Splits are a real thing in baseball. Everyone knows that. There are players that get paid to strictly get out left-handed hitters. There are right-handed hitters that blast lefties (I’m looking at you Ryan Raburn), while looking like little leaguers against RHP. On Tuesday night, one name keeps popping up. He’s done quite well this year against righties and lefties, but he’s always been known more for his ability to smash southpaws. Danny Valencia, come on down! Over 155 at-bats, Valencia has 10 home runs; five of those homers have come against lefties. When a lefty is on the mound, Valencia is 16-for-40 (.400) this season. Martin Perez is a serviceable pitcher, but Valencia should make quick work of him on Tuesday night. At $4,000, he’ll be a staple in many of my lineups.

New to DraftKings? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday June 20th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Jake McGee hit the DL with a sprained MCL.  Damn, 1150 was a very bad year for him.  Wait, a new closer that no one owns is up for grabs!  When this news broke, I was sitting in a French cafe, wearing a beret to the side, flicking a Virginia Slim 120 like a French baller.  I immediately looked for Carlos Estevez, but he was gone.  Then I looked for Jason Motte — gone!  Then I looked for Boone Logan — there!  So, I grabbed him, then I wept quietly.  Was I really picking up the guy third down the SAGNOF totem for the Rockies?  I’m such a pitiful save vulture.  Get some dignity, man, you’re better than this, you’re rocking a beret and a Virginia Slim 120!  After Saturday’s game, Walt Weiss announced Estevez would be the closer, so now, even more pitifully, I will be dropping Boone Logan, who got me a cheap vulture save on Sunday due to Estevez being used too many days in a row.  That’s like the fantasy baseball walk of shame.  Everyone who sees you drop the guy that doesn’t get the closer job knows full well that you desperately tried to make the wrong guy work.  Now I have to pick up and drop twelve other guys to bury my move.  The fantasy baseball shame cycle!  As for Estevez, his outings will be like brother Emilio — short.  His performances may be like brother Charlie’s relationships — rocky.  Unlike his father, Martin, he will not be starring in an awful Netflix series canoodling with the DA from Law & Order.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hello everyone, and welcome to Sunday!

After a week off in which I studied game film of the 2003 Grey Cup QF’s (single greatest game in Canadian Football history), I am back and what a day to return to! There are many fantastic games on tap for today, and many high scoring ones at that as well, as we see some with very high O/U’s on the docket, with six games over 9 total runs scored. So why is this? Superb offenses? Maybe, but I have to say, I’m not excited about pitching options for the day, as there are many weak guys taking the mound today, and are likely to give up a whole bunch of runs. Gas cans.

There are plenty of opportunities to take advantage of. Kendall Graveman and John Lamb are two very mediocre pitchers facing off in what is shaping up to be a shootout. Adam Morgan is facing a Nats’ team that is primed to hang up a lot of runs. And for those of you playing the all-day slate, the Rockies-Padres games has a O/U at a whopping 12 total runs scored.

With many great offensive opportunities and gas cans to target, how do we attack pitching on a slate like this?

You’ll have to keep reading.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday June 13th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Albert Almora was called up yesterday by the Cubs, and he’s the latest barely in-his-20s, big-time Cubs prospect.  Albert Almora also anagrams to Barrel T. Alamo, who’d be great as a San Antonian oil man villain.  “Remember my wrath, Walker, Texas Ranger!  Now hand me my seersucker suit, and, yes, I’m in my underwear because I just bedded your wife and daughter together.  I dig holes for a living!”  So, Almora’s up while Jorge Soler mends his broken hamstring, and Almora’s ready to get all that and a cup of coffee.  Or is it bring Maddon a cup of coffee?  Well, he’s here for his cup of coffee.  And Maddon says he’ won’t play every day.  And, Part II, And There’s More!, I still grabbed him in two leagues.  He’s basically a young Dexter Fowler.  I will call him Dexter Chick.  In Triple-A, he had 3 HRs, 10 SBs, .318 average in 55 games.  He could see action here and there, and might provide a few steals.  In most leagues, he’s not worth grabbing yet, unless you’re like me and can’t resist rookie nookie.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Sorry to miss last week fellas; especially those that have been following closely (you have no idea how much I appreciate you! Yes, you!). I just moved to Southern California from St Louis and boy are my arms tired! Tired from holding the wheel of a U-Haul for almost 30 hours through the mountains of Colorado and Utah that is. Beautiful country, lots of sweet scenery to bask in, but having never driven a U-Haul before and going with downhill grades of 7% and higher at night there were more than a few moments of some white knuckle fear; much less scary was driving in LA traffic because if other cars don’t want to get out of the way of a U-Haul then it’s their funeral. Anyway I’m here, I have beer, I’m looking to walk along the pier, get used to it. And I’m back to talk some more OPS strategy…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Felix Hernandez hit the DL with a calf strain.  He could veal it during his last start.  Sounds like a good injury to milk.  Sorry, I was just shaking out the pockets of these jeans I wore last night and I had a bunch of unused cow puns.  What’s a dad cow’s poop called?  Pa-nure!  Take it, Highlights, it’s yours!  So, James Paxton was called up to replace F-Her, who is likely going to only miss a few weeks, but Paxton could continue to get starts if he’s good.  So, can Paxton be good?  Is there’s twelve posts in post-post-post-post-post-post-post-post-post-post-post-post-hype sleeper?  Paxton has shown flashes of brilliance with his 94 MPH fastball but the M’s have wanted Paxton to improve on a bunch of pitches and he’s already 27 years old, so is improvement coming?  Well, he had a 3.97 ERA in Triple-A this year and Steamer projects him as a streamer, so I have no faith whatsoever.   Speaking of faith, yesterday Paxton gave up runs like his character gave out marriage proposals.  Looking at his line is like looking at Chloe Sevigny — 3 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 5 unearned runs.  Paxton’s like when Picasso stood up from the toilet.  He’d look down and say, “That’s a work in progress.”  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“Ree,” opens the front door, walks down the driveway, says hello to my Polish neighbor, Stash, walks to the DQ, gets a Blizzard, eats said Blizzard, walks home, opens the door, says “Dick,” hits the head, not like that, comes back feeling a Blizzard lighter, does some Netflix and chill, shuts it off, says, “You,” brushes teeth, gets into bed, moves arm over Cougs, hears about her splitting headache, rolls over and says, “Lus.”  That’s right, in honor of Mookie Betts, I just did the most ridiculous ridiculous call ever.  You earned that shizz, you madman!  I’d count the ways I love this man, but like a savant Blackjack dealer I can only count up to 21.  After his three-homer game yesterday, Betts (3-for-5, 5 RBIs, 10th, 11th, 12th homers) now has those twelve homers to go with eight steals, a .283 average and is on pace for 115 runs and 85 RBIs.  Don’t make me do another ridiculous ridiculous call, cause if you want me to, I will.  Oh, and with what he’s doing, it’s not even inconceivable that he keeps up this pace.  His BABIP (.290) is actually below his career average (he’s getting unlucky!), his fly ball percentage is down (he could be hitting more homers!) and he hasn’t been caught stealing once (so steal more!).  You are witnessing the emergence of a perennial first rounder.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We’re about 50 games into the season now meaning things are starting to take shape.  I’m a firm believer that we should #killthewin but I can’t help but be impressed that Chris SaleJake Arrieta and Stephen Strasburg all have 9 wins already.  Arguably more impressive, Arrieta, Strasburg and Josh Tomlin all haven’t lost yet.  Tomlin is 7-0 with a WHIP under 1.  The K’s aren’t great but there’s a ton of value with how he’s pitching right now.  His ERA is sitting at 3.35 but it’s not a fluke.  Here’s what was posted throughout Week 8:

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On Saturday, our prayers were answered.  No, not the prayer about winning Powerball.  Or the prayer about sweatpants becoming the new formalwear.  Or the prayer about muttonchops being some magical aphrodisiac.  Or the prayer about your mom forgetting that time you accidentally sexted her.  Or that prayer about being as successful in real life as you are in fantasy.  No, not those.  The prayer about Yu Darvish returning and looking as dominant as ever.  On Saturday, he threw the fastest pitch of his major league career, throwing three pitches for more than 98 MPH.  The line of 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks was solid, but I imagine this will be the start of him reaffirming his place in the top 10 starter conversation.  Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department sang, “Yu, Yu got what I need…Yu say he just spends Yen…Yu say he just spends Yen…But baby Yuuuuuu,Yu got what I need!”  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I live in La La land, aka Hollywood, aka the Land of a Fake Faces…and Butts…and Thighs…and Breasteses. Hey, I don’t mind. I’m all for “self-improvement.” I liken it to the PED era of MLB. Pitchers were throwing 100 mph and batters were launching home runs 500 feet. As a Dodger fan, I will always remember the electricity when Eric Gagne would come in to close games. It was a hilariously entertaining time. Chicks dig the long ball. Well, guys dig…butts, thighs, and breasteses. For you purists out there, I give you Neil DeGrasse Tyson, who says that there’s a very high chance we’re living in the Matrix. I’ll admit, that there are times I want to know the truth and will take the red pill. On the other hand, sometimes I just want enjoyment, so I’ll take the blue pill. Anyways, before I went on that PED-induced tangent, I wanted to talk about the movie-making aspect of Hollywood. If a movie is successful, you can be sure that a sequel is coming. A trilogy more than likely, and a remake in 25 years or so. Which brings me to…

Please, blog, may I have some more?