We laughed, we cried, we laughed and cried about Eric Hosmer. Take off your homemade aluminum hat that you wear so aliens can’t hear your thoughts and think back to March. You had that argument with your mom and you ran out of the house screaming, “I wish you were Evan Longoria!” Then when he went to the DL, you ran back into your house and screamed, “I love you Mom, can I move back into the basement?!” Then you streamed Philip Humber for his perfect game and you thought that this was a great time to change your hummingbird tattoo to a Humberbird tattoo complete with his likeness.Please, blog, may I have some more?
On the first day of the season, I said something profound and uplifting. Don’t go back to look. I’m sure I did. Today, I’m like Mark Twain talking about summer in San Francisco but less pithy. The coldest winter I ever spent was the last day of the baseball season. It’s metaphorical, friend. Trust me. Here’s where I tell you how everything’s gonna be okay. How there will be a next season, barring the Mayans taking things into their own hands… I can’t do that. I can’t tell you there will be a next season. *checking notes* Actually, I can do that. There will be a next season. Hey, that’s good news! Also, next year we’ll know not to draft Morneau. That’s more good news! And next year we’ll be done with the hair transplant so girls will start to react favorably to us. That’s good news too! So, I know you’re blue, but without clouds there’s no sun. Actually, I don’t know if that’s true. Again, metaphorical. Or is that meteorological? You know what? These aren’t things we need to get hung up on. We’re gonna sit here, read all my year-end recaps that’ll be coming in the next few weeks and wait until next year. Even if gangrene sets into our legs from lack of circulation! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jose Reyes – Laid down a bunt single then had himself removed from the game to guarantee he won the batting title. That’s not how Ted Williams would’ve liked it. He risked a .400 average to take all his ABs in the last game of the season. The only time he quit while ahead was after death.Please, blog, may I have some more?
We fill out the 2011 fantasy baseball rankings with the last few hitters, the top 10 utility players for 2011 fantasy baseball. These players are only eligible at DH aka Utility. Frankly, I don’t think you should draft any of these designated hitters. They don’t allow enough flexibility. For example, what if you had Travis Hafner clogging up your Utility spot last year and you really wanted to pick up Jose Bautista? You would’ve been wretched, retching on all fours to borrow from The Decemberists. These guys have no position eligibility for fantasy baseball. As with past rankings posts, this top 10 for 2011 will be broken up into tiers, and their 2011 projections will be included. Anyway, here’s the top 10 utility players for 2011 fantasy baseball:
1.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Give that dog a bone! Wait, what? Yesterday, Nick Blackburn went 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks. Usually after a team clinches their division, they wake up like it’s Ash Wednesday and they were on Bourbon Street for Fat Tuesday. Not dem Twinkies, I tell ya!Please, blog, may I have some more?
So far in this month of September, Troy Tulowitzki has 11 homers and 27 RBIs. This is Hungrybear9562 owning Tulo in a H2H league this month — It’s a DOUBLE HOME RUN! All the way across the sky! OH. MY. GOD. A double home run. Wait, is this a triple home run? No, it’s a double home run. It’s beautiful. *cries* The only thing ever holding Tulo back is health. If Tulo can stay healthy for an entire year… Well, look at his 2009 stats — 32 homers, 20 steals and a .297 average. Next year, he’ll only be 26-years-old and hitters tend not to peak until the age of 27. Yum with a double shot of gimme. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Eric Young Jr.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Okay, I’m officially in love. ‘Grey hearts Jeremy Hellickson‘ is going all over the Trapper Keeper. I’m going to put a paper bag on my Science book and decorate it with Hellickson pictures I find off the internet. Then if someone says something, I’m going to punch them in their big, fat mouth. Then while in detention, I’m going to write a song for Jeremy Hellickson and I’m going to get my friends band, The Quadratics, to perform the song at the Sadie Hawkins Dance. That’s what I’m going to do. His line yesterday 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks in only 86 pitches. His line last time nearly as good. His line tomorrow? The moon! Though he’s not pitching tomorrow, but, if he were, he’d have the moon. I’d grab Hellickson in all leagues. He has a nice K-rate and solid control. A terrific combo. Could he go out next time and roofie you? There’s always that chance, but his next start is the Rangers at home and they’re not exactly road scholars. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Dan Johnson – 0-for-1, 4 BBs. He has 3 hits and 11 walks since his call up last week. He has a .176 average and a .483 OBP. He’s the one true outcome hitter.Please, blog, may I have some more?