Corey Patterson

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Jordan Is Real, I’m Syriaous

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 164 Comments

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While Ed Wade was sleeping off his hangover on Saturday, his Toupee decided to mix things up and actually give Astros fans something to be excited about.  (This is excluding Carlos Lee’s riveting chase to be the 83rd player with 350 home runs.)  The Astros number one prospect, Jordan Lyles, will take over Wandy’s rotation spot.  So the Astros bring up Lyles, but do I Lovett?  His K-rate has been pretty poor in Triple-A, but spots his pitches pretty well without overpowering–  Burp.  Sorry, meant to write gas, not pass it.  He’s not worth grabbing in most mixed leagues, but he’s the kind of guy that could be a game changer in NL-Only leagues where waiver wire adds are a mix of yawnstipating and down right atrocious.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Wandy Rodriguez – The Wandwagon fell off the tracks and heads to the DL with fluid in his elbow.  I wonder if the fluid is acai berry juice, that’s packed with antioxidants!  He should implant a straw into his elbow and drink it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Hosmer’s Odyssey Might Not Be Epic This Year

| Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 297 Comments

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As I was sipping from my high-priced stemware that also happens to feature Star Wars characters, I got to thinking about how lucky I was to grab Eric Hosmer in one league.  I patted myself on the back and took a dive onto my water bed.  As the posturepedic waves crashed over me, I slept.  A few hours later, I woke in a panic.  Water was dripping from my forehead.  Was there a leak in my bed?  No.  I was sweating, worried I fell for the hype machine like when I bought 10 Gregg Jefferies rookie cards for the incredibly low price of $9.  (On a baseball card side note, I was one of those schmohawks thinking baseball cards are only going to appreciate in value.  They are going to be so rare!  Ooh, a Mark McGwire 1987 card!  Better hold on to that one!  Wally Joyner has some pop!  Stock up!  Randy Velarde is the next Bucky Dent!  Put that one in a sleeve!  Now you can buy 200 cards for a nickel.  Alas…)  Is Hosmer going to be great with a side order of splendiferous?  Probably, friend, assuming splendiferous is a word.  But he’s a rookie.  A 2007 Ryan Braun rookie season is crazy rare.  Most rookie seasons are pretty just a’ight.  Some solid streaks, some funky streaks where it looks like they’re playing in a burlap sack.  In ESPN, Hosmer went from 1% to over 90% owned in a week.  Since 40% of ESPN leagues are filled with abandoned owners, that tells me 130% of fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term) are excited about Hosmer.  That’s your chance to sell high, you savvy fantasy owner you.  Obviously, in keepers, you hold tight.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Justin Turner – I’d have no interest in him if he didn’t have 2nd base eligibility.  How’s that for a hard sell?  Or is it a hard Buy?  Or maybe it’s a soft Buy…

Elliot Johnson – He sounds like a Vice President candidate from the early 1900s.  Elliot Johnson is a firm believer in woman suffrage.   Hopefully Nucky backs him.  It feels like the middle of the Rays infield is a black hole for upside.  Hey, is that Reid Brignac floating past the Russian space station?  Way to reach your potential!  Johnson has decent speed (~25 speed potential over a full season) and some light power.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Never Say Never Surrender

| Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 425 Comments

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Since breaking Pink’s heart, Corey Hart has been living the surreal life.  He has 19 homers already with his career high being 24.  He has 61 RBIs, his career high is 91.  He has an Amish beard, his career high was scruff.  The Brewers are talking of trading their 80′s pop icon.  Say you, say me, are they crazy?  No, actually, those talking heads are making sense.  Yes, I’m talking to you owner of a Corey Hart.  (Oh, Corey Hart and your endless punsabilities.)  Hart’s HR/FB is way above his career high and the RBIs are a product of dumb luck.  His speed hasn’t really shown up this year, though it could.  But if it doesn’t, he’s giving all his fantasy value in power, something he can’t be counted on.  Not to mention, Corey Hart has never been the model of consistency.  In 2009, he was injured.  In 2008, he had 15 homers and a .289 average pre-All-Star break.  After the break, he hit .239 and 5 homers.  It’s nice you think you have Hart for a career year, but you really have Hart for a career 1st half.  Don’t trade him for a half ounce bag of oregano and three Phillie Blunts, but I’d see what you can get.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Corey Patterson – Looking for a guy that can give you an 0-for-35?  Look no further!  For a limited time only, Patterson might be a worthwhile fantasy add for steals.  SAGNOF!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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Marlins Have A Few Lazybones To Pick

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 291 Comments

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Hanley Ramirez said he wasn’t lollygagging after the ball.  I see his point.  You can’t chase after the ball.  You kick the ball to the curb, neg it then hope the ball comes back to you.  That’s Pickup Artist Rules 101.  Hanley was benched yesterday and now there’s talk he may get traded.  Fredi said, “We don’t want the game played like that in front of our fans.”  Insert your “There are no Marlin fans” joke here.  I don’t think he’s traded away.  In fact, I think all this shizz blows over in a day or so.  What are the Marlins going to do?  Trade away their best player?  As someone in the audience of Jerry Springer might say, “Pay first month on that puh-lease.”  Fredi Gonzalez will be out of job before Hanley gets traded.  Hanley being Manny and the Marlins will learn to deal with it.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Cameron Maybin – Hit his 2nd homer of the year.  That’s so Maybin!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Arizona Going Nutsy, Checking Rivera’s Paperwork

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 119 Comments

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Saul Rivera, who is surprisingly not related to Eli Whiteside, was acquired by the Diamondbacks.  Big shakes, huh?  Yeah, Rivera could get into the mix for saves.  Another potential candidate for saves is… Wait for it… Here it comes… It’s here somewhere… Where are my notes… Oh, here they are… That’s my freakin’ shopping list, and I didn’t even spell minestrone right… Oh, here… Aaron Heilman!  Not sure how the D-Backs are going to have a bullpen of Saul and Heilman.  Sounds like the outtakes for Schlinder’s List.  Saul walks 3 batters and turns the game over to Heilman.  Heilman enters and says, “I pardon you, Saul.”  Heilman will probably get exploited for being, well, not so good and having small fingers, but Qualls is close to getting removed from the closer role.  Right now, Heilman’s the setup man and he gave up a run yesterday.  The Diamondbacks also dropped Bob Howry.  Why?  Because.  Oh, and there’s Juan Gutierrez.  That’s not a closerousel, THIS IS A CLOSEROUSEL!  I’d own Qualls and Heilman.  Gutierrez and I, we’re like Kramer vs.

Please, blog, may I have some more?