This is it, fellas and three girl readers. The last train is leaving the station. The giddy has just about got up and went. It’s your last chance and I’d throw every single pitcher, not just the ones I have listed here if it meant the difference in my league.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ian Kennedy loves each and everyone. That’s why he gave you 12 Ks yesterday over 8 innings while only allowing one hit. You say, “No, he doesn’t. He doesn’t even know me. How could he love me?” You remember when you couldn’t find a parking spot at Chick-fil-A last week and you were about to give up when a chicken sandwich fell into the flat bed of your El Camino? That was dropped there by Ian Kennedy. So you tell me he doesn’t love you. You tell me he doesn’t love you when he has a sub-3 ERA over 216 innings. Tell me that. A 1.08 WHIP and 194 Ks, he gives you that too, unconditionally. Tell me he judges you when you try to fashion a belt out of twine. He doesn’t judge you. He loves you. Love him back. I do. As for 2012 fantasy baseball, I’m thinking Kennedy could be a tad overpriced. Yeah, my love just went out the window. His BABIP’s a bit low and his LOB% is a bit high. She says she likes the ocean. I’ll look at him more in-depth over the offseason, but he’s got FIPping problems I need evaluate. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Wily Mo Pena – 1-for-1 with 3 walks. He has a career .303 OBP. That’s like an 80 to 1 shot he can avoid making an out in four at-bats. There must be a kid in a Seattle hospital who really cares about OBP. (BTW, his hometown was the winner of the “Best Town To Substitute Into The Lion King Song” contest.)
Mike Carp – 2-for-4, 5 RBIs and a homer. Now has two homers in the last three games. The one nice thing about playing for a non-contender at this time of year is the collective you has nothing to play for so players can go out and be selfish to prove their worth. Unlike those silly playoff teams saving their players for games that matter.Please, blog, may I have some more?
And all the pitchers in the top 10, please allow Stephen Strasburg to bump thee. Let’s see what we can say about Strasburg that hasn’t been said before. Mikhail Gorbachev’s port wine birthmark on his head is actually Strasburg mid-windup. I don’t think that had been said before.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Justin Morneau is set to return from the disabled list today. We’ll be good if he hits 17 homers in his first at-bat back. Supposing he doesn’t do that, even if supposing makes a supp out of you and me, can Morneau help your team?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Derrek Lee went 2-for-4 with 3 RBIs and two homers as he continues to get medieval on pitching, which isn’t an old crack, though it could be. I appreciate the Pirates trying to make moves at the trading deadline, but their moves were kinda of the “We’re gonna make moves so it seems like we’re doing something, but we’re just gonna grab guys like Ludwick” variety. No one really thinks Ludwick and Lee were the vital pieces, right? As for the Indians, I thought they’d go the Ludwick-type trade route too, but they actually made much stronger moves. No, this doesn’t have much to do with fantasy, but we do still actually watch baseball, right? It’s not just a game played between the fantasy lines on your computer screen, is it? Now to begin the slideshow — sorry, thought I was writing that crizzap for Bleacher Report. What a POS content farm. Seriously, if I ever see Bleacher Report hanging out with eHow one night after a few daiquiris, it could get ugly. Wow, that was a huge aside.Please, blog, may I have some more?
What a distracting week. Football comes in and trumps all of the trade deadline thunder, and I’m getting sick of seeing “Mr. Mackey” give football updates. If I have to explain that joke, then it really wasn’t that funny. So back to the sport that is actually being played.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Trading season is upon us and Leo Nunez and Heath Bell could be out while Mike Dunn or Mike Adams could be in. And K-Rod is 5 minutes ago, according to Jessica Shaw. Every time Bell seems more likely to be traded first, Jeffrey Loria whips his checkbook onto the Marlins GM’s back to trade faster. Between Dunn and Adams, Dunn is less likely to get saves between him and Adams. Dunn’s chances skyrocket if he can bake McKeon’s favorite prune cookies or if he pushes Cishek down a flight a stairs. Outside of trading, Aroldis Chapman is nipping on Francisco Cordero’s heels, but don’t forget Dusty’s penchant to stick with his incumbent. On a related note, Ancestry.com revealed earlier this week that Dusty is a direct descendent of Jim O’Rourke, the manager of the 1883 Buffalo Bisons who once pitched Pud Galvin 656 1/3 innings in one season. Your best bet for saves is to grab Mike Adams, Dunn or Chapman, in that order. Or reverse order if you’re dyslexic. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Bobby Parnell – It’s all SAGNOF, all the time today, huh? Hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich and put the SAGNOF between your knees.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Despite Ronnie’s warnings, I fell in love with the Jor-Z, sure. I still like him a lot. You can totally Control-Alt-Delete this opening in keeper leagues too. But — and this is a J. Lo-sized but — Jordan Zimmermann is going to be shut down in the next month. The Nats are saying maybe another 6 or 7 starts. That’s — how do I say this?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jack McKeon’s got a word for players like Hanley Ramirez — lollygaggers. For 5 years, Hanley’s been riding the crest of natural ability. As I’ve said before about Hanley and Manny, insouciance doesn’t age well. Think about the hot girl who got all the guys in high school then lost her looks ten years later. She never had to develop a personality and, now at age thirty, she’s screwing guys in the bathroom of some bar with sawdust on the floor and hoping they’ll adopt her two kids, Bob Jr.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The horrid season for Shin-Soo Choo continues. He’s probably wishing he just went the Bob Feller-Inglorious Basterd route and did his required military time this year in his home country. Kevin Correia said, “We could’ve used him.” Now when Choo gets blotto he can’t even hitchhike home from one side of the road. An optimistic timetable has him out for 6 weeks, but it sounds like Choo doesn’t think he can. I wouldn’t be surprised if we don’t see him until September and, even then, what are you going to get? The same you’d get off waivers. If you don’t have DL room, I’d cut him, Mickey. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Jose Tabata – Left the game on a cart with a quad injury after running out a bunt single. Paula Deen would call that a bunt ache. Or, as Cameron Frye would say, Tabata Tabata Tabata, stuh-rain, Tabata Tabata. The Pirates immediately pulled Alex Presley from their Triple-A lineup. It’s time for the really big shew with today’s guest, Alex Presley. Girls in poodle skirts go crazy. I just went over Presley the other day. I said, “He sticks…longer…profiles…” Hmm… Gotta work on what quotes I pull. He’s a 12/20 guy over the course of a season. In one league instead of Presley, I grabbed Xavier Paul, though Garrett Jones was who the Pirates called on yesterday to replace Tabata. He would be my first choice too in some fantasy leagues.Please, blog, may I have some more?