Fantasy Baseball Advice

Well, not much has changed for closers since last month when we did a run down of all of them.  Kimbrel got a save, Axford got a save, and everyone else sucks.  Holly Robinson Peete closers are a mess!  I don’t think there’s ever been so many Brain Freezes before.  I almost feel like adding an extra category below the Brain Freezes called, “The Legend of Gloom.”  Wha’ happened?  Did someone poison the bullpen water?  Has Mariano Rivera made it so when he retires there won’t be any more closers?  There will only be starters and “Those Other Guys.”  To recap this month in closing quickly:  Valverde has been less than stellar, Putz and Street just don’t close games, Motte hasn’t been good, Brian Wilson became Casilla who Bochy pulled after one batter during one game, Joel Hanrahananananan gave fantasy owners the question, “Who’s Juan Cruz?”, Sergio Santos may start throwing at some point in the next few weeks, the Red Sox gave the job to someone who has an over 10 ERA, Frank-Frank hasn’t had a blank-blank inning in forever, Kyle Farnsworth left stage right and Rodney, who couldn’t get saves last year, entered stage “I can’t believe Rodney’s closing games,” Guerra’s been about as bad as expected, Walden blew one save and lost the job, What the H. Santiago?, What the H. Bell?, Grant Balfour might get traded, Jim Johnson gave fantasy owners the question, “Juan Cruz or Pedro Strop?  Wait, who?”, the closers on terrible teams have looked good so they’ll probably be traded or just not save games, and Brad Lidge is afraid of heights and the mound is above the field so he went to the DL which is on sea level.  Got all of that?  Yeah, I’m not sure I did either.  Anyway, here’s all the closers for 2012 fantasy baseball:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.

1. Craig Kimbrel (Jonny Venters, Kris Medlen)
2. John Axford (Francisco Rodriguez)
3. Mariano Rivera (David Robertson, Rafael Soriano)
4. Jonathon Papelbon (Antonio Bastardo, Chad Qualls)

Donkeycorns

Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes his the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.

5. Huston Street (+3) (Luke Gregerson, Andrew Cashner)
6. Jim Johnson (+15) (Pedro Strop, Matt Lindstrom)
7. Joel Hanrahan (+4) (Juan Cruz, Jason Grilli)
8. J.J. Putz (-2) (David Hernandez, Bryan Shaw)
9. Jason Motte (-1) (Fernando Salas, Mitchell Boggs)
10. Jose Valverde (-6) (Joaquin Benoit, Octavio Dotel)
11. Rafael Betancourt (+7) (Rex Brothers)
12. Brandon League (+6) (Tom Wilhelmsen)
13. Fernando Rodney (Joel Peralta, Jake McGee)
14. Grant Balfour (+6) (Brian Fuentes, Ryan Cook)
15. Brett Myers (+8) (David Carpenter, Brandon Lyon)
16. Joe Nathan (+6) (Mike Adams, Alexi Ogando)
17. Kenley Jansen/Javy Guerra (+2) (Matt Guerrier)

Brain Freeze

I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Matt Capps– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Valencia in the head with a pickoff throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.

18. Sean Marshall (+3) (Aroldis Chapman, Jose Arredondo)
19. Santiago Casilla (-10) (Sergio Romo, Jeremy Affeldt)
20. Chris Perez (+4) (Vinnie Pestano, Tony Sipp)
21. Matt Capps (+6) (Glen Perkins, Jared Burton)
22. Jonathan Broxton (+6) (Aaron Crow)
23. Henry Rodriguez (+6) (Tyler Clippard, Brad Lidge)
24. Frank Francisco (-8) (Jon Rauch, Bobby Parnell, Ramon Ramirez)
25. Alfredo Aceves (-13) (Franklin Morales, Daniel Bard)
26. Carlos Marmol (-11) (Rafael Dolis, Kerry Wood)
27. Heath Bell (-19) (Steve Cishek, Edward Mujica)
28. Scott Downs (-11) (Jordan Walden, LaTroy Hawkins)
29. Matt Thornton/Hector Santiago (-1) (Addison Reed, Jesse Crain)
30. Francisco Cordero (-15) (Casey Janssen, Luis Perez, Sergio Santos, Lloyd Moseby)

So with a continuation from previous post about fantasy baseball middle relievers today will be the senior circuit and the National League.  I personally tend to notice that it is easier to stream or pick up relievers from the NL because of the way they substitute pitchers in games more frequently.  Maybe it’s just me, you can agree to disagree if you choose, but I will always be right regardless of what you say.  Here’s some pitchers that get holds for 2012 fantasy baseball:

NL East

New York – Everyone handcuffed Frank Frank with Rauch as well they should, but in the holds department Tim Byrdak and Bobby Parnell are the main set-up to the set-up guys if that makes any type of sense.

Philadelphia – Antonio Bastardo was the early on favorite to garner most of the holds attention.  Retread Chad Qualls seems to be the go-to guy in the early going. Not a great situation, in general, as Philly’s starters average almost 8 innings a start.

Miami – This to me is the place to come and get a nice mixed daiquiri and maybe an unheralded RP.  Steve Chisek, Edward Mujica and Randy Choate form a nice triumvirate of relievers in front of Bell.  Out of the 3, I would take Chisek.

Washington – Tyler Clippard is the guy most owned, he has had it rough in the beginning, but is a good bet for 30 plus here.  Sean Burnett has been turned into an everyday guy to a more situational guy and it suits him.  Craig Stammen is the sleeper guy, showing great K rate and a good source for vulture wins.

Atlanta – Everyday Jonny is owned or should be in most formats. Kris Medlen and Eric O’Flaherty form a nice righty/lefty setup in front of him.

NL Central

St Louis – The more I watch St Louis, the more I am starting to like Mitchell Boggs as the guy in front of Motte.  Marc Rzepczynski is a fill-in for the tough lefties and both guys should finish above 25 Holds here.

Milwaukee – K-Rod is, well, K-Rod… Shows signs of being unhittable and then looks like a tether ball.  Jose Veras is a nice option to have and has pitched semi-effectively to date.  Kameron Loe is the sleeper to watch here.

Cincinnati – Aroldis Chapman is all the rage, like jean jackets and IOU sweatshirts, and, to be honest, he should be starting. Logan Ondrusek has done a stand-up job in the absence of Nick Masset.

Chicago – Yuck, can I just skip them?  Wood is hurt. Rafael Dolis is young and spotty at best.  Definitely a bullpen to avoid.  Newly acquired Michael Bowden could become useful, so monitor it closely

Houston – Outside of Wilton Lopez, Fernando Rodriguez and David Carpenter are more names for NL-only, then mixed variety.

Pittsburgh – They can’t score so how are they supposed to have a lead.  Do they even need a bullpen?  Juan Cruz did a great job filling in at closer for Joel Hanrahan and is rosterable based on handcuff.  Sleeper here is Jason Grilli, nice 10/1 K/bb rate in the early going.

NL West

Los Angeles – Kenley Jansen is most likely the closer of the future (or of right now).  Josh Lindblom is the guy no one knows, but is climbing up Hold ranks for me.

San Diego – What happened? San Diego used to be the maven for relief pitching and they have three, count it, three holds as of me writing this.  Cashner is the guy to own because of the inevitable trade of Street.  You can pick any other reliever in the bullpen for the Friars and their numbers are excellent just no counting stats yet. Monitor close as 3-4 guys have great ratios and will eventually put up holds in bunches.

San Francisco – Well, Romo is still the man here, Casilla is the one turning out the lights and Clay Hensley and Javier Lopez are the guys that you want for holds after Romo.  Just like Bochy drew it up in his ginormous head.  Don’t forget about Affeldt here, that’s all I am saying.

Colorado – It’s the Rex Brothers and Matt Belisle show here as it seems they pitch everyday for the Rockies.  Guys to keep an eye on are Matt Reynolds and Josh Roenicke.

Arizona – Bryan Shaw keeps stealing David Hernandez’s thunder by getting saves. Both are decent options for holds also. Though if Putz comes to shove, I think Hernandez is the closer in waiting.  Deeper leagues can look at Craig Breslow.

Joakim Soria went from being a $12 Salad to a Donkeycorn to a Brain Freeze back to a Donkeycorn to off the list completely in 12 short months.  And if this is the first post you’ve ever read at Razzball, I probably lost you by the eighth word.  Later!  In Soria’s wake is Broxton and Holland, who together can be called Hamsterdam.  In other “Saves give me serious agita” news is Ryan Madson.  He went from a donkeycorn to off the list.  Donkeycorns are dropping like flies!  Then there’s Drew Storen.  He was touch ‘n go there for a day or two… Okay, for about a week or two, but it seems like he could be okay.  Yet, he’s starting the year on the DL.  Terrific.  Since our last Closer Look, Beane told us Balfour got the closer job in Oakland and Chris Perez got the job back from Pestano, which has the Italian American Anti-Defamation League up in arms, but that’s the norm for them since they talk with their hands.  Finally, Carlos Marmol had some nerve issues with his hand that many Razzball commenters opined was from too much internet porn surfing.  Sounds like someone is empathizing.  Anyway, here’s all the closers for 2012 fantasy baseball:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.

1. Craig Kimbrel (Jonny Venters, Kris Medlen)
2. John Axford (Francisco Rodriguez)
3. Mariano Rivera (+1) (David Robertson, Rafael Soriano)
4. Jonathon Papelbon (+1) (Antonio Bastardo, Chad Qualls)
5. Jose Valverde (+1) (Joaquin Benoit, Octavio Dotel)

Donkeycorns

Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes his the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.

6. J.J. Putz (+1) (David Hernandez, Takashi Saito)
7. Heath Bell (+1) (Steve Cishek, Juan Leo Carlos Nunez Oviedo)
8. Huston Street (+6) (Luke Gregerson, Andrew Cashner)
9. Jason Motte (+4) (Fernando Salas, Eduardo Sanchez)
10. Brian Wilson (-4) (Santiago Casilla, Sergio Romo)
11. Joel Hanrahan (Evan Meek, Chris Resop)
12. Andrew Bailey (+4) (Mark Melancon, Daniel Bard)
13. Sergio Santos (+3) (Francisco Cordero)
14. Kyle Farnsworth (+4) (Joel Peralta, Jake McGee)
15. Carlos Marmol (-6) (Kerry Wood, Rafael Dollis)
16. Jordan Walden (+1) (Scott Downs, Rich Thompson)
17. Frank Francisco (+3) (Jon Rauch, Ramon Ramirez)
18. Brandon League (+6) (Tom Wilhelmsen, George Sherrill)

Brain Freeze

I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Matt Capps– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Valencia in the head with a pickoff throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.

19. Rafael Betancourt (+2) (Rex Brothers)
20. Javy Guerra (-1) (Kenley Jansen, Matt Guerrier)
21. Grant Balfour (+8) (Brian Fuentes, Faustino De Los Santos)
22. Sean Marshall (-10) (Nick Masset, Aroldis Chapman)
23. Joe Nathan (Mike Adams, Alexi Ogando)
24. Brett Myers (+2) (Wilton Lopez, David Carpenter, Brandon Lyon)
25. Chris Perez (+4) (Vinnie Pestano, Tony Sipp)
26. Jim Johnson (Kevin Gregg, Matt Lindstrom)
27. Matt Thornton (-3) (Jesse Crain, Addison Reed, Will Ohman, Hector Santiago)
28. Matt Capps (Glen Perkins, Jared Burton)
29. Greg Holland/Jonathan Broxton (-19) (Aaron Crow)
30. Brad Lidge/Henry Rodriguez (-27) (Drew Storen, Tyler Clippard, Mitt Romney)

As I awake from my winter hibernation where dreams of twins named Thompson abounded, I realize the time is neigh to learn you all about the potential holds fantasy standouts for the upcoming year. Anyone that knows me knows I love relief pitching, come into my apartment you will see embroidered pillows with my favorite relievers over the years stitched in effigy. Now you’re prolly saying, “Smokey, my league doesn’t use holds,” I say blasphemy. Counting stats is the key here, holds are a category but the counting peripheral numbers they will aide is the key to fantasy prosperity. Everybody knows the key guys below that have a lot of value in most leagues, but I am here to tell you about them (again!) plus the guys that will be useful and aren’t the fantasy stalwarts that we are accustomed. Much props to the Don of Holds who is still searching for a job, Arthur Rhodes.  I hope his first hold is a masculine one.  So enjoy the list of these middle men who help out Holds for 2012 fantasy baseball:

AL

David Robertson - How good was he last year? He finished 11th in the C Young voting and 22nd in the MVP. It’s the highest ranking I could find since 1996 for a non-closing reliever.

Mike Adams - Has become the Cy Spurling of holds. Should reach consigliere status to Art Rhodes.

Glen Perkins - A personal fave of mine because he prolly goes 15/15. For those of you slow on the button, that’s saves and holds.

Jesse Crain - Won’t be caught up in the Reed/Thornton closing sitch. Will plod along as being the most underrated reliever in the AL, and make the All Star game because of it.

Greg Holland - Future closer, but has guys that look the part better for now in front of him. So he is relegated to set-up and has to bide his time like Cobra Commander.

Casey Janssen – Is behind the Latino puppet show known as CoCo and Sergio. Could be a good vulture win candidate again this year, and who doesn’t like something of the aviary variety.

Tony Sipp – Three 6 Mafia must have been fantasy ballers, predicting the future. Cause I would Sipp it faster then Jonny Jolly can make it. On a side note, go buy stock in Vinnie Pestano, if you don’t know now you ya know.

Scott Downs – One season in last 5 with an ERA over 3. Crazy good and will see tons of leads with the celestial bodies.

Joel Peralta - My second 15/15 guy here. Has the guy who used to carry P Diddy’s umbrella ahead of him. Yeah, nuff said.

Joaquin Benoit - Is it just me or whenever you see the name Joaquin you think about a cleft palette? Primary to Valverde, which is hamslapping fantastic.

NL

Sergio Romo - No Tony Romo cracks here… Okay, I lied.  He has the same amount of wins in the playoffs as Tony. Uber effective RH who could fill in if Wilson’s Beard has an out of body experience.

Tyler Clippard - The glasses play; I’m sorry, but they do. Back end of The Nats bullpen is scary good, too bad no one else knows it besides me.

Jose Veras - Who? Yeah, exactly. Had a sneaky great year in the Land of Three Rivers last year.

Marc Rzepczynski - Bobby Digital makes the list, for two reasons. One, I like attempting to spell his name and failing then having to cut and paste it. Second, he isn’t anywhere near the closer spot in the Lou and will see lots of hold opps.

Eric O’Flaherty - The other other white meat in Braves pen. Kimbrel and Venters get the pub, but this guy pitches literally everyday.

Edward Mujica - Is tied with Jim Johnson with J’s in their last name. That random factoid is brought to you by the alphabet. Primary set-up guy to Bell, and jumped over what’s his name.

David Hernandez - Literally waiting for a Putz to fail. Oh, the irony is just to easy write about so go out get a Mad Libs and create your own.

Bill Bray - Loogy’s and Dusty, sounds like a trailer park brochure description. Nope, it’s the Nati’s bullpen.

Antonio Bastardo - Pitches like he really has a daddy, though we read it and he seems like he doesn’t… Weird, but true.

Sean Marshall - Looks like there is a new sheriff in Cincinnati. Oh, Pun Fairy, you kill me. Here is a dollar go away. Madson’s elbow is kinda wonky already, so the Marshall could reach that 15/15 status.

Since our last Closer Look, we’ve had some comings and goings.  One coming was Pestano, who last year said Eataly should give out free pizza toppings if you’re wearing Crocs.  With Chris Perez going down for 4 to 6 weeks with the ever-mysterious oblique injury, Pestano should see some saves into the beginning of the year.  Double negatives aside, I wouldn’t not draft Perez.  He should resume the closer job once he returns because the Indians are committed to him, in the same way Courtney Love should be committed.  Another coming was Brett Myers, who will take over the Astros closing job.  If you grab Myers at a draft, you’re gonna get beat up.  Not speaking metaphorically.  If you draft Myers, you should be fine for 25ish saves.  Another bit of closer news pertains to Brian Fuentes and Grant Balfour.  The A’s are saying Fuentes and Balfour are both up for the closer job.  Balfour is the better option, but clubs don’t always go with the best option.  (Actually, the best option would be Faustino De Los Santos, but he’s not going to be the closer right out of the gate.)  I’d draft Fuentes and Balfour (and FDLS in very deep leagues, an acronym that sounds like a dyslexic branch of Latter-Day Saints).  Finally, Javy Guerra was announced the closer to start the season by Don Mattingly, who lost all common sense once he shaved his mustache, which is not a coincidence.  Guerra could be the closer for the whole season while having one of the best middle men behind him, kind of how Marmol used to work that role.  Or Guerra could blow three saves in April and Jansen will be the closer by April 20th.  I think there’s a 50/50 chance either scenario happens.  I’d draft both.  If Jansen goes to the bullpen, maybe the free time will allow Kenley an opportunity to think about designing with something other than polka dots and prove she deserved to be a Project Runway All-Star (hey, four girl readers, who loves you?).  Anyway, here’s all the closers for 2012 fantasy baseball:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.

1. Craig Kimbrel (Jonny Venters)
2. John Axford (Francisco Rodriguez)
3. Drew Storen (Tyler Clippard, Brad Lidge)
4. Mariano Rivera (David Robertson, Rafael Soriano)
5. Jonathon Papelbon (Antonio Bastardo)

Donkeycorns

Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes his the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.

6. Jose Valverde (Joaquin Benoit, Octavio Dotel)
7. Brian Wilson (Sergio Romo, Santiago Casilla)
8. J.J. Putz (David Hernandez, Takashi Saito)
9. Heath Bell (Juan Leo Carlos Nunez Oviedo, Mike Dunn)
10. Carlos Marmol (Kerry Wood, Jeff Samardzija)
11. Joakim Soria (Jonathon Broxton, Greg Holland)
12. Joel Hanrahan (Evan Meek)
13. Ryan Madson (Sean Marshall, Nick Masset)
14. Jason Motte (+1) (Eduardo Sanchez)
15. Huston Street (+1) (Luke Gregerson)
16. Andrew Bailey (+1) (Mark Melancon, Bobby Jenks)
17. Sergio Santos (+1) (Francisco Cordero)
18. Jordan Walden (+1) (Scott Downs, LaTroy Hawkins)
19. Kyle Farnsworth (+1) (Joel Peralta, Jake McGee)

Brain Freeze

I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Matt Capps– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Valencia in the head with a pickoff throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.

20. Javy Guerra (-6) (Kenley Jansen, Matt Guerrier)
21. Frank Francisco (Jon Rauch, Ramon Ramirez)
22. Rafael Betancourt (Rex Brothers)
23. Matt Thornton (Jesse Crain, Addison Reed)
24. Joe Nathan (Mike Adams, Alexi Ogando)
25. Brandon League (Shawn Kelley, Hong-Chih Kuo)
26. Jim Johnson (+1)(Kevin Gregg, Matt Lindstrom)
27. Brett Myers (+3) (Wilton Lopez, David Carpenter, Brandon Lyon)
28. Matt Capps (Glen Perkins, Alex Burnett)
29. Grant Balfour/Brian Fuentes (Joey Devine, Faustino De Los Santos)
30. Vinnie Pestano (-4) (Chris Perez, Tony Sipp, Chief Wahoo)