Josh Vitters and Brett Jackson were called up on Sunday. Here’s what I just said on Friday when I told you to pick Vitters up, “(He) comes with high expectations simply because Cubs fans are like a 104-year-old virgin who would just love to touch the playoffs’ boobies.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I had high apple pie in the sky hopes for David Robertson, but no one is safe. “There’s a storm a comin’! Jebediah, should I bring the cows into the barn?” “No, Gissley! It wants our closers!” “But I only have Juan Cruz! And I’s not even sure he’s the set-up man” “It doughs’cent matter!” Really, really shocked by Robertson performance yesterday (2/3 IP, 4 ER), but I guess I shouldn’t be. I’ve officially ‘learned’ Closepocalypse on my computer spellchecker. If Soriano is out there in your league, I’d grab him. The Yankees could flip-flop right back to him since he has ‘closer experience.’ You know, pulling the ol’ Robertson is just more comfortable in the 8th inning shtick. At this rate, Fernando Rodney’s going to be the only $12 Salad next month. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Chris Sale – This is a message from the Emergency Broadcast Network. If you are a closer, just go for an MRI now. You’re pitching with a torn tendon. I repeat, you have a torn tendon. So, Addison Reed might now be the closer on the White Sox, as Sale goes to get an MRI today. Robin Ventura thought a good way to preserve an injured pitcher’s arm was to throw him into high-leverage situations. I say that’s crummy with crackers, but what do I know? I’m just a guy who has a hard time pronouncing the word ‘peculiar.’ If Reed is out there, I’d grab him immediately. If Reed gets the closer job, he has a chance to be a strong Donkeycorn with $12 Salad upside. To all of those who are reading Razzball for the first time, that last sentence wasn’t gibberish. It only sounded like it.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I hate these stupid beyotchabatukises too. No love lost here! Though I’m not sure if that means you love someone or you hate them. I’m trying to think the last time I heard someone say no love lost and if they were saying it happily or angrily. I think it was angrily, but they might have had no idea what they were talking about either. Well, with love lost or not, I still want a 3rd baseman earlier on. I’d prefer to not have to take a flyer from these schmohawks. Though they are different levels of schmo-ness. Some are definitely less schmo-y. As mentioned in my 2nd basemen to target or was it 1st basemen to target or catchers to target, in one of those I mentioned how if a position is deep I want a top guy unless it’s pitchers. Yeah, if the position is shallow, I don’t want a flyer. I’d prefer to have a flyer where most have flyers. This is contrary to popular opinion; maybe I’ll win a Pulitzer for this shizz. Speaking of Pulitzers, I had dinner recently with someone who won a Pulitzer. I can’t even spell Pulitzer without the spellchecker. Anyone who can spell it, should win it. They only mentioned their Pulitzer three times over the course of two hours. I would’ve been wearing the Pulitzer medallion around my neck (is it a medallion?). I would put my name in to a restaurant hostess as “Pulitzer.” When a waiter came by for our drink orders, I would ask for a whiskey with a splash of Pulitzer. The Pulitzer person was now working at US Weekly. I asked if they won the Pulitzer for their Octamom coverage. They weren’t amused. This list is 3rd basemen that can be had later in your drafts. Look at this as a supplement to the top 20 3rd basemen of 2012 fantasy baseball. Where applicable, click on the players name to read more about them or to see their 2012 projections. Anyway, here’s some 3rd basemen to target for 2012 fantasy baseball:
Ian Stewart – Can you believe I didn’t write a sleeper post about Ian Stewart? Yes, I’ve written one about him for the last three years. I meant, can you believe I didn’t write one this year? You know what that means, right? This is the year he finally puts his shizz together and earns his Mini Mini Donkey brays.Please, blog, may I have some more?
We finish off the infield with the top 20 3rd basemen for 2012 fantasy baseball. The 2012 fantasy baseball rankings from shallowest to deepest go shortstops, third basemen, catchers, 2nd basemen then 1st basemen. That’s right, I think the catchers and 2nd basemen are deeper than the 3rd basemen. 3rd base gets the gas face. In 2009, I punted 3rd base for Mark Reynolds late. Worked out fine. In 2010, I punted 3rd base for Ian Stewart late. Didn’t work out fine. In 2011, I really wanted a top 3rd baseman and punted Jose Bautista while targeting Pedro Alvarez, Ryan Zimmerman and David Wright, which taught me a valuable lesson. I’m a moron. (A very hurtful lesson, mind you.) As with other top 20 rankings, I list where I see tiers beginning and ending and my projections. Anyway, here’s the top 20 3rd basemen for 2012 fantasy baseball:
1.Please, blog, may I have some more?
This will be the last time I mention Logan Morrison for some time. Hashtag that. Not that I don’t like him, it’s just I’ve given him enough press, assuming the word ‘press’ still makes sense even though I’m dictating this post to a Montessori-taught monkey that I’ll occasionally catch looking at me like he wants to kill me and take over Razzball, which makes dictating that even more awkward. Imagine in 300 years when they find this post in a time capsule with Snooki’s poof. They’ll read that monkey sentence and think they’ve figured out the major problem with our society was we had monkeys taking dictation only to be disappointed when they read this sentence. Sorry, future reader! We’re more complicated than that! Whoa, that was a major sidetrack. So Morrison was sent down because he needed to “work on all aspects of being a Major Leaguer,” which basically meant he used to grab his farts and throw them at Hanley. If someone dropped Morrison when he was demoted, I’d go ahead and re-add him. Or have your monkey re-add him for you. I’m kidding, future reader, our monkeys don’t manage our fantasy teams. They only give advice which we decide whether or not to follow. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Kyle Seager – The other day I compared him to Omar Infante. I’ll see that comparison and raise him Martin Prado. Personally, I don’t like guys like Infante or Prado outside of NL-Only leagues, but I also don’t like people who write personally either, so there’s that. I’m a contradiction wrapped inside of lazy writing pitfalls.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Despite Ronnie’s warnings, I fell in love with the Jor-Z, sure. I still like him a lot. You can totally Control-Alt-Delete this opening in keeper leagues too. But — and this is a J. Lo-sized but — Jordan Zimmermann is going to be shut down in the next month. The Nats are saying maybe another 6 or 7 starts. That’s — how do I say this?Please, blog, may I have some more?
So Grey lost his stache in a tragic sparkler related accident, but did manage to partially recover the remnants and is having them reattached as we speak, so I’m going to fill in for him on this sacred of holidays, July 5th.Please, blog, may I have some more?
With 4 homers for Kelly Johnson, there’s still the Kelly Ka-POW, see? With the 6 steals, he’s still running. If you extrapolate those numbers out, it’s a 20/20 season. If extrapolate is the right word. From radio, to the video, to Arsenio… Tell me! Yo, what’s the best case scenario for Johnson? Last yeario, Phife Dawg. That’s not happening this year though. This is what currently is happening. His balls batted into play are showing he’s been unlucky, so he’s pressing and his Ks have gone up and walks have gone down. If a couple balls fall in front of fielders and Johnson gets on base, his confidence will rise and he’ll start being more selective at the plate. His average will then rise and he’ll continue to hit for power and steal bases. His average isn’t likely going to get up to .280, but a 18/15 year with a .250 average is still very possible. That’s better than the current perception of him. If he’s been dropped, I’d look to grab him.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Justin Verlander threw a no-hitter on Saturday, said the guy who doesn’t write a roundup on Sunday which makes Monday’s lead-in a little dated. BTW, I hear The Godfather is a good movie, you should check it out! And invest in Microsoft! Verlander seems to get little respect as a number one starter, but if I owned him, you’d have to pry him from my cold, dead, well-manicured fingers. Gives you 200 Ks, a mid-3 ERA and a killer smile. Smiles are totally underrated. You can’t put a price on those…Unless you’re a dentist. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Austin Jackson – 7 for his last 13. I’m not a fan in the big picture, but the small picture says if he’s going to start hitting, there’s no reason to turn your nose up at him unless the smell of a hot hitter repulses you.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The man who looks like the man from Man Vs. Food’s father, Lance Berkman, is on a ginormous Kaiser roll. Speaking of pastry, it’s not a coincidence that Lance Berkman’s initials are LB. When he got to St. Louis, he asked the cabbie where the second arch is and why isn’t it painted gold. If you think you have 2010 Konerko, you might. But you also might have the 2011 Berkman, which isn’t nearly the player the 2006 Berkman was. For Berkman, this is either a great month or it’s the beginning of a great year. When dealing with a player on the downside of his career, I invariably go with the former, if the former is the first one where I think it’s just a great month. At least when he was on the Astros, they could just play him at 1B so he didn’t injure himself in the OF. It’ll take an apocalyptic event for that to happen in St.Please, blog, may I have some more?