grande Dolor! Wait a second, where was Frank Thomas this weekend? Frank Thomas did a Snapchat with the Fantasy Baseball Overlord, didn’t he? Answer me true, universe. The White Sox are saying Abreu will be fine to return after the minimum 15 days, and I say, *long sigh* hopefully. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?