Wouldn’t say this is crunch time as much as this is “Your nuts are in a cracker and the season’s closing in and squeezing tight so you better just throw any pitchers that are available because you need stats — stat!” time. The line for last week was 80 IP, 4.05 ERA, 1.44 WHIP, 50 Ks and 3 wins. Not a great line, but if you throw out Lannan and Francis because you had better sense than me and didn’t start them. The line comes down to 3.42 ERA and 1.37 WHIP. To recap, these aren’t guys I’d drop anyone worthwhile to get, these starters are meant for streaming purposes and all of their ownership in ESPN is under 50%. These streamers are in no particular order. Also, in the final month of the season, managers juggle their lineups more, so there’s no guarantee all of these guys are listed on the right day. Anyway, here’s some borderline starters for this week in fantasy baseball:
Friday, September 16th
Philip Humber – It’s really slim pickins on Friday for under 50% owned starters. I’m not a huge fan of Humber but compared to some of the other schmohawks, well, here he is.
Jeff Locke – On Friday, Locke goes against the Smoke Monster in chess and the Dodgers’ weak offense.
Saturday, September 17th
Jeanmar Gomez – Gets the Twins, has only given up 3 earned in the last 17 and a third innings and when you say his first name it causes phlegm.
Rick Porcello – Don’t trust Porcello at all but he goes to a -co stadium and faces the A’s.
Chris Volstad – In his last three starts, 17 1/3 IP and 3.12 ERA. Here he takes on the Nats and Strasburg’s three to five innings of work.
Sunday, September 18th
Joe Saunders – In 22 innings vs. the Padres, he has a 2.05 ERA and a .190 BAA. Kill me now for recommending Saunders.
Matt Harrison – 1.84 ERA vs. the Mariners, though I’m not sure there’s any pitchers with a 2+ ERA vs. the M’s. Maybe Liriano or Danks. Schmohawks.
Brad Lincoln – Gave a pretty yawnstipating start last time out, but here I am going back to the well like Baby Jessica.
Monday, September 19th
David Huff – I never said the names on this list were gonna be pretty. There’s only a few teams I could see starting Huff against: the Mariners and the Mariners minor league affiliates.
Mike Minor – He just dismantled the Marlins (with a four walk performance in 5 2/3 innings — technicalities!).
Tuesday, September 20th
Jason Vargas – Choices aren’t Grade A when I’m taking on a Mariners starter, but it was between him and To Be Announced. And I don’t like To Be Announced’s matchup.
Edwin Jackson – Highest compliment I can give any guys on this list is when I think one should be owned in more than 50% of leagues. Jackson’s one of those guys.
Derek Holland – Last three starts (when this was written), 1.77 ERA and 21 Ks in 20 1/3 IP.
Wednesday, September 21st
Dana Eveland – He/she gets the Giants in Chavez Ravine. Giants have a .236 average vs. lefties, which is only slightly worse than what they’re batting against righties. As for the lack of other options today, they were kinda Plouffey. I almost put down Brett Cecil, but he’s all over the map and not in the good traveling circus kind of way.
Robinson Cano hit his third and fourth homer yesterday. He’s now batting .395. This will probably sound homeless-person-crazy since we’re only 12 days into the young season, but I think Cano could win the MVP and will win the batting title. You thought Pedroia’s MVP season was nice from a fantasy standpoint? How’s .330 and 30 homers coming from your 2nd baseman? You like that? What, you want it a little higher? Okay, how’s .335? Yeah, that feels good, doesn’t it? I have Cano’s 2010 projections at 90/27/100/.315/5. Hold those numbers up to the light and they sing gospel songs that will make your ears smile. And Cano can exceed those numbers. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Carlos Gonzalez – CarGo sounds like he’ll be shipped off to the DL. I’m officially a bad person because I’d be happy to see him get DL’d since I don’t own him anywhere. Hey, Glockenspiel, what’s that speck on the map of Grey’s soul? It’s a tiny city-state. What’s the city-state called, Glockenspiel? It’s called Schadenfreude! This will mean more time for Seth Smith. He’ll be covered more in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell. Keep refreshing. It’ll appear.
Jorge de la Rosa – 6 IP, 4 ER, 13 baserunners. Why you little Whipper Crapper!
Bud Norris – 5 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks. It’s been said Chuck Norris could win at Connect Four in 3 moves. Well, Bud Norris can strike out 9 in 5 innings (albeit using 100 pitches and walking 3 or 4).
Mat Latos – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners. See Jorge de la Rosa or an inch above. Seriously, throw these three and Gio Gonzalez into a blender and you have one messy WHIP. I like Ks, but at what price?
Astros Hitters – As a team, the Astros have 2 homers through 9 games. Someone should take some egg whites and fold them into the Nats. Two birds, one lemon meringue pie. Even if Ed Wade’s toupee were pitching against the Astros, I’d start it in mixed leagues.
Carlos Zambrano – 5 IP, 3 ER, 11 baserunners. Eh, Big Z’s a mediocre pitcher pitching mediocre, so not much to say, but he did make me think of something. Member the Lil’ Penny Nike campaign? Of course you do. Put down your Razzhand. Okay, so my question is why is there no Lil’ Z to go with Big Z? We need a claymation expert, stat! Lil’ Z can be on top of the Gatorade while Big Z’s flipping out. “Look at you, the big bad man beating up a lemon-lime container! Now everyone’s thirsty! Sweet Lou’s gonna get sour! You big dummy!” Hmm… My Lil’ Z sounds a bit like Redd Foxx, but we can work on that.
Derrek Lee – Returned and homered. That is all.
Scott Kazmir – 4 IP, 6 ER. I’m sure his owners are happy to have him back.
Casey McGehee – 1-for-3 with his third homer. He’s in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell, too. Yes, I am pimping it a bit because there’s an announcement in there you’re gonna wanna read.
Mike Gonzalez – He’s now going to be out about a month. My guess is Jim Johnson is getting saves still at the end of May.
Adam LaRoche – Sat out with a tight quad. That’s what she said! Hey, that made more sense this time.
Chad Qualls – Second blown save in a row. Juan Gutierrez is the backup for you save vultures. I already grabbed him in two leagues.
Daric Barton – 2-for-5 as he hits .343 on the year. He has little power, but you can do worse in OBP leagues.
Shin-Soo Choo – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs with his third homer. I own him in one league and you know what? Loving Choo is easy cause you’re beautiful.
David Huff – 9 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks. There’s some pitchers you grab, there’s other pitchers you let others grab. Huff falls in the latter group, but could move to the former. His 2008 K-rate and walk rate were decent in Triple-A, but he lost all those gains last year. Worth watching to see if he can string some starts together, but I have my doubts.
Matt Harrison – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks. His minor league K-rate is pretty bleh. I wouldn’t bother outside of AL-Only leagues.
Elvis Andrus – 1-for-3, hitting leadoff. This will mean less Runs for Borbon, but as long as he’s getting on base and stealing them, I wouldn’t worry. I think I predicted Andrus would move to the top of the order by the middle of April. Natch! Actually, the prediction might’ve been for Alcides, but he’s moved up for some games, as well. Natch point!
Cameron Maybin – 3-for-4 and a homer as he hits .310 on the year with 2 steals. Looks like Maybin may be in (stutterer!) for a breakout.
Josh Johnson – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks. His porn star brother, Gosh Johnson, would be proud.
Alexei Ramirez – Homered yesterday. It is still early, and he usually doesn’t start playing until May, but I’m not sure how much I believe you’re ever going to fully enjoy owning Alexei.
Travis Snider – Hallelujah! Snider hit a homer yesterday. I still think he could go back to striking out every fifth AB. The potential is there though.
Fred Lewis – The Blue Jays acquired Lewis. If this doesn’t push them over the Yanks, Sawx and Rays, I don’t know what does.
J.A. Happ – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 BBs as sabermetricians cry onto their calculators. Here’s a clean BABIP, wipe those tears away.
Ian Desmond – 2-for-4, and a steal as he batted second. Man, that was long overdue. I hope we’re not heading down FeLopezian territory where every time I think about dropping Desmond he does just enough to buy himself some more time.
Ryan Zimmerman – After sitting out the last couple, he snuck into the game for a pinch hit homer. Yeah, you got sonavabenched. It’s all right, so did I with…
Francisco Liriano – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks. Sonavabench! But he was going against the Red Sox! He gave up 5 BBs to the White Sox in his last start. It was the right call to bench him for the Red Sox. Why do you hate me fantasy baseball gods? Is it because I don’t capitalize gods? Was it my crack about Jim Abbot two months ago? I apologize to you and commenter, IowaCubs. Please, embrace me again! The rain makes me shiver. Don’t let me shiver. Okay, thanks for letting me vent. Liriano goes against the Indians next time out. Yes, please. Though, he could go against the 1927 Yankees featuring a 2001 time traveling Barry Bonds and I’d start Liriano. I’ve learned my lesson!
Jacoby Ellsbury – Can’t breath without sharp pain in his side. Obviously, not a good thing. He may end up *pinkie to mouth* D’Ellsburied.
Edwin Encarnacion – Will be out a few days with a sore arm. If only he were a bigger star, so I could’ve used the title, “Clipped Edwing.”
Jose Guillen – Revealed yesterday that he almost died in 2009. The Royals had the day off and Guillen’s not hitting homers, so he reveals this? Sounds like someone might be getting addicted to the press coverage. This is how Heidi Montag started. Before you know it, Butler won’t be the only one with a size C rack.
Brandon Webb may miss the rest of the season. Nothing good comes from drafting a top pitcher. Nothing, I tell you. I own Peavy in two leagues, so I’m right there with youse. Remind next year to revert back to not drafting starters in the first five rounds. Actually, next year you probably will be able to get Webb and Peavy after the fifth round. Hmm, that’s a pickle. Guess we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. Webb was diagnosed with an “Ain’t Getting Better” problem. Captain Obvious says, “When a guy misses three months, then goes for an MRI, it’s not a good sign.” I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s shutdown for the year. But you’ve held him this long, what’s another day or two to hear the full prognosis? BTW, prognosis is doctor-talk for the 411. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Coco Crisp – Out for the season when his shoulder went snap, crackle, pop.
Carlos Beltran – Out on the 15-day DL. Now, get this, the Mets say the best case scenario is he returns in 15 days. Crazy, right? I wonder what the best case scenario would’ve been if he was out on the 14-day DL. Or 16-day DL.
Joel Pineiro – Two hit the Mets with one strikeout. In other the news, Willie Randolph laughs.
Joey Votto – Returned to the lineup after being out for almost a month on the Dizzabled List. I still think he can surpass Berkman’s numbers this season. (Doesn’t hurt that Berkman’s having a season for the old ages.) I’d buy into Votto picking up right where he left off.
Grady Sizemore – 2-for-5 in his return. I’m not crazy about Grady going forward. Elbow’s a tricky thing and Sizemore doesn’t seem to have a volume down button on his hustle.
Brandon Inge – Hit his 17th homer yesterday. Matt Wieters hit his 2nd.
Magglio Ordonez – Liquid Paper, be damned. Leyland returned Ordonez to the lineup in the 7th hole. Mags repaid him with an 0-for-2 night, then Raburn eventually replaced him and hit a walkoff homer. Now Raburn needs to play 2,130 consecutive games then Gary Cooper Jr. Jr. can play him in The Pride of the Tigers.
Kosuke Fukudome – Batted seventh yesterday. Okay, he’s crizzap. No argument here. But he does have a .390 OBP.
Jake Fox – DNP as Hoffpauir DH’d. The day before Fox hit third. Piniella’s following the Leyland School of Filling Out a Lineup Card. One day, they don’t play. The next day, they hit third. Following day, sit out again. You figure it out.
Ryan Zimmerman – 2-for-3, batting .297 on the season. Wasn’t he just batting .415 and carrying Nats Nation on his shoulders?
David Huff – 8 IP, 0 ER. Now he has a story to tell his grandkids when they ask about his career highlight.
Ian Snell – 2 2/3, 4 ER. Member when this guy was good? Think it was the autumn of ’06. A burial cave dating back to the 1st century BC was discovered, the Crocodile Hunter met his match with a stingray and Snell won a game. Good times!
Jhonny Peralta – HR yesterday. Someone wasn’t happy Khalil was taking all the weirdly placed H love.
Jason Frasor – Got the save. Frasor and the ‘do split, and it’s now safe to drop everyone else from the Jays pen.
David Price – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER and nine baserunners. From the comments Razzball received yesterday, I’d say Price’s owners aren’t too happy with him. I’d look at buying him on the cheap. They’re zigging? Zag, friend, zag!
John Mayberry – HR yesterday. All he does is hit home runs! No, really, that’s all he does.
B.J. Upton – 2-for-5. .430 in the last week. .330 in June. If he hits 3 homers a month for the next three months and continues to steal near his current pace, he’ll go 15/50.
Matt Lindstrom – Mollywopped for three runs in 2/3 of an inning. Leo Nunez left before that with a sprained ankle. Those with sprained patience could grab Dan Meyer as he’d be next in line in Joe Robbie/Pro Player/Dolphins/Brought to you by Blockbuster Stadium. Though I think Lindstrom has a few more closetastrophes in him before we get to Meyer.
Andrew Miller -7 IP, 1 ER. Nice start, I’m still not buying.
Koji Uehara – 6 IP, 1 ER. I like him, but would love to see him get out of the sixth inning in one of these games.
Francisco Liriano – 5 IP, 3 ER. Even when the start’s good, he chucks in five walks.
Casey McGehee – 2-for-5. No one else is going to hit for the Brewers? Everyone’s favorite novel, “Picking Up Slack,” by McGehee.
Billy Butler – 2 homers in the last four games. That’s one homer for each moob.
Miguel Tejada – 3-for-4, Tay-HA-duh’s still hitting an empty .337. Say-Blah-duh.
Tommy Hanson – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER. Sure, you’re annoyed you benched him, but five walks through just over five and nine baserunners isn’t a great start. Benching him was the right move.
Jorge Posada – Donned the golden sombrero and is now hitting .230 in June.
Hiroki Kuroda – 8 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 Ks. All those starters people DL in hopes of them returning with value and Kuroda will probably exceed them all. Sure, he gets smacked oops upside his head sometimes, but he’s also lights out plenty of other times. Grey hearts Kuroda. Actually, Grey hearts 95% of NL West pitchers not named Jonathan Sanchez. Fingers, why are you talking about me in third person? My bad.
Felipe Lopez – 3-for-5 and has hit in 18 of 20 games this month. But… Wait for it… Here it comes… Is batting .262 in June. Hey, one-for-fours, say hello to your mother for me.
Max Scherzer – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 Ks. Six innings and guess how many pitches. 119. I feel an idea coming on for the All-Star game festivities that involves Scherzer and Kershaw facing off with no bullpens allowed.
Troy Tulowitzki – Two homers as Razzball’s favorite son is back. Now to get going Razzball’s favorite uncle, Nick Markakis.
Chad Gaudin – 11 Ks. Wait, huh? Eleven strikeouts. Ah, yes, that’s the stuff.
Scott Hairston – Returned from the DL and slid right back into the number three hole. Worth owning in 12 team leagues and could make a decent sub while Beltran’s out. That’s not to say he could make a decent hoagie. Different things.
Sammy Sosa – Claims are surfacing that he altered his jersey to make his arms look bigger. It was only after team officials convinced him that he shouldn’t leave on the rubber tie-offs that he put on his arms pre-injection. “But they make me look like The Ultimate Warrior!”
J.P. Howell has back-to-back blown saves. Joe Nelson hasn’t even sniffed a save opportunity after getting saves when Percival was healthy. Balfour has given up 7 runs in the last five games. Isringhausen hasn’t pitched in June. Dan Wheeler got his first save opportunity on Saturday and blew it. Lance Cormier sounds like a hockey goalie. Who’s leading the Rays bullpen since Percival went down? Lefty specialist, Randy Choate, of course! When asked after the game if he’ll ever decide on a closer, Joe Maddon pushed his Buddy Holly glasses up the bridge of his nose and said, “That’ll be the day.” Where’s Percival when you need him? I would hold one of Howell or Wheeler for now, if you have room. If you’re desperate for saves, I’d put the other five names in a hat then let Akinori Iwamura pick out a name. That’s what Joe Maddon does. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Mike MacDougal – Manny Acta said MacDougal was the new Nats closer. The rest of the league said, “Bring on the ninth!” I’ll put MacDougal’s saves at 2 and his blown saves at 3.
Vladimir Guerrero – 1-for-5, zero home runs and batting .260 since his return. Three days before he returned, I told you to sell him. I could see him being better than he has been (I called him a has-been!), but his name is obviously a lot more valuable than his bat.
Rick Porcello – 5 IP, 4 ER. I’ve been saying all along he’s nothing but a matchups guy because of his lack of strikeouts. He now has a 3.98 ERA on the year with 36 Ks through 61 innings. Bleh.
Miguel Cabrera – Left the game after tweaking his hamstring again. This is not a ‘for now thing,’ but I just thought of it. I could see Miggy taking a career dive around age 30.
Vince Mazzaro – 7 1/3 IP, 0 ER. In AL-Only leagues, you can do worse. Fausto Carmona, for instance, he’s worse. Chien-Ming? Yeah, he’s pretty bad. Rich Hill? Not interested in him at all. Revolving schmohawk Indians pitcher is terrible. Mazzaro is marginal at best in mixed leagues. Sorry, paisan.
Rich Hill – 1 IP, 3 ER, 4 walks and 1 HBP. And that’s why I wouldn’t own him in any league. His owners actually got off easy in the earned run department, which is downstairs with home furnishings.
Casey Kotchman – Hit the DL. Obviously jealous of so many others pulling a Kotchman, he decided to show them a thing or two about sitting for two weeks with a minor injury.
Tommy Hanson – 6 IP, 6 ER. Dazzling early on, but uneven is the key word with rookie pitchers. Most impressive thing was 91 pitches with 61 going for strikes. As I told you the other day, prior to his first start might be his peak value in one year leagues. I’m sure he’ll be better than he was on Sunday, hopefully for his owners (and him) it’s in his next start. I wouldn’t turn him down if he were on waivers, but I wouldn’t trade for him in one year leagues either, unless the deal was too good to be true.
Aaron Harang – In the Reds 14 inning game yesterday, Harang did not pitch.
Edwin Encarnacion – Felt soreness in his wrist and is now heading for an MRI. If you’re counting on big things in the near-future from Edwin, you probably have bigger fish to fry.
Andrew McCutchen – 6-for-16 since his call up and still without a nickname. Shame on you, Razzballers.
Dan Haren – 7 IP, 1 ER. After he was removed from the game, he threw on a fake mustache and tried to get back in the game. Unfortunately, Hinch went with the non-mustachioed until Clay Zavada took the mound in the 13th. At least I think it was Zavada.
Chad Qualls – 2/3 IP, 2 ER. Suffering forearm stiffness, I think that’s doctor-speak for, “Capable of surrendering a home run to David Eckstein.” Potatoes to chips, Tony Pena should be able to pickup a blown save or two in the coming week.
Justin Upton – Left the game with an aggravated left shoulder. Maybe he shouldn’t have said he liked his right shoulder better. It didn’t look good. Hopefully, he’ll be back in a few days. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s out until at least the end of the week.
Chad Gaudin – When the Reds game was over, Dusty flew into San Diego and pitched Gaudin in relief.
Josh Wilson – Backup shortstop pitched in the 18th inning for the Padres. He looked better than Chad Qualls.
Nelson Cruz - Hit his 17th home run yesterday. Member what Hamilton did last year? Yup. Throw David Eckstein in the middle of the Rangers lineup and he goes 35/110. Of course, Eckstein would need Chad Qualls to be his designated pitcher.
Jacoby Ellsbury – Day-to-day with a strained shoulder. Fingers crossed in Beantown that it’s contagious and Ortiz catches it.
Joey Votto – Votto won’t be back when he’s eligible on June 14th. I’ll let frequent commenter, Sean, sum up everyone’s feelings, “The good news is that Joey Votto doesn’t have the swine flu. The bad news is that he has social anxiety disorder. Anxiety of what? Hitting another HR in every game that he doesn’t feel dizzy? Maybe you get to take days off for this shizz in Canada, but where I come from, we bottle up our emotional issues and play like crazy til we have a stroke/heart attack and die prematurely. Votto could lessen the sting of the scrutiny and judgment of others if he moved into the adult world and called himself Joe or Joseph.”
Randy Wells – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER. Through 6 starts, he’s 0-2/1.86/1.01/31. After Wells’s lead was reduced to rubble by the Cubs bullpen, Wells called Haren for some moral support. They chitchatted for almost an hour. Haren finally had to get off the phone to punch Qualls in the mouth.
David Huff – 5 IP, 3 ER vs. the Pale Hose. The White Sox’s offense is some kind of awful. Seriously, what happened to this team?
Albert Pujols – Got 2 RBIs on a sac fly. You know how awful it must make hitters feel who hit behind Pujols when he’s pitched around? Imagine how it feels when the third base coach sends the guy home from 2nd on a sac fly because of lack of confidence in the next batter.
Ubaldo Jimenez – 8 IP, 2 ER, 9 Ks. Sure, but he didn’t have to face Nick Stavinoha!
Matt Wieters – 0-for-4 and batting .143 with 0 RBIs since his callup. Aren’t you glad you held him for two months? Just pray Gregg Zaun doesn’t give him any hitting tips. “When you’re hitting, you keep stepping forward with your left foot.” “Because I’m a righty.” “You rookies think you know everything!”
Jose Lopez – HR yesterday. When I saw that he hit a homer, I thought to myself that Lopez has been hot recently so I looked at his splits. He’s batting .200 in June. He has been hot!
Sean White – With Aardsma working back-to-back days, White was called on to save yesterday’s game. I wouldn’t read too much into that. I would read into that White has 14 walks and 13 Ks on the season. I’d also read into Morrow has only pitched once in the last 8 days. Finally, I’d read into Sweet and Low: A Family Story. Great book.
Ricky Nolasco – 7 IP, 2 ER, 4 Ks, 13 baserunners. Not a bad start back, until you realize he was facing the Ain’ts. Last year, he would’ve chewed these guys up and spit out a shutout.
John Maine – Suffering from a dead arm. Just like Bea Arthur.
. Great book.
