Yesterday, Gabriel Ynoa threw a gem, 8 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.41 in just under 32 IP.  His name is pronounced EE-know-a.  As they say, the more you EE-know-a.  Ynoa was only at 94 pitches, so don’t you let Ynoa try for the complete game?  I mean, Ynot?  He looks like a number five starter, though on the Orioles that likely means a number three starter.  He can touch mid-90’s with his fastball, but he’s missing a decent breaking ball and tends to get beat up by lefties, like Fox News.  Though, better things may await him because the Mets traded him away.  He will likely come up a little short of the Mets’ all-time worst trade of Nolan Ryan, and even their 2nd worst trade of Amos Otis to the Royals for a prospect with a giant baseball head.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Is September 13th the earliest the hot stove has ever been fired up? We have about a month and a half left of baseball, including the playoffs, and at the moment the biggest story in the game is an international free agent. Granted this is no average international free agent, it’s Shohei Otani, the 23 year old pitcher/outfielder/designated hitter, described by many as the Japanese Babe Ruth. In my opinion that’s a bit hyperbolic, he’s neither fat nor drunk, and his home run trot isn’t a full on shuffle. Do you people even know who Babe Ruth is? I scoff at you! All joking aside, with the rumor coming out of Japan yesterday that Otani will in fact enter the posting process, the offseason has unofficially started. Over the course of today’s post we’ll go over my novice take on the business side of his signing, and the MLB roster rules governing his free agency, his profile as both a hitter and starter, and we’ll close with a very early prediction of his pre-season ranking in both re-draft leagues, and dynasty first year player drafts. It’s important to view this from all angles, as there’s a wide range of possibilities for how Otani is handled next season by his future MLB team, the league, and fantasy sites. If there’s anything I missed or explained poorly (probably haha) hit me up in the comments, and set me straight. I promise I won’t bite… this time.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Ender Inciarte went 8-for-10 with two runs, 5 RBIs and two steals (18, 19), hitting .310.  That’s a doubleheader that would’ve made Ernie Banks blush.  And Ernie only blushed one time that we know of, the time Ernie confused Fergie Jenkins with Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas late one night at Harry Caray’s.  “Yo, Ernie, what you talkin’ about with my humps, my lovely little lumps?  And I don’t know what I’m going to do with the junk in my trunk, why do you keep asking?  You holding a garage sale?”  I don’t know why I enjoy the sweet stylings of Ender Inciarte so much.  I kinda hate guys like Adam Eaton, and we should call Ender, “Cheap Eats with Some Indian Guy Named Khan,” because he is nothing more than a cheap Eaton.  Maybe it’s because Ender always comes at a discounted rate to go with his “Yes, You Khan Cheap Eats” shizz.  Though, he is a fantasy beast for supporting actual beasts.  In other words, Ender is not making or breaking your team, but when you have guys that hit 40 HRs and .250, guys like Ender make all the difference as supplements.  “Did someone say supplements?”  What the hell are you doing here, Bonds?  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Three.  Let’s get that out of the way right now, said like Gordon Ramsay.  One Polanco to type, one Polanco to dictate the words and one Polanco to move the keyboard around so the typing Polanco doesn’t just keep hitting the same letter.  That’s three Polancos.  How many Polancos does it take to hit four home runs in four games?  That’s one Jorge Polanco.  Not Juan Polanco, he’s not a baseball player.  Juan Polanco is a cloud competitor in the Vape Olympics.  Any of you ever feel down on yourself remember this simply thing:  there’s people who compete in exhaling vape.  “Hey, guy, you’re not really competing in something, you’re, uh, exhaling.”  Jorge Polanco has actually had a decent season (for him), though it’s mostly contingent on his last week.  This Buy is wholly contingent on his last week.  He’s no longer Jorge Polanco, he’s Jorge Schmotato, and he will rescue your teams from their failings and take out your garbage.  Okay, maybe not the 2nd part, but, damn, I wish that were true.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Michael Conforto left yesterday’s game on a swing and miss that dislocated his shoulder and a posterior capsule tear.  Dude fell like he was punched in the face by the Ghost of Muhammad Ali.  Anyone know if the Ghost of Muhammad Ali was at the game?  Float like a butterfly in a sheet…  Ever hear about the three drunk ghosts?  They were three sheets to the wind.  Take it, Highlights!  It’s yours!  This doesn’t sound good for Conforto.  Reports are saying he’s likely done for the year.  Taking over for Conforto will likely be Brandon Nimmo.  Laura Holt just gave you her Brandon Nimmo fantasy, as if she had some sort of premonition about Conforto.  Oh my god, she’s a witch!  Hand her a refrigerator and she if she floats!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We go over Adam Jones later on the podcast.  Kidding, no one gives two effs about Adam Jones.  I mean, I’m sure he’s a pleasant enough guy.  I don’t mean no one gives two effs like a person from Boston before they all became magically woke this past weekend.  I’d let Adam Jones date my daughter, if I had a daughter.  Shoot, he can date my mom if he wants; I got one of those.  I just want Adam Jones in my family!  *snaps fingers*  They’re creepy and they’re kooky, all together ooky; The Adam Jones Family.  Nah, it isn’t about him on why no one gives two effs about him, it’s because of how boring he is for fantasy.  Not bad boring, just boring boring.  Don’t put words in my mouth.  Shut up, Random Italicized Voice.  Yesterday, he went 4-for-4, 3 runs and his 23rd and 24th homers, hitting .281, and had zero hits the game before, and will likely have zero hits today because he needs to level out yesterday’s wonderful with a strong helping of boring.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As oft-misheard lyric is, “Eddie, are you okay?  Are you okay, Eddie?”  For those millennials who are reading, misheard lyrics were lyrics you thought you were hearing in songs before you could just Google, “[song name] lyrics.”  For 25 years, people went around singing, “I can see clearly now Lorraine is gone,” and were just happy to be rid of Lorraine!  R.E.M.’s It’s the End of the World as We Know It (and I Feel Fine) was just a chorus and four minutes of jumbled words, and that…sounded…fine!  So, is Eddie Rosario okay, or is he just okay Eddie?  Yesterday, Rosario went 2-for-5, 4 RBIs with his 17th homer as he hits over .400 in the last week.  Some notes about Eddie:  he’s gone hitless in only two games in August; has five steals to go with the 17 homers; is hitting .303; has a .209 ISO which is tied for 56th in baseball; and now hits at the top of the order.  He should be grabbed in all leagues, and, I’m moving close to him becoming my 2018’s Max Kepler.  *inhales deeply*  Ah, the sweet smell of embarrassment.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Phillip Ervin went 3-for-4, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 2nd home run and 2nd in as many games.  This blew my mind:  there was no mention of Phillip Ervin on this site since 2014, when then-prospector Scott Evans said, “We’ll have a much better feel for (Ervin) after he’s had a chance to settle in at a full-season assignment, but on the surface, Ervin looks like a potential 20/20 outfielder who’ll also help in AVG and OBP.   I hope Grey reads this in three years…IN HELL!”  Damn, some animosity there.   Now, the real puzzler maker, as they say in the Haus of Rubik, Prospector Ralph hasn’t spoken about Ervin once.  So, I took it up with Endorphin Ralph on text, and he said, “He’s a 25-year-old, slugging fourth outfielder that’s Quad-A.  RUSNEY IS BETTER!!!”  So, Ervin’s a former 1st rounder, who might not be anything, due to weak contact he makes too often.  In Triple-A, he did have 7 HRs and 23 SBs with a .256 average.  He might just be a schmotato, that cools off and vanishes, but a speed/power combo plays in fantasy if he plays, which he is.  Better than Rusney Castillo?  WE SHALL SEE.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Between Cody Bellinger, Aaron Judge, Rafael Devers, Andrew Benintendi, Ozzie Albies, Amed Rosario, Rhys Hoskins and Yoan Moncada baseball is staying at a Renaissance Hotel.  “Is that a Cal Ripken mint rookie card under my pillow and a Beckett Baseball Card Guide in the side table?  What a great hotel!”  That’s me staying at a baseball-themed Renaissance Hotel.  Oh, and this is barely touching a majority of Ralph’s top 100 fantasy baseball prospects.  By the way, I Googled top 100 baseball rookies from the preseason, and Baseball America had Dansby Swanson, Josh Bell, Tyler Glasnow, Jharel Cotton, Jose De Leon, Robert Gsellman and Albert Almora in the top 10.  (Judge was 12th, Bellinger 19th and Ben Grieve 5th.  Okay, not Grieve, but you get the drift.)  Rookies are a crapshoot, but baseball ate some beans and is shooting crap!  (That sounded better in my head.)  Yesterday, Rafael Devers hit his 5th and 6th homers, coming in only his 16th game, as he hits .339.  He’s only 20 years old!!!  Triple exclamation marks due to sticky keyboard because of Giancarlo, my apologies.  If I had the time or motivation, I’d go back to the comments from people who said within three days of Devers’ call-up that he’s overmatched.  Yo, I think you might want to hold back your hot takes for a minute.  For 2018, Devers or Benintendi?  Okay, I’m gonna hold back my own hot takes, but you’re seriously considering the guy who’s only been up for two-plus weeks.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

On Saturday night, Bryce Harper lunged for first base, slipped and his leg went the wrong direction.  Like two white guys meeting, one goes for the handshake and one goes for the hug and it just goes awkwardly wrong in every way.  Atticus Finch had much more success stepping on his white base.  Owning Harper on multiple teams, I looked at the latest news Saturday night, and I saw:

Devastated.  Crushed.  C’mon, thesaurus, give me another one.  Thankfully, it was revealed as the best possible outcome for him, a bone bruise.  Still, not a great outcome for us with him on our fantasy teams, since he will be out for the better part of the rest of the season.  Don’t worry, I have Jose Pirela!  *sticks head in oven, puts on The Bell Jar book on tape*  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?