Not sure if you heard, but last week on Labor Day, some bored Casino in the Twin Cities spent half-a-day cooking a 1000 pound hamburger.

Guinness Records representative Philip Robertson verified the record for biggest burger. He called the feat a result of “remarkable teamwork” and said the burger “actually tastes really good.” Black Bear’s burger included 60 pounds of bacon, 50 pounds of lettuce, 50 pounds of sliced onions, 40 pounds of pickles and 40 pounds of cheese.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Pirates and Cardinals played a marathon game yesterday.  19 innings that saw 47 lineup changes, 16 different pitchers and 12,000 fans at Busch Stadium leaving simply because the beer cutoff was in the 7th inning.  ”This is baseball sober?  Damn, I’d prefer a third divorce.”  Tim Kurkjian’s voice is cracking at the sheer craziness of the game.  Can you believe this game, fellas?!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Indians said this, “We don’t expect Grady Sizemore to play 150 to 160 games like he has in the past.”  At the start of the 2012 season it will be four years the last time he played that many games, so I’m glad they’re being realistic.  They should’ve also said, “We don’t expect him to steal 20 bases.  Hit 20 homers.  Hit for much of an average unless you consider .250 much.  Here’s hoping he takes some more nude pictures of himself and we get Grady’s Ladies buying season tickets again.  Now I’m going back to my game of Words With Friends with Asdrubal.”  If you want to assume Grady’s going to be fully healthy in 2012, something I would not assume, then you should get a line near 80/18/75/.250/5.  Oh my dear deity of your choice, Sizemore has become Torii Hunter with a poor average.  I’d avoid unless he falls very late or goes for cheap.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Alberto Callaspo was traded to the Angels.  Exactly what the Angels needed, a light hitting infielder.  Oh, wait, no they don’t.  Why’d they get Callaspo?  To get Mel Gibson to be interested in the team?  Oh, wait, that was Apocalypto.  Anyone see that movie?  I like the part where Mel’s like, “I will slap the taste out of your mouth, Pocohontas!  So help me, I will rip your neck off!  Even if I have to go through a number of metal rings.”  Callaspo will help the Angels more than he’ll help fantasy teams.  He is what he is.  Light power, decent average, next-to-no speed.  The Royals will go with Wilson Betemit at third base.  Why are they not going with Mike Moustakas or Alex Gordon?  Because for whatever reason the Royals are punishing them.  If you can figure out the peasant Royals, you get a cookie.  I actually like Betemit if he’s the everyday 3rd baseman.  He has 4 homers and a .377 average in 61 ABs this year.  As for “Of Maicer Men,” I think Callaspo is more Lennie than George.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

David DeJesus – Slammed into the outfield wall when DeJesus was turning a Jeter out into a homer.  He’s listed as day-to-day, which is trade deadline code for “Please still trade us someone for DeJesus, he’s really, really healthy.”  In reality, he’ll probably be out for a while.  So, while Betemit might replace Callaspo, here’s a chance for Gordon to see some daylight.  We’ll see now how much sense the Royals make.

Please, blog, may I have some more?