On a scale of one to ten for most surprising starters, Patrick Corbin is a one. One being the best. When you beat your high score in Mario Kart you never scream out, “I’m number ten,” do you? Okay, so don’t question my numbering. On a scale of one to ten for how likely it is Corbin keeps this up, it’s around a 5, the number made famous by Short Circuit. Didja know before Short Circuit people would count 1, 2, 3, 4, 6? It’s also why Marilyn Monroe left Joe DiMaggio. Corbin’s not a 1.44 ERA pitcher, but he’s not what he seemed like coming into the year either. His fastball has jumped in velocity, which has helped all of his pitches. I don’t own him, which butters my grr’s. I know most of you must’ve benched him in Coors yesterday for his 10 K, 9-inning, three-hitter gizzem, so I’ll say it for you, sonavabench! Luckily, you own him for the whole season and he looks like he can be a mid-3 ERA, 1.20 WHIP, 7 K-rate guy, i.e., a fantasy two to three. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Chris Johnson and Justin Upton made a nice Diamondcomeback last night. To welcome them back, everyone in attendance received a visiting team home run ball. Upton and Johnson went a combined 7-for-9, 3 runs, 5 RBIs with two homers as they both came a triple short of the cycle. Their trade to Atlanta for infielder Martin Prado and four prospects was a trade that Kevin Towers said was done because his team needed a facelift. That facelift looks about as good as Bruce Jenner’s, and right now Justin Upton is Ray J having sex with Kris, Kourtney, Khloe and Kim while making some wack-ass rap video about it. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Geez, Roy Oswalt has sure come a far way since the whole “I will only sign with one or two teams” stance as he signed with the Rockies. They’re not necessarily a bad team, but what pitcher wants to come out of semi-retirement to pitch in Colorado? It’s like Smokey the Bear coming out of semi-retirement to work at a cigar shop. “Smokey, we really appreciate the job you’re doing, but could you stop throwing buckets of water on our customers?” That’s Smokey’s boss at the cigar shop. Better yet, a pitcher coming out of semi-retirement to pitch for the Rockies is like I.M. Pei coming out of retirement to work at Home Depot. Roy Rockie Oswalt must’ve really got sick of driving his kids to school and needed something to do. Oswalt is going to assassinate his career ERA. Maybe Oswalt plans to drive his tractor to Colorado and haul dirt until Coors is at sea level. When your third best starter is a toss-up between Tyler Chatwood and Jeff Francis, you’re pretty much guaranteed a starting job, so Oswalt should be with the major league club shortly, but you shouldn’t care. I liked El Roy with the Astros, but it’s all rut-roh in Colorado. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Gird your loins – we’re currently navigating positions battles in each division. Today I’m talking about the AL West, which gains the Astros this year, if anyone considers them something you gain. Every other team in the division should stand to benefit from the move. Maybe I’ve already beat them into the ground, especially with my review of worst pitching staffs in 2012, but they really could have a season for the ages (of a fallen empire). Across the state, the Rangers should continue to be a powerhouse, despite Ron Washington’s “leadership.” Meanwhile, the Angels look like the terminator, although, once their non-Trout core ages a little more, maybe they’ll be merely human. Today’s empires, tomorrow’s ashes – am I right? I don’t want to say anything bad about the Mariners other than this sentence implying that I have something bad to say about them. Ah yes, and I’m required by the union of baseball writers to have a token mention of the A’s. There you go. Anyway, here’s some of the position battles to watch in the AL West:Please, blog, may I have some more?
This post is about 3000 words due to wanting to cover everyone. Stupid, OCD! OCD Voice, “Don’t forget to touch your elbow 75 times before ranking these guys, it’s good luck!” Due to its length, I’ll get right to the good stuff. All the 2013 fantasy baseball rankings are there. All 2013 Fantasy Baseball Position Eligibility is there. All 2013 fantasy baseball sleepers are there. All 2013 fantasy baseball rookies are there. All 2013 fantasy baseball dollar values are there. All 2013 fantasy baseball hitter projections are there. All 2013 fantasy baseball pitcher projections are there. And everything tangentially related to nonsense is there. Anyway, here’s the top 100 starters for 2013 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Just when you thought the hype for Ichiro Suzuki couldn’t get more unwarranted along comes a trade to the Yankees. There’s a short porch! There’s a jet stream! There’s more media scrutiny which will have him more focused! Iron Chef Morimoto will be preparing him pre-game meals!Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s not easy to give up 11 runs in 4 innings. You have to have the faith of your manager, first of all. Second of all, why does Jon Lester have the faith of his manager? Or anyone, for that matter.Please, blog, may I have some more?
In a Hudson vs. Hudson battle, Tim won on a technicality as Daniel Hudson left the game with what seemed to be a forearm injury. To add insult to injury, he left the game after giving up 5 ER on 7 hits in 1 2/3 IP. With a ghastly 7.35 ERA in 45 IP this year, injury or not, it’s time to cut Daniel Hudson from mixed leagues. He looked primed to build upon a solid 2011 but so did Kate Hudson after Almost Famous. Let’s just hope Daniel doesn’t wake up to find Alex Rodriguez in his bed, begging him to go blonder and to tone up his arms. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jason Kubel – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer in as many games. Hey, Code Rossi wants back his fantasy outfielder value! Kubel has 4 homers this week and is hitting .333. May not be a long-term solution, but I’d give him the ol’ how’s your father? Even if his last name sounds like a vaginal exercise.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Clay Buchholz went down to Miami and, like most visiting Northeasterns, retired….Marlin batters that is! While his 7-2 record is due to Nova-esque luck and run support vs. year to date performance (5.00+ ERA), this is his 4th straight start of 7+ IP, 2 ER or less, and 6+ K. Maybe there’s some truth to that whole “rediscovered his changeup thing” (and can he share it with Lester?). He’s a must pick up in all leagues for as long as he’s on this roll. Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Brian Roberts – The concusstador is back in style going 3-for-4 hitting leadoff. Robert Andino can now wait in his shadow and mutter to himself that if his parents named him Jerry, he’d be such a comedy hit that they’d have to start him. During Roberts’s rehab in Triple-A, he hit around .245 with one homer in 45 ABs and no steals. If he can stay healthy, I expect about the same from him in the majors. For the rest of the season, put his stats at nothing/nada/not so good/bleh/more of the same. If he can get his bleh over .280, his nothing could be better than nothing, but for that he has to stay healthy, which is as likely as me removing my personal mustache groomer from my rider.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hey, I can bench Eric Hosmer! That was the first thing I thought when I picked up Matt Adams. First stop for Hosmer is my bench, next stop waivers. Yesterday, our prospect writer Scott said this about Adams, “Despite the impressive audition (in Spring Training), St.Please, blog, may I have some more?