Let Kate Upton know that Philip Humber is now allowed entrance into the Perfect Club as he retired 27 straight Mariners (here’s a tip: don’t get too close to Dallas Braden in the sauna).  That’s only the 21st perfect game in history – surprisingly, as you would’ve thought at least that many pitchers would have thrown perfect games against the Mariners last year.  

Please, blog, may I have some more?

There’s a theorem that says if you gave a monkey a typewriter and an infinite amount of time, it could produce a Shakespearean sonnet.  My question is, what if every monkey with a typewriter writes something more ingenious than anything Shakespeare ever came up with, but since we don’t have monkey brains (entirely), we don’t understand it? 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Jason Bourgeois was traded to Royals with Humberto Quintero.  Fun fact:  Did you know Humberto Quintero weighs exactly a quarter more than Humberto Quadtero?  When the trade was announced, Bourgeois said he’d once and for all bring down the tyrannical rule of the Royals and restore a society where Lorenzo Cain lost 75 to 100 at-bats and The Guido Playing 2nd Base lost 100 at-bats. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?