Seattle Mariners: After surrendering 6 ER and 13 baserunners in 4 appearances, Brandon League is out as the closer in Seattle. His 13/12 K/BB is not going to cut it, and his 7.6% swinging strike rate and career-worst 45.8% zone percentage don’t offer much hope moving forward.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Closers
Well, not much has changed for closers since last month when we did a run down of all of them. Kimbrel got a save, Axford got a save, and everyone else sucks. Holly Robinson Peete closers are a mess! I don’t think there’s ever been so many Brain Freezes before. I almost feel like adding an extra category below the Brain Freezes called, “The Legend of Gloom.” Wha’ happened? Did someone poison the bullpen water? Has Mariano Rivera made it so when he retires there won’t be any more closers? There will only be starters and “Those Other Guys.” To recap this month in closing quickly: Valverde has been less than stellar, Putz and Street just don’t close games, Motte hasn’t been good, Brian Wilson became Casilla who Bochy pulled after one batter during one game, Joel Hanrahananananan gave fantasy owners the question, “Who’s Juan Cruz?”, Sergio Santos may start throwing at some point in the next few weeks, the Red Sox gave the job to someone who has an over 10 ERA, Frank-Frank hasn’t had a blank-blank inning in forever, Kyle Farnsworth left stage right and Rodney, who couldn’t get saves last year, entered stage “I can’t believe Rodney’s closing games,” Guerra’s been about as bad as expected, Walden blew one save and lost the job, What the H.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey covered the Andrew Bailey and Frank Francisco situations nicely on Tuesday. However, I had already started putting information together, so I’ll leave you with a few lines from my Francisco write-up:
While Francisco is not expected to miss anytime, we’re talking about a relatively fragile relief pitcher here and a Mets organization that has a hard enough time keeping healthy players off the disabled list.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Joakim Soria went from being a $12 Salad to a Donkeycorn to a Brain Freeze back to a Donkeycorn to off the list completely in 12 short months. And if this is the first post you’ve ever read at Razzball, I probably lost you by the eighth word. Later! In Soria’s wake is Broxton and Holland, who together can be called Hamsterdam. In other “Saves give me serious agita” news is Ryan Madson. He went from a donkeycorn to off the list. Donkeycorns are dropping like flies! Then there’s Drew Storen. He was touch ‘n go there for a day or two… Okay, for about a week or two, but it seems like he could be okay. Yet, he’s starting the year on the DL. Terrific. Since our last Closer Look, Beane told us Balfour got the closer job in Oakland and Chris Perez got the job back from Pestano, which has the Italian American Anti-Defamation League up in arms, but that’s the norm for them since they talk with their hands. Finally, Carlos Marmol had some nerve issues with his hand that many Razzball commenters opined was from too much internet porn surfing. Sounds like someone is empathizing. Anyway, here’s all the closers for 2012 fantasy baseball:
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?
Please, blog, may I have some more?On the heels of the top 20 closers for 2012 fantasy baseball — or heals if you’re talking strictly about Huston Street and Andrew Bailey — comes every closer for 2012 fantasy baseball. This is the post you’ve all been waiting for since earlier this morning! Sorry to put you through that hour and a half of anguish/anticipation or anguishipation. You were a melancholy soul. But now you’re happy — yay. It’s still Monday funday! There were quite a few moves this offseason with closers relocating to greener pastures, or in some case, just different pastures. Maybe that’s best expressed through the cliché mash-up — the grass isn’t always greener pastures. Andrew Bailey moved, Mark Melancon moved, Ryan Madson moved, Huston Street moved, Heath Bell moved, Rafael Betancourt moved into the closer role, Sergio Santos moved and Joe Nathan moved. A regular ol’ closerousel that we haven’t see the likes of since Tony La Russa retired (technically, that’s correct; though not exactly that long ago). Anyway, here’s all the closers for 2012 fantasy baseball:
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?
Please, blog, may I have some more?Friends, neighbors and Razzballians, this is the last Closer Look of the season. Sure, I’ll talk about closers during the roundups in the last month, but no more rankings that become dated usually about an hour after I post them. The sadness! The grief! The inconsequence of it all! Since our last look at all the closers, the loss of Brian Wilson — not The Beach Boy, we lost him 25 years ago to the purple pills — is the biggest news from last month to now that isn’t weather related. I’d say we also lost Jon Rauch, but I’m not sure he was ever the closer and he’s seven-three so you can’t really lose him. Just look up. Bobby Parnell finally took over for Izzy after his momentous 300th save that was reported all across the globe (in a small blurb under a classified ad for a used couch.) Jason Motte got a vote of confidence from his manager then a vote of no confidence, which I’m sure will flip-slop at least five more times in September. Jordan Walden fatigued, needs a nap. Huston Street got hurt — shocker! Leo Nunez did his usual late-season dive. Finally, Gregg gaggs yet aggain, but he’s been like that for years and it’s never changed his job security. He’s the Teflon Closer. Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?
Please, blog, may I have some more?Neftali Feliz is now a starter. Or is he? Emphasis on the ‘or.’ Or is it on the ‘is?’ You’ll never know! Muahahahahaha… Yeah, I don’t think Feliz is going to be a starter. They got to the World Series the way things were, you change that? Ogando or O’Day or Oliver or… What’s with the O names? Here’s a sneak peek of a post title for the first game one of these schmohawks blows a game, “Rangers Say O’Shit.” Any the hoo! Washington has said he likes Feliz getting the final three outs. I think Washington gets what he wants, but I suppose anything’s possible. For that reason, I’m dropping Feliz down the closer ranks. The other big loser since the last closer look is Drew Storen. I think he should be the closer, but the Nats are hesitating about calling him the closer. If he secures the job, he’ll move back up the charts. For now, he has some risk. Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?
Please, blog, may I have some more?In September, closers either mean everything or they mean nothing. You either really need closers to catch the next nearest guy in saves or you have too much ground to make up and you’re secure in your standings. If you fall into the former category, I’d grab anyone I could to get saves. Hello, Juan Gutierrez, would you like to dance? If you fall into the latter category, you can either start dropping brain freezes – Joel Hanarahananananan, we had a terrible time together and now I will drop you. Goodbye. – or just bench your lower tier closers to avoid getting Kazaam’d. I’d only drop a closer if I knew no one could catch me in saves or if it were strategic. For instance, I’ve been known to drop a closer because I know the guy with the high waiver claim can get him and catch the guy in front of him in saves, which will help me in the overall standings. Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?
Please, blog, may I have some more?Joe Nathan and Huston Street are gone and everyone moved up. That’s why people like Matt Capps and Chris Perez have done little but squat on the john yet moved up the rankings. Though I still managed to find a way to not move up Brian Fuentes. The way we’re going there won’t be any $12 Salads by May. Then what? $8 Side Dishes? Who needs roasted cauliflower with truffle oil? Not me! I’m happy with a baked potato. Yes, sir! Hmm… Maybe I shouldn’t write these right before lunch. Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?
Please, blog, may I have some more?The murmurs of Heath Bell getting traded to another team by July are getting louder. (BTW, I love the word murmurs. I really wanted the survivors on Lost to call The Others, The Murmurs. Wouldn’t that have been awesome?! Okay, maybe me.) Prepare for a dozen or so posts titled, “For Whom the Bell Tolls,” at some of our weak sister sites. And by “weak sister,” I’m talking prison slang and I mean ESPN. I moved Bell down one whole spot. I’m not worried in March about someone who might get traded in July. He will probably drop one or two spots each month until July. If you get 23 saves, a 1.69 ERA, 1.08 WHIP, 42 Ks in 37 1/3 innings pre-All-Star Break, you’ll be mad you drafted him? Bee tee dubya, those were his 1st half numbers last year. Then who knows where he goes. Maybe Lidge and Madson finally give Manuel a coronary and Bell takes over the closing duties in Philly as Victorino player-manages. Or maybe Bell goes somewhere else. You get the picture; it’s still early. Don’t overestimate-slash-overthink-slash-overrate… Just don’t “over” anything. Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?
Please, blog, may I have some more?
