Fantasy Baseball Advice

I’ve mentioned a few times in the course of the rankings about guys I’d actually own.  In the 2010 fantasy baseball top 100, I say there’s 20 guys I’d actually own.  I’ll even pull the quote for you.  In the F-Her blurb, I said, “If I were to only talk about the guys I would actually own, this top 100 may only be 20 guys long.”  See, I did say it!  So, I lied.  I’d own everyone in the top 100.  I’d own Lincecum, but he’d have to fall to me in the 3rd round; I’d own Mark Reynolds, but he’d have to be around in the 4th round; I’d own Mauer, but he’d have to be around pick 28.  And so on and so forth.  What I mean by there’s only 20 players I’d own is those are the only guys I could actually see myself getting in a draft considering where they’re being drafted and how I assemble a team.  I’d draft Nathan in the 90s, but his ADP is 75, so it doesn’t seem like it’s happening.  This also does not include the top 22 guys overall.  I’d own them all, except Lincecum.  Anyway, here’s the players from ranking 22 to 100 in the top 100 for 2010 fantasy baseball that I’d own:

24. Justin Upton

29. Ryan Zimmerman

30. Kevin Youkilis

33. Joey Votto

34. Curtis Granderson

35. Jayson Werth

36. B.J. Upton

37. Brandon Phillips

40. Robinson Cano

47. Josh Hamilton

54. Carlos Quentin

55. Nelson Cruz

56. Adam Jones

71. Cole Hamels

72. Josh Johnson

73. Cliff Lee

74. Ubaldo Jimenez

76. Ricky Nolasco

77. Josh Beckett

78. Clayton Kershaw

85. Gordon Beckham

86. Raul Ibanez

96. Wandy Rodriguez

97. Chad Billingsley

100. Ian Stewart

And it came out to 24 guys.  Well, I did say, “…this top 100 may only be 20 guys long.”  Turns out I underestimated.  This becomes interesting if you look at how the names break down.  (And by “interesting,” I mean rather pedantic.) In the beginning, I shoot for the cornerstones with Zimmerman, Youk and Votto.  Then I briefly look at 2nd basemen before stocking my outfield with Grandy, Werth, Upton, etc.  Once I have my corners and outfield in good shape, I look at pitchers.  After pitchers, I round out the top 100 with upside and personal favorites.  Now I say I’d own these guys.  Obviously, I wouldn’t own all of them on one team.  Also, who you have in the top 22 dictates who you take later.  Hehe, I said dictates.

I’ve been footballin’ like it’s 2010 over on the other side of Razzball and was happy to get the baseball side of my brain lubed up. You can see Rotoworld’s Drew Silva’s take on the first half of the mock here and the second half here.  And while you’re clicking random hyperlinks, click here and follow me on twitter.  I’d like to give an extra thank you to frequent commenter, Steve, for being a sounding board for my picks.  Blame him for the ones you don’t like and praise me for the ones you like. Got it?  All in all I feel like this team would be a contender if it were a real fake team. Here are my fellow mockaletes:

Eno Sarris (FanGraphs.com)
Auto-Queue (Computer, and great guy to have a beer with)
Drew Silva (Rotoworld)
Steve Gardner (USA Today)
Tim Dierkes (MLBTradeRumors)
Mike Axisa (River Ave. Blues)
Jesse Spector (New York Daily News)
Sam Miller (Orange County Register)
Chet Gresham (Razzball)
Dan Wade (Bleacher Report)
Thor Nystrom (Rotoworld)
D.J. Short (Rotoworld)

1. (9) Mark Teixeira - I feel good about getting Tex at #9.  I thought hard on Matt Kemp because I love me some multi-tool players but Tex has some nice tools himself.  Ok, enough about men’s tools and how much I like them.  In the New Yankee Donkshop, Tex is a great tool to build the rest of your team.

2. (16) David Wright – My first of many value rebound players, Wright is too good to be no good, cuz he lays wood, even in the Metco hood.  Or something.  I don’t feel that great about third basemen this year anyway, so I’m okay to take a little risk with Wright.

3. (33) Brandon Phillips – At this point in the draft I’m thinking, “Donut delivery, it’s got to be feasible, you wake up Sunday morning and want a pastry, but don’t want to get out in the cold…” And I was also thinking, shortstop is weak and Jose Reyes and Jimmy Rollins are still on the board with four picks before me, but after them it’s a perfect shizz storm of shortstops I’d rather not have.  So as soon as the J.R.’s go, I look toward another weak position and grab the 20/20 stability that is Brando.

4. (40) Justin Morneau - As long as Morneau can stand upright he is good value with the 40th pick.  I think he will and he looks good in a UTIL spot.  Doesn’t it make you feel all warm and fuzzy when you can toss a top guy in UTIL, even if the rest of your team is full of Polancos and Zitos? Maybe it’s just me.  Went with value here.  I shop at Aldis too.

5. (57) Johan Santana – Maybe the Mets made a deal with the devil to win the ‘69 World Series and last season (and a whole lot of other seasons) was God (directed by Pat Robertson) smiting them down.  Maybe.  I’ll lean more toward some bad luck and a rebound year with Santana benefiting from Metco, a good offense, and just plain good pitching.

6. (64) B.J. Upton – I’m loving me some B.J. this year, well, all years actually.  He got off to a slow start last season with his shoulder gone wonky and then never got on track.  He’s risky, but you’re guaranteed the 40 stolen bases and I just don’t see his numbers not moving back to his norm.

7. (81) Josh Hamilton – Yes, this team is starting to look like Comeback Tour 2010, but I’m not grabbing players that have no track record of fantasy goodness.  Hamilton was overrated last season and crapped out.  So what is he now?  The 81st pick? Sure.

8. (88) Raul Ibanez – My outfield needed an old veteran who should start the season well and offset any injuries, schizophrenic episodes, or relapses by his brethren.  I needed another steady, reliable player in a offensive ballpark (looking back at Tex) and Ibanez fits the bill.

9. (105) Cole Hamels – His stuff is still there.  He misses bats.  No, he doesn’t have pet bats that he cares for at home; batters swing and miss when trying to hit his balls, which is good no matter how you look at it.

10. (112) Elvis Andrus – I was short on shortstop having missed out on the J.R.’s so I had to decide if I wanted to keep punting or go for it on fourth down with Elvis up the gut and instead he used his speed to take it all the way, because he’s got what we like to call in the business, upside! Could I have waited on him? Maybe, but I need his stolen bases and I like him, so I took him.

11. (129) Scott Baker – If we see second half Scott all season, I’ve got myself some filet mignon at Taco Bell prices.

12. (136) Carlos Marmol – I like Marmol and his K’s, but not a huge fan of his psyche.  I’m betting on his stuff.

13. (153) Jose Valverde – In a ‘perts league I usually like to grab more closers than I would in a league with my uncle who talks shizz, but is usually too drunk to pick SAGNOF off the wire in a timely manner. I won’t be owning the top closers unless they really fall so I don’t feel bad about grabbing multiple closers late.

14. (160) Geovany Soto – I’m hoping that Soto sans baby fat will have a better shot at staying healthy and not sucking.

15. (177) Francisco Cordero – Going back to my grab closers late in a ‘pert league, but in retrospect grabbing another starter might have been smarter since closers lasted a little longer than I thought they would.

16. (184) Garrett Jones – Meh, not the greatest pick of all time, but I like his value this late if he can repeat last season, but in a full season.

17. (201) Johnny Cueto – He’s got the ability, now he just needs to stay healthy and complete a full season with his best stuff.  He’s worth it as a late flier.

18. (208) Neftali Feliz – The guy is Matt Weiters and Roy Hobbs wrapped in a cheesy gordita.  That’s some yummy béisbollin! If this were a real fake team I might have to drop him for some waiver wire wonder, but he is too awesome not to take as my last pick.

Finished up the hitters for the 2010 fantasy baseball rankings and now we’re turning our eye patch to the top 20 starters for 2010 fantasy baseball.  Ain’t life grand?  I supposed, but pimpin’ still ain’t easy, despite strides made by Three 6 Mafia and Big Daddy Kane.  Before we get into the top 20 starters, I want to point out one thing about my projections.  Wins and losses are total shots in the dark.  Did I take into consideration how well their respective teams would do?  Really doe.  Still doesn’t matter.  As with other rankings, where I see tiers starting and ending is mentioned and my projections.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 starters for 2010 fantasy baseball:

1. Tim Lincecum – Went over Lincecum’s projections in the top 20 for 2010 fantasy baseball.

2. Felix Hernandez – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Greinke.  I call this tier, “F-Her vs. Greinke.”  I feel like F-Her doesn’t get his due.  I know he must be thrilled to finally get that acknowledgment from a fantasy baseball blog.  Fire your PR firm!  Imagine a 23-year-old pitcher in New York throwing 238 2/3 innings with a 2.49 ERA and 217 Ks.  Joba’s Mom opens a crystal meth lab in the bathroom of a Denny’s and it makes more news than F-Her.  Even in my blurb for F-Her I’m talking about Joba.  Guy gets no respect.  At least I didn’t talk about Greinke.  Oh, wait… 2010 Projections:  18-6/3.00/1.10/220

3. Zach Greinke – The only reason why Greinke is going before F-Her in drafts is because of hype.  Just something about someone reaching their potential that drives people crazy.  Greinke had an exceptional year in 2009.  No argument from me.  I before E except in Greinke, I know.  I just think F-Her’s a tad safer.  Maybe it’s the four straight years of 190+ innings from F-Her… Maybe it’s the jump in K-rate for Greinke and the more gradual increase for F-Her… Maybe it’s Greinke’s literal feel good story…. Maybe I’m just a cynic to hype… In the end, it’s not like I ranked Greinke 20th.  2010 Projections:  14-5/3.05/1.10/225

4. Roy Halladay – This is a new tier.  This tier goes until Johan.  I call this tier, “Don’t hate them because they’ve done it many times before.”  Went over my Halladay fantasy already.  2010 Projections:  17-8/3.02/1.14/185

5. CC Sabathia – Since I pitted Greinke vs. F-Her, let’s look at Sabathia vs. Johan.  Johan’s K-rate has been falling.  It was still 7.88 and slightly above CC at 7.71.  Johan’s walks went up last year:  2.48 BB/9.  Sabathia’s was still higher at 2.62.  Johan pitches in Metco, whereas CC’s in a Little League stadium.  Johan was dealing with some arm issues, so maybe that’s why he was wilder than usual and his strikeouts have been declining.  Yeah, maybe, but Johan was dealing with some arm issues so he’s below CC.  2010 Projections:  20-10/3.45/1.17/200

6. Johan Santana – I think reports of Johan’s doneness have been prematurely reported.  Will he give you 250 Ks and a 2.50?  Nah, those days are in the rear view, but 200 Ks and a 3.00 ERA seems completely doable.  2010 Projections:  18-7/3.15/1.18/200

7. Justin Verlander – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Wainwright.  I call this tier, “These guys have a legitimate chance of being on my team.”  I don’t draft starters high, but I am a whore for Ks.  They’re sorta like homers for me with hitters.  A homer gets you a Run, a RBI and boosts your average.  While a K doesn’t directly get you a Win, it does help ERA and WHIP.  It’s also one of the few things the pitcher controls.  Thanks to a fastball that averaged 96 MPH, Verlander had 269 Ks last year.  For starters last year, he ranked 7th for getting batters to chase pitches outside the strike zone.  If he can somehow avoid the terrible April he’s had two years in a row, he could be in for a sub-3 ERA. 2010 Projections:  17-11/3.25/1.20/230

8. Dan Haren – Haren is one of the most reliable pitchers.  Around a 3.20 ERA — check!  Around 200 Ks — check!  Terrible in the 2nd half — alas!  2010 Projections:  16-10/3.30/1.15/200

9. Jon Lester – Pitchers usually breakout in their third year starting.  Worked last year for Lester and I don’t see it as a fluke.  Will his K-rate continue to climb?  Probably not.  Is it a tough division?  Sorta.  Whole lot easier not facing the Sawx.  Last year, his FIP was 3.15.   He ranked behind only Lincecum and Verlander for K/9.  Could be Lincecum, Verlander and Lester at the top of the rankings next year.  2010 Projections:  17-7/3.35/1.20/215

10. Adam Wainwright – As with other rankings posts, there’s always a few that legitimately stump me.  I move them up and down and eventually settle on a place.  I don’t tell you this just so you can peer behind the curtain and see I’m not wearing pants.  I tell you this so you know I’m more iffy on certain players.  If they were to bomb, I wouldn’t be completely surprised.  So Wainwright was great last year, most signs point to him being able to repeat, but there’s a few red flags.  A Flag)  His innings jump.  He is older than the age when pitchers are usually flagged for that, but still.  B Flag) He relies heavily on breaking pitches.  Either he doesn’t trust his fastball or Yadier’s got carpal tunnel and can’t hold down one finger.  C Flag)  Whoever heard of a C Flag.  There’s no such thing.  2010 Projections:   16-8/3.30/1.18/190

11. Cole Hamels – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Kershaw.  I call this tier, “If I don’t get a pitcher from the previous tier, I’ll need someone from this tier.”  Sure, Hamels was full on crizzap last year.  Well, Happy New Year!  Hamels led all starters with least amount of contact made on pitches inside the strike zone.  That’s stuff.  He’s on a team that can give him a shot for 18-20 Wins, he can reach 190 Ks and a mid to low-3 ERA.  2010 Projections:  16-10/3.45/1.15/185

12. Josh Johnson – Tons of Ks, great ERA, insane FIP.  Yes!  Previous elbow problems combined with a huge innings bump, his 2.74 ERA pre-All-Star Break vs. his 4.00 ERA post-All-Star Break, somewhat lucky HR/FB.  This fish looks so damn tasty, but he might be tainted with mercury.  I don’t think he’s a slam dunk, but I’m willing to take the risk for the reward.  2010 Projections:  14-6/3.35/1.22/175

13. Cliff Lee – After Lee’s Cy Young win, I remained a non-believer.  After his 2009 year, I’ve seen the light.  I’m done fighting the man.  Lee’s a top starter.  And I just know that now that I’m in bed with him, I’m going to wake up with a horse’s head.  2010 Projections:  15-8/3.40/1.22/160

14. Ubaldo Jimenez – From May to October, Ubaldo’s ERA was 3.08.  And he has the most baldass name.  2010 Projections:  15-9/3.50/1.27/200

15. Ricky Nolasco – In 185 innings, Nolasco rang up 195 Ks and only gave up 44 walks.  His K/BB rate ranked fifth in the majors just behind Greinke, Vazquez, Haren and Halladay.  He ranked eighth for the times he was able to get a batter to swing outside of the strike zone, just below Verlander.  He also had a 5.06 ERA last year.   This was due to bad luck.  The ERA will come down.  This is a fantasy baseball trust exercise.  Fall into Nolasco’s arms, he’ll catch you.  2010 Projections:  15-7/3.55/1.20/200

16. Josh Beckett – Red State Jeter always seems to have stretches where he’ll throw a couple of 6 inning games and give up 8 runs in each, which is a dagger to the testicles.  But he’s consistently near 200 Ks, has a team that gives him wins and a 3.63 FIP or under for three years straight.  2010 Projections:  16-10/3.70/1.22/195

17. Clayton Kershaw – Kershaw is not the prototypical Grey crush.  He walks a lot of hitters and has a hard time getting out of the 6 inning.  A 21 year old who just had a 3.08 FIP and a 9.74 K/9 makes up for a whole lot of walks and short outings.  End of last year, I furthered my Kershaw fantasy.  2010 Projections:  12-4/3.20/1.22/200

18. Chris Carpenter – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Peavy.  I call this tier, “Avoid.”  I know all that jazz about Duncan teaching his starters to pitch to contact.  Well, here’s a jazz riff for you.  I don’t want my fantasy starters pitching to contact when I have to pay for them with a top draft pick.  If Carp comes cheap, then sure, otherwise I think he’s too hyped, even outside The Bootheel.  2010 Projections:  14-7/3.10/1.05/135

19. Yovani Gallardo – We had a good run last year, but it went on too long and wasn’t that pretty towards the end.  I could see my avoidance of Gallardo biting me in the ass because he is an extreme strikeout pitcher, which I like, but the innings jump from 2008 to 2009 raises too many questions for me.  2010 Projections:  14-9/3.85/1.32/175

20. Jake Peavy – It’s with great regret Peavy ends up in the avoid tier.  He’s just been too injured the last couple of seasons.  Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice and, well, you know the cliché.  And now he’s out of Petco.  Lates, Peave.  2010 Projections:  10-5/3.35/1.15/145

Yesterday, Andy LaRoche made a last ditch effort for some of his parents’ love.  He went 5-for-5, with 2 homers, 4 Runs and 6 RBIs.  He had his best month of the season in September and he’ll still be 26 next year.  I might actually own Pirate players next year.  Weird!  BTW, the Pirates were playing in their final home game of the year in what has been a miserable decade season.  With this last opportunity for the Pirates to give their fans something to cheer about, the 3rd base coach put the brakes on LaRoche as he rounded 2nd heading to third on a long double.  Who cares right?  LaRoche needed a triple for the cycle!  Wait, it gets better.  Zach Duke is cruising for the entire game.  Runs into slight trouble in the 9th inning, but the Pirates have an 11-1 lead.  So what does the manager do with two outs, the never fear-inducing Blake DeWitt at-bat and Duke dealing with a very reasonable 103 pitch count?  He lifts Duke rather than let him get the complete game.  The Pirates deserve contraction.  /rant  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Hiroki Kuroda – 4 IP, 10 baserunners, 3 ER and 7 runs total.  As he provided a Ticker Shock.

Garrett Jones – HR and steal yesterday as he went 2-for-5.  On the season, he’s sitting at 21 homers and 10 steals with a .305 average.  That’s in 292 at-bats.  I think Robot Jones might officially be overrated next year, unless everyone thinks he’ll be overrated which could make him underrated or just rated.  Hard to say.  If I had to guess, I think people will assume he’s a fluke and he’ll go later than he should.

Josh Beckett – Scratched from his start vs. the Jays.  I wouldn’t wait around to see if he starts again this season if you need starters.  Chances are the Sawx throw him for only a few innings as a tuneup for the playoffs, if they throw him at all.

Brett Gardner – Gardner, Melky, Hinske, Shelley “I Will High Five You So Hard Your Momma Feels It” Duncan, Miranda-Something-Or-Other, Ramiro Pena and Cervelli.  What is the Yankees lineup a day after clinching?  Yes, that’s right.  We would’ve also accepted, what the Yankees lineup would’ve l0oked like all year if they had the same injuries as the Mets?  For fantasy baseball purposes, this isn’t great that your Yanks are sitting, but I don’t think Girardi is going to want them rusty so the regulars should see at least 4 games this week.

Jair Jurrjens – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 Ks.  With only one start left on the year, his ERA is 2.61.  Zoinks!  Of course, I’d love for him to strikeout more guys, but it’s hard to argue with his year.  Of course, he’s no Wandwagon.  But who is?

Anibal Sanchez – 5 IP, 3 ER, 8 walks and that’s why I wouldn’t ever start him.

John Danks – 9 IP, 1 ER, 7 Ks.  Every time I think I’m done with Danks (last game 6 IP, 7 ER), he pulls me back in with a start like this.  I’m warning you now, I’m going to like him again next year.

Cole Hamels – 6 2/3 IP, 6 ER.  Damn you, Verducci Effect.

Miguel Tejada – 4-for-5 as he had his second 4 hit game in three days while batting over .500 in the last week.  At 13 homers, 5 steals and a .313 average, he’s been one of the biggest surprises this year for me.  Since those numbers aren’t that overwhelming, you can imagine how much I expected of him this year.

Gabe Kapler – HR yesterday.  Now that’s how you break a fast.

Grant Balfour – Got the save yesterday because when the bottle stopped spinning it was pointing at him.

Ervin Santana – 9 IP, 0 ER, 2 Ks as the Angels win the West.  Count on most of the Angels lineup sitting or phoning it in tomorrow.  That’s a slight endorsement for the Rangers starter tomorrow, Feldman.

Edwin Encarnacion – 2-for-3, 3 Runs and a RBI when he was replaced by Millar.  No word if he left because of a serious injury or just to emphasis how scary it is that I care what happened to him.

Colby Rasmus – This video was shot exactly 500 yards from Colby Rasmus.  If you think that is bad, you should see the one for Chris Davis.  It’s just a guy singing honkytonk at a Dallas bar and striking out with every woman he tries to serenade.

Alfonso Soriano is out indefinitely with knee problems.  Backdate this news three months.  Al-So is beginning to look like every bit of his Latin 33 age.  A real *pinkie to mouth* Al-so ran.  I’d drop Soriano in all leagues.  So it’s Jakie Foxx time, right?!  Since Soriano’s been gone, Sam Fuld (no power, light speed) got two starts, Bobby Scales (minor league journeyman) got two starts, Fox hasn’t had one start.  In other news, Jake Fox slept with Piniella’s wife.  As for Grady Sizemore… Early last week I said Sizemore’s injury would shut him down sooner than later.  Sooner happened over the weekend.  Grady’s done for the season and the Indians will go with Michael Brantley.  Hey, ain’t that the guy from Riverdance? Nope, but he also has quick feet.  Like Ron LeFlore, Brantley could provide some cheap speed.  Right now, he’s batting first and hitting close to .400 since his call up.  If there’s room in your bottle, there’s your lightning.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Chris Iannetta – The Rockies announced Torrealba will be their starting catcher.  I.e., the Rockies finally gave up on Iannetta.  So bad, so sad.

Johnny Cueto – 6 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks.  Now has two solid games back from his Disgraceful List stint.  While he has a name like a high school bully character from an 80s movie (Shut up, geek!), Cueto could have decent value in the last month.

Jay Bruce – Should return from his DL stint on Tuesday.  If he’s out there, I’d grab him, but don’t expect a miracle.  Bruce had three hits on Saturday in Triple-A, but Dusty Baker said, “There is more to being ready than just hits.”  Hmm… Maybe that’s why the Reds are dead last in the major leagues in hits.

Drew Stubbs – HR yesterday.  Now has 4 homers in the last seven games with one steal.  Has 23 Ks and 25 hits since his call up.  That’s Dusty Ball!

Tim Hudson – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 Ks vs. Reds.  See above for why this was a terrific match-up.

Jeremy Guthrie – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 Ks.  I had a brief love affair with Guthrie last year.  It ended poorly in the beginning of this year, but then last month I saw he threw a solid game and I texted him that I was glad he was back on track.  He responded with “Thx.”  I hate when people abbreviate thanks.  They should respond with, “I don’t appreciate you enough to write out thanks.”  Then Guthrie threw another good game and another and another.  We may not be on the best of terms and the Orioles schedule is ugly in September, but if you’re really hurting, Guthrie has four straight solid starts and might have more in the tank.

Derek Holland – 3 1/3 IP, 6 ER A.K.A. why I wouldn’t trust Holland this year.

Leo Nunez – No outs recorded, 3 ER.  Now has blown two games in his last three opportunities.  May lose some save chances in the near future, but, unfortunately, Lindstrom hasn’t been much better.  Maybe Kiko Calero takes his awesome sounding name and does something with it.  Though, I doubt it.

Ryan Franklin – 1/3 IP, 2 ER as he blew his 1st save since June.  Normally, that would mean he’s as secure as they come, but the Cards can’t afford to lose games in the ninth and I’d imagine LaRussa will have another guy warming up as Franklin takes the mound next time.

Wade Davis – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks.  Might have a solid couple of starts in his arm for this month, but he can roofie you at any time.  Eric Karabell calls that high risk, high reward.  He’s so smart!

Fernando Rodney – Got two days off on Saturday and Sunday.  Leyland’s saying it was just some rest in the long season.  I think it’s because Rodney fired a 97 MPH fastball into the press box after saving Friday’s game.  Incredibly, members of the press were able to make a split second decision to leave the nachos and duck.  Lyon may have some appeal if you’re hurting for saves.

J.P. Howell – No outs recorded, 1 ER.  More disconcerting, Grant Balfour opened the ninth in a save situation.  Howell then entered to face a lefty, then gave way to Russ Springer, who gave up the grand slam to Brandon Inge.  It’s a closerousel, and the Tampa closer is Grant P. Springler.

Gordon Beckham – Sat out yesterday with a sore side.  He should be back in a few games to make his run at .250 while hitting a homer every fifth game.

Krispie Young – 3 HRs yesterday.  Now he just needs to get 20 homers and 20 steals while batting .600 the rest of this month to salvage his season.

Cole Hamels – 6 IP, 4 ER, 6 Ks.  On the bright side, he should be a relative bargain next year.

Seth Smith – 2 HRs, giving him 4 in the last five games as he hits near .600 in the last week and his Grandpappy settled Jamestown.

Carlos Gonzalez – HR yesterday.  He’s hitting near .400 in the last week with 3 homers and 3 steals.  Like Kyle Blanks’s afro, CarGo’s well rounded.

Doug Fister – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 Ks and a no decision.  Confession:  I’m way under my innings limit in one league, so I gambled on Fister.  Plus, I always dreamed of having someone with a porn name on my team.

Brad Hawpe – The Rockies scored 13 runs and Hawpe went 0-for-3 with 2 runs.  Ticker Tease!

Pablo Sandoval – 1-for-3, and 3 walks, which is the same amount of walks he got in all of April.  In the same game, a triple play.  Obviously, there was two full moons in Milwaukee yesterday.

Randy Ruiz – Hit in the cheek with a pitch.  The cheek you pinch if you’re an Italian mother, not the cheek you pinch if you’re Italian who drives an IROC.  Ruiz will probably miss a few games.  After the game, he said, “I’m fine now.  Nothing growing up in New York City that I haven’t experienced.”  I grew up in New Jersey.  There you get hit by the strong stench of Drakkar.