Fantasy Baseball Advice

Carlos Beltran won’t play in day games following night games.  He won’t play in too many games in a row.  He won’t play in games where the other team’s starting pitcher’s last name ends in an N.  Here’s me playing the world’s smallest violin for everyone at Metco.  Since Beltran’s return, 1 homer and zero steals.  So he’s not running and he’s hitting for an empty average with little power.  There’s no crying in baseball and there’s no sentimentality in fantasy baseball.  If you’re holding onto your 2nd round pick because you held him this long already, well, you’ve held him too long.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Anibal Sanchez – 8 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks.  If Oliver Perez is the crazy girlfriend that you have hot passionate sex with but is afraid may stab you in the jugular in the middle of the night, then Anibal is her sister.  (If you followed that, give yourself a gold star.)

Dan Uggla – Hit his 30th homer yesterday as the Marlins rubbed their hands together thinking about who they were going to get for Uggla this offseason.

Joe Blanton – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks.  Threw a gem against the Marlins.  I overthought this one and… sonavabench!  Should’ve just started him.  (BTW, is overthought one word or two?  There I go again!)

Hiroki Kuroda – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks.  He was in the borderline starters post on Monday.  He’s a decent start on Sunday too.

Rafael Furcal – 4-for-5, 4 RBIs.  No one plays harder when you’re playing against a terrible team with a playoff spot sewn up.  No one.

Zach Duke – So this borderline starter didn’t work out quite as well.  You take Zach Duke to the cashier and she rings you up six innings and five earned runs.  That’s the price of playing sucky guys, I guess.

Trevor Cahill – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER.  And my final borderline starter for yesterday worked out okay as I finally learned to not bet against the A’s.

Andrew McCutchen – The Dread Pirate hit his 12th homer yesterday in 3/4 of a season.  *sipping tea with my pinkie out, crossing legs*  Do you dare draft The Dread Pirate and Robot Jones on the same fantasy team next year?

Edwin Encarnacion – 2 HRs, but whoa, turkey, guess what else?  He batted third.  Zoinks!

Brian McCann – Left the game with a bruised wrist, which is not nearly as delicious as a braised wrist.

Martin Prado – Now batting near .500 in the last week and the hits just keep coming as he went 2-for-4 yesterday.

Jorge de la Rosa – 2 1/3 IP, 6 ER as dlR pitched his worst start since June.  You’re killing me, Smalls!

Carlos Gonzalez – Pulled from the game with a tight hamstring.  Car(No)Go, as it were.

Huston Street – Came on in the 7th.  Yeah, he’s not the closer yet.

Franklin Morales – Got the save as he gave up three inherited runs and one of his own.  So, yeah, Street may be the closer again soon.

Brad Hawpe – Hit a homer yesterday.  If you would’ve told me he retired two months ago, I might’ve believed you.

Alex Rios – HR yesterday.  If you bet that Rios and Hawpe would hit a homer on the same day, that’s like Powerball money you just won.

John Danks – 6 IP, 7 ER.  Showing de la Rosa two can play the “I Hate My Fantasy Owners Game,” he had his worst start since May.   After the game, Danks tweeted, “I pitched.  #sucky”

Bobby Jenks – Probably done for the year with a calf injury (with his size you’d think they’d call it a cow).  Linebrink would probably step in for any saves.

Adam Dunn – Hit his 38th homer yesterday.  We have a week and a half for Dunn to hit two more homers or the world will explode.

Matt Cain – 2 1/3 IP, 7 ER.  Now really isn’t the time for that regression that every fantasy baseball ‘pert has been predicting since May.

Randy Wells – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 Ks.  According to Cubs fans, without Milton Bradley telling opposing hitters which pitches are coming, the Cubs are unstoppable.

Prince Fielder – Hit his 41st homer yesterday as he tied Pujols for the RBI lead with 129.  Going into the final weekend, if Prince is still neck-and-neck with Pujols, Albert should buy seats for Cecil Fielder right behind the Brewers dugout.  (For those in the back of the room, Cecil and Prince don’t get along.)  Devious Grey out.

Sorry, but I’m going to open the vent for a millisecond.  Let’s go back to Stupid May Grey.  I was a point or two in front in one of my leagues, had a solid outfield of Adam Dunn, Carlos Quentin/Beltran and Rasmus.  I was within striking distance in steals and the news just came out that Jose Reyes would miss a few days, but avoid the DL.  I traded Dunn and Theriot for Reyes.  THE NEWS LIED!!!  I’ve filled in with Beckham for Theriot so no great loss there, but my outfield’s been shambles since — currently rocking Luke Scott, Fukudome, Teahan and the corpse of Carlos Quentin.  This is all thanks to Jose Reyes.  I know, this is the world’s smallest violin eating a burrito with a side of tears.  BTW, Jose Reyes is probably out for the season.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Luis Castillo – Injured himself walking into the Mets cemetery dugout.

Nelson Cruz – Was injured on the final play of the game on Monday.  Choose your own fantasy baseball report… One report says he’s day-to-two-days away from action.  Another report says he’s a day-to-two-days away from a 15 day vacation.

Bobby Jenks – To the hospital to have kidney stones removed.  Be cool if they removed a pet rock.  Thornton, Linebrink or Dotel, in that order, will probably fill-in for him.

Ryan Zimmerman – Day-to-day with a sore shoulder.  He should massage it with some coriander, cumin and a brine solution, Guy Fieri says that’ll cure any shoulder.

Geovany Soto – Due back today or tomorrow.  Oh, dubya-E-hockey sticks, guess The Jakie Foxx Experiment™ behind the plate isn’t happening.  A ‘pert can dream.

Vladimir Guerrero – If you saw him yesterday on crutches, that’s because he was activated from the DL.  The three stages of Vlad:  Wheelchair – DL, crutches – DH, pronounced limp – playing outfield.

Scott Baker – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 Ks.  He’s been terrific in his last four starts. As terrific as this commercial?  No, but close.  (If you can watch that commercial less than 10 times, you have more willpower than me.

Yusmeiro Petit – 8 IP, 1 Hit, 4 Ks, if it wasn’t for Ronny Cedeno, he would’ve had a no-hitter.  See, those trades are already playing off.  Petit gets the Nationals next time out.  Must… stop… myself… from… picking…. him… up.

Ryan Roberts – 4-for-5, 2 HRs yesterday and a movie star name from the 1950s.  He has sneaky 10/10 potential, but probably not worth it outside of NL-Only leagues.

Krispie Young – HR yesterday, which was also his first hit in the last 7 games.  I miss you, Krispie.  Get well soon.

Garrett Jones – 0-for-4, Where’d you go, friend?  Is this about me putting you in the Sell category two weeks ago?  I’m sorry.  Come back, friend.

Brian Matusz – 5 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Great debut, and he’ll be a great one as the Mariners root for him to do much better than Tillman.  I’d still look to move Matusz.  His (the Orioles’) schedule in September is terrible and he’s still a rookie who’s prone to big ups and downs.

Jarrod Washburn – 5 1/3 IP, 6 ER, the same day he appeared in my FIP post.  Who’d a thunk it?  Well, I guess me kinda.

Dan Uggla – 1-for-1 with 4 walks.  Without looking it up, I’m going to say that’s a personal record.  And the Nats only gave up 2 other walks in the game.  Not really sure what any of that means, but I found it fascinating.  Oh my God, I’m turning into Jayson Stark.

Jason Hammel – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER.  A 2.67 Away ERA.  Even away games that you think you shouldn’t start Hammel in, he pitches well.  (Besides, of course, his Metco disaster last week.)

Jonathan Sanchez – 7 IP, 0 ER.  They might not all be as gravy as this start, but I’d own him in all leagues at this point as it’s hard to argue with 107 Ks in 102 1/3IP.

Gordon Beckham – HR yesterday.  Batting over .400 in his past 7 games.  Entrenched in the 2 hole.  Give me your password and I’ll pick him up for you.

Derek Holland – 4 1/3 IP, 3 ER.  Ah, the tale of the rookie pitcher is told again.

Rajai Davis – Since he has full-time duty, he’s hitting over .400.  Yesterday, he stole 2 bases.  SAGNOF!

Will Venable – HR yesterday.  Get a load of Will.  He’s vying for Garrett Jones’s spot in the roundups.

Yovani Gallardo – 5 1/3 IP, 9 ER.  Ouch… Wait, what?  Ow.

Evan Longoria – 2 HRs yesterday.  As David Wright impersonates Chone Figgins and Mark Reynolds impersonates a toasted sandwich bearing an image of Babe Ruth, Longoria will still be my top 3rd baseman next year barring unforeseen injuries, though I would like to see him steal a bit more.

B.J. Upton – 1-for-5, 4 Ks as he was dropped to 7th in the order.  Just get to 12/45 and you’ve done your job.

Johnny Cueto – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER.  I sat him yesterday.  Yay! (<–sarcasm)  I hate having pitchers I can’t start ever.  I might be dropping Cueto in a 16 team league, and, trust me, when I drop someone in a 16 team league, there is no one to pick up.  Dustin Nippert anyone?

Tom Gorzelanny – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER.  That’s nice.  I wouldn’t pick him up with your team.

Albert Pujols – 2 HRs, 5 RBIs.  Maybe he’s feeling Mini-Donkey breathing down his neck.

Joel Pineiro – 5 IP, 7 ER.  April came and went and you chalked Pineiro’s hot start up to a fluke.  May came and went and you figured any day now Pineiro would breakdown.  June came and you thought maybe April and May were real.  July flew past and you had it, enough was enough, you had to pick him up.  I mean, his next start was against the Mets, for deity sakes.  It was the most elaborate Punk’d ever.  And he got you.

Much like a newly married female, the Blue Jays have dropped BJ from the active roster.  Imagine this scenario.  You walk into your fro-yo distribution job, say what’s up to your TCBY manager who’s twelve years younger than you, open up the jimmies container and proceed to flip them, one at a time, at your manager’s head.  Timothy asks you politely to stop.  You politely give him a wedgie.  Naturally, he fires you.  Then you collect your salary for the next year.  Man, the life of a terrible baseball player may be better than the life of a marginal one who has to play every day.  B.J. Ryan was released yesterday.  Now he has more time to count his money.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Wandy Rodriguez – 9 IP, 0 ER, 11 Ks.  In fairness to those who don’t own him, this was an easy matchup.  For those that do own him, yee-haw!

Rafael Soriano – Now has more saves than Mike Gonzalez and more vowels than Rzepczynski.

Kevin Hart – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 walks.  Belch.

Kenshin Kawakami - 6 IP, 1 ER.  His last start he went 4 1/3 IP and 4 earned vs. the Nats.  I can’t imagine a scenario where Kawakami is not a risky start.  Whether the matchups are favorable or not.

Troy Tulowitzki – 3-for-4, with his 14th homer yesterday.  He trails only Ben Zobrist in most homers by a shortstop.  He also trails Zobrist in awesomeness, but ya’ll knew that.

Manny Parra – Returning to start Thursday vs. the Cards.  He’ll need three decent starts before I even consider him.  Burn me once, shame on you.  Burn me twice, stop freakin’ burning me, pyro!

Chad Gaudin – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 Ks, 7 baserunners.  Over IM, Rudy said this, “(Gaudin) is so hit or miss.”  I said, “Yup.”  Rudy then said, “But don’t put that in the roundup.”  I said, “No problem.”

Max Scherzer – 7 IP, 2 ER, 9 Ks.  I watched most of this game to see one thing, how does Scherzer throw so many pitches and not get out of the 7th inning? (That’s a complete lie.  I watch every Diamondback game I can because of Mini Donkey.) Seems like Scherzer just gets himself into lots of deep counts.  Kershaw and him really are the same pitcher.

Felipe Lopez – Hit his fifth homer yesterday.  Man, he got cold as dog balls for a long time.  Hitting one homer for all of May and June combined.  At least steal some bases.  You’re making me look bad!  Hopefully, he can get hot for a few weeks and get into double digits for homers and steals.

Chris Volstad – Threw a five-hit shutout as he K’d 6.  Guess who he was facing.  Go ahead.  I’ll wait.  *taps finger*  The Giants!   C’mon, that was a gimme.

Dan Uggla – Hit his 16th homer yesterday, batting .223.  Yeah, that’s not great.  Need to raise that to .250 or hit about 5 more homers for that not to matter.

Oliver Perez – 5 IP, 2 ER.  Wow, he had a solid game? 7 walks.  Oh.

Joe Mauer – HR yesterday.  He’s had four HRs since his insane 11 homer May.  Maybe he had a BJ Upton playoff cortisone shot in May when he hit those 11 HRs.  Not sure, but since then he’s returned to his high average, below average power ways.

David Aardsma – 3 ER, 5 baserunners, no outs.  Aardsma’s showing why you can’t spell his last name without a Double A.

Roy Halladay – May approve a trade. Big news was the Yankees wouldn’t go after him.  What about the Pirates?  Will the Pirates go after him?  Why isn’t that news?

Zach Greinke – 6 IP, 3 ER.  Since June his ERA’s over 4 and his WHIP is above 1.30.  Correia has been better.  Snap!

Shane Victorino – 2-for-4, 2 steals.  Just the other day I was asking for him to steal more.  You’re welcome.

Homer Bailey – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 Ks. Since his recall, 3.44/1.20 with 13 Ks.  Money?  Not really, but we are in a recession.  It’s decent.

Scott Kazmir – 6 1/3 IP, 7 ER.  Doode is killing me.  I mean, I have Gaudin and Wandy throw solid games then this guy comes along and throws this shizz.  I’m close to punting him.  Sometimes it’s just better to let someone else pick up the poison pill.

Ben Zobrist – HR yesterday and 4 RBIs… The Zo!

Scott Downs – Returned and gave up the game-winning single, but the earned run was charged to Frasor.  Yeah, way to make the other guy look bad.  I know that trick.  Have I mentioned Rudy wanted to draft Kazmir?  Rudy, “Yeah, Fred Lewis has been terrific.”

J.D. Drew – HR yesterday while leading off as Ellsbury hit 6th.  What’s this, an OBP move?  This is ridiculous.  Can someone text Francona that he needs to switch these two?

Hiroki Kuroda – 4 1/3 IP, 4 ER vs. the Mets in Metco.  This is one of the problems with Kuroda.  Last year, he led the league in FLAKE, which is basically the deviation from start to start a pitcher has.  It’s a real term.  Well, I mean, as real as a term can be that is made up by a baseball geek in his Mom’s basement.  Leave my socks there, it’s just dried glue!

Jose Contreras - 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks. Since he came back from the minors, he’s pitching like he’s actually 37-years-old as his ESPN player card says.  37… Ha!

Ervin Santana – 4 IP, 5 ER.  Yeah, things aren’t getting better.  Let him have a shred of dignity and shut him down.

Taylor Teagarden – Hit his first homer of the year.  Wow, member when you were thinking about drafting this guy?

Andruw Jones – 5 Hrs in the last four games as he batted cleanup.  You don’t have to like the hot guy to pick up the hot guy.  (<–Quote from He’s Just Not That Into You, but it applies here.)

Donald Veal – Returned from the DL.  Surprisingly, he didn’t have a calf problem.

Carlos Zambrano in his own special way welcomed the Cubs new arrival, Jake Fox, with a shizzfit of epic proportions.  Zambrano was ejected for bumping an ump,  I especially enjoyed when the ump ejected him and he then ejected the ump.  I’m out of order? No, YOU’RE out of order!  Somewhere Michael Barrett flinched.  Jake Fox can do it all. And, like Tyra Banks would say, he can do it fiercely.  His Triple-A numbers are 40/17/50/.423 in 40 games with a .503 OBP.  Pretty sick… And that’s sick as in healthy, not sick as in Conor Jackson, Carlos Quentin or Votto.  But will Fox get time to do any of it, you ask.  Let’s see, Soriano, Hoffpauir, Fuku, FU (Bradley), Derrek Lee and Reed Johnson in four spots.  Fox’s only shot for regular playing time is at 3B and there he’d be a butcher.  At 1B/OF, maybe he gets 3 starts a week unless D-Lee gets hurt.  Though you can call D-Lee “DL” at this point, because he’s been about as reliable as a parachute made of bloomers.  As with other rookies, if Fox gets the chance, he could prove successful, so you want to be the one that owns him.  If he fails, then you drop him and take a bat to the Gatorade cooler.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Manny Parra – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 12 baserunners and 5 walks with 6 Ks.  Unfortunately, this is what Parra do.  Until he can get his walks in order, he’s not worth the psoriasis-inducing head scratching.

J.J. Hardy – 3-for-5.  Hey, look who decided to make an appearance.  He’ll hit .250 and get 20+ homers.  If that’s what you need, that’s what he does.

Matt Capps – Said to be returning soon.  Be nice to get one save for all the effort I put in to pick up Grabow in every league.  Throw Grey a bone here, would ya?

Mat Gamel – 0-for-3.  Sticking with the Mat theme, but dropping one T like a bad geisha.  Gamel’s 3rd base eligibility made him especially enticing to me as a cornerman.  But he’s now making me long for Mark Teahen.

Luke Scott – Returned from the DL and hit a HR.  He’ll steal time from Wigginton, which is ironic because they’re basically the same player.  It would be like Mark Reynolds losing time to Chris Davis.  Tomato-tomahto, Orioles.  Find a blahtoon that makes sense to me then we’ll talk.

Nolan Reimold – Game winning homer yesterday.  See, Gamel, that’s how you turn lemons into Country Time.

Brett Myers – Left the game with his hip to be flared.  Again, he really shouldn’t even be on your team.  To avoid future flare-ups, he promises to wear the proper gear when disagreeing with his wife.

Jay Bruce – 2 HRs.  Now has 14 homers and only 29 RBIs.  Sure would be nice if the Reds put some runners on for him.  Maybe Dizzy Votto and his maritime compatriots can get aboard.

B.J. Ryan – For those holding out hope he’s taking over for Downs any moment, he’s given up 4 runs in the last 2 innings.  The Blue Jays are paying him a lot of money so they feel compelled to play him.  You shouldn’t.

Rick Porcello – 6 IP, 2 ER.  His lack of Ks leaves me wanting more, but he’s obviously been decent.  And his last name sounds like a delicious pasta sauce!

Josh Anderson – 4-for-5 while batting lead-off and stealing his 10th base.  SAGNOF!

Oliver Perez – Jerry Manuel said, Perez will need to be in the minors for at least another start because of “knee problems.” Jerry Manuel needs a bar of soap for some “lying problems.”

Adam Dunn – Hit another HR.  Since I traded him for Jose Reyes, he’s hit about five dozen home runs.  Kill me now.  Thank you.

Derek Holland – 5 IP, 5 ER.  Was a terrible matchup, and he gets the Yankees again next time out.

Chien-Ming Wang – Well, lookie-lookie.  2 IP, 2 Ks and zero baserunners.   Now let’s see you do it when you don’t have a seven run lead.

Elvis Andrus – I feel like I haven’t mentioned this enough, but where’s the effin’ steals, doode?  6 steals so far is not enough.  Let’s go, Elvis, boogie.

Kevin Slowey – I don’t own him in any league, but I gladly would.  I like Slowey a lot.  But because I don’t own him, I had no idea of something… He’s got 7 Wins?!  When did this happen?  Some of my teams don’t have 7 Wins.  Why am I fielding questions about whether to start this guy or not (when I invariably say start him)?  He’s 7-1 with a near-4 ERA.   Yeah, I’d start him.

Jered Weaver – Here’s another guy I feel like I keep answering questions about.  He has a 2.36 ERA.  For criminy sakes, start him.

Adrian Gonzalez – Hit his 18th homer yesterday.  Could this be the year we see a 40 homer guy call Petco home? (<–Sounds like something Tim Kurkjian would say while his voice squeaked.)

Bronson Arroyo – Now leads the NL with seven wins.  After the game he played on his guitar his new tune, “I May Suck, But My Wins Say It Ain’t True.”  Actually, pretty catchy.

Randy Johnson – Goes for win number 300 next week against the Nationals.  After he wins that game, I imagine he’ll say something like, “I could’ve won 500 games if they were all this easy.”

Jesse Chavez – 1/3 IP, 2 ER.  Somebody got burned yesterday chasing Saves.  A’la Nelson Muntz, ha ha!

Joe Nelson – 2 IP, 4 ER.  See 1/8 of an inch above.

Ben Zobrist – 2-for-3, and a steal.  Even if you just own him while Reyes gets better, it’s something, no?

Ben Francisco – 3-for-5 with a homer.  He’s 8-for-9 with 5 homers against Andy Sonnanstine.  Maybe he can get glasses made that superimpose Sonnanstine’s jersey on every pitcher.

Russell Branyan – Hit his 11th homer yesterday.  In the offseason of 2010, you’ll be looking at first basemen and you’ll think you should draft Branyan because he had 30 homers in 2009.  No, you shouldn’t.  But you can own him this year.

Adam Kennedy – 0-for-8 in the last two days.  He was hot for about a week, then he remembered who he was.  So my question is, who told my Reyes fill-in that he’s just Adam Kennedy?  I had a good thing going, man!

Emilio Bonifacio – 0-for-5, Just doing a friendly check-in on our favorite April 7th pickup.

Dan Uggla – HR yesterday and 5 homers in the last 10 games.  Not hitting for much average, but you didn’t expect him to do that anyway.

David Ortiz – Hit sixth again.  You know what’s been under reported in all of this?  Who’s now hitting third… J.D. Drew.  Zoinks!

Khalil Greene – It’s been a bad year for the Silent H’s as Khalil heads to the DL with anxiety disorder.  If there’s a bright side to this sad, sad story, maybe the anxiety will cause his ugly-ass hair to fall out.

I’m in a bunch of leagues because I’m popular and smart. Feathered hair is coming back! It is? Yes, Grey said so! This fantasy baseball league is being hosted by RotoRob. (NOTE: It’s not RotorOB, RotOrOB or roTOROb.) After the pretty picture of my fantasy baseball team, I share with you never-before-seen thoughts I jotted down during the draft. This draft was held about two weeks ago, so two of my last three picks are already off my team. Anyway, here’s my fantasy baseball team:

ROUNDS 1/2 – I turn on my draft thingie to find I’m drafting 15th out of 15 teams. Sweet.  I prefer the corner. Gives me time to go on a Mad Dog 20/20 run between picks. Since I’m the corner, I’m going to combine my pick recaps. I take two predictable guys (Carlos Beltran and Prince Fielder) as two guys above me predictably grab Hamilton and Longoria.  Whatever, I wish my fellow drafters nothing but love, peace and Rickie Weeks.

ROUNDS 3/4 – Of course Pedroia and Manny go quickly.  There’s nowhere for them to go but up. /sarcasm  I’m hoping for Quentin to come back to me, but it’s a pipe dream with 15 teams choosing twice before I go again.  I dropped some hints about Rios in the chat to see if I could persuade people away from CQ.  Oh, well, Quentin was taken three picks before me.  I was surprised he lasted that long.  Went with Jake Peavy and Alexei Ramirez.  As everyone knows I love Peavy and at the 45th pick overall it’s hard to refuse when Lincecum and Santana were off the board at 20 and 21, respectively.  As for Alexei at 46th, he has 2nd base and SS eligibility in Y!  and I like him better than Pedroia who went almost 30 picks prior.  If you didn’t know, now you do.

ROUNDS 5/6 – Third basemen are flying off in this round leaving me looking at Huff.  Blech!  I’ve decided sometime after my third draft this year that I’m punting 3rd basemen.  I refuse to reach for Davis.  2009 is the Year of the 3rd Baseman Flier for me.  There wasn’t much appealing to me for these two picks.  I decided I could use something safe and something Bruce.  I went Dan Uggla and Jay Bruce.  My average is in the dumpster by this point, but I’m not going to worry about it right now.

ROUNDS 7/8 – I’m hoping at this point to solidify my outfield because of the Bruuuuce upside pick.  I’m looking at Raul Ibanez and I’m actually finding him appealing.  Weird!  I also like Broxton right here too, but, alas, someone else liked him right before me.  I end up with Raul Ibanez and Yovani Gallardo.  See, this is the thing about having the 15th pick, you know that you might have to reach a little bit for guys you want.  Gallardo wasn’t getting back to me and I’ve been taking Cain in every other league and that gets boring.

ROUNDS 9/10 – All right, I need a closer in one of these two picks.  Then again Ryan, Jenks, Marmol, Qualls, Bell and Devine are all on the board.  I might pass on relievers again.  There goes Ryan, Marmol, Jenks and Devine… Somebody’s been reading my mind — no fair!  I took Chad Qualls and Brad Hawpe.  As for Hawpe, in a league this shallow (no Corner or Middle Infidel), I figured I’d stock up on safe HRs/RBIs wherever possible.

ROUNDS 11/12 – I will be reaching for Carlos Gomez and Mark Reynolds with my next picks for a Utility and 3rd baseman because I need steals and my average is in the caboose already.  But I have a long wait… Off to the bodega for a bottle of cheap wine.  Okay, back and buzzed.  Wow, Reynolds and Gomez are both still there… But in front of the bodega, a homeless man said something to me that was pretty prophetic, “Everyone fears bad averages.  They’ll be around for your next two picks.  Oh, and could you spare a buck, I’m trying to finish up my Master’s in Sociology–” “Sorry, gotta run!”   I decided to try the homeless guy’s advice on for size and went with Heath Bell and Josh Johnson.

ROUNDS 13/14 – Homeless Post-Grad Student was right!  Why does everyone fear a poor average so much?  Ah, for another day, I suppose.  Carlos Gomez and Mark Reynolds, you are mine!

ROUNDS 15/16 – For some reason, no one drafts Chien-Ming Wang anymore.  Or maybe they never did.  Guys chosen before him – Saunders and Ben Sheets.   Double shot of blech.  Anyway, it worked for my team because I have K-heavy pitchers on teams that might not win a whole lot and because I can’t refuse closers this late… Huston Street.  Warm up the DL slot!

ROUNDS 17/18 – Ramon Hernandez has been at the top of my queue forever now and I’m getting sick of looking at him.  250-some-odd picks in, I’ll take a potential 20 HRs catcher and another closer, Brandon Lyon.  (NOTE:  He was still the closer at this point.  But so was Corpas, so one out two ain’t bad.)

ROUNDS 19/20 – Fred Lewis.  Beans don’t burn on the grill!  Then I was looking at Aaron Cook and Pettitte, but decided to go with the upside of Anthony Reyes.  A few picks I liked this round, Josh Fields, Jed Lowrie, Kendry Morales and Colby Rasmus.  Great upside picks.

ROUNDS 23 – (Omitted Rounds 21/22. As said earlier, Mark Lowe and Todd Coffey are no longer on the team. So sad.)  With my last pick, I took Kelvim Escobar.  Not even really sure how he lasted this long.  Sure, he’s injury-prone, but he’s that much worse than Wandy Rodriguez? Crickets. Hmm… Maybe he is, but at the 345th pick I’ll take this schmohawk every day of the week and twice on Muesday.