I was trying to insert that catchy Beastie Boys song in your head, so if it worked, hooray for you. Go ahead and try and pat yourself on the back with your baby T-Rex arms. So we come to this, it has been much ballyhooed and asked for frequently. I figured I would take some time away from inoculating babies in third world countries and devout my charity work to you all.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Unlike other 2013 fantasy baseball rankings posts, I’m just gonna rank all of the closers in the format of every Closer Look I’ve done in the past. Unlike other Closer Looks, I put projections in. The setup men are in order in parentheses, and the relevant ones have projections, as well. Once Brian Wilson and Jose Valverde sign, I’ll add them; neither are much more than end of the staff flyers. You should draft saves first and foremost in all but Holds leagues. Ratios for relievers are very fickle. Ratios for middle men are all over the map. Every year middle men come out of nowhere. Just because Venters is with a top reliever does not make him the number one middle man. David Robertson would be that. When I rank my top 400 on Friday, I’ll have everyone in there. Closers as of right now are listed first even if I think someone else will get more saves; as with the Tigers shituation. The other day Smokey did a top middle relievers for the NL post (AL will be up shortly); Rudy also has all of the Holds projected in the 2013 fantasy baseball projections. My biggest problem with ranking Holds is there’s no rhyme or reason from season to season with closers, then take that fickle fluidity (fickidity?) and multiple it by five when you start to go further into bullpens. Last year, the Holds leaders were Joel Peralta, Pestano, Mitchell Boggs and Dor-K (for our dyslexic readers). The year before, only Pestano made it in the top 20 and he ranked 16th overall. Tyler Clippard was the best in 2011, where was he in 2012? 66th overall after he took May thru August off to captain a ship in America’s Cup. If getting saves is about opportunity, getting Holds is about opportunity plus a coin toss. Anyway, here’s all the closers for 2013 fantasy baseball:

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Bullpens. I couldn’t love them more. They are good and good for you like a bowl of prunes or a pile of old Mad magazines. So with the season approaching I delve into the Hold guys that you want to focus on if your league is awesome enough to include them as a counting stat category. Today is the NL edition, personally I like taking pitchers from the NL to add depth to my bullpen. They have to face weaker line-ups and more pinch hitters. So enjoy who I think you should own in the Who You Want category. I also added a few from each team for you to keep an eye on (but not get noticed doing it by your leaguemates) in the Peeping Tom category. By the by, Rudy just added Holds to the 2013 fantasy baseball projections.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Bobby Valentine opted to go with Andrew Bailey over Alfredo Aceves for the save on Friday night. Initially, I thought it was because Alfie had thrown 37 pitches the night before, but Aceves disagreed. No, this time it was personal. So personal, in fact, that Alfredo let his feelings be known that night and got into a shouting match with the Red Sox manager.

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John Axford grabbed his 20th save of the season yesterday, striking out the side to convert his second save chance in as many days. He’s back, folks! Reports claim that John Axford asked, nay, demanded, nay!, politely requested that manager Roe Roenicke return him to the closer role, and well, it seems “please” really is the magic word!

Please, blog, may I have some more?